Can’t Hide My Love (3 page)

“Bathroom?” Preston asked.

Alec groaned and grabbed his arm, helping him up. They shuffled to the bathroom and Alec helped him hang over the toilet as he made a fool of himself. Shame filled him as the alcohol left his body. After he was done, he slumped to the floor and leaned against the wall. A warm, wet washrag was tossed to his lap and he wiped his face. Alec pulled mouthwash from under the cabinet, setting it on the counter.

“Let me go get a glass.”

He was left alone to soak in the disgust created by his antics. How much had he drank? The first two beers and three shots were clear in his memory, but what else had he consumed? There had to have been more alcohol than he remembered because at one point he recalled downing a drink as he watched some guy dance. Fuck, he was an idiot.

Alec’s feet came into his view then left. Then Alec was back, holding out a T-shirt and sweats.

“You stink. Put these on and I’ll drop your clothes in a bag. You can take them home to get dry-cleaned. I have an extra toothbrush in the drawer. You can shower if you like. I’ll have some coffee and soup out here for you when you’re done.”

Alec shut the door, leaving him alone in his misery. Preston pulled off his shirt and pants. He folded the material so the worst parts were hidden away. The shower was warm and it felt good to be getting clean. He was still kind of drunk, at least he didn’t think his blood alcohol was low enough to pass a sobriety test, but he was better than he’d been when he’d first seen Alec.

The water pounded his scalp and ran down his face. He wasn’t better, not really. His blood alcohol might be less, but he couldn’t hide from the truth. For the last twelve years he’d been running away from what he knew, and yet he didn’t know if he could actually admit it. The word hung in his brain, stopped by some invisible barrier that wouldn’t let him utter the truth through his lips no matter how quietly he whispered it.

Once clean, he turned off the water and stood in the shower, letting the drops slide down his body. The scent of coffee hit him and he closed his eyes, knowing that he’d have to face Alec. How could he actually talk to the man after what he’d done?

Getting dressed slowly delayed having to face Alec, but he knew he couldn’t put it off forever. He stood at the door, his fingers on the handle for a long time as fear worked through his body. When he did finally open the door he heard the TV going and didn’t see Alec. Maybe he could step out without Alec seeing him, but that would be wrong. Alec had been nothing but nice. The guy didn’t deserve his bad attitude.

Preston squared his shoulders and stepped into the hall, heading to the kitchen where he found a cup by the coffee maker and a bowl of warm soup. The TV noise stopped, and he heard the sound of leather crinkling like Alec had moved from his position on the couch. Facing Alec would be hard, but he had to do it.

Preston turned slowly, his gaze staying on the floor. He closed his eyes and blew out a breath, wincing before lifting his chin to find Alec closing the distance between them. Preston wondered how close Alec would get. He wanted Alec pressed against his body, close enough to touch. Two feet from him, Alec stopped walking. They stared at each other for a few beats of Preston’s heart.

“You look a little better,” Alec said.

“Sorry about that. I haven’t been drunk in ages.”

Alec lifted a brow, his lips twisted in a quirky smile that made Preston want to kiss him. He could tell Alec anything, denying the truth of why he’d been drinking, or he could be honest with the man. Self preservation wasn’t doing him any favors, because deep down he knew that if he lied to Alec about what he felt, he’d never be the same.

“I’ve never—hell, I don’t know. This is hard.”

“Grab your soup and come sit at the table.” Alec reached for a second mug and poured coffee into both. Preston hesitated before taking the bowl and following Alec to the table. Before sitting, Alec grabbed cream from the refrigerator and some sugar.

They sat in silence as Preston tried to figure out what to say. Finally, he settled on one thing he knew he could say and it would be the truth.

“You’re right, I really don’t know you, and I’m sorry about that. I left high school and left you behind. What I did back then, that night, it was wrong.”

“You were the first guy—actually the first anyone I’d ever kissed.”

“I’m sorry,” Preston whispered.

“For kissing me?”

This was the moment of truth. He could deny what he felt, what he’d fantasized about, or he could just be honest. Lying was getting harder and harder to do. He wasn’t gay, but hell, he didn’t know what he was.

“No, I’m not sorry about that. I’m sorry that I ran off and never spoke to you again. You were the first guy I’d ever kissed.”

“So you’ve kissed a lot of guys?” Alec took a drink from his coffee, his eyes narrowed. Preston swore it looked like Alec was hiding something. Maybe it was just hurt, or maybe it was something else.

“No. Only you and one other guy who looked a hell of a lot like you in college. But he punched me in the face instead of kissing me back.” Though he’d whispered the words, the truth exploded through the room, visibly shaking Alec if he could read the man correctly. They stared at each other for a long time. Preston broke the spell by spooning some of the soup into his mouth. He groaned. “This is good.”

“Thanks. It’s taken me years to perfect the recipe.”

“Alec, I don’t—I would like to get to know you again. I don’t know, maybe we can’t be friends, but I—could we go out for dinner, you know, when I’m not drunk?”

Alec laughed, his eyes narrowed but shone brightly. “So why were you drunk?”

The question was painful because if he told the truth he’d be screwed. Maybe Alec wouldn’t push too hard and he could get away with a half truth. Then his gaze met Alec’s and he was pulled in, unable to hide behind falsehoods that allowed him to deny everything.

“Seeing you brought up memories.”

“What memories?” Alec sat forward, the interest on his face evident. Preston wanted to move around the table and kiss him, but he doubted that the kiss would be welcomed.

“You.”

“What about me?” Alec asked.

“Kissing you,” he whispered and glanced down at the table, unable to look Alec in the eyes.

The chair screeched on the hardwood and Preston looked up, seeing Alec coming around the table. His breath stalled and he almost choked. Alec pulled him up, his gaze steady on Preston until their lips met, sending electrical shocks through his body. He couldn’t move, couldn’t breathe. His brain stopped working, and his body was helpless against the crush of Alec’s arms around him. Then Alec started to pull back, maybe because he was still standing dumbstruck and unmoving.

Preston clutched Alec’s shirt, holding him still as he slid his tongue over Alec’s lips, licking at his mouth, begging the man to open for him. Alec pulled back and Preston moaned.

“Please, more,” Preston begged.

Alec stared at him, his gaze searching before he ran his hand down Preston’s side to the hem of his shirt. He lifted the material, tugging his shirt up, exposing Preston’s belly. He shivered, anticipating Alec’s touch.

“The last time we kissed, you shocked me when you pulled down my pants and stroked me off.”

The memory hit him and he moaned, arching his back and rocking his hips forward. He wanted to feel Alec’s hands on him, his lips kissing him. He sure as hell hoped Alec wasn’t teasing him.

“Do you want this?” Alec asked.

His throat closed and he didn’t trust his voice so he nodded. Before, he’d been the experienced one, now Alec was the one who knew what was what.

“So you’ve never been fucked by a guy?” Alec’s voice was strong, his question clear.

The air whooshed out of Preston’s lungs and he groaned. “No.” Preston tugged Alec closer, loving the feel of their bodies pressed together.

Alec pulled Preston’s shirt up more so almost all of his torso was exposed. Preston shivered, anticipation winding through him. He wanted this, wanted Alec to touch him, suck him, and maybe even fuck him.

“Follow me,” Alec commanded.

They entered the bedroom and Preston’s knees shook. He’d wanted this for so long. His dreams were filled with memories of Alec, and now, he’d have the real thing right in his arms.

Alec pulled off Preston’s shirt and tugged at the string holding up his sweats. His brain was still a little muddled from the alcohol and he giggled as Alec helped him out of his clothes. This was happening. He was going to really be with a guy—and not just any guy, but Alec.

“You comfortable—need to use the bathroom or anything?” Alec asked.

“No, I’m good.”

“Okay.” Alec tugged back the cover and pointed at the bed. “Get in.”

Preston climbed onto the bed then fell clumsily to the mattress. He might have been a little more drunk than he thought he was earlier, but that would mean he was more relaxed.

Alec sat on the bed beside him, running his fingers through Preston’s hair. It was sweet and comforting. He relaxed and waited for Alec to get this party rolling, but Alec didn’t take off his shirt or lower to kiss him.

“Tonight, you’re going to sleep the alcohol off. And when you’re sober, you can come back here and tell me you want me without alcohol clouding your thoughts. If you want to be with me, you’ll be totally sober, because I won’t do this, do you, if you’re impaired at all.”

Alec hopped up and left the room before Preston could say anything. Shock left him unable to move. Had that just happened? He thought about jumping up and yelling at Alec. No one treated him this way. He moved to sit up and his head started spinning. Preston collapsed, rolling to his side and pulling the covers high. He’d been a total fool. Drunk as a skunk and hitting on Alec wasn’t the way to win him over. Hell, did he even want to win him? What about Janea and other women? Could he actually date a man?

Preston drifted off to alcohol-fueled dreams of Alec and the things they could do together. He wanted the chance to show Alec how he felt, but the man was right. Coming here drunk and expecting to have an honest exchange wasn’t the way to figure out if being with Alec was where his future lay.

Alec hated his morals, hated Preston, and freaking hated his dick that wouldn’t give him a break and deflate. His back was against the wall, his face tilted to the ceiling as he tried to ignore the raging hard-on he had for Preston. He wanted to tug open the door and pounce on the guy, shoving in and showing him just how hot sex with him would be, but fucking a drunk, straight guy wasn’t his style. Preston would regret their liaison in the morning and he’d be just as lost as ever.

Why the fuck was he letting Preston Gentry get to him? He wasn’t an inexperienced teen any longer, unable to control himself. When Preston had left him alone in that bathroom after what he’d done, Alec had promised himself that he’d never be taken advantage of again, and he sure as hell wouldn’t take advantage of Preston.

Alec used a spare toothbrush from his workout bag and stripped down to his underwear. He found a blanket and stretched out on the couch. Sleep hid from him, leaving him to toss and turn for hours as he thought about Preston and the missed opportunity. Around four, he stumbled from the couch, tapped the button on his coffeemaker, and headed into the shower. Preston was still asleep on his bed, his arms flung wide as he snored softly. Alec watched him for a moment, wondering what it would be like to wake up to the man every morning.

He pushed away the longing and started his day, skipping the jackoff session in the shower he desperately wanted. Preston was still asleep when he finished getting dressed and Alec wondered if he should wake him. He’d have to soon, because of his early class schedule he needed to be out the door and headed to campus not too long after eight.

Alec poured himself a cup of coffee and leaned against the counter, watching his bedroom door while his oatmeal heated in the microwave. Maybe he should have slept with Preston, gotten the man out of his system, but it would have been wrong.

His oatmeal finished and he turned to get it as he heard the toilet flush in his bathroom. He stilled as his heartbeat quickened. Facing Preston this morning would be awkward. Maybe he should have tucked him into a cab and sent him home last night, that way he wouldn’t have to worry about facing him this morning.

The door opened as Alec set his bowl on the table. He glanced up, watching as Preston entered the room, his gaze on the ground, his shoulders slumped. Alec stood still, waiting for Preston to say something. Preston stilled and rubbed the back of his neck with his hand before meeting Alec’s gaze. The guy looked like he’d been through the wringer. His cheeks were pink and his eyes red. Preston was wearing the sweats and T-shirt Alec had given him the night before.

“I’m sorry,” Preston said.

“About what?”

“Coming on to you when I was drunk.”

Alec waved his hand and dismissed him, though his heart was aching. “That’s okay. It didn’t mean anything.”

Preston stepped closer, his hands at his sides flexing open then closed. “But I don’t want that.”

“Don’t want what?” Alec’s heart skipped a beat as Preston’s words sunk in. The man didn’t want anything to do with him.

Preston took another step and they were only inches apart. “I don’t want it to mean nothing. I mean...fuck this is hard.”

Their gazes met and held. “Just say it. I’m a big boy, I can take it.”

“I’m doing this all wrong.” Preston reached out a shaky hand and placed it on Alec’s arm. He stepped even closer but kept his head down. “I can’t walk away again. I want to see—to try to—hell, I don’t know what I want.”

Alec placed his fingers under Preston’s chin and tilted his head up so they were looking at each other. He saw the uncertainty but there was also something else hidden in Preston’s eyes. His brain told him to ignore the interest, but his heart and body wanted Preston.

“Kiss me,” Alec whispered.

Preston’s tongue darted out and moistened his lips. He leaned in, but hesitated. “If we kiss, what will it mean?”