Celestial Desire (9 page)

If she never woke up in a hospital again, it would be too soon, Celeste thought once she was aware enough to recognize the beeps and whirs and sterile white walls.

“You’re finally awake, I see,” said an unfamiliar voice, and then there was a shadow over her face and a bright light shining in her eye. She tried to turn away and couldn’t, so she squeezed her eyes shut instead.

“Please open your eyes, Ms. Harrison. I need to check your pupils.”

“Hurts,” she croaked. It came out sounding like “urs”; her jaw didn’t want to cooperate. The doctor, however, seemed to understand.

“I know, and I’m sorry about that. Tell you what. We’ll turn down some of the lights and allow you to get used to that for a few minutes, then try again, all right?”

“Mm’kay.”

“We had to set your jaw, so talking will be difficult for a while. Unfortunately, it looks as if you might have sustained some nerve damage along your wrists as well, but early indications are that it is only temporary. I’ll have the nurse bring you a pad and pencil later, but for right now keep your answers to one word and don’t strain yourself.” From the sound of his voice he had moved away and come back again. Through her closed lids she could tell that the room had dimmed. She attempted to open her eyes again, slowly. A blurry form appeared, looking older than his voice suggested, with neatly trimmed salt and pepper hair and silver-rimmed glasses circling eyes the color of faded denim.

He gave her an encouraging smile. “Do you know where you are?”

“Hosss-i-tol.”

“Yes, good. You’re in Shelbyville Medical Center, and my name is Dr. Giamatti. What is your name?”

“Celeste.”

“Excellent. You’ve been in a medically induced coma for three days, Celeste, so that we could reduce the swelling in and around your upper vertebrae and evaluate the damage. It’s also why we have you restrained, so you don’t inadvertently exacerbate your injuries. Do you understand?”

“Mm’kay.”

“Good girl. I’m going to try to look into your eyes again now. I’ll make it as quick and painless as I can.” He leaned over the bed, and shone the penlight in her eyes again. It still hurt, but not as much as it did the first time.

“Very good,” he murmured, moving to the other eye. “Hang in there, almost done. Do you remember what happened?”

“Szames.”

“James Bradley is the one who hurt you?”

“Yes.”

“The police have a lot of questions for you, Celeste, but I’ll keep them at bay for as long as I can to give you a chance to get your bearings. In the meantime, there’s a young man here who is very anxious to see you. He hasn’t left your side since he brought you in.”

“Hey, beautiful,” said a deep, gravelly voice. In her peripheral vision, she saw slow, easy movement from her right, getting closer then Zane’s face appeared. He looked so tired, as if he hadn’t slept in days. Dark smudges encircled his clear blue eyes, and chestnut-colored stubble adorned his jawline and cheeks. He was such a welcome sight that a wave of emotion rose up inside of her.

“Hey, hey,” he soothed, his expression worried as he gently wiped the tears from her eyes. “Don’t cry, baby. It’s okay. Everything’s going to be okay now…”

Zane remained with her while the police asked their questions. He held her hand, alternately stroking the back with his thumb or squeezing lightly in encouragement. She drew strength from the warm solidity of it, from his very presence. Slowly, and with some difficulty, she managed to convey what had happened. Zane filled in a lot of the gaps with accurate guesses, so all she had to do was answer yes or no most of the time.

The worst part was when she had to describe the events that transpired in the room. There were a lot of embarrassing questions, and answers she wished she didn’t have to provide, but she understood that it was necessary. Zane’s blue eyes turned hard, his expression like stone at some parts, but throughout it all, he kept his touch gentle, making little circles on her hand. It seemed to calm and center them both.

After what seemed like forever, the policemen thanked her and left. She was exhausted, mentally and physically. Zane dipped a clean cloth in a glass and dribbled cool, clear water over her lips and into her mouth. It was done with such tenderness that she almost started crying again.

“Tell me,” she said. While the police were there they had only talked of the abduction and the time up until Zane arrived. No one had mentioned what happened after she lost consciousness, but she could guess.

Zane took a few breaths before answering. “Bradley’s dead.”

Celeste closed her eyes, feeling an overwhelming sense of relief. “You?”
 

* * *
 

Zane didn’t answer right away, not knowing how she would respond. Dread pooled in his stomach. Celeste was such a gentle soul. How would she feel about the fact that he had shot a man in cold fury, two shots meant to kill instantly? Or the fact that in his mind’s eye, he envisioned shooting the rotten bastard over and over again, taking savage pleasure in watching him go down, cursing him to the worst pits of hell?

He started to pull his hand away, but she gripped it. It wasn’t enough to hold onto a paper bag, but he felt it just the same.

“Yes. I killed him.”

Celeste looked into his eyes, saw everything he couldn’t say. “Thank you.”

Zane blinked, certain he had misunderstood. “Saved me,” she said quietly as the sedatives began to pull her under. It was her last three words, spoken just before her eyes closed that struck him the hardest, though.

“I… love… you.”

Zane closed his eyes as exultation rushed through him. She’d had a glimpse of the cold, trained killer inside of him and didn’t hate him for it. Dare he hope that he had found someone who could love and accept all of him, the good and the bad? The dark and the light? A woman who wanted him for more than just the good times and pleasure he could give her?

But even as his spirit soared with that possibility, the reality of the situation shackled itself to those hopes and pulled them back down to earth. Celeste had just been through a very traumatic incident, and she was pumped up with powerful pain killers. She wasn’t exactly thinking clearly.

Oh, he had no doubt that in that moment, she had spoken the truth. Lying was just not in Celeste’s nature. But he also knew that words spoken under the influence of happy drugs or in the heat of passion were not entirely reliable, no matter how much he wanted to believe them. When the smoke cleared and all was said and done, when her emotional state leveled out, the depth of those feelings might fade as well.

Did she care for him? Yes, absolutely. It was in her smile, her laugh, her touch, the way she looked at him. But did she feel the same inexplicable connection that he did? The one that said she was the other half of his soul? Maybe. Or maybe those stars in her eyes weren’t based in reality, but on an illusion. There was no doubt she had a skewed perception, seeing him not as the man who had failed to protect her, but as some kind of heroic white knight riding in to rescue her from the evil villain at the last minute. She certainly wouldn’t be the first woman to fall in love with a romanticized ideal. And he was no damn hero.

The raw truth was, if he held her to those words, spoken under obvious duress, he was no better than Bradley.

Zane’s heart ached, but he knew what he had to do.

“Where are we going?” Celeste asked when Zane drove past the exit to her place.

He glanced over, giving her the first genuine smile she’d seen on his face in over a week. “It’s a surprise.”

“What kind of surprise?”

“If I told you, it wouldn’t be a surprise now, would it?”

His smile faded as quickly as it had come. His gaze swung back to the road; his features returned to the neutral mask he’d been wearing more often than not. She understood; he didn’t like looking at her in her current state. When he did, his eyes lingered on the bruises, the bandages, the cervical collar and brace she would be required to wear for several weeks.

She didn’t care for it much either, but she chose to focus on the positive. She was alive, expected to make a full recovery, and James Bradley would never hurt her again – thanks to the wonderful man currently sitting beside her.

She reached over and covered his hand currently palming the head of the stick shift. Most, but not all of the feeling had returned to her hands, the damage a direct result of the ties James had used. The doctor said she would regain full dexterity, for which she was grateful.

For a moment, he tensed, then enveloped her hand in his. It was a loose hold, so much gentler than what she was used to with him.

“It’s okay, Zane,” she said, giving his hand a squeeze. “I’m okay. Because of you.”

He gifted her with another smile, but this one was tight and forced. When he pulled his hand away to make the turn, Celeste didn’t try to reclaim it. She folded both hands in her lap and turned her gaze out the window.

Zane was pulling away, distancing himself; she could feel it. Celeste blinked away the tears suddenly pooling in her eyes. Maybe he just needed some time to process everything. Maybe the situation had brought back unpleasant memories.

Or maybe
, said a little voice in the back of her head,
he’s just done.

She didn’t want to believe that, but it was a distinct possibility. Ever since she’d said those fateful words to him, told him that she loved him, things had been different between them. It was the truth, though. Somewhere along the line, her bucket list walk on the wild side had become something so much more.

Zane hadn’t spoken the words back to her, but she hadn’t expected him to. She believed he loved her, and that he might not have realized it yet. That was okay. As long as he did eventually, she could be patient.

              Before too long, Zane slowed the car and turned into a lot next to a big white building. Celeste read the large letters painted on the side. “Fulton County Animal Shelter? What are we doing here?”

              “Bucket list, remember?”

              That’s what this was about? Celeste mentally recalled the remaining items on her list. Given her current state, Disneyland and skinny-dipping were out of the question. That left…
 

* * *
 

              “Adopt a pet?” She couldn’t turn her neck to look at him, so it was her whole body that twisted in his direction. Her eyes were so big, so bright, if felt like a knife to his insides.

              “Yeah, why not?” he slid smoothly out of the driver’s seat and went around to the passenger side to open the door for her. He offered his hand to help her out but dropped it the moment she was on her feet. He didn’t miss the hurt in her eyes or the slight frown as he did, though. She didn’t understand, which made it so much harder.

With a hand resting gently on her lower back, he guided her inside. The place was airy and clean, the light smell of lemony-scented disinfectant tickling their noses. One wall was filled with photos of happy smiling faces clutching new furry (or sometimes scaled) family members.

“Can I help you?”

“Yes. We – I mean, she – is interested in adopting a pet.”

The receptionist, a middle-aged African American woman with a kind face, smiled warmly. She didn’t even flinch at Celeste’s outward appearance, which immediately earned Zane’s respect. He’d wanted to beat down everyone who had gawked, stared, or openly gaped at Celeste since she’d been released from the hospital, but had made do with glaring at them until they turned away. The attention made Celeste uncomfortable, and anything that made Celeste uncomfortable was unacceptable.

That included his own recent behavior, of course, but he was going to rectify that very soon.

“Well honey, you’ve come to the right place. What are you looking for? Cat? Dog? Bunny? Snake?”

“Oh, no snakes,” Celeste said quickly. “Definitely something furry.”

“High on the snuggability scale, got it,” the woman grinned. “My name is Lillian, by the way.”

“I’m Celeste, and this is Zane.”

“Come on back, then, and let’s see what we can do.”

The moment the woman opened the door, they were hit with a wave of excited barks, yips, and meows. They paused only a few feet in, taking in the huge room filled with dozens of cages. Some big, some small, but nearly all were occupied.

“There are so many,” Celeste breathed.

“Yeah,” agreed Lillian, a note of sadness in her voice.

“Where did they all come from?”

“Some were abandoned, some probably runaways. People move and can’t take their pets with them, or have kids with allergies. There are as many reasons as there are stars in the sky, honey, but it all boils down to what you see here.”

Zane saw the look on Celeste’s face, and knew she was overwhelmed. “What do you think, Celeste? See anything you like?”

“All of them,” she whispered. “How can anyone choose just one?”

“Most people who don’t have something specific in mind walk around, look for a connection. It’s a lot like true love,” Lillian said, glancing between the two of them. “When you find the right one, you’ll know.”

The color rose in Celeste’s cheeks, but she said nothing. She didn’t have to; her eyes said everything for her.

“Sounds like a plan,” he said. Again he saw the brief flash of hurt, but to her credit, she smiled at Lillian and said, “Okay, let’s do that.”

They walked around the room once, then again. Celeste paused a few times here to take a closer look, but on the third pass, she stopped in front of only one cage. A rather large Shepherd mix sat in the far back corner, staring back at her with soulful brown eyes.

“What’s his name?” Celeste asked.

“Jax.”

“Hi Jax,” Celeste said softly.

The dog leaned forward and sniffed, then gently licked Celeste’s fingers. “What happened to him?”

Lillian’s face clouded over. “Jax belonged to an elderly woman; her kids put her in a nursing home and dropped him off here. He’s a good boy but very shy. Most people walk right past him.”

“Can you let him out for a minute?”

“Sure, but don’t expect much,” Lillian said, reaching over to unfasten the catch. “He’s not very social.”

“That makes two of us,” Celeste said softly. With careful movements, she went down onto her knees. After a few seconds, Jax stood and slowly made his way out of the cage. Zane and Lillian watched as the dog sat down in front of Celeste. She stroked his fur and scratched behind his ears; Jax reward her by nuzzling her and giving her a lick on the cheek.

“Looks like we’ve found a winner,” Zane said. He liked the dog. As gentle as he was with Celeste, he looked intimidating, and Shepherds had a reputation for being fiercely protective of those they cared for. Celeste had already won him over.

“He’s beautiful. But I’m not sure I can take care of him,” Celeste said with regret. “I’m not in the best shape right now.”

“Oh, Jax doesn’t need much. He’s very smart and fully trained. If you can manage a walk once or twice a day, you’ll do just fine.”

“I think I can manage that,” Celeste said. “What do you say, Jax? Want to blow this popsicle stand and come home with me?”

Damn if the dog didn’t give her a big canine grin and cover her face with kisses, making Celeste laugh. “I guess that settles it, then.”

“Excellent. Follow me, and we’ll do the paperwork.”

Two hours later, Zane pulled up in front of Celeste’s condo. Jax leaped out of the back seat, proudly sporting his new collar and tags, following Celeste right in like he owned the place. It hadn’t taken long for the dog to become her shadow. If she was out of his sight for even a minute he went looking for her. Zane knew exactly how he felt.

After the animal shelter, Zane had driven them to one of the big-chain pet stores, and the three of them had combed the aisles. The smile on Celeste’s face was worth every second. It took four trips to empty his trunk of all the new supplies they’d purchased: dog food, chew toys, stainless steel bowls, brushes.

“Will you stay for dinner?” Celeste asked when they’d brought everything inside. Jax, having sniffed the entire place, had settled contentedly on his new deluxe, super-sized doggie pillow with his new bone.

“I thought your mom was coming over.”

“She is.”

“You two should have some mother-daughter time. I know she’s been worried sick about you.”

Celeste murmured in agreement, but he could tell she was disappointed. “Maybe you could stop by later?”

Damn it
. “I don’t think that’s a good idea, Celeste. You need your rest.”

“All I’ve been doing is resting, Zane,” she said, her mouth settling into a pout that made him want to kiss her senseless. Then the corners quirked. “I promise I won’t try to jump you.”

He choked, his throat making a slight strangled noise. Celeste reached over and patted his back while Jax paused mid-chew and regarded him with curious eyes.

“I’m kidding, Zane,” she said. “But we could snuggle and maybe watch a movie or something.”

“On what? You don’t have a couch or a TV.”

Celeste’s smile faltered. “No, but I do have a comfortable mattress and a laptop capable of streaming.”

“Not tonight, okay? I’ve got a lot of work to do. I fell way behind the last week, spending so much time at the hospital…”

“Oh. Right,” she said softly. Her eyes lowered and she stepped back, making him feel like the biggest ass on the planet.

“Celeste, I didn’t mean it like that.”

“I know. I understand. I’ve probably got a mountain-sized backup myself.”

They stood there like that for a few minutes in awkward silence, a first for them. Leaving her was the very last thing he wanted to do, but the one thing he knew he had to do. Thankfully, the doorbell rang. In a flash, Jax was up, standing protectively in front of Celeste and looking toward the door.

Celeste gave him a reassuring pat on the head. “Come on, Jax. Time to meet my mother.”

Zane used that as his cue to exit. After greeting Jessica, he turned to find Celeste looking at him with those big eyes, filled with questions he didn’t want to answer. He leaned down and placed a chaste kiss on the top of her head. “Goodbye, Celeste.”

She blinked; his choice of words was not lost on her. She swallowed, hard, and blinked again. He waited for her to say the word back to him, but she didn’t.

Zane walked to his car, feeling her gaze burning a hole in his back. He didn’t turn around, but he did glance in the rearview mirror as he drove away to see her front door slowly closing.