Can't Let Go (11 page)

“Then Sunday.”

“No.”  Abby stood firm, shaking her head even though the woman on the other end of the phone couldn’t see her.

“Abigail, if you think you’re such a necessity to this team that you can’t be replaced, I’m afraid you’ve been quite misinformed.”  And it was at that moment that Abby felt herself snap. 

“You know what, Ingrid?”  She was speaking in a very calm tone, though she was anything but.  “I think you’re right.  So why don’t I just save you the trouble of finding someone else to fire me?”  She didn’t even hesitate.  “I quit.”

“
Excuse me
?”

“I quit.  Good luck doing
your own
job for once.”  And with that, she stabbed angrily at the touch-screen, a string of obscenities floating from her lips as she struggled not to kick something or throw the tiny piece of technology at the wall. 

A small bubble of laughter sounded behind her and she froze, feeling her face turn scarlet.  She was grateful it was growing dark enough that he couldn’t see her as she turned around to face him. 
“Doing okay there, sailor?”
 

“My boss.”

“If I heard right, that would be your
former
boss, correct?”  Logan had a small smile on his face and Abby rolled her eyes, shrugging her shoulders and nodding. 
“Told you you’re a strong woman, Abigail Lewis.
  When the time came…you did what you had to do.” 

“Well, a girl can only take so much.”  She sighed, running her fingers through her hair.  His eyes met hers and she froze for a moment, her heart thumping wildly against her ribs.  She felt somewhat vulnerable without her sunglasses and she tried to tell herself to look away, but she couldn’t.  Something about him just wouldn’t let her.  “What’re you doing out here anyway?”

“Loading up the flowers so I can take them to the restaurant.”
  They had arranged for the wake to be held at the small restaurant Blake and Hayley had loved so much.  “Why don’t you grab up those collages you made?  We’ll take them over now. 
One less thing to worry about in the morning.”
  It was going to be a hectic morning, Abby thought.  He made a good point.  She
nodded,
glad when he finally broke their gaze. 

It didn’t take long for her for carry the collages out to the truck, and so she set about helping Logan load up the flowers.  As she made her way outside, one of the yellow petals fluttered from the flower, falling to the ground.  She hesitated a moment, staring down at it.

And then it occurred to her.  

“Would you mind dropping me off back at the motel, Logan?  I mean, before the restaurant?” 

“Sure—what’s the rush?” 

“I just realized—I can’t—I mean, tomorrow.  I brought a black dress.”

“That
is
what people traditionally wear to a funeral, Abby.”

“Yes, I know—but
I
can’t.”  The memory danced through her mind once more. 
“When I die,
Abbs
—I don’t want you wearing black.  Wear something bright and vibrant.  You’ll be the trendiest of all the old ladies there.  Black is just so—depressing.”
  Abby heard her own laughter in her head as she remembered the day.  They had been sitting at the bar that the guys worked at and a large group of people arrived from a funeral—every one of them wearing black.  Hayley had leaned forward, all seriousness, and told Abby her wishes. 

“I need to go—I’ve got to find something else to wear.”  How could she have been so stupid?  How could she have forgotten such a moment? 

She knew, of course.  Because at the time, it had seemed like something she wouldn’t have to remember for a very long time.  At the time, it had seemed like some trivial little exchange.

“Well why don’t we save time and I’ll just take you?”  Abby looked up at him, her eyes wide with surprise.

“You don’t mind?”  He shook his head, his expression completely sincere.  “I don’t even care where we go—I don’t know if there’s a mall anywhere nearby or…”

“If I remember right, there’s a dress shop on the way to the city.  I mean, I doubt they have anything too fancy but—”

“No, no—that’s fine.”  She placed the vase of flowers carefully in the bed of the truck, Logan following suit.  “I’m just going to run in and thank them—can you get the rest?”

“Not a problem.  I’ll meet you back here.” 

Abby rushed through the niceties, thanking the directors of the funeral home for being so helpful.  As she hurried back out to meet Logan, she glanced at the clock, wondering how late a local dress shop would stay open in an area like this.

He already had the truck running, reaching across the seat and opening her door once he saw her coming.  She hopped inside and exhaled loudly.  “So Logan, why, exactly, do you know where a dress shop is around here?”  His chuckle warmed the interior of the truck. 

“I spent some time out this way after I graduated, before I found a job. 
Got to know the area a little bit.”
  A few things began to make sense.

“I see—and a dress shop was something you paid a lot of attention to?”  Her tone sounded playful, but really, she was almost nervous to hear his explanation. 

“I went with Hayley once.  She was looking for something to wear for some sort of special night out with Blake.”  Abby imagined the scene—Hayley dragging Logan all over the place, talking his ear off, trying to get his opinion.  A faint smile came to her lips.

“She liked surprising him like that.”  Logan nodded and the two fell quiet once more, each lost in their thoughts.  “Does it still seem surreal to you?”  She asked finally, not really meaning to speak aloud, but not regretting it.

“I still can’t wrap my head around it, if that’s what you’re asking.”  He sighed.  “I mean, I’d
just
talked to him, Abby.  He was so excited—they both were.  And then this…”  He shook his head, not finishing his sentence.  Abby had some idea about what it was he was referring to.  “Yeah, surreal is the word.  I just can’t believe it.” 

“I’m glad I’m not the only one.”  Not only could she not believe that her friends were gone—snatched away at their happiest moment—but that she was here, with him.  She had a feeling he agreed, but neither felt capable of admitting it aloud. 

The rest of the drive was made in silence, but it wasn’t an uncomfortable one.  Both were struck by how natural it felt, sitting at the side of their former lover.  Even during moments of awkward tension—everything still felt
right
.  Abby secretly reveled in the feeling, having thought she’d lost it forever.  Hayley had always been the closest she’d come to finding her other half—at least until Logan had come into their lives.

“There it is,”
  Abby
stirred herself from her thoughts, growing aware of the slightly more busy town around them.  She was surprised to see so many people out and about at this time of night.  Logan was pulling into the parking lot of a small plaza, directing the truck toward a shop with many dresses in the window.  As they neared, she took in some of the wild designs and raised her eyebrows. 

“You’re sure Hayley brought you here?”  He chuckled then, nodding his head as he opened the door and exited the vehicle.  Abby followed his lead, letting herself out and approaching hesitantly.  As they neared the door, she noticed the hours—they would be closing in about twenty minutes.  She bit her lip, knowing the rest of the shops would likely be closing at the same time.  This would have to do.

But as soon as they entered, she changed her mind.  The small shop was lined with dresses of varying styles—surely she would be able to find something. 

She was immediately drawn to the shades that reminded her of spring and lightness—colors Hayley had always insisted Abby was born to wear.  Abby thumbed through the selections, waiting for something to catch her eye. 
“You two lovebirds shopping for a special occasion?”
  A gentle voice drawled behind her and she turned, her eyes darting between the older woman and Logan. 

“Oh!  No—we’re not—”
  Abby
started.

“I mean, we used to be—”
  Logan added on.

“We’re just looking,”
  Abby
said, her cheeks flushing red. 

“Oh, I’m sorry.  You two just have the distinct look of two people in love.”  The older woman smiled.  “You say you used to be?”

“It was a long time ago,”
  Logan explained uncomfortably. 

“Well, maybe it’s just some leftover spark.”  She smiled again, something that could be described as either wise and knowing or endearingly eccentric in her eyes.  “You just let me know if you need any help.”

“Thank you,”
  Abby
responded, returning to her browsing, grateful for a distraction.  She certainly didn’t need anything more regarding her feelings for Logan floating around in her mind.  She felt his eyes on her back, but she refused to turn around, needing the time to regain her composure.  After a few more moments, her eyes landed on a pale yellow dress—very similar to the one she’d worn so many years ago.  This one had thin spaghetti straps and a more flowing skirt, similar in length.  “This—this one will work fine.” 

“Don’t you want to try it on?”  Abby shook her head, knowing that the shop would be closing soon. 

“I’m sure it’ll be fine.”  As per usual, she avoided Logan’s eyes as she turned around, holding the dress over her arm.  “I’ll just pay for it and then we can go—we’ve still got to stop at the restaurant and drop off the flowers.”

“We’ve got time—” 

“No—really, it’s okay.”  She brushed passed him, her eyes trained on the floor.  “It’ll do just fine.”  She wasn’t sure why she was in such a hurry—why it was that she was suddenly so eager to move the night along.  Perhaps, she mused, it had something to do with the intensity of Logan’s eyes as they followed her around. 

Or perhaps, thought the part of her that dwelled deep within her being, it had something to do with the way she actually enjoyed it.

~*~

She stood in the living area of her small motel room, struggling to reach the zipper on the back of her dress.  Logan was supposed to be arriving any minute now and she sighed with frustration.  She’d gotten very little sleep once again and had, this time, passed the night mostly staring at the ceiling and scolding
herself
for thinking about things she knew she shouldn’t be thinking about. 

But she couldn’t help it.  No matter how hard she tried—her thoughts continuously brought her back to Logan. 

She tried to remind herself how angry she was with him.  She tried to remember the pain she’d felt upon waking to that
stupid
note. 
How devastated she had been as she packed up her belongings and returned home—leaving Hayley her own note, unable to face even her best friend.
  She tried to think about the year she had spent refusing to believe that she and Logan were actually
over
.  The nights she’d cried
herself
to sleep.

But every time she tried, she, for whatever reason, thought of his eyes.  Every time he looked at her, she felt as if she was the only other person in the world.  And she didn’t even mind.

A knock sounded at the door and she sighed again. 
“Just a minute!”
  She struggled with the zipper a few moments longer. 

“Everything okay in there?”
  And finally, Abby gave up.  She crossed over to the door and opened it partway, biting her lip. 

“I need a little—assistance.”  She stepped backward, waving him in with one hand while holding the back of the dress with the other.  Logan entered, closing the door behind him.  “I can’t get the zipper.”  His eyes danced with laughter as they met hers.  “I’ve been trying and it just—”

“Let me do it.”  She sighed one last time, turning around and lifting her hair.  As she stood in front of the mirror, though she tried not to, she watched their reflection in the shiny surface.  He was hesitant at first, his hand coming close to her waist and pausing for a moment before finally allowing it to settle there.  She tried to ignore the way her heart responded to his touch—the way the air in her lungs suddenly seemed to disappear.

He moved slowly—carefully.  She felt the soft skin of his fingers gently graze across her back and she closed her eyes, reveling in the touch.

“There,”
  he
said, though his tone was much lower than it normally was.  Her eyes fluttered open and her breath caught in her throat as their eyes met in the mirror. 

It was only a moment, but it seemed to last a lifetime.  She envisioned her alternate reality, in which this would be something that took place on a normal basis.  Instead of preparing for a funeral, perhaps it was a wedding they were attending—something light, happy—celebratory. 

And she could see that Logan too was living in his own world, his gray eyes content. 
Maybe even optimistic.

“We should probably—”
  His
voice brought her crashing back to reality and she nodded, stepping aside and taking a deep breath. 

“We should.” 
Because, of course—this wasn’t her fantasy life.
  This was reality. 

Abby swallowed as she averted her eyes.  Logan stared at the floor now, his eyes guarded.  With one last glance in the mirror, she said goodbye to the fantasy, pushing it away. 

The funeral
was to
be held outdoors, as neither Hayley nor Blake had been much for churches.  Logan had suggested something outside, since they had both loved nature, and Abby had agreed without hesitation.  And so the ceremony was to be held in the cemetery, near the trees. 

People were already seated when they arrived—those who hadn’t been able to attend the
viewing,
or those who just wanted to help.  Abby recognized some of the people from the day before—and some of the people she’d called from home.  She suddenly felt her cheeks redden as she glanced down at her outfit. 

“Everybody’s going to think I’m crazy.”

“Well—you won’t be alone.”  She looked over at him, confused.  “After last night, I had to do a bit of shopping of my own.  And by shopping, I mean rummaging through several boxes that had been tucked away in storage for far too long.”