Captivated (7 page)

Pesch fastened the nodes to her chest and set the monitoring machine. The steady hums and clicks brought a sheen of cold, sticky sweat.

“I need to put the cap on. I want you to take a deep breath and blow it out. Do it three times.” Pesch’s manner was calm and competent. But the tears still came until she closed her eyes rather than look at anyone.

The cap fit snug and the contact points shocked a tiny bit when they established contact with her brain waves. It was the oddest thing she’d ever submitted to willingly. The burn in the drip on her hand told her they’d administered the second dose of sedation. Pesch spoke to her, but it was Julian’s continual slide of his palms against her legs and Vincenz’s hand in hers that kept her eyes closed and let the oblivion of unconsciousness set in …

She surfaced two hours later, sitting straight up, nausea and cold sweat an assault. Fear clawed at her, making it hard to see as she screamed, pulling at the cap.

“Shh. Hannah, it’s Vincenz. Honey, I’m here. Calm down. Let me help you get the cap off.”

She slapped at his hands, the memories still so fresh she could taste the stench of the disinfectant they’d used back in the lab. The cold of the walls pressed against her.

Vincenz held her, gently but firmly, as he undid all the nodes in the cap and finally pulled it free.

Not a moment too soon as she rushed out of bed, tripping and falling right onto her knees as she made her way into the bathroom where she threw up the scant contents of her stomach and spent another however many minutes dry heaving.

A cool cloth against the back of her neck then drew her from the nightmare of the dream, brought her there to the place where Vincenz and Julian had let her nest and make a home.

“You’re here with us, Hannah. With me and Julian. We contacted Dr. Pesch. He’s on his way over. You surfaced quickly, he said.”

She nodded, the nausea returning at the movement. “You don’t need to stay.” She leaned against the tile, letting the shock of the cold help push the sickness back. She used the cloth to clean up.

“Of course I don’t.”

But he didn’t go.

Instead when she was ready he helped her to stand and walked with her back to bed, pulling the blankets back and helping her slide inside. The shakes came then and without a word, he got in with her and held her tight.

Dr. Pesch came in and checked her vitals. “As I explained, the first times will be the most difficult. Everything you’ve repressed since you’ve been away from the lab is really just there right beneath the surface. It’ll be the first thing you’ll have to confront. I’m sorry you were so ill when you came out.”

He was gentle and kind, making adjustments for the next round of treatment that she’d insisted she was ready for, but she was relieved when he was gone.

“You can let go, baby.” Vincenz kissed her temple. “Let yourself fall apart a little while if that’s what you need. I’m here to hold all the pieces until you’re ready.”

At every turn, when things got to be so much she wasn’t sure if she could hold herself together, one of them had been there to help her do it. Not to do it for her. But to help her do it, letting her get better on her own terms. She closed her eyes and pressed into him as much as she possibly could. The feel of his arms around her was more than comforting, it seemed integral. And so she let him be.

H
e’d been on his way back to the house when the sun had glinted off the wind chimes, catching his attention. Julian paused as he listened
to the deep hum as the breeze sounded through the tubes, the louder resonant bong as they slid together.

She’d like that.

Julian had handed over the credits and was carrying the package to the house before he realized he’d done it.

She’d been there with them for four weeks. He and Vincenz had watched her try to regain herself. At first she couldn’t leave her room alone, and then Vin had drawn her outside to the small garden the windows in her room and the dining area overlooked.

In between her treatments, she’d made that little garden her home. Vin had brought chairs out. Had made sure she had hats and other protection from the sun. And she’d sit out there with her face tipped toward the light, at peace.

Which is where he found her when he got home.

She twisted in her seat to greet him.

“I brought you something.” He handed her the package and sat alongside her on the chaise as she opened it.

No ripping of paper from her. She always made a slow, steady study of the packaging on the various little gifts he brought home. And when she finished, she would fold the paper into whimsical shapes of all sorts.

He knew the following day there would be a bird or a horse sitting on his workstation. He’d come to look forward to whatever she’d gift him with.

“They’re chimes for the wind.” He stood, taking the chimes up. “Where would you like me to hang them?”

She paused as the breeze kicked up and the chimes sounded. “I can feel that sound in my belly.” She nodded. “There perhaps?” She pointed at the corner of the overhang at the back doors.

It was quick work and not too very long before the sounds filled the air.

“Thank you. I like it when I can hear things inside.” She said it solemnly and he knew it was a compliment.

In the time since she’d arrived, it had become his and Vin’s goal to make her happy. To help her through the rough spots. They’d opened up the family the two of them had created and she’d fit there as if she was always part of it.

It helped Julian to know that not every part of his life was dark. He found refuge in Vincenz and now with Hannah.

V
incenz looked up from his comm as Julian entered the room. Hannah lay on her bed, the treatment cap on her head, nodes attached here and there; the steady click and hum of the machines monitoring her were quiet enough for him to hear her breathe.

He stood and went out into the main room, hugging Julian.

“Hey you.” Julian smiled and dipped his head for a kiss. Soft at first, then the scratch of his beard against Vincenz’s face as he deepened and his tongue found its way into Vincenz’s mouth.

Vincenz slid his fingers into Julian’s hair, which had grown out from his usual shorter cut. It was long enough to tug to pull Julian closer. Close enough to thrust his hips, stroking his cock against Julian’s. Vincenz swallowed Julian’s tortured groan, suckling his tongue as Julian broke the kiss.

“I take it you missed me too.” He’d been out all morning with Ash Walker, another of the leaders of one of Ellis’s special teams. They’d coordinated some of their efforts and mapped a few new ideas. They’d spent a great deal of time going over the films of Julian’s interrogations back on Ceres and more recently those he’d done with some high-placed prisoners of war. They’d gained a great deal of intel and between the two of them, they’d been able to put some of their plans into motion.

It took him away from home more than he wanted, but it was his job and more and more lately it had felt as if they’d been making real headway.

“How’s our girl?” He tipped his head toward Hannah. Ever since the first treatment he’d hated the way she looked while under. Hated the way she’d held on to Vincenz’s hand as tears had slipped past her closed eyes the first several days. Hated the hard tremble in her legs and really had despised the way she’d shrank away from the cap with that sound, that hurt animal sound. It lay in his belly every time they started a new session, making him resent having to be gone.

And then the doctor had found the marks she’d scratched into her scalp. She’d explained in her medication-slurred voice that it had been her way of keeping track of time after they’d removed the tally marks she’d made on her wall multiple times. They hadn’t seen the ones at her hairline. Brilliant woman, their Hannah. But the story of it, that she’d
had
to mutilate herself to hold on to her sanity, burned in his gut.

“Who knows? Her vitals are fine. She’s lost that tremble she had in the early days. I hope this helps because I can’t stand the thought of her confronting all this and it not working.”

“Was it any better the second and third round?” She did her first treatment each day in the early morning and he’d been there that day before he’d gone to meet Ash. She had to follow with another just after the midday lunch and then another after the evening meal.

“She’s not crying anymore. It seems better for her now.” Vincenz paused, his Adam’s apple sliding up and down. “Still, it’s hard when she comes out of it. I had to do a vid comm with Andrei and when I’d come back she was in her corner again. Nearly tripped over her blankets to get to me when I walked in. She held on tight, trembling from head to toe, apologizing.” He ran his hands through his hair. “I’d like to kill a few people after that.”

“At least three times.” Fucking Imperialist pieces of shit. Julian wanted to hunt them all down to make them pay for Marame. For Vincenz and Carina, the children Fardelle had driven away and continued to threaten. For Hannah, who in only a little longer than a month standard had become his too. “Oh, baby. I wish I could make it better for you. For our pretty Hannah. For this fucking ’Verse.”

Vincenz brushed a kiss over his jaw before moving behind him to knead his shoulders and down his back. Julian let his anger out and put it all away. Here with Vincenz there was no need for it. Vincenz’s hands kept all that away.

Vincenz encircled him from behind, pressing his body to Julian’s back. “You do make it better. It’s what you do. It’s who you are.”

He smiled, leaning back to kiss Vincenz. “Are you flattering me so you can … have my virtue?”

“In my mouth.” Vincenz moved around to face him, leaving Julian a little breathless.

“You want my virtue in your mouth?” He ducked his head down to lick up the side of Vincenz’s neck.

“No. I want your cock in my mouth. Maybe I’ll let you put your virtue elsewhere.”

Julian laughed as he backed Vincenz up to a nearby wall, pressing himself against his body.

And then all joking had passed. Replaced by the fire of need. Need to be touched and understood.

Julian had considered a long, slow seduction that evening, but Vincenz clearly had other ideas. His hand was down the front of Julian’s trousers until he finally stopped, grasping Julian’s cock and pumping a few times.

Julian arched, fucking himself into Vincenz’s fist until the way became slicker as pre-come beaded at the slit of his cock and Vincenz gathered it with this thumb. The pleasure of each swipe of the pad of
Vincenz’s thumb through that slippery, sensitive spot brought shards of bright pleasure and a tortured
yes.

He wanted in. Vin’s mouth, his ass, his fist, whatever. Julian wanted to be in him, to be surrounded by Vincenz, craved that.

“Turn around. Pants down. Shorts down. Hands on the table.”

Julian swallowed, obeying. By the time he got his pants off, Vincenz had returned, placing a bottle of lube in Julian’s line of vision. Julian’s dominance was in his physicality. Vincenz … well, Vincenz liked to dominate in a different way. He used his mind, used Julian’s needs, even those he couldn’t say aloud.

To be known like that was ridiculously sexy. And reassuring.

Vincenz kissed the back of Julian’s neck as he dragged his square, blunt nails down Julian’s belly and thighs, ignoring his cock.

Urgency consumed Julian. “Hurry.” He said it knowing Vincenz wasn’t in any hurry. Knowing Vincenz would give Julian exactly what he needed, when
he
decided it was time.

Vincenz picked the lube up and shortly after that, the cool, slick of it slid over his hole and he may have groaned. It was hard to think with all the blood in his body currently in his cock.

“Do you know how hard it is not to just slick my cock up and thrust hard and deep into your ass?” Vincenz murmured this as he reached around Julian’s body to grasp his cock with one hand and held his own cock with the other. Brushing slowly, slowly over his hole.

He wanted to thrust back, swallow Vincenz’s cock, to feel the burn and stretch all around the invasion. Patience wasn’t his strong suit, but he knew Vincenz would reward it.

“Why are you not doing it then?” Julian rolled his hips, fucking slowly, tortuously into Vincenz’s slick fist.

“Because you want me too so badly. You want me to rush. But I want it slow. Because you feel so good.”

In time with the strokes around his cock, Vincenz used his fingertips and then fingers to stretch Julian, readying him. Never with another man had Julian given this. Had Julian
received
this. But with Vincenz there was nothing to do but give him all, and to take all Vincenz had given equally.

The burn gave way to the right kind of heat, especially when Vincenz found his sweet spot and stroked it while jerking him off.

“I think you’re ready.”

Julian groaned … so close …

“You’ll get there. I promise. But for now, widen your stance so I can fuck you like you’ve been squirming back on my fingers, begging me for.”

Past blushing, Julian stretched to get a better grip on the table’s edge as he stepped wider and put his cheek against the cool of the wood.

S
he panicked as she began to surface to consciousness, her brain quicker to respond than her body in long moments of paralysis. Then remembered and swallowed a scream.

The treatment. Yes.

The sedatives had left a dull film on her brain, leaving her thoughts sluggish. But the longer she forced herself to breathe slowly and keep calm, the clearer things became.

Things had slowly improved the longer she’d undergone the treatment. After the first week or so she didn’t panic as much when she came to. Her heroes, Julian and Vincenz, had what seemed to be a bottomless well of patience with her. They seemed to greet whatever mood she had with an ease that had allowed her to accept those quirks along with any bumps in the road to recovery.

It had been an unexpected but very needed gift. They let
her
get through things. If it was too much, they gave her support, but they seemed to understand how important it was to her that she do this on her own when she could. Everyone else wanted to do
for
her. They wanted her to do it for herself but were there if she stumbled.