Champagne Toast (26 page)

Evan

January 29, 2011

Eight months. 

Eight months of missing her.

Eight months of falling asleep picturing her face.

Eight months of wishing I hadn
’
t walked away.

Eight months of knowing that I lost the only woman I
’
ve ever loved.

I
’
m able to hide my agony pretty well; at least that
’
s what Patrick says.  But, he
’
s the only one who gets to see both sides of me.  He
’
s the only one who sees my fake facade when we
’
re out with friends, but who has to help my sorry ass into bed at the end of the night when I
’
ve had way too much to drink and won
’
t stop talking about Kate.  Patrick
’
s a good friend.  He puts up with a lot.  But, he also wants me to forget her and I just can
’
t do that.
I think I
’
m getting on his nerves.
I may need to get my own place.

Another Saturday night.  Another evening surrounded by friends who are pushing me to move on.  Patrick and I are meeting some other friends at a bar.  Supposedly
,
there
’
s a girl he wants me to meet.  Whatever.  All I really want to do is show up at Molly
’
s, take a seat at the bar and watch Kate work.  I want to watch her run her fingers through her hair and give the customers attitude.  I want to watch her pour drinks and make smart-ass comments.  I want to walk in that bar like nothing ever happened.  But, I can
’
t.

Walking to my dresser, I pull open the drawer and move the stacked clothes to the side.
A small box sits in the drawer.  It makes my heart race just looking at it.  Opening the box, I see the promise ring that Kate threw back at me last spring.  My brow furrows as I put the ring in my hand, like I do every few weeks when I can
’
t get her out of my head.  Holding the ring between my fingers, I stare at the band knowing what this ring once represented.  A life with Kate.  A future that I let go of way too easily.

Walking to the kitchen table, I take a seat and go over the breakup again and again in my head.  I spin the ring on the table, thinking about her and the way she called Shawn
‘
baby
’.  H
ow mortified I was seeing her like that, arm wrapped around his waist, a smile on her face.  That was not the woman I fell in love with.  That wasn
’
t her at all.  I was always afraid that I
’
d be replaced.  And it was like everything I was afraid of came true right in front of me.  All those weeks of awkward conversation and Shawn showing up at the bar.  She always had an excuse for everything and I bought it hook line and sinker.  What is my problem?

“
Dude, not again,
”
Patrick says with a groan.  He takes a seat next to me.

“
Shut up, man,
”
I say, staring at the ring, not making eye contact with him.

“
Enough is enough.  She cheated on you, dude.  End of story.
”

“
I don
’
t know,
”
I say, staring at the ring.

“
What is there to know?
”
Patrick presses.

“
Can we drop this, please?
”
I ask, grasping the ring in my hand and glaring at my friend.  I know he just wants his carefree roommate back.  But, I
’
m afraid that guy left the building about eight months ago.

“
Fine, whatever,
”
he says, standing up and placing his hand on the chair.
“
Are you still coming out with us tonight?  There
’
s a girl named Daphne who my friend Matt thinks you should meet.  She
’
s pretty hot.
”

“
Yeah, I
’
m coming out,
”
I say, putting the ring in the box and walking it back to my dresser where I
’
m sure I
’
ll be visiting it again soon. 

“
All right, be ready in a half hour, okay?
”
  Patrick says from his room.

Closing the dresser drawer, I sit at my desk, remembering the night that Kate and I argued and eventually made up on top of the desk.  The memory makes me smile.  I know that I should move on, I do.  But, I
’
m not ready.  Not yet.  There
’
s a part of me that just wants to make it all go away, to forgive her and move on.  But, then I realize it
’
s been eight months.  She
’
s probably already moved on. 
With Shawn.

Without thinking, I walk to Patrick
’
s room and knock on the door.

“
Hey man, I
’
m gonna walk down to the drug store.  I
’
ll be back in a few
.” 
It
’
s a lie, but it
’
s all Patrick needs to know.

“
Getting some condoms?
”
he asks.
“
If you are, get me a pack.  Extra large.
”

I can
’
t help but chuckle.
“
Yeah, whatever, dude.
”

I grab my winter coat and make my way down the block.  Molly
’
s is only a few minutes away.
I have to know what she
’
s doing.
I have to see her.

Walking up to the front door of Molly
’
s, I peer through the glass door.
I see her gorgeous face standing behind the bar, but the light in her eyes is missing.  She looks sullen and distracted.  She looks how I feel.  I search the bar looking for Shawn, but he
’
s nowhere to be seen.  I place my hand on the door to the bar and start to pull it open.  Just as I
’
m opening the door, a few college girls walk up and I hold the door open for them, letting it close behind them.  I can
’
t do it.  I
’
m not ready to see her.  Not yet.

Shivering, I pull my scarf back over my chin and make my way back to the apartment.  Patrick is waiting for me.

Kate

November 17, 2011

Four
years ago today,
Evan became my boyfriend.  Four
years ago today, he forced me to admit how I felt about him.  I used to think that was the very best day of my life.  But, now I don
’
t know what to think, and I don
’
t know how to feel.  Everything in my life has changed, and I
’
m in a weird state of limbo.

We
’
ve been apart for a year and a half now, but it feels like a decade.  I come to work every night and I take pictures whenever I can.  But, there
’
s an ache that I can
’
t stop from pulsing through my body whenever I think of him.  He came here with a date a few months ago and I was so beside myself I almost threw up in the back room.  He brought a perfect little redhead into the bar.  Why would he do that?  Was he trying to hurt me?

“
Kate,
”
Bree says, walking behind the bar,
“
just the person I
’
m looking for
.” 
She
’
s got a mischievous smile on her face.

“
Hey,
”
I reply, shaking off thoughts of Evan.  They
’
re pretty constant.
“
What
’
s up?
”

“
My friend Brad is coming in later.  You remember him, right?  Chiseled face, big muscles, bright green eyes?
”
Bree asks, her eyebrows raised as she places pint glasses back on the shelves underneath the bar.

“
Of course
,
I remember him
.” 
I say, nodding my head.

“
He wants to take you out.
”

“
Okay
.”  M
y tone is flat and Bree rolls her eyes.

“
Will you go out with him, or should I let him down easy?
”
she presses.

“
I don
’
t know.
”

“
Kate, it
’
s time to get past all of this.  You saw him with your own two eyes.  He sat right at this bar with that redhead.  Clearly, he
’
s moving on.
”

“
I know, please don
’
t remind me,
”
I groan.

“
I
’
m sorry, but you need to hear this.
”

“
That doesn
’
t mean I want to hear it.  Please drop it.  I
’
m doing fine on my own.
”

“
You
’
re wallowing, Kate, and that
’
s so not your style.
”

Aggravation and frustration bubble up to the surface.
“
Bree, you don
’
t get it.  I
’
ve had constant boyfriends in my life since I went on my very first date in high school.
”

“
What do you mean?  You never told me that.
”

“
I have always had boyfriends.
Always.
This is the first time I
’
ve been single in almost ten years.  I need this
.” 
Bree doesn
’
t know about my cheating.  I
’
m not ready to tell her yet.  I might not ever be ready.

“
Okay, fine, but it
’
s been over a year.
”

“
I don
’
t care,
”
I shrug,
“
I
’
m not ready.
”

“
Are you sure you
’
re not just waiting around for him to sweep you off your feet?
”
she asks, rolling her eyes at me once again.  I really want to smack her.
If I didn
’
t love her so much, I might do just that.

“
I
’
m not waiting for anything.  I
’
m just trying to figure out who I need to be.  My entire life has revolved around the guys I dated.  I
’
m finally by myself and I have no idea who I am.
”

Bree places her hand on my shoulder, takes a deep breath and looks into my eyes.
“
You
’
re a talented photographer, a kick-ass waitress and my best friend in the world.
”

“
Thanks,
”
I reply,
“
but, I
’
m not going to go out with random guys like Brad just to get over Evan.  I
’
ll get over him whenever the hell I get over him.
”

“
All right, fine
.” 
Bree shrugs her shoulders.

A few minutes pass as we stand behind the bar in silence.  Finally, Bree speaks softly.

“
You
’
re making me nervous.
”

I look at her in disbelief.
“
What?
”