Born to Be Wild (18 page)

She didn’t answer for a long time.

“I don’t think I ever want to leave.” She looked up, and ran the back of her fingers down his cheek, then a finger over his lips. “But I guess we have to.”

“Yeah, we do. But—”

“But,” she interrupted, “first I want to tell you about Daniel.”

Zach nodded and tucked her head back on his chest, trying the best he could to make it easier on her, easier on himself.

“I met him when we were both freshmen in college.”

“You went to George Mason, right?”

“Yes. Dane got a scholarship to UVA. It was the first time we’d been apart, really apart. After Dad died, and through the rest of high school, Dane helped me deal with it all. He understood how deeply I loved Dad. Mom blamed him for a long time for taking such a stupid risk. I
guess Stan finally helped her deal with that. I sure wasn’t much help. Not back then.”

“What changed?”

She took a calming breath. “In high school and at college, I was always drawn to guys who were wilder. More like Dad, I guess.”

“More like you,” Zach interjected quietly.

Dara looked up at him, surprised. After a moment, she shrugged and laid her head back on his chest. “Maybe you’re right. Dane said something like that to me too. I guess I didn’t see it that way at the time.”

“And Daniel was a wild man?”

“The wildest.” She grinned up at him. “At that point anyway.

“He was a soccer player and a good one too,” she went on, affection and pride in her voice. “Youngest team captain the league ever had. Determined to be a pro one day. His family didn’t have much money, he was at school on a scholarship and he’d never really traveled. More than anything he wanted to see the world. And pro soccer was going to be his ticket.”

She sighed. “It would have been too. But Daniel was young and strong and had that sense of immortality about him to such a strong degree that his judgment wasn’t too sound. He tackled sports like a crazy man. He loved to have crowds cheering him on and chanting his name, but he also loved just about any other challenge. If he heard of a new sport, he had to try it. Nothing was out of bounds.”

The dread Zach had been feeling began to creep in a cold, slithering band around his heart. Every word she spoke drew the band in tighter.

“We started talking about marriage when we were sophomores.” She broke off for a moment, then after a deep breath, she said, “That spring he suffered a spinal cord injury while he was boogie boarding at Ocean City. He had to stay in a hospital near the shore for months. I took a leave from school to be with him. Eventually he was moved closer to home. Every minute I wasn’t at school I spent by his bed. He never came out of his coma.”

She snaked her arms around Zach’s waist and hugged him tightly. “He died during my junior year.” She swallowed hard. “He never got to see the world. Never got his wish,” she whispered.

“And you didn’t get yours either.” She looked up, but Zach held her head to his heart and rocked her gently. “Shh. It’s okay. I understand. I understand. You don’t have to tell me any more.”

“I was so angry at him. It was such a stupid waste. It wasn’t until then that I understood what my mom had gone through.”

“I’m sure she was a great help to you.”

Dara shook her head against his shirt. “I couldn’t tell her. Not then. She’d been through enough already.”

“What about Dane?” Her brother had never said a word to him or Jarrett about any of this.

“He was so great after Dad died and when Mom remarried. If it wasn’t for Dane, Mom and I probably wouldn’t be speaking, and I know I’d never have learned to love Stan and appreciate him like I have. And he’d finally gotten free of all that, you know? He was off on his own for the first time, and when we’d talk on the
phone, I’d never heard him sound so excited. Not ever. No way could I burden him with this.”

Zach was stunned. “Surely he knew about it? I mean, when you left school—”

“I did tell him, eventually. But I made him promise not to tell anyone else. Mom and Stan had just retired and moved to their North Carolina dream home. I just couldn’t do anything to ruin that. She deserved her happiness. So did Stan.”

“But you did—”

“Yes,” she broke in gently. “Eventually I did. And they were all great. I wouldn’t have made it without their love and support.”

She was trembling slightly and clutching him, and Zach wished like hell he’d never brought this up. Dear God it was no wonder she didn’t want anything to do with him.

“I spent a lot of time at the hospital, and it was there that I heard about the Dream Foundation. To me Daniel was such a prime example of how important dreams are and how fleeting time can be. I volunteered for the group as a way to cope. After he died, I increased my time with them. It helped.” She looked up, her eyes glimmering with tears, but her expression told him she’d found her peace. “You know?”

“Yeah,” he said. “I know.”

“After I got my business degree, I went to work for them full-time. I really felt like I was making a difference with the foundation. At first, it was for Daniel. But somewhere along the way that changed, and I was doing it for me.”

“And for the kids.”

“Yeah. It can be very frustrating and tedious getting the funding set up. But seeing those kids’ faces. Well, it makes it all worth it.”

He didn’t think he could love her more than he did at that moment. Or feel so tortured knowing he’d never be able to tell her without hurting her.

Everything fell into place. Her feelings about the risks he took, why she’d so carefully shielded the part of herself that longed to be a bit wild. And though he knew in his heart that there was a world of difference between the carefully planned excursions that he conducted and the wild, careless antics of a college boy, he also knew how hopeless it would be to try and explain that difference to Dara.

He should be profoundly grateful she’d opened up and shared as much of herself with him as she had. And yet it was hard to feel that. He’d have to get past the huge yawning hole that was springing open inside him first.

He held her against him, rubbing her back and shoulders until the last of the tension seeped from her body. “Dara?”

“Hmm?”

“What did you think I’d do if you’d told me this the first time I asked? Back in your office that day?”

She stiffened, but only for a second. She raised her head and looked at him. “Honestly?”

“I don’t think I want to hear this, but yes, honestly.”

“I figured you’d tease me or make fun of it because of our past. Daniel will always be special to me, for a lot of reasons, and I guess I didn’t want the Zach Brogan I remembered to touch that.”

“Based on what you’d heard from Dane, I guess I can
understand why you thought of me as, how did you put it? Peter Pan with an American Gladiator complex.”

Dara’s smile was tentative. “I won’t apologize for that. I didn’t think you’d grown up or had a sense of responsibility.”

“And now?”

Her smile faltered. “And now I’d like to think I can get past my feelings about what you do and judge you by the man you are.”

He frowned. “I’m proud of what I do, Dara. In a way, albeit not nearly as altruistic as yours, I do the same thing as you. I fulfill dreams. Dreams of adventure and excitement. I give my clients the thrill of a lifetime.”

“Not all people need to risk their lives to find adventure.”

Zach resisted the urge to defend himself further. He knew what he was dealing with now. And as long as Dara still wanted to be with him, he had time to show her his side of the story. He kissed her soundly, then smiled down at her. “I think I can understand that. You’ve been one helluva an adventure for me.”

She rolled her eyes. “Oh yeah, I’m a real walk on the wild side.”

“Well, getting into a car with you isn’t exactly for the faint of heart.”

Dara stuck her tongue out at him.

“Hey, don’t go waving that thing around unless you plan to use it.”

She laughed and said, “I thought that was my line from after lunch.”

He groaned and hugged her. Her return hug had him
truly relaxing for the first time since she’d begun her story. Hope began to fill that hole.

“Okay, okay. Change of topic.” He set her back. “So,” he said with a wide grin, “what do you think my chances are for getting this trip approved by the board?”

“I think they’ll go for it.” Dara kissed him, backing away before he could capture her head and take it deeper. “You did a great job.”

“Better than you expected.” It wasn’t a question.

“Go ahead and gloat, I deserve a major I-told-you-so. But I still think this trip was necessary. You have to admit your background—”

Zach didn’t want to get into that again and cut her off with another kiss, this one hotter and deeper. When she moaned and shifted against him, he lifted his head. “I want to have a barbecue for the kids and their parents after the board meeting.”

Dara took a moment to focus on what he was saying.

“You’re not a shoo-in, Brogan. But,” she conceded, “should you get approval, I think a barbecue is a great idea.”

“I thought it would give the kids and their parents a chance to meet the guys who’ll run the trip. We can go over the details and answer any questions.”

Dara framed his face with her hands and gave him a smacking kiss on the lips. “Have I told you I think you’re wonderful?”

“Nope.” But he sure as hell needed to hear it. He stood and pulled her up with him. “But I can think of a great way for you to show me.”

“Zach, wha—? Oof.”

Zach hoisted her gently over his shoulder, holding her with one arm across her thighs.

“What do you think you’re doing?”

“Conserving your strength.”

She didn’t say anything for several seconds, and Zach braced himself for an unseen blow. Instead he felt her hands wiggle into the waistband of his shorts, and her wicked laugh filled the air.

“Keep it up and we won’t make it back to camp,” he warned.

“I’m trying to keep it up,” she shot back. “And wasn’t it you who said pacing was everything?”

“You’ll pay for that one, Colbourne.”

“I was counting on it, Brogan.”

Dara pulled her car into an empty space beside Zach’s pickup. There were several other cars already parked in the huge yard next to Zach’s rambling farmhouse. She scanned the wide open area in front, then headed around the side when she spied the picnic tables set up under the big oak trees in the backyard.

She spotted Zach almost immediately. Along with Beaudine and Scotty, he was standing by the grill, wearing a black T-shirt with “Badd Boyz Off Road Stuff” emblazoned in silver across the front and a ridiculously tall white chef’s hat. She grinned.

They’d been back from the mountains for three weeks, and though she’d been very busy and he’d been gone for a good part of that time on another of his excursions, she didn’t feel the least neglected. Far from it.

Her fears that the relationship would dissolve once they were off the mountain were never given the chance to materialize since Zach hadn’t left her house until the following dawn. She’d been late for work for the first
time in her life, and had still smiled throughout the entire morning staff meeting with Mr. Cavendish.

And before she had a chance to let worry or fear crawl inside of her, a pink gorilla had delivered a dozen balloons to her office late that afternoon after everyone else was gone. The attached note explained she was to drive to the address on the card if she was in the mood. She was in the mood.

Chinese carryout by lantern-light in the middle of the same field where they’d flown kites was his idea of a romantic candlelit dinner for two. She discovered it was hers also.

And even after he’d hopped a plane to the Yukon, she wasn’t given any time to contemplate where this relationship might be headed or how foolish she was to continue it. He called from the airport to whisper hot, erotic things that were totally inappropriate for business hours, but she wouldn’t have traded them for anything. And when he couldn’t call, notes and other strange gifts arrived that alternately made her laugh, cry, or squirm un-comfortably in her seat wishing he were closer. Much, much closer.

Now, as she crossed the open yard, Dara fingered the small Inuit pouch hanging from her neck. It had come two days earlier with a note inside, written on paper cut in the shape of a moose head, telling her at which helipad to meet him. She’d gone to pick him up without a second’s hesitation.

It had to end at some point. She wasn’t so far gone that she’d deluded herself about that. Their lifestyles weren’t long-term compatible. Even though he made a huge effort to be careful, she still worried about him the
entire time he was away. And another painful realization had occurred to her when she sat at home wondering if he was okay and if he was doing something too crazy. Even if she could come to terms with his lifestyle, he might very well grow tired of hers. Or more to the point, of her, period. She might have reclaimed some of the wildness of her youth, but she knew she still wasn’t the sort of woman to hold the attention of a man like Zach for any length of time. He needed someone who could climb mountains and ski down glaciers. She couldn’t even handle a hot-air balloon ride. Besides which, no matter what she thought, and no matter how attentive he was being, he was hardly the type to consider a long-term arrangement of any sort, anyway.

Her steps slowed even though she never took her eyes off him; she even laughed as he expertly double flipped a burger and caught it on the spatula with a flourish.

Dara lifted the pouch and smiled wistfully, the slight pressure of her fingers crinkling the note still inside. Suddenly her hand tensed, pulling the leather thong taut. She felt his gaze on her like a physical touch and carefully schooled her expression to what she hoped was an open, friendly smile before lifting her head.

His grin still sent chills down her spine and did warm, funny things to the muscles of her inner thighs. God, she hoped this picnic didn’t last too long.

Horrified that she’d even thought that, she lifted her face to the gentle breeze, hoping it would cool the hot flush she could feel in her cheeks as she crossed the remaining distance between them.