Breathe You In (5 page)

“Whereabouts is the flat?” Ruben asked.

“
Er
, I’m not sure, the
estate agent is taking me there.”

“I live just a walk from here,” Ruben said,
gesturing back toward the museum. “I have great views over the park.”

“Oh, one of the big terraces?” I’d seen them
lining the main road. Tall, majestic town houses with pillared front porches
and wide stone steps.

“Yes, most of them, like mine, are flats. The
residents use the park as their garden. Perfect, no maintenance.”

“And what a garden.” I finished my food and
licked the cream and icing off my fingers. A sugar rush would hit in a minute.

“You’ve got a bit…” He pointed at my face and
then stroked the corner of his mouth.

“Oh, have I?” I poked out my tongue, felt a
stray bit of cream and licked it off.

Ruben watched me and then slid his tongue over
the seam of his lips, as though also checking for cream and crumbs.

“That was delicious,” I said. “I probably
shouldn’t have, though.” I rubbed my flat stomach.

“I don’t think you need to worry about calories,
Katie. You look great.” He glanced away, toward the band again.

I wasn’t sure, but I thought a little color rose
on his cheeks as he took another drink.

I concentrated on my tea, grateful for its familiar,
soothing effect. It was as if I were dreaming. Here I was with Ruben Strong,
who Matt had donated something so vital to, and we were having tea in the park
and listening to a brass band as though we were a couple of olden-day
colonials.

My life had certainly taken a strange turn. And
with all these new thoughts swirling in my head about moving here, moving to
the town Ruben lived in. Bizarre didn’t seem a powerful enough word.

“So what did you think of the museum?” Ruben
asked.

“It was nice.”

“Nice, that’s not very descriptive.” He smiled.

“Okay.” I poked at the splinter again. “I
thought the shoes were quaint, the stuffed animals creepy, and the blitz room
scared the crap out of me.”

“That’s more like it, proper feedback.”

“You should get rid of the animals,” I said.

“I wish that was my decision. I hate them too.
Not so bad in the summer, but in the winter, when it’s dark early and the
lights are on low, their eyes seem to glow and follow you around the room.”

I suppressed a shudder. “Yuk, see what I mean,
creepy.”

“It would be much cooler to have some
dinosaurs,” he said. “I was mad on dinosaurs as a kid. To me that was the only
thing I thought museums should house. Of course, there are lots of arguments
against that.”

“Yes, I suppose.” I paused. “So what did I miss?
I didn’t go upstairs.”

“Loads of stuff about the Saints. That’s the
town’s rugby team. A pile of old Roman coins and bits of china that have been
found over the years. The really interesting stuff is in the attic, including
some things that have recently been donated from the
Althorpe
estate.”

“Where Princess Diana grew up?” Now that
impressed me.

“Yes, it’s just down the road from here and they’ve
given us some pictures that were painted by her father. They just need cleaning
up and reframing. That’s been one of my jobs this last month or so, that and
making the information plaques to go next to them. They’ll go to auction in a year,
to raise money for charity, but until then we get them.”

“Sounds an interesting project for you.”

He shrugged. “My life was more interesting when
I had to supervise changing four tires on a Formula One car in less than
fifteen seconds, but I’m not complaining.”

Of course he wasn’t, because at least he had a
life. Unlike Matt. I felt a familiar prickle in my eye, a rogue tear forming. Damn,
just when I’d been walking along my emotional tightrope so steadily. I reached
into my bag for a tissue and dabbed my eye. It was the unfairness of Matt’s
death that hit me like a bolt of lightning sometimes. Kind of like having
someone twang that tightrope I was stepping so carefully on and making it shake
and wobble and disrupt my balance.

But then again, today was turning out to be more
than I’d expected. In fact, sitting here with Ruben Strong had thrown up a
cascade of emotions I was trying to keep in. But I was about to lose the
battle. Soon I would be overwhelmed.

“You okay?” he asked.

“Must be a bit of hay fever,” I said and glanced
at my watch. “I should get going, you know, to meet this estate agent.”

“Yes, of course.”

I stood, needing to get away from him, but also
wanting to stay. But I couldn’t, not if I wanted to maintain any kind of
composure. Just ten more seconds of keeping that lid on, that was all I needed.
I could do that. Yes. I could. “But thanks for the cake, and for, you know,
saving me from the blitz and the peacock.”

“Not every day I get the chance to be a knight
in shining armor.” He smoothed his hand over his shirt. “Well, not armor, but
white cotton anyway.”

Tucking my handbag against my side and pushing
my hair behind my ears, I stepped away.

“Katie.”

I turned.

Ruben was standing now, hands in his pockets,
shoulders a little slumped. He prodded a clump of dry grass with his shoe. “Would
you
er
…would you like to go out for a drink sometime,
you know, when you move here? And I’d be happy to show you the sights, in the
area, help you get your bearings. Not that there’s many sights now you’ve seen
the museum and the park…”

He looked awkward and handsome, bashful and
confident all at the same time. A strange feeling of longing tugged in my
chest. Longing for what?

 
“There’s
lively places in town,” he went on, “or quiet country pubs just outside,
whatever you prefer.”

I said nothing. I probably appeared frozen, like
a rabbit stuck in a flashlight beam, but inside I was in turmoil. Ruben Strong
was asking me on a date. Shit, how the hell had that happened? What on earth
would my friends think? What the hell would Matt have thought?

“Just a drink?” Ruben said, “no pressure, not a date
or anything. I’m just guessing you won’t know many people, what with you just
moving here and everything.”

Not a date.
Not a date
I repeated to myself. Okay then, I could handle
that. I wasn’t ready to actually go out with a bloke again. Was I?

Oh, the questions I was being faced with this
afternoon. And here was another one. Did I want to spend more time with Ruben?

That was an easier one. Because who was I
kidding? A part of Matt was inside this man who stood before me. How could I
not want to spend time with him? It could be just what I needed, a feeling of
connection.

“That would be lovely,” I managed. Damn, I’d
never be able to tell anyone about this. They’d think I was off my rocker.

Ruben grinned. “Great, look, here’s my museum
card, it’s got my personal mobile on it. Call me when you get settled in and
we’ll head out.”

I took the small blue card that held the same
picture as his badge and a mobile number beneath his name. I swallowed tightly.
“Okay, I’ll do that.”

Would I? Would I really? When sanity managed to
break through grief and slap me around the face for my madness, would I actually
call him? No, surely not. My heart and soul had taken all the beatings they
could cope with, enough to last an eternity. There was no way I’d subject
myself to the agony of going for a drink with Ruben Strong. It was just the
heat of the moment making me do this. The confused state I was in.

“I’ll call you next weekend then,” I said,
slipping the card into the front pocket of my bag.

It was official. I’d gone mad.

“Katie, are you absolutely sure? I mean, I think
it’s wonderful that you’ve made this decision, but will you be okay? You don’t
know anyone in Northampton.”

I stared at Melanie, my boss and good friend of
seven years, and fiddled with my wedding ring, twirling it around and around.
“Yes, I’ve been thinking about a move, a fresh start for a while now, I just
didn’t say anything to anyone.”

“Well, I can see that it could be good for you,
and Northampton isn’t too far away at all. You’ll still be able to visit us,
plus we have Felicity’s wedding in a few months so there’s the hen party and
all of that…” She trailed off. People often did when weddings were mentioned
around me.

“I can easily come back for that. I wouldn’t
miss it.”

“Good.” She smiled. “And what about the house?
Are you going to sell it?”

“No, I’m going to rent it out. I can’t quite
bring myself to sell. Not yet.”

“Of course.” She pulled her eyebrows low and
nodded.

I kept my tone light and conversational. “A letting
company has been round, they said they had several people on their books who
would snap my hand off to live there. Very popular area apparently.”

Melanie nodded again. “And what about somewhere
to stay in Northampton? I’ll have to give the Abington Street Branch all of
your details and they’ll need an address.”

“That’s sorted.” I hesitated; I didn’t want her
to think I’d been too presumptuous about her allowing me to transfer branches
of Skin Deep, but the truth was I would have changed jobs to get to Northampton.

After I’d left Ruben on Saturday I’d become a
woman on a mission. Each step across that lawn away from him had been like adding
structure to feeling alive again. I’d known by the time I’d got back to my car
that agreeing to go for a drink with him next weekend had been absolutely the
right thing to do. And no matter what obstacles were in my way I would be
living in Northampton when that happened. It was the only thing I could do to
make up for the lies that had flowed like syrup from my mouth—lies that
had been as sticky as they’d been a prophecy. “I’ve seen a place to rent. It’s
cute, has character and is in a lovely part of town. I’ve put down a deposit
already.”

She raised her eyebrows, and I knew I had indeed
been too presumptuous. She might be a close friend, but she was also my boss.

I shrugged and smiled. “I was there, looking
around, you know, visiting the shops, the parks, and I saw a flat that called
to me from an estate agent window. The place is empty and the deposit fully
refundable if for some reason it’s not okay for me to transfer. So nothing is
lost if it’s not a possibility.”

The deposit wasn’t refundable on my new little
one-bed place that overlooked the north section of the park and into a school
playground, but that didn’t matter. Money hadn’t been an issue for me since
Matt’s death. He’d known his job was risky and had been well insured. Plus, the
mortgage was automatically paid off and I’d had a substantial lump sum placed
in our, or rather, my bank account from his company; a few years of his wages
to be exact. No, money wasn’t one of my concerns, not that that had ever been a
comfort, not really.

“Oh, well,” Melanie said with a sad smile. “In
that case it’s just a matter of me making a phone call. I know they’re short
because they have two on maternity leave and what with everyone wanting
holidays this time of year. I’m sure they’ll say the sooner you can start the
better.”

“Really?” It would be great if I could stay
working at a Skin Deep branch. It was a job I could do with my eyes closed and
I really didn’t need to use up valuable brainpower learning anything new at the
moment. My thoughts, since Saturday, had been too full of Ruben. Not just that
he had something of Matt’s inside him but his smile and the way he’d blushed
when giving me his number. I felt drawn to him, to seeing him again. I hoped it
wouldn’t be long until I did. “I would like to be there by next Monday really.”

“A week today?”

“Yes.” I flattened my lips together
determinedly. It was the only way to do this, in one quick swoop while I still
had the courage.

“Oh, well, of course.” She looked surprised,
maybe a little hurt too. “We’ll have to round everyone up for goodbyes on
Friday.”

I softened my expression, put on the mask I knew
I would wear on Friday. “That sounds great, we should head to that new Indian
Felicity was raving about.”

“Oh, yes, that sounds lovely.” Melanie picked up
her phone. “I’ll make that call then. Let you know once things are confirmed.
But you know…we will miss you terribly.”

*
* * * *

 
My
last week in Leicester went by in a blur. Everyone was surprised but supportive
of my decision, and there was lots of hugging and tears at the end of our meal
on Friday night. But I couldn’t help wonder if my colleagues were a bit
relieved to see me going. When I was around I got the feeling they always
worried about saying the wrong thing and upsetting me. Mentioning their own
husbands or plans for the weekend were often said with hesitancy. It all meant
I had to appear enthusiastic and interested if they were to continue—and
I
was
interested, sort of.