Can’t Hide My Love (8 page)

He pulled Alec to the mattress and wrapped his arms around him. They lay like that for a long while, just being comfortable in each other’s arms as they waited for morning. Being with Alec wasn’t at all what he thought it would be. He wasn’t just playing the field, he was feeling things he’d never experienced before and this was good. Maybe he could deal with being gay if he had Alec to hold him.

They’d been together for two weeks, but neither one of them had said anything about coming out. Alec hoped that Preston would lose his fear, but he understood the need to keep their relationship quiet. On campus they didn’t see each other often, which helped keep their secret. That morning, when he’d stopped at his apartment for clothes, Alec figured since he’d been sleeping at Preston’s place most nights, he should move some of his stuff over. Maybe he should have brought it up the night before, but he didn’t think Preston would have too much of a problem with him having a shirt or two in the closet. They were close now, and he felt like Preston had come a long way. At least he no longer said he wasn’t gay when they were alone.

It had to be weird for Preston. At times, he’d caught the man with an odd look on his face, almost like he didn’t believe they were together. Alec would give Preston credit, he was trying.

When Alec arrived in his office he found an opportunity from the department head to help with an event the local high school students were having. He immediately thought of Preston and his player that needed extra credit. Without even thinking, he grabbed the letter and took it to class with him. If Danny were in his class today he would have just approached Danny directly, but it was Thursday and Danny’s classes with him were on Monday, Wednesday, and Fridays.

After his last class for the day, Alec took off for the football field, hoping he could catch Preston. When he arrived at the field house the place was packed with students. He went straight to Preston’s office, knocking before entering.

Preston was facing the other way but swiveled around, still looking at a piece of paper. “Come in.” Preston looked up and froze, his gaze darting to the open blinds on the window. “Shut the door.” Preston stood and moved to shut the blinds. “You can’t be here,” he grumbled, his whole body held stiff.

Alec tried to remain calm and keep his cool. “You’re overreacting.”

“Overreacting?” Preston threw his hands up in the air. “Are you kidding me? What if someone—”

Alec held up his hand as he pulled out the letter. “For your student having issues with his grades. And I thought you actually trusted me. I didn’t come here to molest you, but closing the blinds and acting like there is a problem is only going to lead to people asking questions.”

Preston frowned and rubbed his eyes with his hand. “Sorry. I just—fuck, I’ve had a stressful morning. That’s no excuse to take it out on you. I messed up.”

“You can tell me later what’s got you wound so tight. Right now, I’m going to leave and let you cool off. I don’t think getting in an argument here would benefit either of us.”

Preston’s lips were pressed together and his brows bunched. “I’m really sorry.”

Alec nodded curtly, “I’ll be by later, if you want me to, that is.” He tapped the piece of paper on Preston’s desk. “Your player who is having issues with his grades will benefit from this. I’ll give him five points to his total grade if he works the day. It’s only six hours and you don’t have a game that day, I checked.”

“Alec, I’m—”

He shook his head, his anger increasing each second he was in Preston’s office. “Not right now.” Alec walked out of Preston’s office and right into Danny.

“Professor H, what are you doing here?”

“Mr. Wilcox, my name is Professor Harper and it’s none of your business why I am here. Maybe you should spend more time studying instead sticking your nose where it doesn’t belong.” Alec felt the eyes of the other players on him as he left the fieldhouse. He hated that Preston was right. Coming all this way over here had been a mistake. Hell, even he wasn’t really out, not at school.

Some of the other professors knew he was gay, but he didn’t make a big deal of it. He felt guilty because he wasn’t even involved in the gay-straight alliance as faculty support. He could do more on campus. Maybe showing his support would erase some of the stigma and make life easier for students. But Preston would freak out and that was the last thing they needed for their relationship.

After walking across campus, Alec was more disappointed in his own actions instead of angry at Preston. He’d made a mistake going to the field house without calling Preston first. It was the one place Preston had to remain safe. If any of the players thought Preston was interested in them or even looking at them, he’d lose his job.

Preston still had a couple more hours before he was finished with practice, and Alec needed to spend some time grading papers. He’d submitted a paper and a project to a review board for a grant that would allow him to spend some money on research. The more he published, the higher the chance he had of getting tenure. The council making the decision was supposed to be getting back to him any day now. His nerves were shot and opening his email was a frightening experience.

He still didn’t have a key to Preston’s place, but he didn’t want to stick around campus. After grabbing his brief bag and cleaning up his office, he drove to Preston’s apartment and walked around the corner to a coffee shop near Preston’s place. The coffee shop was new to him, nice, but not his usual spot. He grabbed a cup of coffee and a biscotti, then sat outside, enjoying what may be one of the last warm days of the year. He felt someone standing over him and he glanced up, surprised to see an old friend that he hadn’t run into in well over a year.

“Brad, what the heck are you doing in town?”

“Hey, Alec, it’s great to see you.”

Alec stood and wrapped his arms around Brad, hugging him close. Brad stepped closer, his arms growing tighter. Brad turned his head and his lips slid over Alec’s cheek. An uncomfortable feeling settled in his stomach. He stepped back but Brad got in a quick kiss on Alec’s lips. The man looked smug about the kiss.

“Hey, Brad, I um...I’m kind of in a relationship with a guy who isn’t going to share.”

“Oh, well, maybe he could be talked into it. You know, the last time we met up we had fun.”

Alec tried to pull away but Brad kept his hand on Alec’s back and chest. “Really, I’m not interested.”

“Shame.” Brad looked behind Alec and tsked his tongue. “I’m gambling that the sexy guy is your boyfriend from the scowl on his face.”

Alec swung around, his breath catching at the anger he saw in Preston’s gaze. “Fuck.” Alec gathered up his things and shoved his computer into his bag.

“He’s hot. Why don’t you ask him to join us?” Brad asked.

“Are you kidding me? Can’t you see how pissed he is.”

Brad shrugged and sat in Alec’s chair, taking a swig from his coffee and eating the last of his biscotti. “Too bad. We could have had fun.”

Alec took off after Preston, hoping to catch up with him. His stomach twisted with worry. The anger he’d seen on Preston’s face scared him. He raced down the street and caught up with Preston about a hundred yards from his front door.

“Hey, listen—”

“Shut up. Just shut the fuck up,” Preston spit out the words, his voice low.

“We need to talk.”

“Why, so you can tell me how good he is?”

A car drove past and then two people came out of their apartment and Preston cut him a look that would freeze hot tea. He shut his mouth, and followed Preston, hoping he would let him into his apartment.

At the door, Alec didn’t hesitate. He didn’t want Preston to have any excuse not to admit him. The tension was thick between them and Alec didn’t want to say the wrong thing. With the door closed he expected Preston to light into him, but it took Preston a long moment before he spoke.

“People are going to know I’m gay if you do shit like that.”

Alec froze at the words. That wasn’t what he’d expected Preston to say. “What?”

“You can’t be like that in public,” Preston said.

“Like what?”

“Kissing other men. You have to act straight.”

Alec stared at the kitchen table, trying to figure out what the hell was wrong here. Preston wasn’t angry that he’d been kissing other men, but that he’d acted gay in public.

“I can’t have people thinking I’m gay,” Preston growled.

“So let me get this straight. You’re saying that as long as I act straight in public I can do whatever I want behind closed doors.”

“Dammit, people will know I’m gay. I can’t be gay.”

Anger pulsed through Alec. “You’re more concerned with what other people think than what I do.”

“Yes—no. Fuck Alec, why can’t you understand?”

“I understand perfectly fine.” Alec grabbed his bag and hefted it before turning to leave. He had his hand on the doorknob and the door open one inch when Preston came up behind him placing his hand on the door, slamming it closed.

“Don’t go,” Preston whispered.

“Why should I stay? You’re perfectly fine with some guy trying to pick me up but you’re pissed that I act gay in public. It fucking pisses me off that you’re more concerned with your image than anything else.”

Preston stepped closer, his chest pressing against Alec’s back. For a moment Alec thought about pushing back and shoving Preston away, but he stayed still and focused on his breathing. Preston’s nose was at his neck, skimming over his skin, making him hot. He didn’t want to be turned on by Preston, not now.

“When I saw him kiss you, I almost lost it. Fuck, Alec, those lips are mine, not his. Why did you let him kiss you?”

Alec blew out his breath and pressed his hips back, grinding against Preston. “If you would have paid attention you would have seen that I didn’t let him.”

“I don’t like him,” Preston growled.

“Neither do I, that’s why I’m here and not with him. But you’re pissing me off.”

“I’m sorry. I’m not out—”

“But I am.”

“I can’t be open, not yet. You need to give me time, I swear that I’ll get there, I’m just not ready.”

“But you don’t want me to be myself?”

“Alec, I’m sorry. I didn’t handle that well. Yes, I’m afraid, but really, when I saw that guy wrapped around you, kissing you, touching you like I touch you, I was so hot I wanted to go rip you out of his arms and claim you as my own. Then I saw one of my players at the coffee shop. I don’t know if he saw you or not, and I really don’t care. But I realized that if I’m with you, people are going to figure it out.”

Alec winced and moved away from Preston, plastering his body against the door to end the contact. “I’m gay and I can’t pretend not to be.”

Preston put pressure on his shoulder and Alec spun around. Their gazes met and the pain in Preston’s depths was a shock to Alec.

“I walked away last time and losing you was the hardest thing I’ve ever suffered. I know you didn’t see it, but I was wrecked. I thought about coming for you a hundred times, but you were lost to me.”

Alec closed his eyes and let the pain wash over him. “Why have we been doing this to ourselves? Who will really care that we’re together, and why are we giving them the power to keep us apart?”

“I don’t know.” Preston closed the distance between them, his forehead resting against Alec’s. “Can you forgive me for getting so angry and focusing on the wrong thing? I can’t lose you like this. Tell me that guy meant nothing to you and try to forgive me for being such a jerk.”

Alec cupped Preston’s face, tilting his head a little so their lips brushed against each other. “We have a lot of work to do, but I don’t want this to end between us—not like this.”

“Who was he?”

“His name is Brad. We’ve fucked a couple of times.”

Preston’s hands tightened on his body and he growled. Alec’s heart beat faster and his lips turned up.

“Are you jealous?” Alec asked.

“Fuck yes. His hands were all over you. Did he ask you to fuck again? You can’t. You’re mine, not his.”

“Me being yours means that people will find out.”

“I know. We only have three more regular season games. I don’t want to hide forever, I just need you to be patient until we make it into the postseason.”

“So you think the team will make it in?”

“Maybe. I changed the way we were doing some stuff. A couple of other teams at the top started losing and we won the last game, so if we win the last three, it’s a possibility.”

“What about us?” Alec held his breath hoping that Preston would tell him what he wanted to hear.

“I’m falling in love with you.”

Alec’s breath whooshed out. “Love?”

“God, now I sound pathetic.”

“No, not pathetic, but Preston, we’ve only been together for a few weeks.”

“I’ve wanted you forever.”

“Shit—love, really?” Alec pushed at Preston’s shoulder and caught his gaze. “You’re in love with me?”

“Is it that hard to believe?”

“Well, after the way you were...wait, you are falling for me. You yelling at me earlier, you’re really afraid of losing me.”

Preston nodded, his face twisting in pain. Alec melted against him, holding him close.

“Oh, babe, we need to work a few things out, but really, I do have strong feelings for you. We can get through anything if we stay strong.”

“I may lose my job,” Preston sobbed.

“Then we figure it out...that is, if you’re okay with losing your job. I mean I could just—”

“No!”

Alec stilled, unsure what Preston was trying to get at. “No what?”

“I’m not giving you up. We’re together. I’ll give up coaching and everything to be with you.”

Alec shook his head. “I don’t need you to give up everything.”

Preston blew out a harsh breath. “I can’t see it working, me coaching. Someone is going to throw a fit.”

“We can cross that bridge when we come to it.”

“I don’t want to make you doubt me. I messed up. I shouldn’t have yelled at you for acting gay—hell, I don’t even know what that means—but I shouldn’t have yelled.

Alec drew Preston close, holding him tight. They were in for a roller coaster ride and he wasn’t sure Preston would withstand the turmoil. It was one thing to say you would stand up for your rights in the safety of your own home, but confronting anger and hate was difficult.