Burial Rites (36 page)

‘You’ve trampled it.’

He rolled his eyes.

‘You’ll catch your death,’ he called out, his back to me. I watched the snow clouds descend upon the mountain and let the chill air prickle at my ribs until I shuddered with the cold.

Seeing Fridrik hack at the sheep with his boots unsettled something within me. It was portentous: the rapid limbs, dark against the snow, colliding with the soft corpse until a fine mist of blood floated above.

Snow began to fall. I turned around to follow Fridrik back to the farm, and saw a raven descend upon the sheep. It gave a mournful caw and then plunged its beak into the innards. Snowflakes landed on its black feathers.

I interrupted Fridrik and Sigga sitting together on her bed, whispering in low voices. Sigga looked as though she had been crying.

‘There are two sheep missing,’ I said.

‘Well, one of them is dead. You saw it yourself.’ Fridrik yawned.

‘Not the one you were kicking. There are another two besides.’

Fridrik gave a nasty smile and I knew at once what had happened.

‘You killed them.’ Sigga let out a sob, and Fridrik stood up. He walked over to me and bent close. I could smell his sweat.

‘Agnes. You might like to know that Sigga and I have been talking this morning.’ His voice cracked with anger. ‘Natan has been taking advantage of her.’

I waited until I could speak calmly.

‘I already knew.’

Sigga burst into tears. ‘I’m sorry, Agnes! I wanted to tell you so bad!’

Fridrik paused. ‘You knew?’

‘I thought she’d agreed to it.’ My voice was brittle.

‘He’s been raping her!’ He began pacing the floor. I noticed that he held Sigga’s green silk nightdress in his hand, a present from Natan. ‘I’m going to kill him.’

I rolled my eyes. ‘Go ahead. A lot of difference that will make now.’ I turned to Sigga. ‘Did he force you?’

‘Of course he forced her!’ Fridrik sat down again next to Sigga and punched the mattress. Sigga gave a start.

‘I don’t know,’ she whispered.

I thought back to the night I heard him moving inside her. The night after the death waves. The hurried breathing. A quick, light moan. There had not been a struggle.

‘It’s against God,’ Fridrik said.

I couldn’t help but laugh. ‘I don’t think any of this has much to do with God.’

Sigga looked panicked. ‘Agnes? Are you very disappointed in me?’

‘Why would I be disappointed?’ My voice was as smooth as the ocean.

Fridrik glared, looking down at the nightdress. ‘He’s a bastard. I’ll kill him.’

‘I don’t want Natan to die.’ The simper in Sigga’s voice made me want to slap her.

I laughed. ‘Fridrik’s not going to kill anyone.’

‘Yes I am.’ He stood up again, his hands in meaty fists.

‘No, you’re not,’ I said. ‘Anyway, what does it matter? You’re still going to marry her.’

Fridrik sneered. ‘I wouldn’t expect a woman like you to understand.’

I felt my mouth grow dry.

‘Sigga said Natan’s been having his way with you as well. Only we seem to think that you enjoy it a sight more than Sigga!’

I stepped towards Sigga and saw her flinch. ‘I’m not going to hit you,’ I said. But I could have. I wanted to.

Daníel came in and Fridrik fell quiet. I was shaking with anger. I hated Fridrik. I hated his pimpled skin, flushed red by the cold. Hated his blue eyes and their sticky rim of blond lashes. I hated his high voice, his smell of horseshit, his constant visits.

‘Go home, Fridrik.’ It was Daníel who spoke first.

‘There’s a snowstorm coming.’

‘Then go get caught in it.’ I was suddenly grateful for Daníel’s presence.

‘I’m not going anywhere,’ Fridrik said, and he sat down again next to Sigga, putting an arm around her protectively.

‘It’s true, isn’t it?’ Daníel asked, whispering. ‘It’s true about Natan sharing a bed with the both of you.’ He shook his head. ‘It’s unholy.’

‘Fridrik has killed some sheep.’

‘What? Here?’

‘I think he took at least two to Katadalur last night, or early this morning, and killed them there.’

‘Natan will murder Fridrik!’

‘Not if Fridrik kills Natan first,’ I said. ‘He’s in a temper.’

Daníel ran his hands through his hair, and looked over at the couple on the bed. ‘He’s a fool and a thug,’ he sighed. ‘I’ll talk to him once his blood cools.’

*

Natan returned to Illugastadir three days later. Fridrik was not there when he came home. I cannot imagine what would have happened if he had been. As it was, Natan wasn’t overjoyed to hear the news of Sigga and Fridrik’s engagement. I told him. Sigga slipped out to the storeroom at the sound of his arrival in the yard.

‘I can’t leave you alone without some disaster befalling the lot of us.’

‘It’s hardly a disaster, Natan. You accepted Fridrik’s money for her; you should have known this was coming.’

‘I suppose you’re happy about this,’ he grunted.

‘Me? What has any of this got to do with me?’

‘You’ve been playing matchmaker all autumn long.’

I held out my hands for the bridle as he unsaddled his horse. ‘I have been doing no such thing.’

‘I suppose you have all been celebrating.’

‘No. Even Sigga seems confused about what has happened.’

He turned around to face me properly, raising an eyebrow. ‘Is that so?’

I nodded. ‘Fridrik’s leaping out of his pants for joy, but Sigga doesn’t seem so thrilled.’

Natan smiled then, and shook his head. ‘A couple of young idiots, the both of them.’ He gently took the bridle and saddlecloth out of my hand and placed them on the snow. His face was sober. ‘Agnes. My Agnes, I owe you an apology. I shouldn’t have hit you.’

I didn’t say anything, but I didn’t resist when he took up my hand.

‘I have been talking with Worm, and he thinks I am distracted. Travelling too much in the damp. The dreams, they . . .’ His voice trailed off. ‘We’ve all behaved badly towards one another. I have not been myself.’

He released my hand and picked up the bridle and cloth. ‘Here,’ he said, giving them to me. ‘Put these away and I’ll see you inside.’
I turned to leave, but he held onto me. ‘Agnes,’ he said, gently. ‘I’m glad to see you.’

That night we shook with the same desires that possessed us as before. And when we woke in the wintered darkness, my body flushed with happiness at the knowledge that he slept beside me. If Sigga or Daníel woke and saw us lying there together they said nothing. I stripped his bed of blankets and placed them at the foot of my own.

MARGRÉT RETURNED FROM THE DAIRY
with another pan of milk. Outside the wind blew so hard that a hollow moaning could be heard.

Agnes leaned over and prodded the coals of the fire. ‘Shall I use peat or dung?’ she asked.

Margrét pointed to the dung. ‘Go on. We may as well keep the fire burning for as long as we sit here.’

‘Where was I?’

‘You were saying that Fridrik proposed to Sigga.’ Margrét gently poured more milk into the pot. It hissed as it touched the hot metal.

‘Sigga was terrified to see Natan after she’d agreed to marry Fridrik. Natan found her hiding in the storeroom. She told me later that he said he’d been unreasonable, and let his own grievances with Fridrik blind him. He’d given her his blessing, and said that if she wanted to marry a boy with neither a coin nor a name to be proud of, then that was her choice. He told me he was not going to stop two puppies from playing with one another.

‘I thought perhaps he’d realised that if Sigga married Fridrik, he wouldn’t have to see the boy’s face again. Wouldn’t have to worry about his money, hidden about the place.

‘The days of Yuletide flew past, and we did little to mark them. Natan sent Daníel back to Geitaskard, and I thought it would be like the old days when it was just Sigga and me. I wanted to clean the croft and prepare skate for St Thorlak’s Mass, but she’d lost interest in talking to me since her engagement to Fridrik. She’d become moody, lax with her work and forever gazing out the window. She’d jump when spoken to. Avoid eye contact. Natan had told her she might invite Fridrik to Illugastadir for a drink to mark Yuletide, but he hadn’t come. Perhaps Sigga didn’t trust Natan’s sudden goodwill towards Fridrik. I believe she was anxious to keep the two men apart.’

LATE ONE NIGHT I DECIDED
to tell him.

‘Natan, I know that you have had Sigga.’

He had been dozing, but his eyes opened at this.

‘I know, Natan. I forgive you.’

He looked at me, and then suddenly laughed. ‘You forgive me?’

I reached for his hand in the darkness. ‘I’m not talking about this to argue. But I want you to know that I know.’

His fingers lay in mine like a dead weight. He was thinking.

‘I knew you saw us,’ he said.

His words hit me like a blow to the stomach. My mouth opened and shut with no sound escaping. I got out of bed and brought back a lamp. I could not talk to him without seeing his face. I could not trust his words in the dark.

The lamplight flared over his bare skin. He regarded me coolly, turning away only to glance in Sigga’s direction, to see if she was awake.

‘Natan.’

My voice sounded old. I looked down and saw myself, naked, and for the first time I guessed how he saw me.

‘You’ve been playing with me.’

Natan shielded his eyes with a hand. ‘Put the lamp out, Agnes.’

I grabbed hold of the bedpost to steady myself. ‘You’re cruel.’

‘I don’t want to talk about this.’

‘You were never going to give me the housekeeping position, were you?’

‘Put the lamp out, and let’s go to sleep. Your eyes look like two piss-holes in the snow.’

‘Go to sleep?!’ I stared at him, waiting until I knew I could speak without crying. ‘How did you know I knew?’

He smiled at this. Said nothing.

‘Do you love me?’

‘You’re being ridiculous.’

‘Answer me.’

He reached for the lamp. ‘Put it out!’

‘Natan.’ I was beseeching him. The whine in my voice horrified me.

‘Would I have asked you here if I didn’t want you here?’

‘Yes, as your
workmaid
.’

‘You’re more than a servant, Agnes.’

‘Am I?’

‘Put the lamp out.’

‘No!’ I snatched it out of his grasp. ‘You can’t treat me like this!’

His eyes flashed. ‘You’re a nag, Agnes.’

I exploded.

‘A nag? Go to hell! I’ve always let you do what you want. Do I stop you leaving all the time? Do I stop you climbing on top of Sigga in the next bed when you think I’m asleep? She’s fifteen! You’re a fucking dog.’

He leaned back on his elbows. ‘What makes you think I wait until you’re asleep?’

The look on Natan’s face was not of derision, but of scornful amusement. An immediate weight of despair and loss pressed on me until I was suddenly, unalterably, concave with grief.

‘I hate you.’ The words seemed stupid, childish.

‘And do you think I love you?’ Natan shook his head. ‘You, Agnes?’ He narrowed his eyes and stood up, his breath hot in my face. ‘You’re a cheap sort of woman. I was wrong about you.’

‘If I am cheap it is because you have made me so!’

‘Yes, go on. You’re pure and holy, and everyone else is to blame.’

‘No, you are to blame!’

‘Forgive me, I thought you wanted this.’ He grabbed me and pulled me roughly to him. ‘I thought you wanted to get out of the valley. But you just want what you can’t have.’

‘I wanted you! I wanted to leave the valley because I wanted to be with you.’ I felt sick with anger. ‘I can’t stand it here.’

‘Then go!’ He took a step back and grabbed me by my wrist. ‘Get out! You’ve done nothing but cause trouble!’ He started to pull me out of the badstofa. I was aware of Sigga sitting up in bed, watching us. Thóranna had begun to cry.

‘Let go of me!’

‘I’m just giving you what you want. You hate me? You want to leave? Good! Here is the door.’

As small as he was, Natan was strong. He dragged me down the corridor and pushed me over the doorstep. I tripped on the ledge and went sprawling into the snow, naked. By the time I got to my knees, he had slammed the door in my face.