Champagne Toast
Authors: Melissa Brown
For Janna
May 7, 2011
What in the hell is he doing back here?
I haven’t
seen him since that night
.
.
.
that horrible night when he vanished from my life and left me behind to wallow in this bar. Every night I w
ipe down the tables, hoping
I
’
ll see him walk through that door.
And now, he
’
s back. But, he
’
s not alone. Slinking slowly to a dark corner table, I sit and watch as they make their way to the bar. He orders drinks as she smiles at him. Instantly, I hate her. Her long auburn hair falls past her shoulders in ringlets. It
’
s messy, almost clinging to the sides of her face. He must have taken her dancing.
They look happy, and yet, everything I know about him tells me that he
’
s nervous. Sensing that another woman evokes emotion in him shatters me. It magnifies just how much I miss him and how I
’
ve made a horrible mess of things. He laughs and touches her wrist lightly as she speaks. I want to strangle her.
You
’
re not good enough for him, Kate.
That voice inside my head, she
’
s right. I was never good enough. I always knew that one day he
’
d find someone else, maybe even someone like her. Someone simple and pretty, a school teacher or a librarian. He
’
d leave me before I had the chance to leave him and where would I be? Right here, miserable and alone.
Little Miss Redhead looks concerned. Evan is spinning his beer bottle as he speaks.
I
’
ve seen him do this a hundred times. Any time he was pissed at me. We
’
d sit at the bar and I
’
d ask him what was wrong. He wouldn
’t look at me;
he
’
d just spin that damn bottle. Is he thinking of me now? Is he telling
her
about me? Shaking these thoughts out of my brain, I continue to observe as their conversation once again turns light. Something in the pit of my stomach aches. I ache for him.
You
’
re not good enough for him, Kate.
I know that, g
oddamnit. I know. But still . . .
I want him.
h
apter 1
Evan
June 30, 2012
My mother always told me that I was the epitome of a G
emini. Two personalities. One
half charming, insightful and entertaining. The other half
. . .
well, the other half is darker, more sinister, more sarcastic. As a kid, I brushed it off, thinking everyone had different sides to them. How was I any different? But as an adult, I get it. I
’
m a little different than the average person. And now, as I sit here with my friends, Daphne and Tanner, watching them in their happy fresh-from-their-honeymoon glow,
I feel that other half coming
out. I have to push him down, way down. I don
’
t want them to know that side of me.
It
’
s the dark side of me that sits here, having drinks with my friends and the charming woman they
’
ve set me up with
.
.
.
one of many with whom they have tried to make a match. But, she can
’
t hold my attention. It
’
s forcing me to sit and think about
her
, about everything that happened, and about how much I still want answers. I want to know why she threw it all away. I wan
t to know if he was worth it.
But, most importantly, I want to know
where she is
.
And so, we sit here, in the bar where I used to work. Where I first met Kate, the only woman I
’
ve ever really loved. Doing my best to be sneaky, I glance around the bar while Daphne is speaking, trying to see if she might still be here. But, it
’
s been two years. A lot can happen during that time. She could be seeing someone else, and knowing her, she
’
s probably seeing a lot of someones. But, what if she
isn
’
t
?
“Evan, you’re being so
quiet,
”
Daphne teases me, her eyebrow raised inquisitively. I really care about my friend, Daphne, honestly I do. But, sometimes she pisses me off when she puts me on the spot. It
’
s almost as if she knows I
’
m thinking of Kate. She doesn
’
t want me to go back there again. She wants me to move on, to find someone new, someone like her, someone who won
’
t demolish me. But, I can
’
t.
What Daphne doesn
’
t seem to get is that she and her new husband, Tanner, are lucky. Not everyone finds their soulmate. Not everyone is capable of the kind of happiness they
’
ve created. Yeah, yeah, they had their problems and Daphne went through a lot of emotional shit. I know that she carried a ton of baggage from her ex into their relationship. I know Tanner almost walked away and Daph had to fight like hell to get him back. I know all of this, I was there. But, they
’
ve never done anything selfish or malicious to one another. I have and Kate certainly has. That
’
s the difference. When we were together, we had our share of great moments; moments that made me smile, that made me fantasize about the future, moments that led me to walk into a jewelry store to look at engagement rings.
But, there was so much more to us. So much more that tears at my hardened soul and makes my gut ache so badly it hurts to breathe. It sucks. I miss her every single damn day. And I hate her for it.
Daphne interrupts my pity party,
“
Evan, did you know Krissy grew up on a farm?
”
“
Is that right?
”
I ask, raising a flirtatious eyebrow as I glide my arm behind Krissy
’s chair.
Once again doing my best to show the desirable side of my personality, the charming side, the caring side. Don
’
t get me wrong, that part of me is just as real as the other.
But, sometimes it takes more effort. Kate knew this, she understood it and accepted it. I miss that.
“
Yes,
”
Krissy nods, her pale cheeks growing pink. She really is sweet
,
and I
should
want to know more about her.
But, I simply don
’
t care. Not when I
’
m here in this bar, surrounded by memories of her, of us. Good ones, bad ones, and plenty of in-between. There
’
s just so many.
Daphne suggested this place. We came here on our first date, in fact, after we danced at The House of Blues. That was the night we decided to be friends and never looked back. Daph doesn
’
t know that she is the
only
woman who has ever taken my mind off Kate, even if it was only for a short time. And I would never tell her that. She
’
s happy with Tanner
,
and they
’
re right for each other.
“
So, um, Evan,
”
Kri
ssy says
,
“
Tanner said you
’
re in marketing?
”
I nod, taking a swig of my beer.
“
Yep, for a few years now. And, what do you do, Krissy?
”
“
I work for Hewitt in their customer service department,
”
she replies.
“
Do you like it there?
”
I ask, feigning interest in her career. I
’
m not going to lie, it sounds really boring.
“
Not really,
”
she shrugs, sipping her wine. A long pause sits in the stale air
,
and I
’
m tempted to make a joke just to break the tension, but nothing comes to mind.
The conversation remains stilted for the rest of the night and I
’
m all-too relieved when it
’
s time for Krissy and me to part ways.
I give her a friendly hug and thank her for the evening.
“
Take care,
”
I say and her smile diminishes as she hears the words.
She knows I
’
m not interested. We stand awkwardly in front of the bar as she hesitates to turn and walk away. Tanner and Daphne had left a few minutes before, probably to give us time to make plans for another date.
But, I
’
m not going to waste this girl
’
s time. She deserves better than to be strung along by someone who
’
s not into her.
“
You too, Evan. It was really nice to meet you,
”
Krissy says as she walks up to her car. I smile and wave as she climbs in. As she starts the ignition, I step back towards the bar, tempted to walk back in and ask about Kate. I think better of it and make my way to my own vehicle. Out of the corner of my eye, I catch a glimpse of a woman inside the bar who looks so much like her. Lured by the woman
’
s porcelain skin and thick hair pulled into a ponytail, my heart begins to thump rapidly in my chest.
All at once, I feel out of control. My mind must be playing tricks on me. I was just inside that bar
,
and she was nowhere to be found. And with everything I know about that woman, there
’
s no way in hell she
’
d hide from me. She would
’
ve strolled over to our table, flirted with me brazenly in front of my date and sauntered up to the bar, knowing I
’
d be staring at her ass. She always knew how to push my buttons, no matter the situation.
It
’
s not her, Evan.