Can't Let Go (16 page)

He sighed, looking her over.  Something had changed.  It was as if she’d been drained of life and was merely working on autopilot, drudging on through the day.  He wanted to take her in his arms, to argue with her—anything to bring the life back into her eyes.  He knew, though, that it wouldn’t work. 

She was gone to him. 
Lost.
 
Just as unreachable as his fallen friends.
 

At least that was what he told himself.  Something within him, something deep down, buried in some unseen place, knew differently. 

If there was anyone who could reach her, it would be him. 

Hayley had spoken to him often of Abby.  She had always thought the two would end up back together somewhere down the line—a love like theirs, she insisted, was never-ending.  It would last an eternity, and forces would constantly be at work to push them back together.  She had often tried to be that force
herself
.

He
imagined,
wherever she was now, that she was shaking her head at him, yelling for him to
do
something already.  And Blake would be standing by, telling her to give Logan time—he had always been a slow worker. 

He watched her fold the blanket up neatly and set it aside.  She was going to take it—but he could tell that she held no hope of ever using it. 

There was nothing he could do, though.  He was convinced that he had made the right choice all those years ago.  Walking away had been the only option.  He would never have been able to live with himself if he had been the reason Abby never spoke to her father again. 
Especially now, after having seen them together.
 

But he could have fought.  He could have gone back to her, once he’d finished school—Logan could have proven to her father that he
was
worthy of his daughter. 

There were so many things he could have done differently.

With a heavy sigh, he turned, forgetting what it was that he had come out to ask Abby in the first place.  The image of her sitting on the bed and staring at the baby blanket with a blank look in her eyes was more than enough to haunt him. 

Seeing the girl he’d once known to be full of life in such anguish was nearly impossible to take. 

~*~

The rest of the day passed quickly.  They finished packing up the few remainders in the rest of the house and at the end of the night, Logan returned to the motel while Abby stayed behind—claiming only to have a few last minute things to take care of. 

But the truth of it was, she needed just a few minutes there—surrounded by the comfort the house provided her.

She sat on the edge of the couch, looking around, filling herself with memories.  She’d taken a week’s vacation when they first moved in so that she could help paint and arrange things.  It seemed strange that now, not even two years
later,
she had just performed the reverse task. 

The quiet was suffocating, but she didn’t move.  She felt as if she needed to be here—she felt as if she would find answers. 

When nearly an hour had gone by, though, she gave up, thinking herself foolish.  She sighed and rose to her feet, deciding against returning to the motel.  All she faced there was another sleepless night, and she’d had enough of those this last week to last her a lifetime.

The memory of waking in Logan’s arms crossed her mind and she sighed, trying her hardest to push it away.  The only reason she’d slept so well, she tried to convince herself, was that she had already been so tired.  Exhaustion had overcome her.  It had nothing at all to do with Logan.  Nothing to do with the way she seemed to fit perfectly within his embrace or the way it all seemed to feel so natural. 

It was, pure and simple, just a mechanical response.  Her body had reached
it’s
breaking point, and it had only been coincidence that Logan had been there. 

Abby swore softly as she stumbled, knocking a box over.  She heard the unpleasant sound of glass breaking and she swore again, bending over and picking it up.  She opened the box and found a frame laying face down and she shook her head, angry with herself for being so clumsy. 

She turned it over, at first not paying attention to the photo that had been in the frame.  But then, as she went to set it aside so that she could clean up the glass, she gasped, nearly dropping it. 

It was the photo from the baseball game.  Abby stared at her reflection, tears forming in her eyes.  There was Logan—younger than he was now, but still devastatingly handsome.  It seemed like an eternity ago.

But she remembered it with perfect clarity. 

They’d been caught on the “kiss-cam” that day—the crowd around them cheering happily as their lips had met.  Hayley had insisted on taking a picture, but Abby had been feeling playful, not used to being in the spotlight.  It had always been Hayley who had shined.  Abby had always been somewhere in the background. 

She remembered his kiss, then.  Remembered the way it always felt like the first time—always exciting, always spine-tingling.  If ever she was upset or angry—all he had to do was kiss her and instantly, she would forget about whatever was bothering her.  How simple it had been. 
Effortless, even.
 

That wasn’t to say that she and Logan hadn’t had problems. 

But as she stared at the photo, she found them hard to remember.  All she could think of was his kiss. 

Logan unloaded the rest of the boxes while Abby arranged the shipping information inside the post office.  They had already met with a real estate agent to put the house on the market, and Abby had spent the majority of her night cleaning the house—much to Logan’s annoyance, once he had discovered that she had stayed much longer than a few minutes, as she had promised. 

It was hard to believe that already a week had gone by since she’d arrived.  Soon she would be returning home—back to her life. 
Her life that was going to be very different now that it didn’t include
Rumor
.
  She wondered what it was going to be like—how she was going to go on through her daily routine without including Hayley. 

She wondered if it was going to be difficult to relegate thoughts of Logan Sheppard to the back of her mind, as it had been the first time around.  She wondered if Eric would notice. 

Logan was leaving in a few short hours.  Abby was beginning to accept the idea that she would never see him again, almost welcoming it.  She needed to create some distance—it was the only way she would be able to let go.  She wouldn’t be able to move on with her life until he was out of it. 

She would be following soon thereafter—flying out from Louisville rather than Nashville this time.  The extra half-hour would allow her some time to cope with what she was leaving behind—and she was sure she would need it. 

After paying the fees, she stepped out into the fresh air, breathing it in.  It was going to be difficult to leave
all of this
behind, she mused, knowing she wasn’t just talking about the natural beauty of the state.  “So I guess that’s it then.”  His voice startled her and she jumped, her eyes fluttering open.  She’d brought back her sunglasses, needing the extra protection they gave her. 

“I guess this is it,”
  she
repeated, nodding.  A breeze lifted her hair from her shoulders, but she stayed still.  “I just—”
  Her
throat was closing up, tears threatening to come.  She took a deep breath.  “I just wanted to say thanks, Logan—you know, for being here.”

“I’m just sorry it was under such horrible circumstances.”

“That’s life,”
  Abby
said with a shrug.  “Thanks for all of your help.”

“You should know I’d do just about anything for you, Abby.” 

“Just about anything,”
  she
repeated, tears now in her eyes.  His words were a reminder of the one thing he couldn’t do—and that was stay. 

He hadn’t been able to stay for her. 

A tear escaped, rolling down her cheek, escaping the sunglasses.  Logan reached forward and wiped it away, allowing his hand to linger just a moment longer than necessary.  Abby felt herself unwillingly lean into it, burning the memory into her mind.  She needed something to hold on to—anything to remind her that it had all been real. 

“We don’t have to do this, Abby.” 

“Oh, Logan,”
  she
reached up then, taking his hand in hers and drawing it to her lips.  She kissed the back of his hand very gently before releasing it.  “Yes, we do.” 

“Abby—”
  She
shook her head, backing away. 

“Go on, Logan.
  Don’t make this harder than it has to be.”

“But I—”
  Another
breeze stirred, causing Abby’s hair to whip around wildly.  She was continuing to back away from him, creating more and more distance.  “I love you, Abigail Lewis.”  He said quietly.  And though he knew she couldn’t have heard him, she paused, taking one last look, before turning around and disappearing out of sight.  He watched, waiting for her car to leave the parking lot—hoping against all odds that she would change her mind and return to him.

But a few moments later, he saw her familiar silver rental pull into view.  He watched as she hesitated for a moment before turning out into traffic, disappearing among the various other vehicles. 

She was gone—it was over.

Logan tried to ignore the sudden ache in his chest, but it coursed through his veins, taking him over.

Finally, he drew in a long, ragged breath before descending the stairs and heading to his truck.  His flight would be leaving soon and he still had quite a drive to the airport.  But he seemed to lack any motivation to go on.  The thought of returning to his life—his monotonous, boring life—it pained him. 

But he climbed into the truck and made the drive to the airport, knowing it was his only option.  He was an adult now—he couldn’t go hide away somewhere and pretend the world didn’t matter like he had done the last time he’d lost her.  No, he had responsibilities.  People were counting on him for more than just their serving of alcohol now. 

It was a long drive and he was fortunate to find that his flight was on some sort of weather delay.  Apparently there were some threatening storms rolling around out west, he discovered from the other passengers as they all sat aboard the plane.  Everyone around him was anxious to get wherever it was they were going, but Logan didn’t care.  What was he returning to?

A house he was building for a family he would never have?  A job he actually enjoyed, but had no one to share it with?  He’d never realized how much he’d actually included Abby in his plans—never, until now, when it was clear that she would never be in them.  It all seemed so pointless.

About an hour later, the flight finally took off.  Logan glanced at his watch, imagining Abby boarding her own plane, getting ready to take off.  He sighed quietly, closing his eyes, imagining what it would have been like.  He imagined the children, the house,
the
wife.  He saw Abby smiling at him—smiling as she used to, many years ago.  He imagined
laying
next to her in bed, trailing his fingers over the smooth skin of her stomach. 

The plane around him jolted a few times, disturbing him from his peaceful imagery.  He looked around, wondering what was going on.  Stewardesses were rushing back and forth, whispering urgently to one another.  “Pardon the commotion, folks.  It seems we’ve hit a bit of a rough patch.”  The pilot announced over the intercom, but Logan tuned him out, returning to his daydream. 

He brought Blake and Hayley back, imagining their children running around in the backyard.  Their laughter was so melodious—everyone melding together.  A longing filled his chest and Logan cursed reality.  It shouldn’t be like this.  He should be living
this
life—he should be with her.  They should be tucking their kids into bed at night and arguing about what to have for dinner.  Blake and Hayley should be there, too. 

It was all wrong. 
All of it.
 

Another wave of turbulence passed and Logan opened his eyes, growing more concerned.  The pilot came back over the intercom.  “Pardon us again, folks, but it seems things are worse than we originally thought.  We’re receiving word from Air Traffic Control that all flights in the area are to be grounded immediately.  We’ll be nearing our stop shortly, so if all would please prepare for landing…”

Logan looked out the window, his eyes narrowing.  They were flying directly above what appeared to be some very vicious weather.  The plane shook violently once more. 
Well
, he thought
,
if the plane goes down—I’m going down happy.
 

And with that, he closed his eyes again, returning the images of his alternate reality. 

~*~

Abby stared in the mirror of the airplane’s bathroom.

It was strange, she thought, that she didn’t recognize the person staring back at her at all now.  A transformation that had seemingly begun with her eyes had spread throughout the rest of her appearance.  She seemed so…empty.  She appeared to be put-together quite well, wearing a pair of black pants and a simple white top, layered over a dark colored tank top.  Her hair was perfectly placed, her makeup well-done. 

Though she had cried throughout most of the drive to the airport, her eyes were no longer red, the swelling gone.  But they were lifeless. 
Utterly vacant, without a single spark.
  She couldn’t even see the marks of pain and loss in them anymore. 

She was a completely different person.  A robot, she realized.

A sudden shudder of the plane caused Abby to lose her balance and she reached out, trying to steady herself.  Someone knocked at the door and she shook her head, wondering how long she had occupied the small restroom.  She apologized as she exited, making her way back to her seat. 

A movie was playing, but she couldn’t pay attention.  It was some sort of romantic comedy, and for some reason, the thought of watching it caused a wave of nausea to pass through her.