Breathe You In (20 page)

“Yes, and
—
”

I stopped talking as the bridal march rang
around the room. The congregation stood, and I turned and strained my neck to
see Felicity walking down the aisle with her father.

Wearing a figure-hugging gown and a veil
—
thankfully minus the condoms
—
that trailed on the floor behind her, she looked stunning. She held
a bouquet of citrus blooms, and a diamond necklace sat in the dip of her neck
and sparkled in the streaming sunshine.

A tingle ran over my spine and diffused
across my shoulders. My own memory of walking down the aisle and seeing Matt
turn and smile hovered in my mind’s eye.

I’d been so happy, flying high. It had
been a wonderful moment in my life, one I would cherish forever.

Ruben’s shoulder rubbed mine as he picked
up the order of service and passed me a copy. I looked up at him and saw that
he was studying me with concern on his face.

He knew me so well. He was wondering if I
was okay with this whole wedding thing.

I smiled, nodded, and the crease between
his eyebrows softened. Because I
was
all right, I had my balance, and this particular part of the maze had shown me
the way.

And the way was the present, enjoying this
as Felicity and Neil’s special moment, here now, and me with Ruben at my side
in this beautiful place surrounded by friends.

The past was allowed to ripple up my back,
touch my shoulder or stroke my cheek, that was fine, but what I wanted most was
to hold hands with the future. It was the only way forward.

The ceremony went without a hitch. After a
ton of photographs on the lawn and the release of two white doves that promptly
flew up into the nearest tree and started mating, we were all herded into a
lavishly decorated reception room.

Ruben and I were seated with Melanie and
Andy, along with a couple of other girls I knew through Felicity.

The conversation flowed, only pausing for
the formal speeches and the cutting of the cake. Ruben held his own when teased
by Melanie for his sideburns, that suited him very well, and I caught up with
Lauren about her baby girl whose christening I’d attended.

It seemed hardly no time had passed when
the plates were cleared away and the disco music started.

“Please all circle the floor for the first
dance,” the DJ called through his microphone.

Ruben took my hand, and we wandered to the
outer rim of the large rectangular dance floor. Red, yellow, and blue
spotlights spun around us as the first bars of an old, haunting U2 song,
With or Without You,
strummed out.

The crowd around us increased as Felicity
and Neil embraced and began to sway to the music, eyes only for each other.
Ruben slipped behind me to make room for someone smaller than him to see.

The bass guitar rumbled through my chest,
its rhythm as familiar as a heartbeat. This had been Matt’s favorite song out
of all the U2 ones he’d adored. I remembered sitting on his shoulders when it had
played at the first concert he’d taken me to.

“Who sings this?” Ruben asked, winding his
arms around my waist and pulling my back into his chest.

I tilted my chin and twisted to reply.
“U2. It’s really old, though.”

“It’s good. I don’t know much of their
stuff, I’m more of a Coldplay and Oasis kind of guy, but this…”

“You should get into them, I’ve got all of
their music.”

“Can I borrow it?”

“Sure.”

He touched his lips to my temple, and as I
listened to the song I melted into him, his support welcome. I was glad of the
darkness, though. The words, living with or without someone, had created a
ripple effect on my tightrope. It was like someone had given it a twang and it
took all my efforts to stay steady.

I watched Felicity turn her head and smile
at something Neil was whispering in her ear. A new memory for them, a perfect moment.
I made it one of mine, too, and solidified my emotional stability.

The song came to an end, and I found
myself tugged farther onto the dance floor. “Time for
our
first dance,” Ruben said, gathering me close.

I slipped my hands over his shoulders and
linked my fingers at his nape. “And a perfect song for us,” I said, smiling as
The Police started up with
Every Breath
You Take
.

“
Mmm
.” He
touched his lips to mine and planted several delicate kisses that made me fall
into him all the more. Ruben’s taste, the way he made me feel, his arms around
me, was like an addiction. Luckily it seemed he felt the same way about me and
we were happy to feed each other what we needed.

He tucked a loose tendril of hair behind
my ear, spun me one-eighty, and I smiled up at him.

“You’re doing so well, today,” he said.

“What do you mean?”

“A wedding, it must be hard not to think
of your own.”

“Yes, it is. But I have you here, and the
difference that’s made is incredible. I feel like Katie around my friends
again. I’m not sad and lonely and trying to cover it up with fake smiles. They
can see that I’m happy and they don’t need to feel guilty for their own happiness.
Does that make sense?”

“Yes, it’s like a domino effect when
people feel sorry for you. The brighter you try and be, the more sympathy they
project which in turn makes you feel worse inside.”

I loved it that he understood me so well.
It made everything so much simpler. “That’s right.” I slid my hands down from
his shoulders, settled them on his chest. He took my left one in his.

“Do you think you ever would again?” he
asked.

“What do you mean?”

“Get married.”

“I’ve never thought about it.” I’d thought
about a future with Ruben, but marriage? “Why? Are you asking?” I smiled.

“Let’s just say I’m dipping my toe into
the marriage pond to see what the temperature is.”

I laughed. “That’s a really silly
analogy.”

He grinned. “But it made you laugh and
that’s what thrills me the most.” He pressed our joined hands into his chest,
over his heart. “But seriously, Katie. A minute without you is a wasted minute,
and I for one know time should never be wasted.”

“I feel the same,” I said, looking into
his eyes that were reflecting the fragments of bright lights bouncing around
us.

“So we should do something about that.”

“What are you suggesting?”

“Move in with me. My flat is big enough
for the two of us. And I want to wake up with you every morning, go to sleep
with you in my arms every night. It just makes so much sense to be together.”

I’d been moving gently to the music but
stopped. “Really? Are you serious?”

“Absolutely. I’m in love with you, Katie,
and I can’t bear to be apart from you. You’ve completely stolen my heart.”

“And you mine,” I said, curling my hand
around the back of his head and pulling him closer. “I’m so in love with you,”
I breathed onto his mouth. “And yes, I want you to be the first person I see
each morning and the one I kiss goodnight.”

“So that’s a yes?” He gave a tentative
smile.

“Oh, yes, a big fat yes with icing and
cherries on the top.”

We kissed, in front of all of my friends,
people who’d seen me with another man on my wedding day, seen me become a shell
of myself after his death and now rise from the flames like a phoenix. I was so
happy I wanted to burst with joy.

But I’d settle for getting naked and sweaty.

We fell into our hotel room. Ruben kicked
the door shut and dropped the key to the floor. Next thing I knew I was up against
the wall, my wrists held above me in just one of his hands. He was staring down
at me, his nostrils flaring as he breathed fast.

“Tell me this is it,” he said, palming my
left breast through my dress with his free hand.

“Yes, this is it,” I panted.

“You and me?”

“Yes, you and me.”

He smiled, not in his usual sweet way but
in a downright predatory way. “And what do you want?”

Excitement and anticipation swirled in my
belly. Between my legs I was buzzing for attention. “You, Ruben, fuck me. I
want you to fuck me.”

He gritted his teeth, but only briefly
because then he caught my mouth in a wild kiss.

I pushed against him as he drove me harder
into the wall with his body. There was nothing weak about him. He had me held
tight with his chest, belly and legs all taut with muscle and his lust as
powerful as any force I’d ever known.

I matched him kiss for kiss, looped my
right leg around one of his. Tried to move my arms but couldn’t.

“Like this,” he said, suddenly releasing
me and spinning me to face the long mirror next to us. “Bend over. Put your
arms out.”

I stooped and pressed my palms onto the
cool surface. He yanked my short dress up to my waist and tugged my knickers
off. Cool air washed over my bum and legs.

His movements were swift, precise, and
within seconds his cock was nudging at my pussy from behind.

Spreading my legs to make his entry
easier, I watched in the mirror as he concentrated on his task, his hair flopping
forward and his tie hanging loose, tapping against the small of my back.

But he didn’t penetrate me with his cock.
Instead, he plunged two fingers into my pussy.

I shunted forward and gasped, the filling
as sweet as it was intense.

“So wet for me,” he said, withdrawing and
pushing back in, just teasing my G-spot the way he was so damn expert at.
“You’re perfect for me.”

I forced myself to continue watching his
reflection. He was tall and wide looming behind me, and still wearing his suit
it seemed extra sexy, extra forbidden that we’d sneaked away from the
celebrations to satisfy our sudden carnal urges.

“I’ll never get enough of you,” he said,
fingering me, “or your sexy pussy.”

“
Mmm
…oh yes…but…”
I needed more stimulation so let go of the mirror and searched out my clit.

“Oh, no you don’t,” he said, pushing me
away, “that’s my job.” He took over with his free hand, working and rubbing,
building me up.

I locked my knees and whimpered a
complaint when he removed his fingers but then braced as he pushed his cock
into me that first inch.

He gripped my left hip, kept working my
clit. “I’m in Heaven when I’m in you,” he said, sinking balls deep and a long
low grunt of pleasure erupting from him.

“Me too,” I gasped. “When you’re in me.”

Palms still on the mirror, I took him all,
so deep he nudged right up to my cervix. I adored this position, I’d forgotten
how much, and being able to see the bliss on his face as he withdrew and
plunged back in was sublime.

He held me tight. I was a little unstable,
my concentration wavering from my legs to my pussy. An orgasm was blooming. His
fingers were wicked, unrelenting, feeding a pressure in my clit that was
demanding more, more, more.

“Ruben,” I gasped. “Oh, God.”

I don’t know how I managed to stay on my
feet as the coiling wave of bliss unraveled through me. Ruben had me pretty
well held at my hips and the mirror supported me a little, but still, I felt
like I was crumbling, floating. I bucked for more, jerked away. It was so much
and the intensity stole my breath.

My climax crested and rolled, and I opened
my eyes again, concentrated on Ruben’s reflection.

“Ah, yeah, squeeze me like that,” he said,
releasing my clit and clutching both my hips. “It’s
gonna
make me come…ah…ah…” He tipped his face to the ceiling, closed his eyes and
buried himself to the root. “Fuck, yeah…” He sucked in a deep breath. His tie
settled for a second, and his chest expanded beneath his clothes.

His orgasm looked and sounded beautiful,
and I knew I’d never get enough of seeing and hearing it. We were meant to be,
Ruben and I. We were in perfect synchrony to weave love and time together.

He withdrew, slowly, then pushed back into
me, a tremor traveling over his body and into mine.

There’d probably be bruises on my hips
tomorrow, but like the scratch marks I’d left on his back, I’d wear them with
pride.

“I just want to stay like this all night,”
he said, releasing my hip and pushing his hair from his eyes.

“Nice thought…
Mmm
…”
I moaned as he pulled out and pushed in again, my tender, swollen flesh hugging
his cock.

He smoothed his hands over my bare
buttocks. “You have such a sexy
arse
. Why haven’t we
done it like this before?”

“I’m sure there’s lots of things we
haven’t done yet.”

“Shall we make a list?” He caught my gaze
in the mirror.