Broken (11 page)

I shook my head heavily. I stared at Julie. A newfound
sympathy for her grew inside of me. Suddenly she was no longer simply an
employee. I knew something about her life, something she had kept a hidden as
secret even from her parents who had no means to help her with. I felt
overwhelmed with grief for her and her children. I knew her husband as a good
man, but everybody apparently had something in their lives. Everyone had their
demons.
 

"I’ll lend you the money. Hell, I’ll give it to
you," I blurted out. "I’ll will even pay for your husband's
treatment. Just get him out of this addiction of his. Get him out of his
gambling addiction before you'll have to leave your house."

Julie stared at me for a long time. She was frozen,
shocked. I leaned back in my chair and felt the tears pile up behind my eyes.
"Now just go and leave me alone for awhile."

She stood up. Thoughts were storming through her head.

"No, your ears don't deceive you," I said. "I’ll
take care of everything. Take the rest of the day off and go be with your
family. At least you have one."

She started walking, perplex and fumbling. Then she
turned and looked at me.

"Whatever you do, please don't thank me. Just
leave," I said.

When she left I leaned over my desk and hid my face in
my hands. Then I cried. Silently. Soundlessly.

Chapter 13

Heather
had a fever
again when I got home from work. Sarah was
in the kitchen with William when she told me.

"She took a sleeping pill that knocked her out,
so she is sleeping now, but that awful cough is back," she said. "The
Mrs. is not well."

"You can say that again," I said and walked
to the living room where I poured myself a drink. I stared out the window at
the water. A thunderstorm had just passed by and it was still raining heavily.
Big raindrops made the water look foamy. I still had an hour before sunset and
the transformation would come. How I longed for the change. I needed it more
than ever. I missed running through the swamps, climbing the trees, hunting in
the water, I missed the freedom, the air, and the smells. I missed looking into
her glowing eyes and the feeling of belonging out there with her.

William came in and hugged my leg. I put the drink
down and took him in my arms. "Don't worry buddy. She'll be fine. She came
home like I told you, right?"

He nodded while leaning his head on my shoulder. I
tried to hide my growing concern for Heather's health. The fever coming back
like that wasn't a good sign. Neither was the cough.

"See just like I told you. And now I am telling
you she will be fine. We just need to help her get well, alright?"

"But how do we do that, Far?"

I smiled at the way he said 'far,' the Danish word for
dad. He always did it with an American accent. It sounded really cute. I looked
into his eyes intensely and made sure he was listening to my every word.
"What always cures the princess in the fairytales? What can always break
the curse?"

William smiled widely. "True loves’ kiss!"
he exclaimed with much joy.

I pointed my finger at his chest. "Exactly. Mom
is just like a princess in a fairy tale. All she needs is lots and lots of
kisses from the people that love her. Okay?"

William hugged me tight. "Okay, Far."

"Now run along and I’ll be up to tuck you in in a
few minutes." I put William on the ground and picked up my drink.

"Read me a story, will you?" He asked. His
blue eyes looked expectantly on me.

"Of course. But only one, okay?"

"Okay."

While I heard his small feet run up the thick-carpeted
stairs I emptied my glass and put it down. I closed my eyes and exhaled deeply.

Someone cleared a throat behind me. I opened my eyes
and turned. Sarah stood in the opening.

"Yes, Sarah? You can leave now if you want to. I
can take William from here."

Sarah took a step closer. "I know perfectly well
it is none of my business," she began.

I turned away from her. "But what, Sarah?"

"But I am concerned about Mrs.
Langaa
. I think she is very sick."

I exhaled deeply again. "She is a drunk, Sarah.
She's an addict. She misuses pills and alcohol. She has just returned from a
three-day bender that's why the fever is back, that's why she is sick again.
Her body can't take it any longer. And you're right. It is none of your
business. You can go home now."

"Very well," Sarah said. "But I am also
concerned about you, Doctor. You have hardly eaten anything the last many days.
Nothing for breakfast or even dinner, not even my lasagna that you normally
enjoy so much."

"I haven't been that hungry lately," I said
hoping to get her to leave it alone. I could hardly tell her that I was full
all day from my bloody feasts at night. "I’ll eat some lasagna later. You
can go now."

 
Then she
left. I immediately regretted being rude to her and decided to buy her flowers
to make up for it. There it was again, I thought to myself. I was just buying
my way out of everything. Fixing everything with money. But at least this was
something I could actually fix. I had lost control over so many other things in
my life. The few things I could fix gave me joy or at least some sort of
comfort.

I heard William call me from his room and went up to
see him. He was already in bed and Sarah had brushed his teeth before she left.
He was sitting up with the comforter covering his legs and a book on top of it.
He handed it to me as I climbed into bed with him and put my arm around his
shoulder.

"Snow White, huh?"

William nodded eagerly. "She is just like Mommy.
When she eats the apple it is just like when Mommy drinks from those bottles
that she hides between my clothes in my closet."

"She does that, huh?" I asked tightening my
arm around him.

"Yeah. But I can't tell you. It is our
secret."

I sighed deeply and stroked William on the head.
"I’m sorry, son."

He shook his shoulders. "It's okay, I
guess."

I opened the book and turned to the first page. I
swallowed the huge lump in my throat. I realized that I could no longer let my
son be alone with his own mother. I couldn't trust her with him. I couldn't let
her drive with him in the car when I never knew when she was drunk and when she
wasn't. I couldn't let him be alone with her in the house even at night when I
left for the swamps. What if something happened to him while I was away? What
if he woke in the middle of a nightmare? I had to start thinking like a single
parent in all I did. Even if Heather was in the house I was truly a single
parent.

"Just give me a minute," I said and got up
from the bed. I ran downstairs and grabbed the phone. I called Sarah and said
my excuses for being such an idiot earlier, telling her she was right in what
she had said and then asked her if she would mind spending the night taking
care of William while I had to go out. I crossed my fingers and hoped she
wouldn't ask where I was going and luckily she didn't. She just accepted my
request. Fortunately for me she was alone in life; her kids were grown and had
moved out long ago.

"I might even have to ask you to stay in the
house until Heather is feeling better, which might take some time," I said
and closed my eyes thinking this was taking it too far. She would never agree
to this. But she did much to my surprise.

"I will do anything for William, you know
that" she said.

"You're the best. You can move into the
guest-quarters above the garage," I said and put the phone down after we
had said our goodbyes.

I ran upstairs as I realized that the sun was about to
set outside. I felt the tickling sensation in my fingers and knew I had to
hurry. William was waiting patiently for me in his bed.

"William. Daddy has to go now. I have to get back
to work for a little while. But Sarah will come and be in the house with you.
She'll be in the guest-quarters above the garage if you need anything,
okay?"

"Okay," he said with a too adult smile for
such a young boy. "But, Far?"

"Yes, buddy?" I could feel my skin start to
tickle and itch. The fur was just about to spring out. I was sweating as well
and had to take off my shirt.

"Could you read the book for me as you
promised?"

I was sweating heavily now as my body temperature rose
to that of a jaguar's. One hundred-two point two degrees was the body
temperature of a jaguar. I had looked it up the same day. That was why I felt
feverish and warm every time the change came upon me. My fingers hurt painfully
as the claws were about to come out and replace the human fingers.

"Oh the story. Yes of course. But ... but daddy
has to go. I have to be somewhere by now."

William's eyes were about to burst into tears. This
was just more than a little boy of only five could handle.

"Okay, I said and sat next to him, hoping to be able
to delay the transformation just a few minutes longer. Just enough to read the
story of Snow White.

William leaned his head on my shoulder. "I like
it when your eyes glow, Far," he said. "It looks really cool."

Luckily for me the transformation still took a while
since my body wasn't quite used to it yet. Luckily William was so tired that he
started to doze off as soon as I had read the first page. He closed his eyes
and leaned his head back on my arm and didn't even notice when the claws grew
out of his father's fingers holding the book or the skin that was slowly
replaced by a thick layer of soft black glossy fur. By the time the fangs came
he was sound asleep and I could put him back on the pillow where I listened to
his heavy breathing for a few minutes while I took the rest of my clothes off
and let my body go through the last steps of the change.

Minutes later I ran through the yard and on the other
side of the house I spotted Sarah's car in the driveway. I saw her taking out
her suitcase and walk inside.

Then I sprinted for the swamps.

Chapter 14

I was
reliving one
of my many encounters with
Aiyana
in the swamps in a dream, when the phone rang in my
office and woke me. I tried to ignore it and picture her in front of me. She
was rolling on her back while I was biting and licking her soft fur. We were
running wild and playing in the water, splashing at each other, biting, lashing
out while growling, when I was ripped back to real life by the persistent ring
of my phone.

I exhaled and picked it up. Julie spoke in the other
end. "I know that you don't want to be disturbed, Dr.
Langaa
,
but it is Dr. Harris calling. He says it’s important."

"Okay put him through."

I blinked a couple of times while wondering why my
family doctor would call me at my office. It had to be about Heather. It could
only be. Three more days had passed and she still wasn't feeling any better.
The cough was horrible and the fever wouldn't come down. I didn't know how much
she was drinking, if she was taking pills, or if she was in fact really very
sick. She had gone to see Dr. Harris once again the day before, so why was he
calling me now?

"Hello. Dr.
Langaa
?"

"Yes?" I answered feeling slightly nervous.

"Dr. Harris here."

"What can I do for you?"

Dr. Harris sighed. An alarm went off in my head. It
didn't sound good. I had known the doctor almost eight years now ever since he
had become our family physician. I had never heard him sigh like that.

"We need to talk," he said.

I leaned back in my chair. The leather squeaked.
"What about?"

"I can't do this on the phone. I need you to come
in. I need both of you to come in. Leave William at home. Just the two of
you."

I swallowed hard. This was serious. "Okay.
When?" My voice was trembling.

"As soon as possible. Preferably sometime today. I
have instructed my secretary to make room for you in my schedule at any time
today."