Castles in the Sand (39 page)

“Drake!”

“There are more important things to do. I need to win you and Kenzie back. I need to restructure my entire life. Let me reword that. I need to let God work in me. Change me. Forgive me. Show me what a husband, father, and pastor looks like when false pride and hypocrisy begin to fade.” He shrugged. “I need a few friends—maybe just Rex—to walk through this with me.”

“For how long?”

“I’d say six months. Our savings should carry us that long.” He met her stare. “Maybe you and I could see a counselor.”

Comprehending what he said took her a number of seconds. He asked for help! She didn’t know this Drake Starr in the least.

She smiled at him. “That husband, father, and pastor you mentioned? I think he looks a lot like you.”

Kenzie’s feet hurt. Her head hurt. Her stomach hurt.

Alone in Aidan’s apartment late Saturday night, she lay on the deformed loveseat. Legs propped up on pillows and television remote in hand, she surfed channels.

It wasn’t pregnancy yuck or flu aches. She couldn’t even blame working overtime. She’d gone to the coffee shop early and worked half the morning plus her own afternoon shift. Business was steady, but not hopping like mad. She took her fair share of breaks and then some.

No, it was more. She hurt somewhere deep inside. A place she couldn’t touch.

Or wanted to think about.

She flipped the television to another station and engaged her attention on a brainless comedy about football. Not one of her relatives or friends had anything whatsoever to do with football. They never even knew who was playing in what bowls. Bowl. Now there was a stupid synonym for a flat field of grass.

A key turned in the door, startling her. As she began to rise, Aidan walked in.

She laid back down. “What are you doing here?”

He dropped a backpack on the floor and walked toward her. “I missed you.”

“Yeah, right.”

“Kenz.” He sat on the edge of the loveseat beside her.

She ignored the exasperation in his tone, the “give me a break” expression on his face. “How’s your dad?”

“Good.”

“Good.”

She peered over his shoulder at the television.

“He’s coming home tomorrow, by ambulance. All my sisters came up today. Lisel’s staying with Mom until tomorrow. The rest of us just drove back. They dropped me off.”

“Guess there wouldn’t have been a seat for me. No space in the hospital room with all eight of you in there. How many cousins and aunts and uncles squeezed in with you?”

“Kenz, don’t do this. Don’t shut me out.”

“Excuse me?” She coughed a noise of disdain. “Me shut you out? Who left whom?”

“I’m sorry. I had to figure out some things.”

“You’re changing your tune here. Last night it was because things were so hectic. Phone calls to make. Doctors doing this and that. You holding your family together.”

“I didn’t know how to say it last night. The truth is I had to figure out where we stand with each other.”

She gazed at the colorful television images…turned her hearing to the upbeat rock music athletes supposedly moved to in the midst of games—

“Can we turn this down? Off?” He took the remote from her lap, pointed it over his shoulder, and shut off the power.

“Hey! I’m watching that.”

“Did you hear what I said?” He tossed the remote onto the floor. “I had to figure out
us
.”

She rubbed her eyes. “That
was
figured out until you took off with hardly a goodbye and didn’t phone. I’m invisible and an afterthought to you.”

“You’re not.” Aidan grasped her hands and slid to the floor to his knees. “I didn’t know what you were, but now I see it clearly. Mackenzie Anne Starr, I love you. I love everything about you. I even love how you exasperate me like you’re trying your best to do right now. I want to spend my life with you. I want the piece of paper that says the government knows I do. I want a pastor to join us together and say the Spirit of God knows I do. I want to marry you, Kenz.”

There it was. The Proposal. And there she was. Lying on an old colorless loveseat, feet up, fat belly protruding from under her T-shirt. Preferring to watch TV and not make eye contact with him. The air crackled with argument.

This was not part of the fairy tale.

She squirmed. “You didn’t want to before. We didn’t want to. We decided we already are.”

“Does this look like we already are? You know, if I were dying in a hospital, they might not let you in my room because you’re not family. Our kid could come in, but you couldn’t.”

“Aidan, that sounds like something my mother would say!”

“So what? It puts things in perspective even if the odds are against it happening. I want you and our baby to be my family in every which way.” He squeezed her hands. “Will you marry me, Kenz? Wait a sec.” He let go, reached into his pants pocket, and pulled out something. “Here. I think this is part of the dorky tradition.” With a lopsided smile, he put a tiny box in her hands.

It was soft, covered in gray fabric. Obviously there was a ring inside.

He said, “Thought I’d go the whole nine yards.”

Her headache pounded now, a steady kettledrum beat, six-eight time.

“My Grandma Bella gave it to me. Out of all sixty-two or whatever of her grandkids, I don’t know why. I guess she liked me best.”

“I can’t—”

“I didn’t spend a dime, not that we have one. And it’s not a diamond. I know you don’t particularly like diamonds. She never had one, so that worked out.” He touched her cheek. “Please open it.”

An eerie sense of floating enveloped her. Perspiration drenched every inch of her body.

“It reminds me of your eyes, Kenz.”

She had to shut him up. With shaking hands, she lifted the lid of the ring box. A bluish square stone caught the lamplight and winked.

He said, “She told me it’s aquamarine. Not the exact color of your eyes. It’s the clarity that reminds me of them.” He took out the ring and held it up to the light. “Look at that. You can see right through.”

That described how he always saw her, right through into her deepest being.

How could he be so far off the mark now?

He went on, eyeing the stone. “Clean and pure and beautiful inside and out.”

“No.”

Aidan looked at her.

“No, I’m not like that. And you’ll know it soon enough. You don’t want to marry me. What got into you? It’s probably your dad. His getting hurt. You’re bonkers. It has nothing to do with us.” She sat up and climbed around him. The box fell to the floor. “I can’t marry you. I don’t want to.”

“Kenzie!”

She heard him follow her into the bedroom, but the banging in her ears muffled his voice. Forcing herself to reason, she moved like a robot. Knapsack. Wallet. A handful of underwear, shirts. Sweater. Skirt. Jeans. She slid her feet into sandals.

“Kenz! What are you doing?”

“I gotta get out of here.”

“You’re running again. You’re always running.”

“I just need some space.”

“That’s getting a little old, you know? We all need our space, but sooner or later you have to face life and share some of your space with those who love you.”

She walked across the living room. “I’ll go to Dakota’s. I’ll get the van back to you—”

“Phoenix? You’re going to
Phoenix?
”

“She’s living in San Diego.”

He waved his arms. “That is so typical. She’s here, she’s there. You’re here, you’re there. I can’t keep up with you. Why are you so afraid of staying put for once in your life?”

She pulled open the door.

“Kenzie, if you leave tonight…”

She whirled around. “If I leave tonight, what? I shouldn’t come back?”

“I didn’t mean that.”

“Uh-huh. Neither did my dad when he said it to my mom. Somehow I don’t believe either one of you.”

Before he could reply, she’d rushed through the door and slammed it shut behind her.

“He took a nap after church. A few minutes ago he left for the grocery store.” Susan giggled into the cell phone. “Do you believe it, Natalie? Drake never naps or shops for groceries. Not to mention he doesn’t even have a change of clothing here yet.”

“I’d believe anything right about now. Good grief. Rex and I walk into church this morning and the senior pastor is nowhere to be found. On Easter! Then Mildred tells me you called her and said you planned to attend a service down there this morning. Pastor of a thousand-plus and he goes to church
on Easter
at the beach—
on the sand
—where he knows only two people, Julian and Zeke, men he obviously disdains.”

“Disdained. Past tense. Oh, it has been a whole week of unbelievable, hasn’t it? I’m still trying to imagine Aidan asking Drake to bless their marriage.”

“Truly mind-boggling. I want the guy to give lessons to my sons. But what I’m still trying to imagine is you and Drake singing a duet at the beach house during a boycott. And I was there when it happened!”

Susan smiled and stretched her legs across the ottoman where Pugsy snoozed. Through the window she noticed the boardwalk jam-packed with people, bicycles, and skates. It was another warm sunny day at the beach. Resurrection joy permeated the air.

“Natalie, the most unbelievable thing is what’s happening right here and now. Drake and I haven’t stopped talking for almost two days. We keep learning new things about each other. We even named our lost baby. Jade Anderson Starr. And whenever Drake starts to sound like the old Drake, he catches himself and rephrases his words. I know we have a long haul ahead of us. We’ve barely touched on Kenzie’s dilemma except to agree it’s up to him to pursue reconciliation with her. One step at a time. Right now, though, this honeymoon phase is pretty wonderful.”

“I’m so happy for you, Suze. You’ll stay there all week then?”

“Yes. I don’t know how to thank you, Natalie, for everything. Not just for this annual stay at the beach house, but for insisting I come here ahead of schedule. And for bringing in the Martha Mavens. And for telling me the hard stuff, like the jot and tittle thing.”

Muffled sounds came through the earpiece.

“Natalie?”

“Mm-hmm. I’m here.” Her alto voice rose to a falsetto. “I can’t stop crying. I am so amazed at what God can do. At what He does. At what He did.”

“Amen.”

“Amen. I gotta go. I’m out of tissues. Bye.”

“Bye, Natalie. I love you.”

“Love you too!” Definite soprano.

For Susan the uncontrollable came not in the form of tears but in smiles, cheek-stretching and jaw-aching grins. Her mourning had indeed been turned into dancing.

The front doorknob rattled, and Susan looked up from her book, eager to greet her prince. The door swung wide and as it banged against the wall, Kenzie stumbled inside. The screen door slammed shut behind her.

“Mom!” Tears streamed. Her dark hair sprang every which way, disheveled, not styled. Clothing overflowed from the knapsack she clutched to her stomach. She wore dark green baggy flannel pants and a black T-shirt. For all the world she resembled a pregnant urchin. “Mommy!”

“Sweetheart.” Susan went to her, pried the bag from her hands, and hugged her tightly.

“I’m losing my mind!”

“Shh. It’s okay. It’s okay.”

Susan prayed silently, waiting for the flood to slow, fighting down fears that the baby was hurt…Aidan hurt…Mick worse…

At last Kenzie pulled back and rubbed her palms across her face. “Oh, Mom! I don’t know what to do.”

“Let’s sit.” She led her to the couch and they sat beside each other. “Come on up, Pugs. He is your dog still.”

Crossing her legs, Kenzie pulled Pugsy onto her lap and nuzzled him.

“What’s wrong, hon?”

“Ha!” She sat up straighter. “What’s wrong? More like what’s not wrong! Aidan wants to get married! He’s nuts. He doesn’t love me. How could he? I’m a basket case.”

“He proposed?”

“Yeah. Last night. On his knees! With a ring that belonged to his grandma!”

Susan couldn’t help but smile.

“But it wasn’t right, Mom. It wasn’t. He’s just upset about his dad and thinks if he acts the way Mick wants him to, Mick will get better.”

“What does his dad want him to do?”

“Get married. He told him that from the beginning.”

Susan kept her smile inside. Totally opposite of her first impression, the Carluccis were traditional, probably more so than she ever was.

“Not that he was ever pushy about it.” Kenzie lifted her chin, eyelids fluttering. “Not like my dad.”

“What did you say to Aidan?”

“No. And I left.” Her lips trembled.

“Where did you go?”

“Dakota’s. But she’s no help. If anybody could be in a worse mess than me, it’s her.”

“So.” She rubbed Kenzie’s arm. “How did you leave things with Aidan?”

“I told him I’d get his van back to him. Dakota and I took it back just now. I left the keys in it and she brought me here.”

“But what did you say to him last night? Besides no.”

“I told him I needed space.”

Susan bit back her first response. Why did she run away all the time?

Then she recalled Kenzie as a little girl. She had always craved her own “space.” A second response took shape in Susan’s mind and she followed it.