By the Creek (5 page)

David was taken back a bit by Benjamin’s admission, but only because he’d wondered the same thing so many times. He’d kept a huge part of who he was to himself because he knew he couldn’t tell anyone. At times it really felt like he was lying to everyone, especially his mother, but he couldn’t tell her he liked boys. She’d hate him, and he couldn’t live with that. “I don’t think you’re alone. There are things we all keep to ourselves and don’t talk to others about, and I think it’s okay as long as you aren’t hurting anyone.” That was easy for him to say to Benjamin, and a lot harder for him to really believe.

“God knows what’s in our hearts, so what if keeping part of ourselves from others is a kind of lie?” Benjamin asked.

“If God knows what’s in our hearts, then we aren’t able to lie to him, and maybe what we feel and think is sometimes no one else’s business,” David said, and Benjamin looked at him with wide eyes before he smiled and then started to laugh.

“You’re kind of bad,” Benjamin said.

“No. I just think some things are our own and no one else has a right to them. Each of us is entitled to an opinion. We may not be right, but we have the right to think and live the way we want. Your family is sort of proof of that. You live the way you want, separate from everyone else, but that’s your right and you should be allowed to live like that. And I think everyone should be able to live and think the way they want.” David knew he was probably ranting and getting a bit excited, but he felt passionately about it. He stood up and began pacing. “I mean, if someone isn’t hurting anyone, but they feel differently than most people, then other people should accept that they’re different and like them for that.”

Benjamin tilted his head upward and blinked a few times. “I don’t know what you’re talking about.” Benjamin’s wide blue eyes were so beautiful. As he stared, David completely lost his train of thought. David stared back, wondering what Benjamin’s lips would taste like if he kissed him. He knew he could never do that. Benjamin would run away so fast, and David would never see him again.

“Sorry,” David said and sat back down. “Sometimes I go off. Mom calls it diarrhea of the mouth and tells me to be quiet.” He’d wondered more than once if there was something wrong with him when he got like that. “Sometimes I feel like I have something to say and if I don’t say it I’ll explode, but I can’t say it, so I just keep quiet.”

Benjamin grinned brilliantly. “Now
that
I understand. I’m not allowed to have an opinion. As long as I live with my family, what my papa says goes, and after him, what the minister says goes. Even when I get married and have a family, what the minister says still goes.”

“Even in your own house?” David asked.

“Yes. We’re all responsible for the health and salvation of our brothers.” Benjamin stood up and wandered over to the pool, sitting on a log near the edge. David went over and sat next to him. “Aren’t you? Isn’t your mother punished if you do something wrong?”

“I guess so, if I did something really bad, but mostly if I do something bad, I get in trouble.” Benjamin tilted his head to the side in what appeared to be complete confusion. “I guess things are different for you.”

“Yes. Papa is the head of the family.” Benjamin thought for a few seconds. “Last year my older brother Samuel was out working in one of Papa’s fields on a Sunday, which isn’t allowed. God rested on the seventh day, so we do too. The next Sunday, Mama and Papa were called out in church for working on the Sabbath. They both asked for forgiveness, and everyone prayed over them to help them teach their children to behave better.”

“But Samuel was the one who broke the rules,” David protested.

“But Mama and Papa are held responsible by the community. It was viewed that Mama and Papa didn’t raise Samuel correctly. Yes, Samuel was punished by Mama and Papa, but in the community, everyone is responsible for everyone else.”

“Sounds sort of like Big Brother,” David said, and Benjamin looked completely lost. “Sorry, it was from a book I read once. It means that it feels like everyone is watching everyone else.” David thought that sounded really creepy, but he didn’t want to say anything in case it hurt Benjamin.

Benjamin stood up and walked toward the edge of the trees, looking up at the sky before hurrying back to where David sat watching him. David loved the way Benjamin’s underthings clung to his body. He’d expected Benjamin to be much shyer, given their earlier encounter, but that seemed to have disappeared. Maybe it demonstrated Benjamin’s comfort around him.

“I need to go,” Benjamin said as he sort of pranced back in bare feet. “Papa will be angry if I overstay the time he gave me.” Benjamin crossed where the creek was shallow and rushed to where he’d put his clothes. David watched as Benjamin pulled on his shirt and pants and then sat on a log to brush off his feet before stuffing them hastily into his socks and shoes. The last thing he did was grab his hat from the fallen log. “Thank you for the talk and the food. I have to rush or Papa won’t let me come swimming again.”

“I understand,” David said as Benjamin hurried away down the path on the opposite side of the creek. He watched him go, and instantly the clearing felt a little darker and he felt a little lonelier than just a few minutes earlier. Once he could no longer see Benjamin, David dressed and packed everything up before heading back.

By the time he reached the house, the sky was darkening, storm clouds blowing in from off the lake to the west. Inside, David hung up his bathing suit and towel to dry in the laundry room. Then he opened the back door and shook out the blanket before he decided it was too dirty to reuse and placed it in the washing machine. The first crack of thunder sounded in the distance as David pulled on dry clothes. Then he sat in the living room and watched through the large window as darker and darker clouds rolled overhead. The wind came up, whipping around the house, and David wondered if Benjamin had made it home okay.

David quickly lost interest in the storm as his thoughts turned to Benjamin. He couldn’t stop a smile as he saw in his mind’s eye the way Benjamin looked in just his underwear, clinging wetly to his skin. David had tried not to look like he was looking, but it had been nearly impossible. His mother had said that men were handsome and women beautiful, but after seeing Benjamin swimming and then lying on his blanket, David knew his mother was completely wrong—Benjamin was beautiful. His skin was white except for where the sun touched it, and there were freckles on his face that David wanted to touch. So, in his mind, he reached out and did touch them. David smiled as he remembered the feel of Benjamin’s smooth skin on his own, and he could almost feel Benjamin’s skin on his hand. At the time, he hadn’t wanted to let himself think about it, but now, alone, watching the sky, he let himself remember every second of it.

“Where are you?” his mother asked from behind him, and David jumped, nearly falling out of the chair. He’d been so engrossed in his own imaginings he hadn’t heard her come in. “You looked a million miles away,” she added as she set her purse down and then collapsed into the other chair near the window. “It rained like crazy the entire drive here,” David’s mother went on.

“It came up really fast,” David said as lightning flashed, followed almost immediately by thunder.

“What did you do today?” she asked as she lifted her purse onto her lap.

“I finished the list of chores you left and went swimming in the creek,” David answered. “Benjamin was there and we had a good time. I hope it’s okay—I took a couple of Cokes and granola bars. He said he’d never had either one before.” David’s mother shook her head and sighed. “He’s really nice, Mom, and we talked about all kinds of stuff. He told me what it’s like where he lives, and I told him about us,” David explained. “He’s really pretty cool.”

His mother looked doubtful but she didn’t say anything. “I’m glad you didn’t have to spend the entire day alone.” His mother stood up and patted him on the shoulder before leaving the room. “I’m going to start dinner. I called the satellite television people today. They’ll be here tomorrow to install the dish and set up the system.”

“Thanks, Mom,” David said with a smile before turning his attention back outside to the storm and the small group of buildings across the street. He could barely see any lights from their windows through the driving rain, but his mind kept going back to Benjamin.

“You know, David,” his mother said, her voice trailing in from the kitchen, accentuated by the occasional bang of a pan on the stove. “I’m really pleased you’ve made friends with this other boy. You spend too much time alone.”

David nodded without thinking as he continued looking out the window. The storm continued raging, and a few times he saw limbs off trees being carried by the wind across the street or blowing onto the road. He hoped everything was okay at Benjamin’s.

“I’ve been thinking, now that you’ve gotten your driver’s license, if you find a job and can pay for car insurance and gas, we could look into getting you a car in a few months.” His mother stepped back into the living room. “You’ve been a big help around the house. I know it’s lonely here and all this has been hard on you, but once school starts, you’ll make a lot of friends.”

“I hope so, Mom,” he said. She went on to explain all the things they were going to need to do to enroll him in school, and he half listened, his mind once again shifting to thoughts of Benjamin, the only friend he had here.

Chapter 5

T
HE
rest of the summer advanced in fits and starts. Except for when David and his mother went on vacation for a week to the Upper Peninsula, he continued to meet Benjamin at least one afternoon a week at the swimming hole. David went more often than that, but Benjamin wasn’t always there, and sometimes he heard a lot of voices as he approached and knew that other members of Benjamin’s community were taking advantage of the chance to cool off. David left them alone. One time he’d approached and seen half a dozen boys of various ages swimming and playing, but as soon as they saw him, they quietly got out of the water, dressed, and left without a word. After that, David turned around when he heard them at the swimming hole. They weren’t there that often, and mostly he had the place to himself. The best times, of course, were when Benjamin came. They’d swim, splash, and then lie on David’s beach blanket and talk.

“I’m supposed to be baptized before I get much older,” Benjamin told him one afternoon in late August. Labor Day was just around the corner, and they’d been swimming like they usually did.

“I was baptized when I was a baby,” David said. “My mother has pictures of it.” He thought it strange that Benjamin wasn’t baptized yet given how central to his life his religion seemed to be.

Benjamin looked at David like he was from outer space. “Being baptized means I become an adult in the eyes of the community and the church,” he explained. “I’ll be expected to start courting, get married, and eventually start my own farm and family.”

David had been staring up at the canopy of leaves overhead, but he sat up and looked at Benjamin. “Would that mean you can’t be my friend any longer?”

Benjamin shrugged. “I don’t know what it means other than I suspect this will be the last summer I’ll have time for things like swimming in the creek. By next summer I’ll probably be baptized and have greater responsibilities to my family.”

David nodded, trying to act like he understood, but he really didn’t. The loss that gripped David’s heart must have shown on his face because Benjamin continued.

“I’d like to think we’ll always be friends, but I know everything will change. But before that happens, I have Rumspringa; it’s sort of a period where I can explore the world outside of the Amish village. Before I commit to a life in the community and the church, I need to make sure I’m ready for what’s ahead for me.”

“Do you have to leave or something?” David’s stomach clenched as he asked the question.

Benjamin shook his head. “Mostly it means that I’ll be given more freedom to explore your world.”

David’s heart leaped. “So we’ll get to spend more time together before you get baptized?”

“Possibly,” Benjamin answered, and David smiled as some of the ache that had gripped him slipped away. “But you should know that while you will always be my friend, we will probably be apart and see each other very seldom, especially after I commit to the church. I will live apart, and I will miss my friend.” Benjamin was visibly sad, and the glow that always shone in his eyes dimmed.

David didn’t know what to say. He’d had friends before, many of them, but Benjamin was special. David knew Benjamin was, in a way, defying his father by coming to the creek to swim and spend time with David. No one had ever gone out of their way to be friends with him like that. Benjamin’s friendship meant a great deal to David, but David began to realize how much his friendship meant to Benjamin. He stood up, extended his hand, and helped Benjamin to his feet before swinging him toward the pool. He fell in with a splash and came up grinning. David ran toward the water and jumped in. When he surfaced, Benjamin laughed and jumped on his back, and the usual roughhousing began. They played and laughed until they both began to chill, and then they climbed out of the water. As usual, Benjamin checked the sun and came back. “I better be going home. I have a lot of chores to do, and they need to be done before supper.” Benjamin crossed the creek as he usually did and picked up his clothes from where he’d left them. Once he was dressed, Benjamin said good-bye and walked down the path.