Box Set: The ArringtonTrilogy (60 page)

“Dear God,” Daddy gasped, and fell down to
her. She was no longer screaming, but moaning. She moaned, and her
eyes glazed over and stared up at the ceiling.

“Amelia, what happened?” he asked, speaking
to her as if she were somehow going to be able to explain her
injury.

“Lillian, go get Edward. Tell him to
hurry!”

“I’ll go,” Ayden said, and sped off.

I stood back and watched Daddy try to soothe
her pain. He was afraid to move her; he couldn’t see where the
blood was coming from, but it was everywhere. The sight made me
cry; the blood made my stomach turn.

Edward arrived, but stopped in his tracks at
the doorway.

“What’s going on?” he gasped.

“We have to get her to the doctor. Help me,”
Daddy said. I was paralyzed by the shocking sight.

“Lillian, get the blanket from the bed!”

Ayden, who had returned with Edward, passed
me and did what Daddy asked. They wrapped Momma up and carried her
off. Heath arrived just as Daddy and Edward left.

“Are you all right, Lillian?” he asked,
glancing down at the floor where all the blood was. Then he said to
Ayden, “Go get Mother. She can clean this up.”

Heath took my arm and brought me to my room.
Then all my terror flooded out in uncontrollable sobs, and I fell
into Heath’s arms. Heath hushed me, as he did when Elizabeth had
fallen or woken from a scary dream that left her trembling, silent
cries escaping her tiny mouth.

“It’s going to be all right. Whatever is
wrong with your momma, the doctor can fix,” he said in a quiet
voice, stroking my hair. I grabbed onto him as if he was the only
thing keeping me from drowning in my own fears. For the first time,
I realized that she might really die. It wasn’t the same as when
she jumped off the cliff. I knew Daddy and Heath would save her
life. This time it was different, much different. We didn’t know
why she had fallen to the floor or why she was so covered in blood.
There was so much blood.

Heath didn’t have to say a word to me; his
arms around me were enough to hold me up and keep me safe.

The sound of Opal and Ayden carrying buckets
of water up the stairs caused Heath to pull away. His eyes were
filled with concern for me, and for a short time, I thought I saw
something more; I thought it was love. However, when he stepped
back and said, “Get some sleep, kid,” I knew that his compassion
came from his love for me as a friend, and nothing more. It would
never be more, because he would always be years older. And although
I thought I wanted more from Heath, it felt good just to have him
there, holding me as a friend, and telling me everything would be
all right. But to my dismay, it wouldn’t be all right. My life was
about to take a new path, and I would be forced to a place that one
day would put all the mysteries of the past and present together
and give me the answers to Momma’s years of impenetrable
madness.

_______________

Momma’s screams and moans of pain didn’t come
from some mysterious illness that left her in a pool of her own
blood, but from plunging a letter opener into her stomach. Momma
had once again tried to kill herself. The doctor stitched her up
and told Daddy what he feared most. Daddy was devastated, but he
had no choice but to send Momma away to an asylum. She didn’t
return to Jasper Island before Daddy took her on the long railway
trip to Indianapolis; I never got a chance to say goodbye. With
Momma gone, I was left with a permanent ache in my heart that I
believed would never go away. If it weren’t for the Daltons’ love,
I would have had no choice but to wither away and die. Daddy was
gone for nearly three weeks, and they kept me close, insisting I
stay with them and sleep in their house. It was Elizabeth’s need
for my attention and companionship that kept my heart from breaking
into a hundred pieces.

While the early winter raged on and we were
kept locked on the island, I was able to keep my sadness down and
spend all of my time on her. Even Ayden had come around slightly,
with my encouragement, and welcomed me to teach him some signs. He
loved his baby sister, and it became apparent that what kept him
away was his fear of learning how to sign. He lacked confidence. It
didn’t take long to convince him it wasn’t as hard as it appeared.
I was impressed by how quickly Ayden caught on, how much he
studied, and in the end, he could sign with Elizabeth as good as
Heath and I.

On many stormy days, Heath, Ayden, and I
would sit by the fire and play with her. I was fortunate enough to
have a place that took my mind off Momma. Daddy wasn’t as lucky. He
struggled to get out of bed and make his way up to the light tower
each night. He had aged considerably since Momma left. His hair had
turned completely white. His eyes were always sad, his expression
forlorn; his heart was heavy and full of anguish. I heard him cry
when he thought he was alone. He attempted to keep his suffering
closed up and to himself; he withdrew until he could no longer
handle the emotional torment. Then I began to smell stuff on
Daddy’s breath like the sailors who frequented the taverns. He only
went to the mainland once a week, if the weather permitted, but all
winter long, Daddy always smelled like that. His personality
changed, too. He stopped crying, and even laughed more often than
not. But his duties as lighthouse keeper suffered. He often forgot
to wake to light the lamp when the darkness of night approached.
Edward began to fill Daddy’s shoes, and I could see he was not
pleased about it. He was always mumbling under his breath, saying
something about Daddy that I struggled to make out. I didn’t want
Daddy to be in trouble with Edward, and did all I could to wake
him. Almost every evening, I would steal quietly into his room,
light the lamp, and try to bring him out of his deep sleep.

“Daddy, it’s time to light the lamp in the
tower,” I said, shaking him lightly. It always took me nearly a
half-hour to get him to finally rise from bed. He never changed out
of his uniform, and it was wrinkled and in dire need of a wash.

“I’m up; I’m up,” he would say and push me
away. Then he would stagger out of the room, and before going up to
the light tower, first make a trip to the fog signal house. I
couldn’t understand why he went there every evening—even when there
was no need, when there was no fog.

One night, when he was up in the tower, I
went to see what brought him there. I saw the bottle right away; he
didn’t try and hide it. The bottle of rum was half empty, and five
other empty bottles were stacked in a pile near the corner. Daddy
was drinking his loss away. Angry, I took what was left and poured
it out onto the floor. After that, I didn’t know what to do. I was
sure Edward knew Daddy was drinking, and I was more than aware that
Daddy could lose his position. Alcohol was absolutely forbidden on
lighthouse premises. It was all falling apart, our whole life on
Jasper Island. It was so unexpected. I recalled when we first
arrived—the hope and promise of a better life. I believed we were
sure to find everlasting happiness on the new island, but it turned
into just the opposite for us.

Momma was far away, locked up in an asylum,
Daddy had turned into a drunk, and I was left to try and sustain
what we had left. I was afraid to go to Opal; I was ashamed of my
family. She had done so much for us already. There was no way she
was going to be empathetic to Daddy now that he was drinking. Ayden
I wasn’t sure I could trust with that information. I was too
ashamed to tell Heath. My only hope was that I could keep Daddy’s
drinking problem a secret and bear the burden of protecting what
was left of my family’s good name.

By the spring, nothing had changed except for
the weather. I worked hard to keep Daddy straight and poured out as
many of his bottles as I could. Eventually he figured out, through
one of his many drunken stupors, that someone was touching his
secret stash. Daddy for one minute didn’t think it was me, and
instead staggered over to the Daltons’ house and hollered for
Ayden. Daddy thought Ayden was pouring his rum out.

“Ayden Dalton, I want to talk to you, boy,”
Daddy commanded.

Opal hurried out of the kitchen. “Garrett,
what is it?”

“Your boy has been touching my things!”

I was sitting with Elizabeth by the windows,
reading a book. She was aware of Daddy’s anger and hid her face in
my long hair.

“Who has been touching your things?” Opal
asked, wiping her wet hands on her apron.

“Ayden. Now get him down here,” Daddy
demanded. Edward and Heath walked in the front door, and Daddy
stumbled aside as Ayden appeared at the top of the stairs.

Daddy lunged forward after Ayden, but he
tripped on the first step and crashed to the floor. I gently set
Elizabeth aside and ran to help him up, but not before Edward
grabbed hold of Daddy, picked him up by the back of his uniform,
and threw him outside. Daddy fell onto the ground then fumbled
around, trying to get up.

“Get up, you drunken fool,” Edward
shouted.

“Leave him be, Edward; he doesn’t know what
he is doing,” Opal said, and pulled Edward back before he laid a
punch into Daddy.

“He knows exactly what he is doing. Now go
back to your house and sleep it off. I will man the light tonight.
Don’t you ever come to my house like that again,” Edward warned.
“Do you understand me, Garrett?”

Heath saw me heading to help Daddy, and shook
his head. “Leave him be, Lillian; he needs to go to sleep.”

I looked at Heath and saw his pity. I was
humiliated, embarrassed, and wanted nothing more than to run and
hide. Heath called after me, but I didn’t stop. I ran down to the
boathouse and climbed into the first rowboat. I needed to escape
the island, get far enough away that I wouldn’t have to face what
Heath and the others knew for certain. I could no longer hide it.
The Arringtons were full of sin and madness, and I was certain
people like the Daltons didn’t want to be linked with us.

I had difficulty untying the rope, and it
took so long that Heath caught up to me.

“Where are you going?” he asked, taking my
hand off the rope. I tried to hide the tears with my hair, which
covered most of my face. I didn’t answer. I couldn’t face him
anymore. I was too ashamed.

“I asked where you were going,” Heath said
calmly then moved the hair stuck to my wet face aside with his
finger so he could see me.

“I just want to get off this island, just for
a while. I will come back later,” I sobbed, still refusing to meet
his eyes. It reminded me of the time a few years back when I wanted
to run away, and Daddy had sent Heath to stop me. Only this time,
Daddy hadn’t sent him to get me to change my mind. Heath came after
me because he cared for me and truly didn’t want me to row five
miles alone on the dangerous sea.

“Would you like me to row you out there?” he
kindly offered. He was almost eighteen. At the end of the summer,
he would be going back to Boston to attend college, and there he
was, trying to console me. As Heath aged, instead of drifting away
as I thought he would, he remained committed to our friendship.
Some of that was because Clara was long gone, and Heath had no one
to take her place, so I received the benefit of Heath’s emotional
lonesomeness, and I cherished it.

I briefly considered allowing him to row me
to the mainland, but I decided it was best if he stayed away from
me. I didn’t want him to get punished for being with the daughter
of a drunk.

“I’ll go myself, Heath,” I said forlornly,
and went back to untying the boat from the dock.

“What troubles you so much that you need to
escape Jasper Island? Is it your daddy’s ways? Is that all?” he
asked, standing close behind me, waiting for my answer.

“Of course,” I nearly shouted. “My life is
miserable. My momma is gone, and my daddy drinks his pain away and
doesn’t even know I exist any longer. I don’t know what to do.” I
put my hands over my face to hide my sobs. My shoulders shook
violently, and my wretched cries caused my chest to ache. Heath
tried to comfort me, but I pushed him back and said, “Stay away
from me. You don’t need someone like me in your life.”

“What are you talking about?” Heath was
confused.

In between sobs, I choked out my words. “I’m
ashamed to be here. Look at my parents. Look what has become of
us!”

“Don’t you dare be ashamed for who you are.
You’re a sweet girl; none of this is your fault.”

“It doesn’t matter whose fault it is. Just
leave me,” I said, and turned to get into the boat.

Heath firmly grabbed my arm and lifted me out
of the boat. “Enough of this. I can’t let you go out there
alone.”

“You let go of me,” I insisted and slapped
his hand away, but he refused to let go. He was angry at me.

“Stop acting like a little girl all the
time,” he said.

I was sick to death of him calling me a
little girl. What did he expect from me? Did Heath think for one
minute that anyone in her right mind could accept what had been
happening to my family? I was just as angry, and my fire raged
within me. I was sick of holding my emotions in and lashed out at
Heath. I struck him with my closed fists; I beat his chest and
screamed at him to go away. I was wild, out of control, and lost in
my own rage. Heath allowed me to hit him, over and over. He stood
like a statue, strong and unyielding. He turned his face to avoid
being battered. But when he thought I had struck him enough, he
took hold of both my hands and wouldn’t allow me to move.

“I just want to help you, Lillian. That’s
all. If I could take your pain away, I would. I would do that for
you,” he said to me. His eyes were sincere and loving. I wanted
Heath to tell me he loved me—not the way a brother loved a sister,
or as a friend, but as a man loved a woman. The way Daddy had once
loved Momma. But he said none of that. Heath felt me looking
through him, looking all the way into his soul, then shifted his
blue eyes away and let go of my hands.