Change of Heart (24 page)

“My first memory is being verbally abused by my mother. I was only about two and a half. It didn’t stop until I moved into my last foster home when I was about your age. You name it, it’s probably happened to me.”

Leah’s voice and her gaze were steady. Several of the girls turned away, tears filling their eyes. The reality of Leah’s childhood didn’t need to be spelled out. These girls could imagine without any details. Even Kaitlyn had taken a step backward. Leah could see the truth had forced them to view her in a different light. She was no longer an outsider telling them what to do without any real knowledge. She was one of them, a survivor in a common war.

“Why don’t we head into my house? It’s not exactly what Jessie and I had planned, but let’s have a carpet picnic.” She looked around at the girls, who now looked at her with vulnerable eyes. “Come on.” Leah pulled out her phone and texted Jessie, since she was still on the phone, letting her know about the change in plans.

This was the kind of flexibility she’d have never had at the old clinic. She opened the front door and was greeted by Bingo spinning in circles excitedly, yipping happily at the guests. Razor sat at the edge of the carpet, supervising the group entering, and Chaz barely lifted his head from his place on the couch where Puma and Lynx were curled between his front paws.

“Oh!” Destiny, the youngest of the group, squealed and hurried for the couch, scooping up Lynx and rubbing her face against her downy fur. “You have kittens?”

“Kaitlyn, why don’t you push the coffee table against that wall, and I’ll get some snacks. Anyone want to help?”

“Me!”

“I will.”

Girls who hadn’t volunteered for anything in the last five days hurried to follow her, while the others began to shift furniture in the living room while the dogs romped around them. Leah glanced at Kaitlyn who, for the first time since her arrival, was smiling. It was just a ghost of a smile, but it was there as she bent down and rubbed her hands behind Bingo’s ears.

A warm sense of purpose filled Leah. This was why she had come, what she had hoped to accomplish. She looked out the window to see Jessie coming to join them, and her gaze fell on Gage’s cabin, dark and abandoned.

She felt her heart break a little more. Damn it. Thinking about him sucked every bit of joy she felt at finally reaching the girls out of the moment because he wasn’t there to celebrate the success with her.

“W
ANT TO GO
for a ride once the girls head out today?” Bailey asked, leaning against the side of the barn where Leah was supervising the girls and counselors as they said good-bye to the animals. Most of them were trying to hold back tears, and Leah could already feel herself choking up. Bailey leaned closer, lowering her voice. “You and Jess are both going to need to decompress.”

“I don’t know, Bailey. I need to get some notes jotted into the girls’ files.”

Bailey nodded empathetically, but Leah could see that she knew it was an excuse. Bailey took a long drink from her coffee mug, eyeing Leah over the rim. “You don’t really think I’m buying any of this, do you?”

“Bailey, leave her alone.” Jessie made her way into the aisle of the barn with Moose, her German shepherd following at her heels, pausing to lick the hand of one of the girls as he moved past. Jessie leaned close. “For the record, I think a ride is exactly what we need, though.”

Leah sighed, trying to think of one good reason not to go. She hadn’t had a chance to take a ride that wasn’t with the kids since she’d arrived a few weeks ago. While she was still a beginner rider, she loved the feeling of freedom of letting the horses go where they wanted and just wander for a little while without feeling like every aspect of life needed to be controlled.

“See, your boss agrees with me,” Bailey said. “How about a trail ride down to the river, just to hang out?”

“Okay, okay.” Leah held her hands up in submission, and Bailey smiled at her victory.

“I’m going to head over to the clinic and help Justin for a few hours, and then I’ll be back.”

“We’ll be waiting, Bailey,” Jessie teased. “But you’re saddling your own horse.”

“Good, then I don’t have to use that crappy barrel saddle you always stick me with.” She winked and headed back to the motorcycle in the driveway, tossing the cold coffee into the shrubs.

“You know, you can tell her no if you want to,” Jessie said.

Leah smiled. “Bailey is easy to tell no. It’s you who doesn’t take no for an answer.”

Jessie returned the grin with her own. “You know, I’ve been told that a time or two.”

For the first time since her arrival, Jessie felt more like a friend than an employer, and Leah realized that it wasn’t because anything at Heart Fire had changed. She had. She’d realized her worth here and that she offered something special, that
she
was special.

“W
HAT ARE YOU
doing here?” Bailey arched a brow at Gage as he walked through the front door of the clinic.

“I told you I was coming back.” Gage moved in to give his friend a hug, but she took a step away from him.

“Why?”

“What do you mean, ‘why?’ I told you I was moving back here.”

“Oh.” She tried to hide her surprise, stuffing several papers into a file and rising to put it into its place on the wall.

“What’s going on, Bailey?”

“Nothing.” She answered far too quickly for him to believe her. “Julia just said you were moving out of the cabin and back to her place, but I didn’t expect it to be this soon.”

He crossed his arms over his chest. “You’re full of crap and we both know it. Spill it. What’s going on?”

She bit her lower lip and glanced toward Justin’s office, making sure the door was closed, before leaning forward. “Fine, but you didn’t hear anything from me.”

Gage nodded his agreement.

“Are you heading back to Jessie’s anytime soon? Because I’m not sure how welcome you’ll be. Jessie’s pretty pissed about you bailing on Leah.”

He clenched his jaw. None of his relationship with Leah was any of Jessie’s business. A fact she seemed to forget, regardless of how many times he’d tried to make it clear to her. Gage crossed his arms over his chest.

Bailey laughed out loud. “Whoa, easy there, tiger. Getting kinda worked up for a fling, aren’t you?”

Gage glared at her. “It wasn’t a fling.”

She looked triumphant, and he realized he’d just played into her hands. “So, there
was
more to this than just Jessie’s suspicions?”

“Bailey,” Gage warned. “I’ll tell you what I told Jessie, don’t get involved.”

“Too late.” She gave him an overconfident grin. “I like Leah. Not sure she’s the woman I would have guessed that you’d fall for but—”

“Who said anything about—”

She rolled her eyes. “Please, Gage. Are you really going to try to convince me? The queen of denial?” She shrugged. “Besides, I know you better than that. I’ve seen you date plenty of women, and I’ve never seen you have that look on your face,” she said, circling a finger toward his face. “That is the look of a man in love.”

“Bailey.” He ran a hand over his head, letting it fall over his face in frustration. He was tired of denying his feelings for Leah. “Yeah, okay. Just . . . yeah.”

“Then you need to listen to me, lover boy. You need to do something big, something to impress them both.”

“Leah doesn’t want me to impress her, trust me. We’ve been down that road, and it didn’t end well.”

A drawer slammed in Justin’s office, and Bailey leaned over the counter to see if he was coming out. “Just trust me,” she whispered. “Go back to Julia’s and I’ll call you when I get finished at Jessie’s. Then we can hit The Feed Lot for a drink. I’ll even buy dinner, okay?” She glanced at the door again and shoved a hand against his bicep. “Now, go.”

“Hey, Bailey, has Mr. Booth called about that damn pig? I hate that thing,” Justin called from behind the door.

“No, but I can get him on the phone for you.” She glared at Gage again as she came around the counter and pushed him toward the door. “I will get this set up for you and give you a call. You just show up when and where I tell you to. Trust me.”

He paused with his hand on the door. “Bailey, I hate to say it, but I
don’t
trust you.”

She winked and shoved him out the door. “That’s because you’re a smart man.”

L
EAH LOOKED OVER
her shoulder, making sure that no one saw what she was about to do, and then pushed open the door of the cabin. It was chilly, especially for June, but she knew it wasn’t the weather. It was the lack of vibrant presence from one man. Taking a deep breath, she stepped over the threshold and closed the door behind her. She should be changing her clothes, getting ready for her ride with Bailey and Jessie, but as she’d walked back to her house after the girls left, she couldn’t help herself from coming inside.

She missed him. More than she thought was possible.

She let her fingertips trail over the couch as she made her way toward the bedroom. As soon as she stepped through the doorway, the smell of him surrounded her. His masculine scent hung heavily in the room, as if he had just vacated it, and she inhaled deeply, trying to conjure him from thin air. When it didn’t work, she sat on the edge of the bed, reached for one of the pillows, and lay down on it, closing her eyes and pretending he was there, just for a moment.

She felt pathetic, but at the same time, it made her feel close to him.

“Knock, knock. Oh!” Bailey appeared at the doorway, and Leah sat up quickly. “The door was open. I’m sorry, I . . . ” She moved to sit at the foot of the bed. “Are you okay?”

Leah nodded and took a deep breath, sitting up and squaring her shoulders. “Yeah, I just came by to find . . . ” She looked around the room, praying that an excuse might come to her.

“Don’t even bother.” Bailey rolled her eyes. “I was once in the same position with Chase.”

Leah opened her mouth to ask, but Bailey waved a hand.

“Trust me, it’s a long story.” A smile spread over her lips. “I’ll make you a deal. Let’s go to dinner and drinks instead of for the ride. I’ll tell you all about it.”

Leah shook her head, laying the pillow aside. “I’m not really in the mood for drinks, Bailey. It’s been a busy week and . . . ” Leah shrugged, as if that was the only explanation needed.

She wasn’t about to confess that she hadn’t been sleeping most nights because she was too busy thinking about Gage, wondering where he was and what he might be doing, or worse, who he was doing it with. She hated the fact that she felt like a lovesick teen girl and just wanted to go back to the confident woman she’d been before. Before she’d met him, before he’d gotten under her skin. Before she’d fallen in love with him.

“That’s makes it an even better idea. Let’s go out, just the two of us. I haven’t gotten to know you like Jessie and Julia have.” Bailey’s voice held a plaintive plea Leah had never heard from her before. “Come on, you know you want to. Besides, maybe I can offer you some insight into Gage.” She bumped Leah’s leg with her knee. “We are friends, you know.”

It was hard to resist Bailey when she insisted. And, to be honest, Leah wasn’t sure she wanted to resist. The idea that Bailey might know something about Gage’s inner workings intrigued her. Maybe Bailey could explain what he’d been thinking and whether he’d really been wanting to change her.

“Okay, let me change.”

“I’ll tell Jess that plans have changed. I’m sure she won’t mind a night home with Nathan anyway.”

For a moment, Leah thought about changing her mind and just telling Bailey she was going to stay in and go to bed early. Except she knew she would end up the same way she had every other night this week: staring at the ceiling, cursing herself for the argument with Gage, and wishing she’d done things differently.

T
HE
F
EED
L
OT
was packed, and there were no parking spots to be found. Leah almost regretted agreeing to come, but seeing the excitement in Bailey’s eyes had been a boost to her morale. Maybe it would be nice just to get out, the two of them, and have a good meal and get to know one another. She adored Jessie and Julia, but more often than not, they were both busy. She’d never had many friends, so Leah wasn’t about to turn down the opportunity to make one when it arose.

Bailey slid her truck into a parking spot and jumped from the driver’s seat. “I’m so glad you came, in spite of everything.”

“Bailey.” The word came out more like a warning than Leah had anticipated. “I don’t want you to get the wrong idea about what you saw today.”

Bailey arched a brow, slinging her purse over her shoulder. “What kind of wrong idea could I get? I know a broken heart when I see one, Leah. I’ve had my own. But we’re not here to talk about that tonight.” She frowned. “Unless you want to.”

Leah pulled open the front door as they approached the hostess. “Trust me, I don’t.”

She didn’t miss the suspicious way Bailey eyed her, but Leah was grateful she didn’t push the issue. That would only lead to questions Leah didn’t have the answers to and a conversation about Gage she didn’t want to have. “I am here to have fun and for us to get to know one another better.”

The hostess greeted them warmly. “Bailey Hart for two,” she said to the hostess before turning back to Leah. “Here’s to a girls’ night to remember.”

“Follow me,” the hostess said.

Walking through the crowd, Leah was glad Bailey had called in a reservation. In spite of the bustling dining room, they were escorted to a table set away from most of the noise. According to Bailey, the owner owed her a few favors for filling in as a lead singer for his band on several occasions. It was a good thing she’d called in one of the favors because the building was packed with wall-to-wall bodies gyrating on the dance floor, blocking the view of the band onstage.

“We’d like some water and a pitcher of margaritas, please,” Bailey said as the hostess slid menus in front of them. Turning back to Leah, she said, “You really can’t go wrong with any of the food here. Everything is good.”

Leah heard the band kick off a set and turned around to watch the crowd on the dance floor for a moment. When she looked at Bailey, she could see the longing in her eyes. “Why aren’t you singing, Bailey? I’ve heard you and you’re fantastic.”

Bailey sighed and laid her menu down. “I could be. I even had a record deal, but I walked away from it. It wasn’t right for me.”

Leah nearly choked on the water she’d sipped. “Not
right?
What singer wouldn’t want a recording deal?”

“Me,” Bailey said with a shrug. “When it came down to a choice between that or Chase, he won, hands down.”

Leah shook her head, finding it hard to believe anyone would turn down a dream like that for a man, even if she was in love. “Why?” she whispered.

Bailey laughed. “Because I had to decide which choice I could live with in the long run. Don’t get me wrong,” she said, folding her hands on the table. “I feel good when I sing, I enjoy every second of it.”

“You’re a natural.”

“Thanks.” Bailey returned her smile. “But I couldn’t walk away from Chase when it came down to it, and I couldn’t ask him to face his deepest regret in order to go with me.” She cocked her head to one side. “Although he did without my asking.”

Setting her glass to one side, Leah leaned forward, but Bailey answered her unspoken question. “His partner was killed on a call, and he blamed himself.”

Leah was surprised that the man who’d laughed so easily had been fighting with survivor’s guilt. Not to mention that someone as independent and free-spirited as Bailey had ever considered being tied down. She seemed like she’d suffocate. “If you don’t mind my asking, how’d you know Chase was the one worth giving it up for?”

Bailey paused for a moment, watching the crowd before her gaze focused on Leah, her eyes shimmering with hope and happiness. “Because I wasn’t really giving anything up. He was the only one who saw me for who I was and loved me in spite of it all. He’d seen me at my worst, all my fears and demons, but he never gave up on us.”

Leah let Bailey’s words fall over her, and guilt rose up as she thought about the argument with Gage. He’d been the only one she’d allowed to see her at her most vulnerable, to reveal her past to, and he’d never wanted to abandon her. She’d forced that upon him, not giving him an opportunity to explain himself. He’d insisted he wasn’t trying to change her and that she’d made him want to be a better man, for her, but she’d only heard what everyone else had told her over the years—that
she
needed to change. She’d lumped him into the pack of people who had failed her and ruined their relationship because she’d hadn’t stopped long enough to listen, hadn’t trusted him enough to
hear
what he was really saying.