Broken (18 page)

Aiyana
put a finger over my lip. "You always worry too much, Christian. Like I
said ten years ago. You love me too much."

"What about Michael. Do you love him?"

Aiyana
sighed. "I don't know. Love hasn't much to do with our marriage. We were
chosen to be together because the spirits knew we would make
Luyu
. The fountain lives in her. Inside her flows the
ancient secret to eternal youth. She will pass it on to her children with the
man she is destined to be with. My happiness or Michael's happiness has nothing
to do with it."

"But you're unhappy with this guy. You can't tell
me otherwise. I’ve seen it. I have been in your mind and heard your
thoughts."

Aiyana
looked at me with serious eyes. "He is still my husband by choice. No one
forced me. He is also the father of my child."

"I understand that. I just don't like to see you
unhappy."

Aiyana
laughed her childlike laughter. How I had missed it. "I will be happy
soon. Don't you worry about me," she said. "Besides I am very happy
at night. That's when I truly come to life."

I smiled. I knew exactly what she meant. That was when
I felt truly alive as well. I lived for those moments every day, I longed for
the transformation to come, and I craved the hunt and the feast. It didn't
matter what went on during the day or what problems I faced as long as I knew
that at night
it
would happen again.

"Mom?" It was
Luyu's
voice. She looked pale.

"Hurry," I said and grabbed a basin on the
nightstand next to the bed. Just before she threw up I managed to throw the
basin under her chin.
Aiyana
held her hair as she
emptied her stomach into it.

"It's perfectly normal," I said to calm
everybody down.

William stopped playing and stood motionless staring
at the spectacle.

"She is just feeling a little nauseous from the
anesthetic. That's all," I said. "There is absolutely nothing to
worry about."

When
Luyu
had finished I
walked out in the hall and called for a nurse and the pediatric
anesthesiologist to come and take a look at her. After his thorough examination
he told us
Luyu
was fine and ready to be discharged.

"Let me take you home," I said knowing that
they had come here by bus and planned to go home the same way but
Luyu
was too weak.

"It's okay,"
Aiyana
said. "We'll be fine."

"Nonsense," I said. "William and I
would love to take you home."

Aiyana
sighed. Then she nodded. "Okay then."

I lifted
Luyu
out of the bed
and carried her in my arms out to the car. She was still nauseated and tired. I
didn't mind carrying her.
Aiyana
took William by the
hand and walked with him behind me. They had a long talk about stuffed animals
and whether or not they could come alive at night and have a great party.
William refused to believe it, but
Aiyana
insisted
that there was more to this world than what you could see with your eyes. Then
William asked if
Luyu
could ever come to his house
and play one day.
Aiyana
never answered. I put
Luyu
carefully in the back seat. As I did she suddenly
touched my arm.

"Thank you for saving my eyes," she said
with a small voice. "Maybe I will be able to see at night one day like you
do? Maybe my eyes will glow like yours and Mommy's?"

I stared at her for a while. Of course that little
girl knew much more than we thought she did. Just like the rest of her family.

I smiled. "Maybe they will," I said.
"Maybe one day they will."

Aiyana
was quiet all the way to her house that was in a very poor part of the town.
Old small houses with rusty battered cars in front of them. People hanging out
on porches watched my expensive car with distrustful looks as we drove by. I
didn't feel comfortable here and realized just how different my life had become
from
Aiyana’s
. Still we were both unhappy where we
were. It didn't matter if you had money or not.

I stopped the car in front of a small house with a
battered window on the front temporarily fixed with chipboard. I grabbed
Aiyana's
hand as she was about to get out of the car.

"I want to see you again," I said.
"Like really see you."

"You'll see me tomorrow when we come in for the
check-up," she said.
And tonight
,
she whispered in my mind.

"No. I mean I want to
see
you. Out in the open, in broad daylight." I had no idea where it came
from. I felt like a child stomping his feet on the ground to get his way. I
mean I loved our encounters at night but being with her during the day, like we
had done today fulfilled me in an entirely different way. I needed to be close
to her. I needed to hear her voice, talk to her and hear her laughter. Even if
I couldn't make love to her like I so desperately wanted.

Blood drained from her face. She dropped her gaze to
the ground. Her mouth moved a couple of times before she finally found the
words. "Christian. You know I can't. I am a married woman. I have
obligations. I have a family now. So do you."

"We could just have a cup of coffee or take a
stroll at the beach like last time. The kids could play together. Have a play
date or something. Look at them. They love spending time together. We could do
it for them. Michael doesn't have to know anything."

Aiyana
stopped me by touching my shoulder lightly. "We can't and you know
it."

"Because of him? Because you're afraid he will
find out?"

"Does it matter why?"

"Yes it matters. Goddamn it matters. I don't want
you to live a life where you can't have the friends you want or even read a
book because he says you can't. You love to read. You love to write. It’s your
passion. All you ever wanted to do is to write. You told me so once. Write
amazing books like your father."

She forced a gentle smile then stroked my cheek just
like she used to do. I closed my eyes and enjoyed it in silence. "You
always were so protective of me," she said.

"Because I love you."

"He will kill you if he knew."

"I'm not afraid of him."

"You should be. I know I am."

I searched my mind for something to say but found
nothing. I wanted her to stay with me and never go through that door again,
never be with that horrible guy again. But she made her decision and there was
not much I could say to change her mind that I hadn't already said.

"Thank you for helping us today," she said.

"Anytime. It really was nothing. I just did my
job."

"Well it certainly was something to us. You saved
her sight."

"Call me if any complications occur. Promise me
that."

"I will."

"Are you going to be alright alone with her?
Michael is out of town, right?"

"Yes. He left this morning. His sister will be
here later. She always stays with us when he is out of town. Michael makes sure
she comes. She keeps an eye on us and stays with
Luyu
at night when I am ... you know."

"But she'll surely know about
Luyu
when she sees her?"

"She knows everything already. I told her. She
supports me and helps me. She loves
Luyu
and me and
knows her baby brother can be a handful, as she puts it. She won't tell. She'll
take care of us."

"I’m glad to hear that," I said.

Aiyana
smiled.
See you tonight
, I heard her whisper in
my mind. Then she leaned over and kissed my forehead just before she got out of
the car and took
Luyu
into her arms. William and I
watched them in silence until they disappeared into the house and closed the
door.

Chapter 22

Weeks
later I was
almost dying inside missing
Aiyana
so badly. I hadn't seen her since the follow-up
visit and that had been short because of my packed schedule due to the many
cancellations lately. And since
Luyu
was doing so
great I couldn't find any reason to schedule another visit no matter how much I
wanted to. We still had our encounters in the swamps but I missed hearing
Aiyana's
voice so badly I found myself trying to look for
it among the constant whispering in my head. She was either too far away or I
just wasn't trained enough to listen in on her thoughts if she wasn't in the
room. I knew she was able to listen to me, but no matter how hard I tried I
couldn't find her, I couldn't hear her. It drove me almost insane.

I had never been closer to anyone in my life than I
was in that moment our thoughts had met. It had been a closeness and intimacy
beyond anything I could ever imagine to have with another human being. It made
me love her more, it made me crazy for her. Not only for her flesh or her body
but also for her spirit, her mind, her soul, and heck every part of her. I knew
she had told me we couldn't see each other but I was slowly withering inside
from missing her, from wanting her. William seemed to be almost as love struck
as I was. He was crying at night asking desperately to see
Luyu
,
to have a play date with her. He looked at me just before going to sleep; he
stared at me with his huge blue eyes asking me if I “could please call her
mom?"

"I am sorry son, but we can't," I answered
thinking that if he only knew that there was nothing in this world I would
rather do.

"But why, Far? Why?"

"I just can't, buddy. I’m sorry. You'll
understand once you're older," I said using the cowardly explanation that
parents always do when they can't tell the truth.

During the day I caught myself daydreaming in the
office that she would call and ask me to come to the beach and meet with her. I
would relive the one day we had together with our children again and again in
my mind as I walked the clinic's hallways and did my procedures as a zombie -
doing what was expected of me but hardly being able to differentiate one day
from another, one patient from another.

Every day when I got back from the clinic I went
upstairs to the bedroom door and knocked to see if Heather would answer. She
stayed in her bed all day drinking and crying. One day I had become so scared
that something had happened to her since she didn't answer when I knocked and I
couldn't hear her at all - that I kicked in the door. Heather screamed as the
door came open with a huge slam. She had been asleep, she told me. Tears piled
up in my eyes as I looked at her. She had become so skinny. All muscles in her
body were gone. Her skin was incredibly pale and I could see all her veins
underneath it. She had deep dark circles around her eyes and her weight loss
made them look unnaturally big and deeply set into the face.
 
I fell to my knees in front of her
crying.

"Please let me help you. Please."

She didn't answer. She didn't even look at me. All she
did was to grab her glass from the bedside table and empty it. Then she put her
head back on the pillow and closed her eyes.

She came down the stairs
one morning as I drank my coffee in the kitchen. Sarah had taken William to
school and I was about to leave as well when I saw her on the stairs. She was
fully dressed. Heather moved slowly and carefully while dragging a suitcase
after her, bumping it on every step. I put my cup on the counter and stared at
her motionless. She was struggling with the suitcase. My heart dropped as I
realized what was about to happen.

"Where are you going?" I asked and stepped
closer.

She dragged the suitcase down the last steps. She
looked so weak I wondered if she would faint at any moment. She was out of
breath. Once the suitcase landed on the tiles she stopped and looked at me.

"I am leaving you Chris."

I shook my head heavily pushing back the tears.
"No you don't," I said like I believed I had a say in it. "You
can't. You can't leave us."