Breaking Shaun (39 page)

“Do I?” I started going through my drawers for clothes.

“Yeah, you do. Were you with Shaun again?”

I straightened my back once I’d found the shorts I wanted and replied, “Yeah. Why?”

He shrugged. “Just wondering.”

I started searching my closet for a shirt when Nick moved to sit on my bed.

He asked, “So, what have you been up to?”

“Nothing much. Shaun said my car should be ready by next week, so at least I’ll be able to drive again soon.”

“Oh, yeah?”

I turned around with a shirt in my hands and held it up to my chest, so Nick could give me his opinion. He nodded his approval, and I tossed it onto my bed next to my shorts.

“Yeah. He wants to help me restore it, but I told him I’d have to wait until I got my own place first.”

Nick looked surprised. “You’re trying to leave me already?”

“No, but I’m sure you’re ready to have your apartment to yourself again.”

“I dunno. Having you around has been nice even though I really only see you on the weekends.”

I sat down on the bed next to Nick, and he put his arm around my shoulders.

“I know. Our schedules suck. What are you doing this weekend?”

“Hanging out with my amazingly sexy boyfriend and my fan-fucking-tastic cousin, that’s what.”

I laughed as Nick squeezed my shoulders.

He leaned in close to my ear. “So, how are things? With Shaun, I mean.”

I raised my eyes to look at him, and I could feel my cheeks growing warm. “Good.”

“Good?”

“Really good actually. You were right. It’s so nice to be with someone, knowing we’re both on the same page. I don’t have to make excuses or play games. I can just relax and have a good time, you know?”

Nick smiled. “I do know one thing. You look happier now than I think I’ve ever seen you. And if he’s got anything to do with that, then I say keep doing what you’re doing,” he said, wiggling his eyebrows.

I laughed and started to stand when I remembered something. “Did you know Shaun teaches surf lessons to little kids?”

Nick’s head jerked back, and his eyebrows furrowed. “He does?”

“I know. I was surprised, too.”

“Wow. Who knew Shaun has a soft side?”

I spent the rest of the week working and hanging out with Nick and Luke. On the weekends, Luke would spend most of his time at Nick’s apartment, and the more I got to know him, the more I liked him. Their differences were what made them so perfect for each other. It was nice to see my cousin so happy and in love. I just hoped it would last. I knew Nick had just as many doubts about love as I did, but he was willing to try, and I envied that about him. I wished I had that kind of courage.

By the time Sunday evening came, I was incredibly horny, but I refused to call Shaun. There was no way I was going to let him know just how much our time apart affected me. I’d even considered calling Brad, but I knew it would be pointless. He couldn’t satisfy me the way Shaun could. It drove me crazy how much power Shaun had over me already.

When I walked into Red at six, I was surprised to see Jay standing at the bar, talking to Trey and Mandy. I hadn’t seen him since the day he hired me. Mandy had said he rarely made appearances. Besides the quarterly staff meetings, his employees would hardly see him. I kept my eyes on him as I wrapped my apron strings around my waist and tied them. He was dressed in a perfectly tailored gray suit, and a light stubble was growing on his jaw.

Jay turned to look at me as I approached, and I gave him a small smile.

“Hi, boss man.”

His eyes swept over me. “Natalie,” he greeted before turning to face Mandy again.

“I was just telling Mandy and Trey that a few things are going to change around here.”

I came to stand next to Mandy, and I tried to read her expression to figure out what was going on. She was blushing a little with a coy smile on her face. Trey was smiling, too, and I was curious to hear what was happening.

Jay looked at me again, and he grinned. “I’m moving the three of you to VIP.”

My eyes widened, and my jaw dropped. I turned to look at Mandy, and before I could respond, she gave me a big hug as she squealed in my ear.

“VIP, baby!” Trey shouted.

Jay chuckled as he pushed himself away from the bar. “Well, you guys better head upstairs and get settled. I have some important guests coming in tonight, so don’t make me regret my decision.”

Mandy let me go and turned to face Jay again. “Oh my God, thank you!”

“We won’t let you down,” I told him.

He started walking toward the back entrance. “I’m sure you won’t,” he said before disappearing down the hall.

“Do you realize what this means?” Mandy asked me as we started walking toward the stairs leading to the VIP area.

“What?”

“We’re about to start making at least triple what we were. This is huge!”

“I wonder what happened to Jess, Sasha, and Kurt,” Trey muttered from behind us as we climbed the stairs.

They were the bartenders who used to work in VIP.

“I saw Faith taking them to her office when I first came in. Whatever it is, it can’t be good. They either got the boot, or they’re moving down to take our places,” Mandy said.

I shrugged. I didn’t really know any of them, so it didn’t matter much to me. “Either way, it works out nicely for us.”

It was Sunday night, and my dad and I were cleaning up in his kitchen. We’d just finished fixing Natalie’s car, and it was running again.

“So, this Natalie girl seems nice,” he said as he dried his hands off with a paper towel.

I ripped one off of the roll and leaned back against the counter as I wiped my hands. “Yeah, she’s nice.”

“You must like her if you offered to fix her car for free.”

“Yeah, I like her—in my bed,” I said, giving him a defiant look.

I knew what he was hinting at.

My dad shook his head and tossed his paper towel in the trash. “Does she know that’s all you’re interested in?”

“Yes, Dad. I know you think I’m a total douche bag, but even I have morals.”

My dad raised his eyebrow and looked at me. He rested his hip against the sink and crossed his arms. “I think you’re a douche bag?”

I shrugged.

“I don’t think you’re a douche bag, son. I just think you’re a little lost.”

I held out my hands. “I’m not lost. I’m right fucking here.”

He gave me a warning look before explaining, “You are lost. You think avoiding anything that requires you to feel makes you stronger. You think protecting yourself with a smart-ass mouth and an I-don’t-give-a-fuck attitude makes you smarter than the rest of us, but it couldn’t be further from the truth. You’re scared, and you’re hiding behind your fear. You’re being a coward.”

I clenched my jaw, and I could feel my heart racing in my chest.
Of all people, my father is lecturing me about love?

“Is that right?” I asked, moving to cross my arms over my chest. “And what would you suggest I do? Fall madly in love and have my heart broken, so I can spend the rest of my life being fucking miserable and taking it out on everyone around me?”

My dad’s head jerked back. “Is that how you see me?”

“That’s not how I see you. That’s how it was. You think I didn’t see what mom’s death did to you? You think because I was just a kid that I don’t remember what it was like to watch my father break right in front of my eyes? How are you, of all people, going to lecture me about love?”

My dad pushed himself away from the sink and took a step toward me. His finger pointed at my chest, and I could see the emotion in his eyes.

He said, “Loving your mother is the best goddamn thing I ever did with my life.”

He put his hand down and turned to take a few steps away from me as he calmed down. When he turned back around, he met my gaze and continued, “You think you would even fucking be here if I hadn’t? I’d go through that pain every time if it meant having those years with her again. Shit happens, Shaun. That doesn’t mean you run and fucking hide every time things get scary, every time you start to feel something. That’s why you’re lost, son, because you think a life without love is better than a life with it, and you couldn’t be more wrong.”

I couldn’t sleep that night. I kept replaying the conversation I’d had with my dad in my mind. He had been right. I was fucking scared. I just didn’t see the point in getting into a situation that I knew would fall apart. I wasn’t the relationship type. If I saw something or someone I wanted, I would get it. Relationships were too much work. Even if I did decide to get involved with someone, what would I have to offer? Besides being proficient in giving orgasms, I wasn’t really useful for much else. I wasn’t rich, and I sure as fuck wasn’t accustomed to dealing with a woman’s needs, aside from the physical. I knew if I ever did fall in love, it wouldn’t come easily, and I wasn’t sure that was a challenge I would be ready for.

Of course, I also thought of Natalie. I wondered what she would think about what my dad had said, and I was also curious what made her avoid love the same way I did. Maybe we were both cowards hiding from the one thing we couldn’t control. I was starting to believe that fear was exactly what had brought us together in the first place.