Can't Let Go (13 page)

“You’re sure?”  Abby asked, questioning him.  He nodded, waving them on.  He watched as they stepped outside.  Abby’s arms were crossed over her chest, Eric standing a good couple of feet away.  He could tell they were going to argue.

He sighed then, turning back and making his way to the counter, where various photos were arranged.  Logan felt a pang in his chest as he looked them over, remembering everything.  And then he came to the photo of the four of them, taken the night of the wedding.  Abby was dressed in a something similar to what she wore now, Logan wearing a plain white dress shirt and black tie. 

“She was happy then.”  The voice startled him and Logan turned, finding Martin standing beside him.  “Carefree, you know.  The way it always is with first love.”

“We all were.”  Logan said, not sure of what he was supposed to say. 

“She’s a beautiful girl, isn’t she?”  Logan didn’t hesitate to nod.  “She’s my pride and joy, Mr. Sheppard.  I’d do anything for her.”

“She feels the same about you.” 

“Abigail’s done enough sacrificing for one lifetime, wouldn’t you say?”  Logan felt the older man reach up and set his hand on Logan’s shoulder, his eyes boring into Logan’s.  “I would give anything to see
her this
way again, you know.  I want her to be happy.  You think that’s possible?”

“Anything’s possible, Sir.”  It seemed as if the older man was trying to send Logan a message—but he wasn’t quite sure what he was asking.  Did Abby’s father have something against her current relationship?  Or was he just asking, from Logan’s perspective, having known Abby when she was carefree and so full of life, if he thought it was possible she would have that once again?

“It’s Marty, Logan.  Call me Marty.”  Martin patted him on the back then before slipping into his jacket.  “It was good to finally meet you.”

“Same here,” he replied, still slightly bewildered.

“If you ever make it out to our neighborhood, you should stop by.  We could talk architecture.” 

“Definitely,”
  Logan agreed.  “Hav
e a safe flight.”

“You have a good night.”  As Logan watched Abby’s father’s retreating figure, he couldn’t help but feel as if something important had just taken place.  As if, in some way, Martin Lewis has just given Logan his blessing. 

He glanced back over his shoulder.  It was obvious that Abby was angry with Eric, even as she wrapped her arms around her father.  She didn’t reach out to Eric when she turned to say goodbye to him.  He watched her lips move, watched her wave as they walked away. 

And as Logan watched, he tried to make sense of what it was he was supposed to do.

~*~

They drove back to the motel, carting various loads of flowers and photos.  By the time everyone had left, the sun was already beginning to fade.  Logan knew they should probably head back—but something in him didn’t want the day to end.

“Hey Abby?”
  He questioned, navigating the familiar roads. 

“
Hm
?”
  She responded, lost in her thoughts. 

“Well—I was just wondering—would you mind if we made a little bit of a pit stop?”  He glanced over at her quickly before turning his eyes back to the road.

“You have something to do?”  He shook his head.

“No—not exactly.”
  He sighed.  “It’s just—there’s this ice cream parlor in town.  They have the most amazing—”
  Abby
didn’t let him finish.

“You want to get
ice cream
?”  Her tone was an incredulous one.  Logan mentally kicked himself, knowing that he had taken it too far.

But then he heard her light laughter flooding the cab of his truck.  “Well, I think that would be the perfect ending to a day like today.”  And it was true.  She couldn’t think of anything Hayley would have loved more. 
A celebration—not a mourning—through and through.
 

“You’re sure?”  Abby nodded, her eyes finding his. 

“This had better be some phenomenal ice cream, Mr. Sheppard.”  Abby couldn’t deny the smile on her lips.  She felt lighter than normal—happier.  She didn’t even care about the argument she’d had with Eric.  What did it matter what he thought?  He would disapprove of ice cream nearly as much as he had disapproved of her dress.  But he hadn’t known Hayley—he hadn’t understood their bond. 

Logan did.

She glanced at him out of the corner of her eye.  There was a smile on his face as well.  Strange, it having been such a sad day—but she and Logan both knew that this was exactly what their friends would have wanted.  And they would have wanted them to do it together.

The ice cream parlor was in the middle of town—very alive on a Saturday night.  Logan parked along the crowded street a bit of a ways away, knowing they would have to walk.  “It’s pretty busy,”
  Abby
noted.

“Like I said—it’s pretty amazing.”  Abby laughed again and Logan reveled in it, letting it wash over him.  “Shall we?” 

“We shall,”
  she
responded, opening her door and hopping out of the truck.  She smoothed the skirt of her dress down before Logan appeared at her side, offering his arm.  “Always the gentleman,”
  she
commented, slipping hers through his.  It was so comforting, how familiar all of this was.  She could have sworn it had all happened before—and maybe it had, in another life.  She remembered nights very much like this one back in Boston—the four of them going out on dates, laughing and enjoying the company of one another. 

It almost felt as if Hayley and Blake were there with them now. 

“I used to come here with Hayley and Blake—at least once a week.  You know how Hayley was about her ice cream.”  Logan told her, as if reading her mind.  Hayley had always been a fiend for ice cream—it was probably her favorite dessert.  Abby nodded, smiling a sad smile at the memory, but glad to hear that Logan was thinking the same thing she was.  “She loved this place.”

“Well if it’s good enough for
Hayl
, it’ll be good enough for me.”  They were nearing the line now, Abby able to look at the menu.  She immediately knew what she was going to get—and as they approached the window, Abby was startled to find Logan placing the order.

“We’ll take two cones, please. 
Both cherry vanilla.”
  He paused.  “Oh, and can I get one of those dipped in chocolate please?  With a few nuts sprinkled on top?”  Abby eyed him suspiciously.  “What?  I got it right, didn’t I?” 

“How could you have possibly remembered that after so long?”  He shrugged his shoulders.

“It’s your favorite.”  Abby only smiled softly, shaking her head.  Logan Sheppard would never cease to amaze her.  “You used to order it all the time, everywhere we went.”  It was true—it had been her favorite for as long as she could remember.  She just hadn’t expected Logan to remember such an insignificant little detail.  She was sure if she asked Eric what her favorite ice cream was, he wouldn’t even come close.

“Since when did you start eating cherry vanilla?”  She asked, perching herself on the edge of a picnic table while they waited.  “Weren’t you always a butter pecan kind of guy?”  Logan shrugged his shoulders, looking at the ground awkwardly for a moment.

“Sometimes you don’t realize what you’re missing out on—that’s all.”  Abby tried to ignore the double meaning to his words.  He couldn’t be saying what she thought he was.  “I never gave it the chance I should have.”

“Well, I’m glad you finally came around.”  She said, though her voice was hardly more than a whisper.  He looked up then, his eyes meeting hers and holding them.  It was a long moment that passed between them, millions of things each of them wanted to say—memories and desires flowing between them, all revealed through their gaze.

A voice disturbed them though, shocking them from the moment and bringing them back to the present.  Abby looked away first, shifting her eyes to the ground.  “I’ll get those,”
  Logan offered, turning his back and returning to the window to retrieve their ice cream cones.  He handed the loaded cone to her before perching against the picnic
table beside her.  Abby didn’t speak for several moments, concentrating all of her attention on the treat in front of her.

“This
is
really good,”
  she
finally admitted, breaking the silence.  Logan chuckled, nodding his head. 

“I told you it was.”

“You were right.”  She sighed, lifting her eyes and looking around.  They were surrounded by people—lots of couples, a few families.  Across the way, she saw a young family of three.  “They look so happy.”  She said, something hidden in her tone.  “Hayley and Blake would have been such good parents.” 

“They would have.”  Logan agreed.  “You remember when we thought we were going to have one of those?” 

She did remember.  In fact, it didn’t even seem all that long ago.  She was still in school then—Logan had been talking about starting.  They had been reckless one night—just one night, they’d gotten carried away.  She hadn’t thought anything of it until a few weeks later.  She was late. 

“It was pretty scary,”
  he
spoke and Abby looked over at him, finding his eyes.

“I wasn’t scared.”  It was the truth.  She had known having a baby then would have been challenging—but she’d had faith that the two of them could do it, so long as they were together. 

“You weren’t?”  He asked, and Abby shook her head. 

“No.  In fact, I was almost disappointed when it turned out I wasn’t pregnant.” 

“You never told me that.”  Abby shrugged her shoulders. 

“I didn’t want to scare you away.”  She laughed at the irony.  A year or so later, he’d left anyway.  “But I mean—the thought of a baby—of
our
baby?” 

“You want to know the truth?”  Logan asked after a few moments of silence.  Abby found his eyes again.  “I was a little bit disappointed, too.”  And all Abby could do was nod, a ball forming in her throat.  “I mean, I was terrified—I was so unprepared to take care of a family.  But I don’t know…I’d never really thought about having kids until I found you.” 

“I wish you would have told me that then.  Maybe it would have made it a little bit easier…”  She hadn’t even told Hayley how disappointed she’d been. 

“There are a lot of things that I probably should have done differently, Abby.  That’s only one of a million.”  She reached up and touched her finger to the corner of her eye, so as to keep the tear from falling. 

“We would have had beautiful children though.”  She could see them now, standing in line there at the ice cream parlor.  Hayley and Blake would be with them, their little girl on Blake’s shoulders.  Logan would be holding their own little boy in his arms—their little dark-haired boy with unruly curls.  And she and Hayley would be standing side by side, taking in what a beautiful picture their families made. 

“Any child of yours is going to be incredible, Abigail Lewis.”  Abby’s smile faded as she thought about what he said.  Oh, if only she could tell him.

“Yours won’t be too bad themselves,”
  she
whispered.

“I don’t think that’s in the cards for me either, Abby. 
The whole family thing.
 
Not now, anyway.”
  It actually pained her to hear his words.  Logan was going to make such a great father some day—why wouldn’t he take advantage of it? 

“You told me you wanted enough kids to fill the starting line-up of the Red Sox.”  She stared at him, her brow furrowed with concern.  His laugh was very sad as he traced a circle into the ground with his shoe.

“Things change.” 

“Sometimes, I really wish they wouldn’t.”  She thought of their current situation. 
Their friends gone, their hearts broken.
  Why had their paths taken such a sour turn? 

“I agree.”  Logan was disappointed to see the sadness returning to Abby’s eyes.  He thought he might try a change in subject, as the current topic was bringing him down, too.  He hadn’t even wanted a family until
he
and Abby’s accident. 

But then the possibility was staring him right in the face, and he realized that he’d wanted one with
her
.  That was part of the reason he’d given in and gone back to school.  He had no idea what to do with himself—but he knew he wanted to prove himself worthy.

Unfortunately, he was pretty sure he’d made a terrible mistake somewhere along the way.  

“It was nice to finally meet your dad.”  He finally spoke, willing himself away from his own reverie.

“He liked you.”  Abby said, her tone a certain one.  “I always knew he would.”

“It was good of him to come.”  Logan thought of the way the older man had looked at his daughter.  She was something precious to him—the person he cherished most in the world. 

Logan imagined he probably saw Abby in a similar fashion.

 “Hayley was like a daughter to him.  He loved her—I wish he would have gotten to know Blake too.  They would have gotten along well.”  She had a distant tone in her voice, as if she were some place far away now. 

“I think your dad could get along with anyone he wanted to, really.”  Abby nodded.  It was part of her father’s charisma.  He’d never walked into a room and
not
made a friend.  “He seems like a good man.”

“He is.”  Sometimes, though, she couldn’t help resenting him.  She couldn’t help but blame him for the choices that had been made so long ago—the ones that had brought her here, to this place. 

“He loves you.”  Abby nodded again, knowing it was true and grateful for the reminder.  She only wished he could have loved her enough to trust that she knew what she was doing.  That she knew who she was falling in love with. 

“You’re a good man, too, Logan.  I always knew you were.” 

“Well, I do try…”  He was trying to lighten the air again.  “You’re not so bad yourself.”

“Fortunately for me, I don’t have to exert much effort.”  He laughed at the jab, nodding his head.  She finally looked up, meeting his eyes. 

Logan broke out into laughter.

“What?”  She asked.  He reached forward and touched his thumb to her chin.