Castle of the Heart (20 page)

With a sigh of relief, Thomas turned back to
Selene. He hadn’t even looked at the baby, but now Guy poked a
finger at the bundle in Meredith’s arms, moving the wrappings aside
to see the little face. Arianna, watching Guy in preference to the
sight of Thomas adoring Selene, saw the older man’s eyes fill with
tears.

“My first gr—” Guy said softly, then stopped
suddenly, and he and Meredith exchanged a look of deep meaning.
Meredith laid the baby in his arms.

“How beautiful she is,” Guy said in wonder.
“Thomas, see your daughter.”

Thomas left his wife’s bedside and took the
baby from Guy, holding it awkwardly, staring at the infant’s
features with an expression similar to Guy’s.

“You need practice,” Guy said, laughing, and
reached to adjust the bundle. “Knights are taught to hold swords,
not babies, but you will learn if you want to. I did. It’s not
unmanly to love your own child.”

The smile on Thomas’s face lit up the room,
and Meredith brushed a few happy tears off her cheeks, but Arianna
wondered what it was that Meredith and Guy understood and the rest
of them did not.

Selene was still terribly weak the next day,
and she showed no interest in the baby.

“You are going to feed this child yourself,”
Meredith told her sternly. “You are still bleeding, Selene, and if
you nurse, it will help to stop the bleeding and you will return to
a healthy state sooner. You are to drink red wine, and milk, and
eat everything Joan or Arianna or I bring to you.” Seeing a tear
roll down Selene’s pale cheek, Meredith relented in her scolding
and went on in a gentler voice. “You nearly died during that
terrible labor. I was so afraid for you. But the risk is not over.
I’m sure you know there are women who die days or even weeks after
giving birth. I don’t want that to happen to you. Let me help you.
Please do as I instruct you.”

Selene burst into uncontrolled weeping, and
Meredith, dismayed, took Selene into her arms and held her as
though she were an injured child.

“This sadness afterward often happens, too,”
Meredith soothed, “and I promise you it will pass. You will be well
again, and the day is not far away, either.”

“After all that pain,” Selene wept, “and all
those months of feeling sick every day, all I have for it is a
girl. Thomas must hate me.”

“He doesn’t, I assure you. You haven’t even
seen your daughter, Selene. She is beautiful. She looks just like
her father.”

“Not like me?” Meredith was surprised to see
that Selene looked almost hopeful as she brushed away her tears
with both hands. “Like Thomas?”

“She has golden hair and big blue eyes, and I
think she has Thomas’s disposition, for she seems quite happy,
though she must be hungry by now. Would you like to hold her?”
Meredith did not wait for an answer, but simply went to the cradle,
took up the baby and placed it in Selene’s arms. As she
straightened up she saw her own daughter hovering in the doorway.
“Did you want to see the baby, Cristin?”

“Could I?” Cristin tiptoed across the room.
She had stayed well away from Selene during the last few weeks, not
wanting to feel the lash of her erratic temper, and now she was
more than a little hesitant.

She need not have worried. Selene had just
fallen in love with the tiny creature she held, and in the
unexpected upwelling of joy and deep affection she felt, she was
ready, for a time at least, to embrace the whole world. She pushed
back the baby’s wrappings so Cristin could see better, and even let
her hold one tiny hand.

“When she’s big enough,” Cristin said
solemnly, “I’ll make Geoffrey teach her to ride.” Selene burst into
laughter.

“What are you going to name her?” Cristin
asked. “She’s part Welsh, isn’t she, since she was born here? She
ought to have a Welsh name.”

Selene was about to reply sharply that her
baby was most definitely not Welsh, when it occurred to her that
Cristin had just shown her a way out of an unpleasant dilemma. She
did not want to name her child after Lady Aloise, which she was
afraid Thomas would suggest, or Meredith, as she feared Guy would
want. Both men might consider a Welsh name to be a gracious gesture
toward Guy’s subjects, and would thus not raise objections to her
wishes.

“Tell me some Welsh names, Cristin.”

The girl began reciting a long list, until
Selene, laughing again, told her to stop.

“Where did you ever learn all of those?
Deirdre,” she said, “I like that one. My baby is Deirdre.”

“If Thomas approves,” Meredith cautioned
her.

“He will,” Selene said, determined to have
her own way on this. “I’ll make him agree.”

When Thomas came to see her later, bringing
with him an exquisitely wrought gold and amethyst bracelet as
reward for the safe birth of his first child, Selene thanked him so
prettily, and kissed him so tenderly, seeming to promise future
delights as soon as she was well enough, that he readily consented
to her choice of a name for their daughter.

It was often hard to keep a fall-born baby
alive during its first winter, but Meredith did everything she
could to see that Selene was well fed and cared for, so she could
pass her strength on to the child. Still, with all her concern for
the new mother, it was a full two weeks before Selene felt well
enough to go to the great hall to eat, and she adamantly refused to
return to the room she had shared with Thomas. She spent all of her
time with the baby, allowing only Cristin to help her, and she
avoided as much of the Christmas celebrations as she decently
could.

“Don’t worry,” Meredith said to Thomas,
trying to make light of a situation that had begun to worry her.
“Selene still tires easily, and as for Cristin, this is fine
training for her. I’m glad to see her out of the stables for a
while. Selene is exerting a good influence on her. Cristin has
asked for a new gown. As for the other, Selene will come to your
bed again soon. Give her a little more time.” She watched his
unhappy face and wished she dared tell him to find himself a
serving girl to occupy his nights until that happened. She did not.
She knew Thomas well enough to guess he would only be satisfied
with Selene.

Selene herself fought a daily battle within
her own heart. She loved her baby, and she was fond of her husband,
but she feared his desire lest he get her with child again. She was
torn between the two of them and fear for her own life. She could
not have another child. It was too terrible a process, and Meredith
had said she had nearly died bearing Deirdre. She knew it was her
duty to give her husband a son, but that duty she would shirk
entirely. Guy had been content with only a daughter; Thomas must
be, too.

As for the promise she had made to Isabel
more than a year ago, which also preyed on her thoughts, that, too,
she would avoid fulfilling if only she could, and Selene had
thought of a way. If Isabel were to come to Afoncaer, she could do
whatever needed to be done herself, and Selene need do nothing. If
she were the instrument of Isabel’s coming, she would be free of
her promise without actually betraying Thomas. She approached Guy
that very night, while they all sat at table.

“It would be lovely if my baby’s birth were
the impetus for peacemaking,” Selene said to him. “I thought of
asking Lady Isabel to visit and meet Deirdre. Will you write to
her, my lord, and ask her to come to Afoncaer? Will you tell her
she is forgiven, and invite her home?”

Guy choked on his wine. A silence fell over
the table, and all eyes turned to Selene. She saw Reynaud staring
at her with his cold, pale blue eyes, watching her as he always
did. She tried to ignore him. It was harder to pretend not to see
Meredith’s hurt face or Arianna’s astonishment.

“Are you mad?” Guy gasped when he could
speak.

“Selene, what can you be thinking?” Thomas
cried. “You never spoke to me of this.”

“There wasn’t time. I only thought of it this
afternoon,” she told him sweetly.

“King Henry exiled Lady Isabel for the rest
of her life,” Guy declared.

“You mean you did,” Selene replied. “Thomas
told me it was you. My lord, you are a nearly independent ruler
here. You could allow her to return if only you would.”

“Selene, stop this at once!” Thomas
commanded.

“I will forgive your suggestion,” Guy told
her, his face pale with anger, “only because you were not here at
the time to know everything that woman did.”

“But she is Thomas’s mother,” Selene
persisted, disregarding Thomas’s continued efforts to make her be
still. “It’s most unkind not to let her see her grandchild.”

“If it had been left to Isabel,” Meredith put
in, her voice shaking with outrage, “Thomas would not be alive to
father a grandchild for her.”

“Meredith is right. Isabel,” Guy said with a
snort of derisive laughter, “never cared for any child, not even
her own. No, Selene, Isabel will not return to Afoncaer, not while
I’m alive. And you will never speak of her to me again.”

His dark blue eyes, devoid of all warmth,
locked with Selene’s, and in her guilt it seemed to her that Guy
saw into her heart, knew what she was doing and why, and felt
nothing but revulsion and disgust for her.

“With your permission, my lord,” Selene said,
rising, “I will retire to my bedchamber. I am very tired.”

“A good idea,” Guy said coldly.

Thomas burst into her room half an hour
later.

“How could you do such a thing?” he demanded.
“I have told you what happened here when I was a boy.”

“Your mother said he was a cold-hearted,
spiteful man,” Selene declared. “I see now that it’s true.”

“You will never find a more warm-hearted,
more generous man than Uncle Guy,” Thomas sputtered. “How dare you
speak of him that way?”

Selene wasn’t listening to him. She did not
care that she was at odds with Guy and Meredith. She had never
really liked them, having judged them by Isabel’s opinions, and she
dismissed the thought of them easily. It was Thomas who concerned
her. She knew she still had power over him so long as he wanted
her. Perhaps if she let him make love to her just once he would
then be agreeable to the plan that had suddenly come into her mind.
It was a risk, but only yesterday she had overheard Joan say that a
nursing mother could not get with child. A glance at the cradle
assured her that Deirdre was fast asleep. She decided to chance
it.

“I am sorry I suggested Isabel come here. I
was only thinking of you and our child,” she said softly, moving
closer to him. “I never imagined Guy would be so angry.”

“I think you did know. You have heard enough
about my mother to guess what his reaction would be.”

“Don’t be angry with me.” She pouted a
little, her right hand moving lightly along his sleeve.

“I am angry, Selene.” But he did not pull
away from her stroking fingers.

“I think you are just unhappy that we have
been apart so long.” Her hand, continuing its soft rubbing motions,
reached his warm fingers and slipped around them.

“That is your doing,” Thomas said, “not mine.
It’s more than two months since Deirdre was born, and still you
refuse me. Were it not for Meredith counseling patience, I would
have ordered you back into my bed weeks ago.”

“I am not refusing you now.” She took his
hand and put it on her breast. “I want to lay with you,
Thomas.”

He looked at her as though he did not believe
her, but when he moved his palm across her breast, she knew with
certainty that she did want him, had wanted him for days. He must
have seen the open desire in her face, for he caught her against
him. His mouth came down hard on hers, and she lost her fears, even
forgot her hasty plan for a moment, in the pleasure his nearness
brought her. She led him to the narrow bed where she had slept for
two months, and he looked at it doubtfully while she removed her
headdress and shook out her hair.

“There’s not much space there,” he said.

“Then we shall be that much closer together.”
She reached down to the hem of her gown and pulled it up and over
her head in one graceful motion. Her underdress followed, then
linen shift, shoes, and stockings, and when she was completely
unclothed she lay down upon the bed and smiled at him.

“Come, Thomas,” she said. “Come and love
me.”

“You are so beautiful, even lovelier than you
were before.” He knelt beside the bed, and slowly ran his hands
along her body, thrilling her with his touch as he moved from
throat and shoulders to richly full breasts, lingering there to
tease at her sensitive nipples and watch her writhe sensuously
under his attentions, before continuing to the curve of her waist
and her still-slender hips. Her abdomen was slightly rounded now,
and he buried his face in its soft smoothness, while his hands
moved further down along her flanks until she cried out and moved
against them.

“Undress,” she moaned. “Why don’t you
undress?”

“Shall I?” he teased, straining upward to
nibble at her lower lip, and keeping his hands where they were.

“Yes. Yes. Please,” she panted. “Please.”

His tongue flickered across her lips, then
plunged into her mouth, while below, down
there
, his fingers
probed gently. Her hips arched upward, her body opening to him, and
suddenly Selene burst into wild, pulsating pleasure. It happened so
fast, and therefore so unexpectedly, that she could do nothing but
give in to it. It was over quickly, and when he moved away from her
she was close to tears.

“Why didn’t you undress? I wanted to feel you
inside me.”

“So you shall, my love.” Now, at last, Thomas
began to pull off his indoor robe. “I’ve been apart from you too
long, Selene, and I’ve had no other woman. I want you so badly I
was afraid I’d lose my wits and attack you. I wanted you to feel
the joy of it first, so you would remember how wonderful it was.
And now,” he said, lying down beside her, “now it is my turn.”