Burdened (A Burdened Novel) (34 page)

“You made me trust you, and then you demanded
that I leave you.”

“It wasn’t me
, Tracey.”

“Looked like you. You cut me
.” I’m calm, unsure, and confused.

“Baby
, it wasn’t me. Can you remember?” His voice is desperate. He grabs my chin and I turn away. He grabs it again, letting go of my arms. “I’ll never hurt you.” He looks as if he wants to kiss me. “Tracey, trust me.”

I do
, kiss him—not knowing why. He floods me like an empty cup. He’s everywhere, flowing all over, flooding me with memories and feelings that aren’t familiar to me but that I know I had once felt.

I push him away
. It still feels wrong.

“Let me get you home.” I say nothing
, still fighting against my feelings.

He grabs my hand and I yank it away.

“Tracey, stop fighting me,” he says through gritted teeth.

“I will
—if you stop touching me,” I say, walking ahead of him.

He walks through the front door with me. That’s out
-of-place, considering my mom would flip out. He walks with me, up the stairs to my room, and closes and locks the door.

“What
ar—”

“
Shh—don’t raise your voice.” He turns off the lights and starts walking over to me. I make him out by the moonlight.

“Tracey, don’t pull away from me.”
His voice is low and serious, but welcoming. “I love you, and I don’t want you to leave me.”

“I do
—”

“Shh
—don’t, Tracey,” he begs. He grabs me, hands on either side of my face. He looks at me, letting me study his strong face.

I shake my head. He looks just like the character that tricked me
—just different eyes and a more familiar voice. He kisses me softly, taking his time in each kiss, taking my breath away every time his lips make contact with mine. He gives my upper lip attention, then focuses the rest on my bottom one.

I let him, enwrapped in the feeling it provides. It feels right and a part of me wants it
…wants him. My heart and body hanker for him, making me match his kiss and touch when I get the chance.

I
feel weightless, my head feels light, and I feel free and comfortable. But my mind screams at me to leave him alone.

I want to stop, to move
him away from me, but I don’t. He pushes me back to my chaise and I sit upon it as he stands in front of me. He stares down at me, through squinted eyes, as I try to figure him out. I’m confused as I argue with myself about wanting him and not.

He kneels in front of me. “Tracey
, whatever happened, it wasn’t me. I would never hurt you.”

“You
did
hurt me. And I don’t want you. You told me not to want you. You should leave.”

“Stop this
, Tracey.”

I
try to stand, but he leans forward, keeping me seated. He comes closer, forcing me to lay my head against the back of the chaise as I look at him. He kisses me softly and desire fills me. My heart thumps in my chest, demanding that I have him. My lips kiss him back, forcing my need for him. But my mind screams at me, making me reject him.

I push him
, and he grabs my arms with one hand, while the other lifts me from the chaise. A wind rushes against my back and we are lying upon my bed.

I blink in astonishment
, registering how fast we moved.

He moves
, kissing over my neck to my ear, and whispers softly, “Remember me, Tracey,” as his hands travel under my shirt, grabbing my waist. “I’m sorry, baby. Just remember me.”

He kisses over my neck as my shirt rises
, soon coming over my head. I forget to stop him, feeling his lips cover my chest and my stomach, then he comes back, staring at me.

I watch his eyes
, swirling before me. They are so familiar, an ocean-blue with a sand-brown circling behind it.

“You will remember me
, Tracey. I’ll fix it.”

I mindlessly reach for him
, pulling him down to kiss me. My mind screams against me and I pull back. He moves forward, kissing me deeper.

G
rabbing onto him, I pull his shirt up and he lets me pull it over his head. The warmth from his body covers mine. He presses against me, moving his lower body against mine. I match his move.

With h
is chest against mine, I feel the thump of his heart matching mine. The beat of mine echoes his.

“Feel me
, Tracey,” he whispers.

My eyes close
, focusing on our heartbeats—why they match—as I feel his kisses under my ear and his hand traveling to my thigh. He grabs it firmly, moving against me as my lower body lifts to his.

My mind empties
, then it fills with me kissing him, my want for him, his arms around me, his comfort, our desires, and us together. Images of us together and moments we seemed to have shared. The matching of our heartbeats, reminding me of our meaning. He pulls back, looking at me again.

I smile
, acknowledging what’s going on. “Is this going to lead to something? You, on top of me, shirtless, hands on my thighs.”

He smiles. “It may
if you still don’t remember me.”

“Then I still don’t remember
,” I say, lifting myself to kiss him, pulling him back down with me. He grabs my hands, lacing our fingers as he deepens the kiss.

“Tracey, don’t forget me again
,” he says, pulling back.

“I don’t know what happened
.”

“It’s okay
. Just don’t do it.” He kisses me sweetly.

“I don’t know
. If me forgetting can lead to me feeling you like this, I might want to forget more often.”

He kisses the side of my neck
. “You are bad, Tracey.”

“Only for you
, Nathan.”

“Thank you
,” he says, moving from atop of me. “When you remember what happened, tell me.”

“Yes
,” I say softly. “Now go to sleep.”

“You go to sleep.”

“Babe, I am tired of looking at schools. Can you make us something to eat?”

“Okay
, Tracey. But afterwards, we are looking into what you want to major in. Or you can move with your mom and dad. Why did you wait until the last minute anyway?”

“That’s not happening. And I didn’t wait ‘til the last minute. That would be the summer. And I think we should be spending today just
being with each other, since I’m not going to see you all day tomorrow.”

“
That’s
not
going to happen, and we are here with each other. Come on.”

We woke up early
, a little after my mom had left, washed up and came over to his house so we could look at schools, like he had promised. We’ve been looking at schools ever since.

He is still questioning me about what happened last night
, and bits and pieces are starting to come back to me. I just don’t want to talk about it.

Everyone is up and walking around the house today. All of Nathan’s siblings keep stopping by the room
, because the door is open. Supposedly, when you are handling business, you leave it open, so you don’t have to interrupt yourself by answering it.

His mom is i
n the kitchen, already cooking. “Hello, you two. Are you getting anywhere with the college hunt, Tracey?” I like her bubbly personality.

“I don’t know
, to be honest.”

“Are you going to stay around or go away?”

“Mother, what are you asking?” Nathan says, walking to the stove.

“Isn’t that
how this kind of conversation is supposed to go?”

I laugh
. “Leave her alone, Nathan.” I peek at him. He’s not looking. “I don’t know. I might find a school in Tennessee.”

She turns around faster than I expected her
to and Nathan looks at me like I’d lost it. She calms before she speaks. “Well, if that’s something you would like to do…”

“She’s not serious
, Mom.”

She looks at me for confirmation. “I’m not
. I just like to mess with your son.”

She smiles
, chuckling. “Oh, okay. You almost scared me for a minute there.” I wouldn’t leave, but why is she affected by it?

“No
, ma’am. You are stuck with me for life.”

She smiles
. “Let me explain why that affected me so,” she starts. “Once we are found by our mate, or we find our mate, we don’t…” She thinks for a minute. “…
stay
away from each other. You two are doing very well, I’d say, to be so new to this. We are usually moved in with each other in a matter of days. But I suppose it’s different when you have a family and are still in school. I was, well, past your age when you all’s father became my mate.”

She smiles
, remembering, then something shades her smile. She shakes it away. “We expect for you to take your time and to move in when you are ready. But we would feel more than privileged if you did choose to stay with us. I’m sure it would make my son happy as well.”

“I can say that I am considering it, which is why we are looking
at schools in the area.”

“Oh
! Well that’s good to hear. You know, if you two become bound, you really wouldn’t have a choice.” She softly chuckles. “But Nathan wouldn’t do that. He knows it’s too early for you two to do the things that that entails.”

Nathan drops
what he was holding and starts coughing. “Son, are you okay?” She rinses her hands and walks over to him, drying them on her apron. She looks at me. “Tracey, are you okay?”

I feel my face
flush. Nathan clears his throat. “Yes, I’m okay. Umm, Mom, Tracey and I are going to go back upstairs and wait for you to finish cooking. Just let me know when it’s ready,” he says, pulling himself together. Picking up some rolls that he had dropped on the floor, he says, “Sorry about the rolls. If you want, I’ll run to the store.”

“No
, son, that’s quite alright.”

He
walks over to where I’m sitting, grabs my arm, and pulls me out of the kitchen. Making it to the door, he stops—almost froze—if he hadn’t pushed his hand through his hair. I look at him and his brown, hazel eyes are looking up towards the ceiling.

“Now
, Nathan,” his mom states from behind us.

Nathan turns us around and she looks upset. What’s going on? “Mom
, I’m ninety-three. You cannot be serious.”

“Son, I cannot believe you!” she shouts.

“What makes you even think that happened?” he states innocently.

“Everyone in the universe either wants you by their side or wants you dead.” I can’t believe she just said that. “You are not clumsy, never have been. And the only time you do something like that is when you are caught up in something.” She pushes
back a piece of hair that had fallen in front of her face. “
Did you!
?” She’s stern and demanding.

Nathan looks at me, then to the ceiling, then back to his mother. “Mom!”

She wipes her hands off again. “Nathan, you better start talking, before I blast you into the front yard.”

Nathan pushes me to the side. “Mom, what me and Tracey do is really between Tracey and me. Plus
, I’m not a chi—”

A gust of wind blows past me, and Nathan flies into the wall behind us. He doesn’t look hurt
, but inconvenienced. I rush over to him. He places his head against the wall.

“Not necessary!” he says
, frustrated. “What if you would have hurt Tracey?”

“I wouldn’t have
. Now, you need to start talking.” She readies herself. “Nathan!” She speaks with authority.

“Nathan, what’s going on?” I am still oblivious.

“She is losing it,” he says, pulling himself from the wall. “Okay, Mom. Don’t do it.”

“Okay, Nathan.”
She straightens. “Is there something you would like to talk about?”

“Can both of you talk to me
? Because I think I missed an important part of this conversation. And no disrespect, but I really do
not
like you throwing my mate into anything or anywhere.” I know he isn’t hurt, but the thought of it makes me cringe. Even though she is his mom, it still doesn’t sit well with me.

“Nathan, you did!”
she says in a surprised voice, eyes wide.

“Okay
, Mom, so we did. But I was safe and careful and all of that. I was respectful and a gentleman. Tracey means much more to me than all those other girls.” I
think
I get it now. “And, no, I didn’t take advantage of her. She wanted to too.”
Sorry, Tracey
. “Mom, don’t do this.” He leaves my side, walking next to her.