Broken (9 page)

A bird rustled in a branch above me. It was an osprey.
It was following my every move. Next I spotted a deer between the trunks. Its
frightened shining eyes reflected the moonlight and drew my attention. I
crouched in the water and moved silently closer getting ready to my sudden
ambush as the deer stretched its neck out and drank. I felt an unbelievable
hunger and lust for the kill. With incredible strength I leaped out of the water
and grabbed onto the deer whose eyes were at once overwhelmed with fear. I
caught the creature and held it down with my claws before I sunk my teeth
instinctively between the ears, piercing its skull. The deer didn't make a
sound, hardly even moved. It just died between my paws and stopped breathing.
It was the easiest thing in the world. But also the most brutal thing I had
ever done.

Next thing I was eating the raw meat from my prey. I
sunk my teeth into its back and tore big pieces from the body, devouring it in
quick bites. I even heard the bones crunch as I chewed this once so elegant
animal with the light brown fur. I feasted on my first kill. The legs, the
stomach, even the entrails. It tasted like heaven. Like something I had craved
for a long
long
time. I was slurping the blood
drinking it and sinking my teeth into the raw meat again and again growling and
snarling as I did.

When I had enough I left the remains on the shore for
other animals to feast on. Soon the birds arrived and started picking the
carcass. I turned away and went back into the water with bloody claws and
bloody mouth. I dove in and started walking up the river while still licking my
teeth for the intoxicating taste of the blood. I was almost euphoric, as if the
hunt and the blood was a drug to me. A drug I needed to survive.

I didn't have to look
long for her. I picked up her scent not far from her usual hunting area where I
had seen her so often ten years ago. I climbed a tree and as soon as I spotted
her I crouched on a branch my tail swinging beneath it like it was happy to see
her as well. I stayed there for a long time while studying her every move. She
had made a kill too and was eating it with feisty sounds. I enjoyed that
immensely. She was such a beautiful sight. Her tawny fur had perfectly
sculptured black rosettes on her back and on top of her head. Her teeth were
smothered in blood. I knew I had to wait for her to finish her feast before I
presented myself because she would instinctively try and protect her prey
before anything, before she realized who I was.

Would she know it was me? Was there a way she could
tell? What if she jumped me and tried to kill me? After all she had a lot more
experience in being a wild beast than I had. Maybe she would only see me as a
threat? Back in the day, she had told me that she reacted very instinctively,
that she wasn't in control of what she did most of the time. Had that changed?
Would she still only remember fractions of what happened during the
transformation? Would she remember meeting me like this when she woke up in the
morning?

Aiyana
took the last bite of the meat and then licked her teeth clean. With a growl
she turned away from her prey and walked slowly towards the trees. I made a
quick decision and jumped from the branch. I landed right in front of her with
a huge roar that echoed on the trunks.

She stood completely still, staring directly at me
with her yellow eyes glowing in the darkness of the night. At first she seemed
frightened ready to protect herself and her prey. Her eyes were locked on me,
fixated, waiting for me to make my first move. Then she let out a loud roar to
warn me, to let me know that this was her territory. The echo of the roar
continued for several seconds causing animals to flee and birds to fly from the
treetops.

I growled and started walking towards her. She
crouched, ready to pounce while showing her teeth with a snarl. She was trying
to scare me away. I walked to the side and back lowering my neck to seem
smaller and less threatening. After all I was much bigger than her. Then our
eyes locked once again and something happened. She tilted her head slightly
then she came closer like she was studying me. I felt my fur shiver as she came
towards me snarling and growling with her mouth wide open showing off her
fangs. Was she going to attack me? Or had she realized who I was?

I heard my own heavy breathing as she approached. Then
she stopped. She sat on her hind legs and stared at me with her mouth wide
open. I did the same. I sat and stared at her trying to find the
Aiyana
I knew behind those glowing eyes. Then she lashed
out at me with her soft paw and touched my head like she wanted to play. Her
claws were withdrawn; she didn't feel threatened by me any longer. I got on my
legs and walked closer. I put my head close to hers. She sniffed me then nipped
gently on my ears. I returned by trying to grab her neck with my teeth. I swung
my paws at her and tried to hold them around her neck. I tumbled on my back.
She lashed out once again and her soft paw hit my head and pushed it to make it
turn. Then she sat on her hind legs again. I did the same. She stared at me for
a long time then slowly started circling me. I followed her with my eyes and
turned instinctively as she came behind my back. Then she threw me one more
glance before she took off running. I caught up with her and lashed out after
her back causing her to fall. She rolled on her back revealing her white chest
inviting me closer with her mouth slightly open biting after me still lashing
out gently with her paws. Her ears were lowered and her tail was sweeping
across the ground. She was snarling and still lashing out playfully at me. Then
she was back on her legs again walking like a model on the catwalk one foot
straight in front of the other. I took in a deep breath. Even as an animal she
was a stunning sight. So elegant, so majestic and royal in her movements. She
walked and then stopped like she was waiting for me. I caught up with her
again. She lashed out her paw and bit out after me again. Then she rolled on
her back. I came closer and put my paws around her. Then I licked her on the
neck and in her face. She closed her eyes like she was enjoying it.

Chapter 11

It was
hard for
me to leave
Aiyana
after a night like that, but as the sun started to rise over the swamps we both
had to go back. I was thrilled as I ran towards my house on all four paws. I
was almost dancing. This had been the night of my life. This change had turned
out to be the best thing that had ever happened to me, except for William of
course. This was exciting. This was exhilarating, fascinating, mesmerizing. It
was a lot of things and I had no words that were sufficient to describe it. It
was simply amazing. Once again I had crossed all laws of physics, once again I
had to abandon science and believe in the supernatural. I, Christian
Langaa
, the prestigious eye surgeon from St. Augustine, had
in fact spent the night running through the Twelve Mile Swamps in the shape of
a jaguar. My human body had transformed itself into a vicious animal. And on
top of it all; I had finally found a way to see
Aiyana
and spend time with her where no one would see us.

This was truly something. It was like the night had a
life of its own and now I knew about it. Now I was a part of it. At night I was
the king of the swamps. At night I was the black jaguar whom all animals
feared, except for
Aiyana
. She was the same as I was.
It was the final confirmation of my suspicion that I had the Fountain of Youth
inside of my veins like she did. It had to mean that she actually had
transferred some of the fountain to me when she bit me. I guess I had somehow
known all along but I hadn't expected to actually become what she was. I knew
she had given me powers. Powers to predict certain future events and sometimes hear
people's thoughts. But this? This ... this transformation of my entire body.
This was truly extraordinary. Even for people who carried the fountain from
birth, even for the descendants of the
Timucua
Indians like
Aiyana's
family it was rare that anyone
received the ability to actually transform into a jaguar.

I managed to sneak back into the yard before I felt
the transformation slowly wear off. First, my fingers came back, then the feet,
arms and legs. The fur withdrew back into the skin and so did the ears and
claws. Even the tail found a way to go back where it had come from. It only
hurt for a few seconds. Then it was all gone and left me with a sadness, an
emptiness. I didn't want it to stop. I enjoyed being the black jaguar. I
enjoyed it a lot more than being the boring Dr.
Langaa
.

I looked at the sky. It was cloudless blue and the sun
was making the day bright. I stared at my reflection in the windows of the
house. It was all gone. The black jaguar was gone, as if had all been nothing
but a dream. But it was not. Amazing as it was this had actually happened to
me. It had been as real as I was standing there in my yard naked staring at my
own reflection. At my own pinkish human body that all of a sudden seemed so
incredibly dull and weak. So inane and bland.

I covered my sex with my hands as I heard voices
coming from a neighbor's front door. People were awake now, getting out of
their houses to get the newspaper or get into their cars to go off to their
jobs. I couldn't be seen like this. I ran inside and into the bathroom where
the transformation had happened initially. I pulled on my underwear and grabbed
the rest of my clothes before I walked upstairs trying to leap two steps at the
time. How completely ordinary it suddenly seemed to walk on two legs. How dull
and completely powerless. Just a few moments earlier I had been running with
such strength, such ability, on my four muscular jaguar-legs, and now I had to
walk like this? Like a physically inferior being.

A peek through William’s door showed he was still
sound asleep. Heather on the other hand was up. She was even out of bed. I
stopped at the door that was slightly open and stared at her. I felt a pinch of
guilt in my heart. She seemed to be searching for something. I pushed the door
open. She turned and looked at me. Surprised. Like I had caught her in the
middle of something.

"Feeling better?" I asked.

She nodded. "Yeah. I woke up this morning feeling
all better. I guess it helped seeing Dr. Harris after all." She stared at
the clothes in my hands.

"I slept in the guest-bedroom down stairs to give
you the rest. I was afraid I’d keep you awake with my constant tossing and
turning all night." I said while avoiding her eyes. "You know how bad
I’ve been sleeping lately."

She nodded like she didn't quite believe me, but
didn't care enough to fight about it or even question it. I walked to the
bathroom and threw my clothes in the hamper. As I accidentally stuck my hand in
it I hit something hard. I pulled it out and looked at Heather. "Is this
what you are searching for?" I asked and held up the bottle of gin that
was half empty. "Can't you even remember where you hide the stuff
anymore?"

She stared at me then walked towards me. She grabbed
the bottle out of my hand.

I sighed. "It's seven o'clock in the morning,
Heather. You've been sick for days. Why do you want to drink alcohol now? Why
were you hiding it in the hamper? Who were you hiding it from? Me?"

She opened the bottle and put it to her lips. Then she
drank like it was water in the bottle or a soda. When she was done she sighed
and sat on the bed. "I just need it, okay? I need it to get me through the
day," she said and drank once again.

I breathed deeply and sat next to her on the bed.
"Don't you think it is about time we got you some help?" I asked. I
knew the answer perfectly well. I had asked this many times but she had always
refused getting professional help. She had this under control, she said. But I
knew she didn't. It had gotten a lot worse lately.

"I'm fine," she said. "I just need a
little to get me going. Then I'll be the wife you want me to be. Then I'll be
your trophy."

"I didn't marry you for you to be my
trophy," I said bitterly.

She drank and looked at me when she was done.
"No, why did you marry me Chris? Tell me why you did it. It wasn't out of
love, that's certain. Was it for my name? For the prestige? Tell me Chris.
Let's get it out in the open."

I sighed and stood up. "I'm not going there with
you again. I don't have the time or the energy for it. I have to shower before
I go to work."

"Fine. Leave me like you always do." She was
getting tipsy now and her voice was shaking. I heard the slosh of the bottle
again when she drank some more.

I turned and looked at her with disgust. "For
heaven's sake, Heather. At least wait until William is off to school."

She drank again. "I'll have Sarah take him. He
will never know."

I grabbed the bottle out of her hand in fury. Then I
threw it against the wall. It shattered all over the floor. "No, he will
never know. Do you know why?"