By the Creek (8 page)

David looked around, finding a newly fallen tree away from the creek bank. Sitting on the log, he watched the water and thought of Benjamin. All winter long, David had thought of Benjamin at night when he was alone. He’d touched him and been touched by him, at least in his mind.

“You’re here.”

David looked up from the water and saw the object of his fantasies standing on the other side of the pool in dark pants and a solid blue shirt, wearing his flat-brimmed black hat.

“I hoped I’d see you here,” Benjamin said as he strode back along the path. David heard the snapping of twigs and the rustle of leaves before Benjamin approached from downstream. “There’s a wide log just down there,” he explained, and David stood up. In his happiness and before he could think, David hurried to Benjamin, embracing him in a tight hug. After a few seconds, Benjamin hugged him back.

“I missed you,” David said to Benjamin, releasing him from the embrace. David felt himself blush—God, he hoped Benjamin hadn’t noticed his body’s reaction to the hug. David turned away slightly and pretended to rummage in his pocket for his phone, adjusting things so they wouldn’t be as obvious, he hoped.

“I missed you too,” Benjamin said with a chuckle.

“Is everything okay with your family? Did you make it through the winter okay?” Since he hadn’t seen Benjamin very often, he’d wondered if they’d made it through the winter with enough wood for heat. The last time he’d seen Benjamin, things had seemed rather dire.

“Yes. It was difficult, and for a few weeks families had to double up in some homes, but we made it through,” Benjamin said with obvious relief.

David sat back down on the log, and Benjamin sat next to him. David turned to face his friend and Benjamin did the same, but neither of them seemed to have much to say. Their easy conversations from the previous summer seemed to have dried up. Instead, David’s gaze met Benjamin’s. He knew he should turn away, but he couldn’t, not when Benjamin’s huge blue eyes gazed back at him. For a few seconds, David saw a longing in Benjamin’s eyes that mirrored the one he’d kept deep in his heart all winter. David knew he must be mistaken. It wasn’t possible for Benjamin to feel the same way about him—was it?

“Do you ever have…,” Benjamin began, but then he stopped, looking away and down at the ground.

“What?” David whispered, his heart suddenly racing. “You can tell me anything.”

“Not this,” Benjamin said, shaking his head. “I can’t tell anyone about this.” Benjamin turned back to him, and David definitely saw his own turmoil, longing, and doubt reflected in Benjamin’s eyes.

“There isn’t anything so bad you can’t tell me,” David said without breaking eye contact. David saw some of the doubt in Benjamin’s expression shift and he sat up a little straighter.

“Are you sure?” Benjamin whispered. “I… this is something the community would never understand, and I don’t know how to talk to anyone about it. You’re the only person I know who isn’t…,” Benjamin sputtered, and David’s heart rate continued to ramp up along with his hope. If Benjamin told him what he was hoping he’d tell him, David knew he’d have someone to tell his own secret to. David could feel the words on the tip of his tongue. But Benjamin had to only say them first, so he could be sure he wouldn’t lose his friend forever. “I have these feelings that I—”

“Benjamin,” a young, wavery voice called, and David groaned softly. They’d been so close. David wanted to scream, but he schooled his expression. “Benjamin, where are you?” the voice called again, with a touch of fear.

“I’m on the other side of the creek, Jeremiah,” Benjamin called, turning in the direction of the voice. “There’s a log just up from the swimming hole that you can use to cross.” Benjamin turned back to him, and David knew the moment had passed. “It’s my little brother,” Benjamin explained, and a minute later a younger version of Benjamin, down to the same pants, shirt, and hat, walked into the clearing. He stopped and his mouth hung open when he saw David.

“Papa’s going to be mad,” he said in a singsongy way as he stood right next to Benjamin.

“Papa knows where I am,” Benjamin countered. “Come over here and say hello to David properly. He’s the man who helped save Papa this winter. David, this is Jeremiah.” Benjamin’s brother looked at David like he was from outer space.

“He won’t eat me, will he?” Jeremiah said in a loud stage whisper, and David smiled.

“Of course not,” Benjamin scolded. “What did you want?”

“Papa sent me to get you,” Jeremiah said, and Benjamin stood up.

“Go on back and tell him I’m on my way.” Jeremiah looked at David again and then hurried away at a run. “Don’t fall in the creek!” Benjamin called after his brother. “I’d better go,” Benjamin said reluctantly before following after his brother.

“I’ll see you soon,” David called, and Benjamin turned and waved before he disappeared around the bend in the path.

David sighed once he was alone, his heart slowing to normal as he thought about what he’d seen in Benjamin’s eyes and expression. He pondered it for a while and realized he was probably being ridiculous. Yes, Benjamin had something he’d been reluctant to talk about, but that didn’t mean it was what David hoped it was. Shaking his head at himself for jumping to conclusions, David stood up and headed home.

T
HE
drive home from school on the final day of classes was like a party. Carol sat in the passenger seat, and they had the windows down and the radio turned up. “Do you have plans for the summer?” Carol asked, and David turned down the volume.

“I’ve been trying to get a job, but no one seems to be hiring new people. Every time I check, everyone says that their employees from last year are returning. Mom got me the car, but I really need to start paying for gas and insurance.” He’d made that deal with her, and though she’d let it slide for a while, he knew he needed to hold up his end of the bargain.

“So you’re not working anyplace?” Carol asked, but she already knew the answer. David had been telling her about his efforts to find a job. “I’m working at the Dairy Barn this summer, and they need waitstaff. I told the boss about you, and she said you should come in tomorrow if you’re interested. They’re really anxious to get staffed up, and the job won’t be there long. I’ll call them tonight and I can go with you.”

“Cool,” David said as he stopped at the sign before making the turn onto the main road. “Sounds great. I can do that.” He’d found out pretty quickly that everyone knew everyone else in town, so being the new guy could be pretty tough.

“So what else are you doing this summer?” Carol asked, and David shrugged. He knew he’d go swimming and spend time with Benjamin, but he wasn’t going to share that with Carol. He wasn’t willing to share his friendship with Benjamin with anyone.

“When I’m not working, I don’t have huge plans. Mom wants to take a trip out west for a few weeks. We’ve never been, so she’s planning a trip to Colorado. I’ll have to get the dates together if I get a job.” David was already thinking about what he could do with the extra money he’d be earning.

“They’re really good with vacations at the Dairy Barn as long as you tell them early. Almost everyone takes vacation of some type, so that shouldn’t be a problem.” Carol practically bounced in the seat as she looked at him. “I can’t believe we’re probably going to be working together.” She giggled, and David jumped when she rested her hand on his leg. He glanced over at her, trying to be as casual as he could, even as his heart raced and his mouth went dry. He knew those things should happen when a girl liked you, but they were happening for him for a completely different reason and he didn’t know how to handle it. Thankfully, they were almost to Carol’s house, so David pressed on the accelerator slightly, traveling a mile or so past his house to where Carol lived.

“I’ll see you tomorrow,” David said with a smile that he hoped didn’t come off as too nervous, and Carol agreed.

“I’ll call you with what time,” she said with an excited smile before getting out of the car.

“Okay,” David agreed and waited until she shut the door, returning her wave before backing down the driveway as nonchalantly as possible.

His stomach did flips all the way home. David loved girls; most of his friends were girls. He’d even had girlfriends before, but the expression on Carol’s face was more akin to a lioness than the other girls he’d known. Where that had come from, David had no idea. He’d never been anything but friendly and nice. He hadn’t been touchy-feely or done anything that would lead her to think he liked her that way, at least not that he could remember.

Pulling into the driveway, David was surprised to see his mother’s car already parked in the drive. He pulled in behind her and got out. “How was school?” his mother asked as she carried groceries into the house. “They let us out of work early, so I decided to get the chores done before the weekend.”

“School was good. I got my grades,” he told her and handed her the report that showed all As. He’d gotten used to them throughout the school year, so it was no big deal, but he was still pleased when his mother smiled as she looked it over. David grabbed the last of the bags from the car and carried them inside, setting them on the counter before heading to his room to drop his bags. “I’m going to go for a walk.”

“Are you okay? You seem upset.”

David stopped mid-stride, staring at the wall. “I’m fine,” he lied. “I won’t be too late.”

“Say hello to Benjamin if you see him,” his mother said, and David turned toward her just in time to see a smile he couldn’t quite read, and for the first time he wondered exactly what his mother might know or suspect. “You should invite him to dinner sometime.”

David nodded and left the house. He didn’t really know where he intended to go, but the creek seemed like a good idea. As he strode across the now knee-high field of grass and alfalfa, David thought about Carol and the pass she’d made at him. If he turned her down, would she no longer be his friend? Worse, would she suspect that he wasn’t interested in girls? David knew he wasn’t really interested in her as anything more than a friend, and a physical relationship was out of the question. He’d tried more times than he could count to think of girls rather than boys when he was alone and needed relief, but no matter how hard he tried, nothing happened until he thought of boys, and things really heated up when he thought of Benjamin. He knew he shouldn’t be having those thoughts about his friend, but no matter what he did, they wouldn’t stop. To top it off, for weeks he’d had the idea that something was bothering Benjamin and that he wanted to tell him something but couldn’t bring himself to actually say it.

David was starting to think he should just tell Benjamin how he felt and get it out into the open. But every time that idea came to him, so did the consequences of what would happen if he were wrong. Benjamin would never speak to him again—or worse, he’d hate him. David reached the edge of the trees almost without realizing it and walked down the path toward the swimming hole. Instead of stopping, he continued down the path and over the log footbridge. He rarely came to this side of the creek. It had always seemed like Benjamin’s side and sort of off-limits, just like his village seemed to be. No one had ever said anything, but the few times he’d gone to see Benjamin, he’d been watched by everyone and hadn’t felt comfortable. But today, he really wanted to talk to Benjamin, so he found the path and followed it as far as the road. He was about to cross and walk to Benjamin’s when he saw his friend climb the rise to the road.

“I saw you walking across the field,” Benjamin said when he caught up to David, and they walked together back up the path by the creek. “Are you okay?” Benjamin asked. “You seem upset.”

“Sorry,” David said without elaborating.

“If you want to be alone, that’s okay,” Benjamin said, stopping before turning back the way they’d come.

David felt a slight bit of panic. “No. It’s not you. I’m trying to….” David sighed. He desperately needed someone to talk to. “I wish I…. Sometimes I think I’m a coward and….” His words came out as jumbled as his thoughts.

“You’re no coward,” Benjamin said. “You showed that last winter. No coward could impress Papa the way you did.”

David nodded. “I am a coward.” They found a log and sat down, with David shifting toward Benjamin. “If I tell you something I’ve never told anyone else, will you promise to keep my secret and not hate me?” David’s heart pounded and his blood raced a mile a minute as he contemplated sharing his deepest, darkest secret.

“I won’t hate you, and I’ll keep your secret if I can,” Benjamin said.

David took a deep breath, wondering if he could actually bring himself to say the words. He’d come close a few times, but up until the actual words crossed his lips, he could stop. But once he’d said the words, they were out there forever and he couldn’t take them back. “I’m gay.” David looked around, but everything looked the same. Maybe he’d thought the world would stop spinning the minute he said those two words, but it hadn’t. Birds sang in the trees overhead, and the creek gurgled and flowed over the rocks in its bed. Nothing had changed.

That is, until he looked at Benjamin, but his expression wasn’t what David had expected, hoped for, or even feared. He looked confused, eyebrows knitted together. “You’re happy—that’s your secret?”

David shook his head. He should have realized it wasn’t going to be as easy as just saying two quick words. “No.” David nearly stopped there and told Benjamin to just forget it, but he couldn’t. He’d started this and he had to see it through. “Being gay means that I don’t like girls, umm….” David rubbed the back of his neck nervously. “It means I like boys.”

Benjamin’s expression didn’t change right away. Then he dropped his mouth open and widened his eyes. “Oh.”

“I know this is hard for you and goes against what you believe is right. I’ve tried to hide it from everyone, and today one of my friends, Carol, made it known that she’s interested in me, you know… that way, and I didn’t know what to do.” The words tumbled out of David and it was a few seconds before he realized that Benjamin hadn’t moved. He probably hadn’t even blinked. “Please say something. Yell at me, say you hate me. Tell me I’m a bad person if you want, but say something.”