Bringing Home Danny (47 page)

“
Danny,
not
being with you is the first selfless thing I've ever done. Do you have any idea how hard it was to walk past your room at night, and not go in? Do you have any idea how difficult it was to hold you, and not allow my baser instincts to take over?”
 

“
Yeah, I think I have an idea,” Danny scoffed. “Do you have any idea what it's like to be around the four of you and not...” He couldn't say it.
 

“
What?” TJ implored him to answer.
 

“
At least you have someone, three other people, actually. It's obvious how much you love them. Even you're smart enough not to sacrifice all that for me.”
 

“
The sacrifice was for
you
, not them. No matter how much I wanted you, I wasn’t what you needed. You deserved more than what I could offer. You needed a chance to grow up.”
 

“
Thanks, but now that I'm grown, what do I have?”
 

“
You still have us, and a chance to meet someone who...”
 

“
I only want to be with you guys,” Danny said, desperate to be understood.
 

“
How can you be so sure?”
 

“
I love you guys, I don't want to be with anybody else. I don't like any other men.”
 

“
Please, Danny, give it some time. Come back home to us. We all miss you. Nobody wanted you to leave. I'll talk to the others. Maybe someday they'll see you as an adult and be willing to...”
 

“
I can't, it hurts too much.”
 

*****

TJ tried to explain Danny's feelings to the others. He didn't want to betray his trust, but he thought it was important that they understood why Danny was acting the way he was.

“
Crushes can be painful,” Antonio acknowledged.
 

“
It's not a crush. He said he loves us,” TJ clarified.
 

“
I'm sure he loves us in his own way.”
 

“
No, Antonio, that's not what he was saying. He's
in
love with us. All of us.”
 

“
He's just a baby,” Antonio said, dismissing the thought as anything serious.
 

“
He's not a baby. He'll be eighteen next month.”
 

“
Eighteen is not that old. At that age you think you know everything, and it's difficult to realize what it is you don't know.”
 

“
Well, he figured out enough to know he won't come back unless we're in love with him, too.”
 

TJ left the three of them to contemplate what he told them. He sat on the bed in Danny's room to gather the strength needed to repair his aching heart in private. He was feeling down and discouraged. If it were up to him, Danny would be with them now, being loved and cared for. Sadly, he understood their point of view, and he didn't want them to think that he was being ungrateful for what he had.
 

Chapter Two

Getting Danny

Ethan was excited when Danny asked to move in with him, even if he made it clear he only wanted to be friends. The teen was a breath of fresh air to hang around with. Ethan enjoyed taking him under his wing - exposing him to new things. Danny probably would have been willing to have a casual fling with him, except he was a little scared to take the relationship to the next level. He was definitely attracted to Ethan. He was the first person to even come close to the men Danny was in love with. What worried him was the whole sex thing. He hated to appear like an innocent novice, especially in front of a friend. And, well...did it hurt? He lost his virginity to a girl when he was fifteen, and he hated the idea having to go through the awkwardness of being inexperienced again. He had to get his experience with men somehow. He just wasn't sure he wanted his first time to be with Ethan.
Maybe someone I'd never have to see again, in case I make a fool out of myself
, he thought.

Danny could no longer go back to the bars he frequented with Ethan. Mitch put a stop to that. Therefore, he had to find other places to meet men and get the experience he was seeking. During the second week at his new apartment, Danny began going out on his own – places Ethan would never be interested in. On a crisp fall night, he rode the A train until midnight, and then hopped off not far from a place he found on the Internet.

He slipped in while the bouncer was distracted, and was immediately bombarded by the loud droning music and pulsing neon lights. The lead singer of the band was shrieking his dissatisfaction with life, as drunken patrons on the dance floor slammed into each other to the blaring rhythm of the bass. They were all dressed to match the occasion. Their cavalier attitude and grungy attire gave the illusion that they didn't care about their appearance. It was their attention to detail that gave them away. They were covered from head to toe with lurid, attention-seeking apparel. Danny felt self-conscious in his tight jeans and ripped tee shirt.

“
Who's the twink?”
 

“
What's your name sweet thing?”
 

“
Are you sure you're in the right place?”
 

Danny squeezed past the men ignoring their comments. Everyone was coming on too fast and too strong. He wanted a chance to check things out - to get a feel for the place first. Nobody was giving him the chance; he felt like fresh meat in a tank full of barracudas.

“
Come over here with that tight little ass of yours,” a man from the bar called, waving him over.
 

Even though Danny didn't like playing sweet and innocent, he knew if he wanted to attract older men, he had to work with what he had. He stood up on his toes, and leaned over the bar. “What does a guy have to do to get a drink around here?”

“
Do you have ID?”
 

Danny offered the bartender a charming smile, making sure to display his deep set of dimples. “I have money,” he said, placing a twenty on the bar.

“
Put your money away, doll. I'll buy your drink.”
 

Danny sized up the lanky man in his mid twenties. His chest, biceps, and forearms were a canvas for the ink art that covered every square inch of his flesh. His long, jagged hair was shaved on one side and dyed purple. It was offset by the many earrings and metal spikes that decorated his face. Danny found him to be oddly attractive.

“
What would you like?” he asked, breaking Danny's silent gaze.
 

“
Whatever’s on tap is fine,” he managed say.
 

“
Your choices are
Coke, Sprite,
or cranberry juice.”
 

Danny rolled his eyes at the bartender, and gave an exaggerated pout to the tattooed man with purple hair.

“
I'll take a cola and a J&B,” the spiked man told the bartender. He handed the soda to Danny, then took him by his arm, and led him to a back booth away from the crowded dance floor.
 

“
Thanks for the soda, but it wasn't exactly what I was thirsty for,” Danny said brazenly.
 

“
No? What were you thirsty for?” The man slid his glass closer to Danny.
 

Ignoring his suggestive comment, Danny took a sip from his drink.

“
Help yourself. So, how old are you, sexy boy?”
 

“
How old do you want me to be?”
 

The tattooed guy poured the rest of his whisky into Danny's soda glass and said, “I can tell you're gonna be fun to play with.”

Danny wet his lips in nervousness. Uneasy with the man's direct eye contact, he turned his head and spotted a pool table. He decided to head over to more familiar territory. "See ya'," Danny said, taking his drink and getting up.

“
Hey, where do you think you're going? I bought you that drink.”
 

“
You can have it back.”
 

“
It's not what I'm thirsty for.”
 

Danny tried to laugh and pretend he wasn't scared. “Let's play a little pool,” he said to distract him.

The man sauntered over and asked, “You play much?”

Danny racked up the balls. “Not really. You could teach me.”

“
Oh, there's a few things I'd like to teach you, but these weren't the balls I was thinking about knocking around.”
 

He lifted Danny up and placed him on the old tattered pool table, and then grabbed him by the shirt and kissed him. He tasted like cigarettes, and alcohol, and lust. He pulled the frightened boy in tighter, reached between his legs, and anchored him to the table. Danny recovered from his shock and kneed him in the crotch. The man doubled over, and then quickly straightened back up with a menacing laugh.

 “
What do you have there?” asked a man with glazed eyes, tangled hair, and bad acne.
Another buddy came up next to him, smacking his friends on the back, completely blocking Danny's escape.
 

 “
A fresh little chicken, with an attitude.”
 

“
I'd say he's fresh, he looks newly hatched.”
 

Danny waited for an opportunity to run. When the man directly in front of him paused to light a cigarette, he leapt off the table. If Danny hadn't hesitated, he would have gotten away. Instead, he was grabbed by the back of the shirt and dragged back. “Don't run off so soon! We haven't even grabbed our sticks yet.”

“
Why don't you chalk mine for me?” the larger man with acne taunted along with his friend.
 

“
Why don't you go chalk yourself!” Danny retaliated by hurling spit to the middle of his forehead.
 

The man angrily wiped the spit from his face, and rammed his chest against Danny. “Why, you nervy little ball buster! Do you know what we do to little wiseass punks around here?”

Danny was smacked on the side of the head, and then lifted back up on the pool table. Before he knew it, there was a crowd around him. Danny scanned the faces of the men hoping to find one with a hint of sympathy. They were all drunk and laughing. Danny's head spun as the laughter and voices became muffled. He felt the eerie sensation of falling into a tunnel. He could hear Stan's voice repeating the word
secret
in his head. He was no longer attuned to what was going on around him. An overwhelming sense of shame and terror immobilized him right before his vision went dark.

*****

Ethan was starting to get worried about Danny's late nights out. He warned him that he shouldn't be going out alone, and the places he was heading would only lead to trouble. Danny was determined to prove him wrong, and that he was a man who could take care of himself. Ethan was convinced that Danny's recent self-destructive behavior was going to get him seriously hurt. He had to do something to stop him. With no other alternative, he called Mitch to tell him what Danny was up to.

After getting off the phone, Mitch contacted Antonio. The two of them met downtown to coordinate their efforts in finding the wayward boy. They split up to pound the streets to search in every gay bar they knew. Mitch was exhausted, and feeling defeated, when the bouncer in front of a hardcore punk bar told him that he had not seen anyone who matched Danny's description. He was on his way to another destination when a scrawny kid with spiked green hair and several nose rings came running up to the bouncer pleading for assistance.

“
There's a new chick in there `bout ready to be pounced by a bunch of hawks! He needs help!” he yelled.
 

Mitch's head jerked back when he heard those words. He swiftly turned around, and ran in ahead of the bouncer, shoving past anyone in his way. Mitch learned that day that the expression 'seeing red' could be literal. It was pure rage that drove him to tear through the sea of red, throwing chairs and men aside to reach the only thing in true color; Danny's light brown tuft of hair. He spotted him between a pack of men circled like vultures around the pool table. He didn't know how he knew it was Danny. He just knew.

As bodies went flying he had one mission – get the boy. Everything else was muffled background noise. A pool stick hit him several times over the shoulder and cracked in half, not once slowing his forward motion. Space quickly opened up for Mitch as he lunged for his boy, scooped him up, and carried him out of the bar.

When Danny first became aware of his surroundings, he was in the family jeep. He focused on the smell of new leather upholstery. It grounded him. It was unseasonably warm for late October, and Mitch had the air conditioner on. His teeth began to chatter from the forced cold air.

“
Take a deep breath,” he could hear Antonio say.
 

Danny was faintly aware that he was hyperventilating, and he tried to even out his breathing. He kept focusing on Antonio's soothing voice. He squeezed the large hand that held his tightly.

“
That's it. Good boy.”
 

“
Is he going to be okay?”
 

“
I think so.”
 

“
Danny, can you hear me?”
 

Danny nodded.

“
You're in the car. You’re safe. We're heading home.”
 

Danny's head pounded to the words 'you're safe.' He would have cried, but there was nothing left. He felt numb. He liked it that way. Antonio put his arm around Danny and began to rub warmth into his hands.