BUTTERFLIES FLY AWAY (41 page)

“I’m fine.  Nothing that I want to go into over
the phone just now.”

“What do you mean?  What’s happened?”

“I got it Nico, I was a little surprised but I got
it.”

“Got what?  I’m in the dark here Carrie.”

“The prenup Nico.  I got the prenup
yesterday.  Look I don’t want to talk about it just now.  You have a
busy night ahead and I am bushed with all the excitement from today.”

“Carrie, I haven’t issued a prenup.”

“Nico, it was couriered to me yesterday from your
office.  On Devanti headed paper and everything.  I eh I know I said
I would sign it but I’ve asked Uncle Donald to look at it.  I don’t want
your money Nico and I have to say I was a little upset at a monetary amount for
any children we may have.  I didn’t think our relationship was about
that.”

“Carrie listen to me, listen honey.  I never
instructed a prenup to be drawn up.  I spoke with my parents and I can
only assume they have done this with our best interests at heart.”

“Heart!  Really Nico, read it for yourself and
then you can tell me about best interests.  I really have to go and take
care of Harry.  I will email you a copy with my amendments.”

She hung up.

A knock on the door.  He had taken residence in
the best suite for this evening which was due to start in a couple of
hours.  Distracted he opened the door.  Lea.  Wearing little
more than a scrap of floaty white material launched herself at his arms. 
He stumbled a little and grabbed her to steady them both before falling back
into the room.

“What the hell are you doing here Lea?”

He pushed her away.  “I wanted to see you
Nico.  It’s been such a long time baby.  Have you missed me?” 
She grabbed his crotch.  Rubbing frantically at his cock trying to loosen
his belt.  He snatched her hand away.  “What the fuck Lea?  We
are over.”

“We will never be over.  It’s our destiny to be
together.”  With a quick movement of her fingers the clasp holding the one
shoulder of the Grecian style dress released it.  It fell to her
feet.  Her breasts bare and she stood only in miniscule panties.

“Get your dress back on Lea and get out of here
before I call security.”

Another knock on the door.  She crossed her
arms over her breasts, “I will get it,”

He pushed her back behind him into the
bedroom.  “Make yourself decent while I see who this is”

“Belle!”

“Oh well Nico.  I am so excited.  It’s
finally time.  Claire has had baby Daniel and after all these months the
Esperanza is ready!  A double celebration.”

“Yeah Belle, we did it.  Thanks for
everything.”

“Ah Nico –,”

Suddenly the double doors for the bedroom opened
revealing a half-naked Lea.  The bed was rumpled behind her. 
Suggesting that they had messed the bed together.

“Nico baby, should I get dressed now for the party?”

The slap across his face stung.

“You fucking bastard.  How could you do this to
Carrie?  I really thought you had changed.  Now I see that you
haven’t.  I am so disappointed in you Nico.”

“Belle nothing is going on here.  Lea you
twisted bitch.  Get your clothes on and get out this fucking room.”

“Nico!  You know you don’t mean that.”

He grabbed her by the arm and picked up her dress
from where she threw it on the floor.

“You have 2 minutes.”

He slammed the door.

“Belle I don’t know what you think you just saw here
but Lea and I are over.  We have been since I met Carrie only Lea won’t
accept it.  She just appeared at the door unannounced a couple of minutes
before you arrived.  I will have security play back the tapes to prove it
to you.”

The door opened and Lea walked gracefully out. 
This time looking every inch the catwalk model that she was.  She moved to
kiss Nico and he pulled away from her grasp.

“Get out Lea.  Security will escort you out and
there is a car waiting.”

“Look for what it’s worth, nothing happened.  Okay.” 
She said to Belle.  “No hard feelings Nico.  I just want you back.”

“It’s never going to happen Lea we are over.”

“What a scheming little cow.”

“Don’t mention this to Carrie, please Belle. 
She doesn’t need to know”

His phone beeped alerting him of the message.

The scribbles are the amendments I’ve
requested.

He could not believe what he was reading and sat in
shock in one of the chairs.

“What’s wrong Nico?”

He handed Belle the phone and let her read the
contents.

“Are you out of your fucking mind Nico?  A
prenup?  After what I just saw maybe there should be a fidelity clause?”

“Belle I didn’t draw the document up.  I think
my parents did this.”

She had written on the paper.  I require no
financial assistance.  Everywhere that a dollar sign was written she had
scored it out and replaced it with a zero.  She even knew how much he had
spent on the engagement ring.  The lawyers would have had access to that
information from the insurance policy but it was a gift for Carrie.  He
didn’t want her to worry about the value.  Ironically her assets and
status were also listed.  Private information that he did know already but
it was still a surprise. 

“I feel as though I’ve just had one of your slaps
again!”

“This is a cluster fuck Nico of epic
proportions.  Carrie has already been to see Donald?”

“Yes, she saw him today and asked him to change it.”

“Hmm well he will advise her not to but we know how
stubborn she is.  He will do as she requests as long as it is in her best
interests.  It’s all about damage limitation Nico for you.  Call your
lawyer, call your parents then get your ass down stairs for this launch. 
I’m heading out now.  Oh and one more thing.  My contract retaining
my exclusivity and termination rights.  The one that you were really
impressed with.  Ha!  Well that was drawn up by Donald.  He will
tie your lawyers up in knots if need be and it will all be perfectly legal.”

As he suspected his parents had instructed the
prenup to be drawn and issued to Carrie.  Venting his anger on the legal
team he advised them not to issue anything without his direct instruction.

“Hey son, how’s the launch going?”

“Dad, I’m going to ask you a question and I want
your honest answer.”

“Okay”

“Whose idea was it to issue Carrie with a prenup?”

Silence.

“Oh son, we didn’t mean to cause any upset. 
Your Mom and I thought that it was needed.  That maybe your judgement was
a little clouded.  We had to protect your interests.”

“It’s the last time Dad.  The final
straw.  Your idea of a prenup has backfired.  Carrie doesn’t want a
cent.”

“What?  But she was getting millions.  Who
turns down that kind of money?”

“Carrie does.  I told you she didn’t want any
money or claim to Devanti.  She was happy to sign whatever I put to
her.  Me, whatever I wanted.  But $5 million a child.  That she
really was insulted with.  We will have children if we are blessed with
them not for any cash incentive.  Based on your interference you will be
lucky if you ever get to see a grandchild.”

“Nico it wasn’t intended to offend the girl.”

“Well you did Dad.  But we haven’t decided
where to make our permanent base.  With this sort of behaviour you can bet
it won’t be a within a hundred miles of you and Mom, it could even be
Europe.  Oh and she didn’t know the value of the ring either.  It was
a gift.  So thanks for sharing that.”

Baby Daniel was home.  They fussed over Harry
introducing him to his little brother.  It seemed to be going okay so far
although Harry was quite unimpressed.  He was fond of picking the baby boy
balloons and saying “Mine, mine” that was more fun to him than the little
bundle that cried a lot.  Carrie was helping with the feeds to give Claire
a rest where she could.  It was just after 4am and she was holding a
sleeping Daniel.  He had finished the feed and she stroked a finger over
his soft cheek as he fell back asleep.  She really should return him to
his crib but she wanted to hold onto him.  Just a little moment
longer.  Today would have been Rob’s birthday.  He would have been
40.  Things would have been so different.  Who knows they might have
even have had a baby of their own.  But she would never know.  They
had been happy together.  No doubt they would have had a big party to
celebrate his birthday but she would still remember him in her own way. 
The dream had returned again to her and she knew what she had to do.

A breeze rippled across the loch as she stood at the
waterside.  The lemon yellow dress she wore gently fluttered against her
legs.  It was surprisingly warm for October and she wanted to wear
something colourful.  She was sure that this was the right time. 
Opening her bag she removed the cylinder and carefully unscrewed the lid. 
She could do it.  The clouds cleared from the sky almost like a time
lapsed video as she stood gathering her courage to do this and to set them
free.

“I love you Rob, that will never change and you will
always be a part of me”

Suddenly the breeze fell and the air calmed.

With a shaky hand she stepped forward and balanced
on a smooth large rock at the waterside. 

The water was lapping against the rocks but not in
frenzy, it was just nature’s way of doing what it always did.

It was time.

The ashes floated just for a moment in the air
before they glided down onto the water.  The tide dispersing them and he
was one with nature.  Sobbing she returned the cylinder to her bag and
removed the rock from the white box that she brought with her.  It was
inscribed with his initials RD.  She held it in the palm of her hand and ran
her finger over and over on the indent of the engraving.  She walked
towards the tree nearest the water’s edge where the tree stood tall and proud
reminding her of Rob.  At the base of the tree moss and grass intertwined
with the roots.  It was solid and would stand for many more years. 
Pulling back the grass she carefully placed the rock and nestled it in the
sanctuary from the elements that the moss and twigs would bring.  Tucking
next to it she also placed the shiny penny that she had found that morning.

She had found home, where Rob had been guiding her
in the dreams.

Finally she took a picture of the tree with the loch
and hills in the background to capture this moment.  Picked up her bag and
walked back away from the sunlight and into the wooded area.  As she walked
along the pathway the air filled with the seed heads off the plants in the
woods and they floated around her like little fairies. The white seeds
fluttering like fluffy cotton wool.  The image was ethereal and Carries
heart was breaking once more.  She paused to catch her breath and wipe her
tears, rummaging through her bag for a tissue.

In her dreams she had stumbled on this path and she
was sure she was almost at the same place.  But there was no Rob to hold
her hand and guide her forward.  In front of her lay a fallen tree that
long ago had crashed to the earth.  The bark covered in moss and
ferns.  She found the tissue and wiped her face returning the used tissue
to her bag.  A glimpse of yellow caught her eye.  There resting on
the bark, its wings flapping a single yellow butterfly.  It was joined by
another then another.  She didn’t move.  Didn’t want to disturb them
but stood transfixed.  They paused on the bark as if to converse with each
other. 

Whilst grieving and attending counselling she had been
given many booklets.  Some she read and some she didn’t.  One of them
had a butterfly on the cover and this was one that she did read.  Drawn to
the vivid and vibrant colours it described the grief process and dealing with
that loss.  How the person would want to hide away from the world – as she
had done – to cocoon them away from the pain and heal.  During the cocoon
phase the person would restore and reflect during the transformation. 
When the person was ready to emerge from their cocoon they would be
metamorphosed into a different person.  Almost two years later she could
now appreciate the relevance and the comparison of the grieving process to that
of the story of the butterfly.  Feeling such an inner peace she closed her
eyes and let go of the breath she was holding.   She had emerged from
her cocoon ready to live again. 

The butterflies were fluttering, their movement
catching her eye and seconds later they were gone; the butterflies flew away.

She had held Daniel that morning.  Felt the joy
of holding that newborn who has his whole life ahead of him and she knew what
she had to do.  It was a moment of complete clarity.  Home was here
by the lochside at Loch Ness.  A few years before it was the year of their
staycation they drove around Scotland one summer.  Battled the elements of
all the seasons in one day not to mention the midges.  Stayed over at
B&B’s and had lazy pub lunches.  It had been a perfect summer. 
They had sat on a bench outside one such pub taking in the idyllic
location.  Taking a sip from his pint of beer, they chinked glasses and
laughed.  Always laughter.  “Oh it feels like home” he had said.

Home.

So she kissed a sleeping Daniel softly on his little
forehead and gently placed him back in his crib.  “Everything okay?” 
Claire sleepily whispered.  “Yes, perfect.”

Opening her wardrobe she had pulled out the sunny
yellow dress that Rob had always liked.  He would call her sunshine when
she wore it.  A long belted soft cashmere cardigan she wore on top. 
Dressing quickly and as quietly as possible so not to wake the household. 
Tights and shoes then she were almost ready.  Pulling open a drawer she
removed the small white box that she had ordered some time ago.  Before
she went to the Cape, before she met Nico.  Popped it into her bag. 
The cylinder was still on her bedside and she picked it up.  Underneath a
shiny coin that wasn’t there before.  She knew she was doing the right
thing.  Downstairs she wrote Claire a note. 

“Claire, don’t worry.  I will be back
tonight.  I’ve gone to scatter Rob’s ashes.  Will call you later x”

It was 04.30am when she sneaked out of her own
house.  The security team that Nico had in place had no need to be there
at this early hour.  The drive to Loch Ness would take her about 3 and a
half to 4 hours.  On the way she stopped at a service station and filled
the car.  Topped herself up with a coffee and some toast.  She still
had a few hours to go.  Before the day was lost to her she texted
Nico. 

“Hi, don’t panic if you can’t get a hold of me at
some time today.  I’m out driving and the signal is patchy in some
places.  Will be home later x”

“Where are you?”

“I’m heading up North.  I have something I have
to do.”

“Stop being vague Carrie.  Where are you
going?”

“I’m going to Loch Ness to scatter Rob’s ashes.”

“Are security with you?”

“No need for them.  I’ve left the ring at home
in my bedroom drawer”

“There is every need for security.  You’re more
precious to me than any piece of jewellery.  Stay where you are and I will
have someone with you soon”

The mugging.  He was worried for her safety.

“I’m okay Nico, trust me.  I need to do this on
my own x”

Silence.  She could sense his frustration
across the miles.

“You are so stubborn.  Okay but I want hourly
updates!”

Leaving with another cup of coffee in her hand she
was soon back in the car and resuming her journey.

As the butterflies flew away, she began to shake
with the emotions surging through her body.  Oh Rob are you home
now?  She sat on that fallen tree and sobbed again.  Oblivious now to
her surroundings and the sounds of nature filling the air.  To fully
accept Nico into her life she had to make this final step and let go of
Rob.  He was her safety net but he was never coming back. 

She checked the time on her phone it was only a
little after 10am.  No signal.  Time to make her return.  As she
left the canopy of trees and back to the picnic area where she had left her car
the phone beeped into life with messages that were now able to connect. 
One bar of her signal enough to reconnect to the network.  Several from
her sister wanting to know where the hell she was.

“Hi I’m at Loch Ness.  Signal not too
good.  Going for a coffee and will call you soon. X”

Over a coffee she called her sister and explained
what had driven her to make this impulsive journey that morning.  “I held
Daniel and it just made sense.  I’ve taken a photo of the exact position
and I can send it to Rob’s parents if it’s somewhere they want to go. 
There is a tree near the water’s edge and I placed a little stone I had
engraved with Rob’s initials next to it.”

“Carrie, we would have come with you. 
Supported you with this,”

“I know you would have, everyone would have. 
But I didn’t want another memorial; I just wanted to say my own private
goodbye,”

Sitting with Claire and Ryan that evening she
offered them her home.  “You have both given me so much.  It took
losing Rob to realise just what I had.  Before I explain just what I have
been up to,” she gave a nervous laugh.  “I want you both to know that Mum
and Dad fully support why I have had this done,”

She passed over a copy of the lawyer’s letter
transferring ownership of the house. 

“Carrie we can’t possibly accept this,”

“Ryan, please hear me out.  It isn’t something
I just decided to do.  I have thought about this for a long time. 
You both have been my rock through the hardest times in my life.  I never
thought I could accept losing Rob but I have.  You know I love Nico and I
am about to embark on the next crazy chapter in my life.  One that I want
to but I need to know that when I start this that you guys will still have my
back”

“Of course we will Carrie that will never
change.  You’re my little sis”

 “Then let me do this for you both.  I
know you have had it tough too and passed over on things to be there for
me.  Harry loves it here.  It’s a great place to live but I just
can’t do it anymore.”

“Then sell it Carrie and live somewhere else, you
don’t have to give it away,”

“Claire, hear me out.  You guys will make it the
perfect family home that it always was meant to be.”

“I’m not living the life you were meant to Carrie,
we can get a place of our own,”

“Claire, look around you.  This is your place,”
The room had all the markings of a family home.  Baby clothes freshly
laundered and folded.  Toys, toys and more toys in baskets. 

“It was a show home before, a lovely show home where
I was so happy.  Now it is a family home. 
You
made it a
family home.  I don’t want you to move out and that’s what I’ve told Mum
and Dad.  They are in agreement if you are too,”

“No one gives away a home,”

“Well believe it or not I am.  Rob has left me
very financially secure.  Money that won’t bring him back but I know he
would support this decision.  If you read on in the letter I have also
made a couple more changes.  Harry, Daniel and any other children will
each receive a trust fund of £20,000.  It can help with their schooling
and university or anything else that crop up.  The car I have also signed
over to you.  You can trade it in or keep it, whatever you want to do,”

“I think you have gone crazy, completely bonkers!”

They debated it for some time but Claire and Ryan
finally conceded.  She showed them both the copy of the prenup with all
her changes.  “I refuse to start a new life with Nico and think about how
it will end.  I married for love once and I will only marry for love
again,”

“And don’t even think I am having any more
kids!  Harry and Daniel are just fine,”

“For now” Ryan added.  “This house does have
four bedrooms you know, plenty of room to convert the loft or an
extension.  I might get that football team,” he joked.

There was subtle change in the air as they had
adjusted to living together now that Claire and Ryan had come round to her
proposal.  Carrie had begun to slowly re-evaluate her belongings and
possessions.  They hadn’t agreed yet where to live after the
wedding.  Next week the storage company would come and collect the items
she would take with her to her new home.

Claire was struggling to accept the magnitude of the
gift Carrie was giving them.  It was the perfect home for their family to
grow and thrive.  Her parents had popped round for what seemed like their
daily visit as Carrie was in London with Nico.

“Claire, Carrie only wants the best for you. 
It took a lot of heartache to come to this point.  She doesn’t want to
live here anymore.  Even without Nico in her life she was ready to travel
and move on.  She had resigned from AGM
before
Nico proposed.”

“I know Dad; I won’t live the life she wanted with
Rob,”

“Claire you never could, it’s about new
beginnings.  Harry is thriving, your mum loves having you so near too,”

“But Dad, it’s her home; she’s giving away her
home,”

“It’s now
your
home Claire.  For you and
Ryan and the boys,”

Dan had every faith in the decisions both his
daughters were making.  Without her relationship with Nico, Carrie
remained financially stable from the estate Rob left her.  She would not
be destitute. 

In their hotel room at the Devanti Royal in London
Carrie handed Nico the envelope prepared by her lawyers.  Their planned
trip had been delayed after the arrival of Daniel.  She was joining Nico
for a few days in London to finalise the wedding and spend much needed time
together.  The documents were redrafted requesting zero financial
assistance.  Nico read through them.  She was turning down
millions.  But Carrie knew money can’t buy everything.  Money
couldn’t save Rob and money couldn’t bring him back.