Born to Be Wild (20 page)

“What?” she asked, stunned and completely taken off guard. “What do you mean?”

“Now, don’t go crazy on me. I’m not canceling it. I’ll just be turning it over to Scotty. The rest of the crew will stay the same.”

Dara’s spine stiffened as the full implications of what he’d just said sank in. “Are you telling me that you’re leaving these kids to take off to God knows where to help a client on some thrill-ride trip?”

“Jarrett’s okayed the switch.”

“Goody for Jarrett. What about those kids out there? You remember them, the ones who look at you like you’re Superman or something. They’ve suffered enough disappointment, and if you think—”

“Dara,” he lifted her hand and squeezed gently. “I’ll explain it to them. They love Scotty, and the trip will go the same whether I’m there or not.”

“So send Scotty out to play thrill-seeker with Mr. Fujimora.”

“I can’t do that this time.”

She looked away, tugging her hand from his.

“If there was any other way.” He pulled her back around. “Look at me. Do I seem happy about this?”

“No, but you’re doing it anyway. Zach, I’m not going out there and ruining this picnic.”

“Nothing’s going to be ruined. And I’ll handle it. Trust me.”

“Yeah. Easy for you to say.”

Tension and frustration entered his brown eyes. “Are we just talking about the camping trip here? I mean, is something else bugging you?”

“I thought I knew you, but now I’m beginning to think my first impression was more on the mark.”

“Dammit, Dara. What I’m doing for Jarrett and Fuji is—” He broke off and swore under his breath.

“Is what, Zach? Make me understand.”

“I can’t tell you. Not yet at any rate. All I can say is that a while back I made a promise to Jarrett—”

“You made a promise to me and those kids too.”

“Dara, I have obligations and responsibilities just like you, and they’re just as important. I’m sorry for the change, but those kids will get the trip I planned for them. Just not with me. If I say I have to go, you can believe I have to. And if not, then maybe you really don’t know me.”

Dara’s heart was pounding. “Maybe I don’t.” She yanked her gaze away from his. “Maybe I never really did.”

He pulled her chin up to his, his eyes narrowed, his expression unreadable. “What are you trying to tell me? That because we have a difference of opinion about this trip, that’s it? It’s over? That’s real mature, Dara.”

“No,” she shot back, anger filling the void where her heart used to be. “What’s mature is fulfilling your obligations. What’s mature is facing up to the fact that while we have great chemistry—”

“Chemistry? You mean because we’re great in bed?”

Dara pulled away from him and stood. “That’s what I mean. It’s obvious we really don’t have anything beyond that.” If he’d gotten angry, she’d have been able to walk away. But he looked so wounded and hurt, her anger evaporated. She sighed and sank back down on the couch next to him. “You’re right. It’s silly to fight over this. You have your job to do, and I have mine. But you and I both knew this relationship was going to end at some point anyway.”

“Speak for yourself,” he mumbled.

Hope filled Dara’s chest, but she squashed it. “I thought I could handle it, Zach. But face it, we really aren’t compatible.”

“Could’ve fooled me. I think we’re damn good together.” He turned to her. “And I’m
not
just talking about making love.”

“Maybe we were,” she whispered.

“Were, Dart?”

“Yeah,” she said sadly. “You’ve shown me that it’s
okay to risk a little, to live a little. I’ll always be grateful to you for that.”

“It’s not your gratitude I want.”

“The truth is, Zach, aside from my problems with your job, I’m not what you need either. Not really. You need someone who’s more like you. Someone who can share and appreciate all of the aspects of who you are.”

“And here I thought I was a grown man who could decide for himself what he needed.” He stood and began to pace.

“Zach, please.”

He turned on her. “Please what? Don’t be sarcastic? Don’t be angry? Well, excuse me. But, as you may or may not be able to tell, I’m not too thrilled about ending this relationship. So deal with it.”

Dara’s stomach hurt. This was harder than she thought, and she’d sworn she wasn’t going to be the one to walk. But she knew she was right about this. And she realized now that prolonging it would only make it more devastating in the long run. Better just to finish it now and start wondering how the hell she was ever going to get over him.

“I still think I’m not the one for you.” She raised her hand when he opened his mouth. “And while you’re exciting and wild and the best time I’ve ever had, Zach—” Maybe she couldn’t do this. Damn him for standing there all defiant and angry with those soul-searching brown eyes. “Zach,” she whispered, looking away, “I just don’t think I can be happy with a man who trots all over the globe, jumping off cliffs and out of planes, while I stay home.”

“So come with me.”

Her head shot up. “You know I can’t. And that’s not the answer anyway.”

He heaved a sigh and sat down next to her, pulling her into his arms without warning. She knew she was in trouble when she made only a token protest.

She still didn’t want to be anywhere else.

“Yeah, I know that,” he said. “I guess I’ve known this was coming since you told me about Daniel.” He held her for a long time, tucking her cheek against his heartbeat, smoothing her hair. “I hate this, Dara.”

“I’m not real happy about it either.”

“Then why the hell are we doing this to each other?”

“Because you are who you are. I don’t want to change that. But I can’t change my feelings either. I watched my mom fall apart when Dad died. And I was forced to sit by helplessly and watch as my own relationship ended tragically. And I find myself waiting for this one to fall apart too. I don’t want to get to the point where you get bored with me because I’m not a thrill-seeker sort of woman, or I start resenting you for the risks you take. I don’t want to spend every minute of the day and night worrying about what I’ll do when you finally take one risk too many.”

He lifted her face to his. “Is that what this is really all about? Losing another lover?” He shook his head. “Or is it your excuse?” She looked at him in shock. “You think I need another type of woman. But you’re wrong, Dara. I’ve never even wanted a woman, not seriously, not like this, until you.” He pressed his finger to her lips. “But I do understand that I’m not what you need. I wish like hell that weren’t true, but if I’d make you crazy or miserable, it doesn’t matter why. Maybe this is for the best.”
He took a deep breath, then let it out slowly. “Hard as that is to accept.” He tugged her closer to his chest, then tucked his hand under her hair and tilted her head back. “But I’ll be damned if I can let you go without one last kiss.”

Dara didn’t have time to decide whether it was a good idea or not. His mouth was on hers, hot, hard, and needy, and she simply responded.

His hands moved up and down her back, wove into her hair, traced her ears, cupped her cheeks. His mouth moved over hers possessively, taking not asking, giving without waiting to be invited.

Dara’s head swam, her heart pounded, her skin heated, but before she could muster any sort of control, it was over.

Zach lifted his head and carefully sat her away from him, his hands heartbreakingly gentle. His gaze never left hers, even as he stood. “I have to go out and talk to the group about this. Then Dane and I have to leave. He’s helping me with some of the transportation. Beaudine and Scotty can handle the rest of today, so if you want to—”

“I’m not leaving. Even though the barbecue was your idea, these kids are my responsibility.”

A sad smile curved his beautiful mouth. “I hope they know how lucky they are to have someone like you in their corner.” He walked to the door, turned the knob, then paused. His head dropped forward until his forehead rested on the frame. He stood like that for so long, Dara was halfway to her feet when he finally turned back to her. The leashed power of his gaze made her sit back down.

“I know I shouldn’t say this. Especially not now. But you are my ultimate thrill, Dara Colbourne. Nothing and no one has ever compared. And if I travel for the next hundred years, I don’t think I’ll ever be as happy as I have been these last few weeks.” His smile faded, and his voice grew rougher. “And damn if I don’t love you like hell on fire.”

Dara couldn’t move, couldn’t breathe. “Zach—”

Just then someone pounded on the door. “Brogan? You about done? Let’s get a move on.” It was Dane.

He never took his eyes off her. “Yeah, be right there. Do me a favor, Dart?”

“What? Yes.”
Anything
, she felt like saying, but couldn’t. Her mind was still replaying his last words, trying to comprehend that he’d really said them.

“Find someone who makes you happy. Make your dreams come true. No one else can, you know. You deserve it. Just don’t forget me.” He winked and ducked out the door.

Dara slumped back on the couch, feeling emptier and more alone than she’d ever felt in her life.

Forget him? Never.

She forced herself to ask the question: How long would it take him to forget her? The answer should have
given her the comfort she needed, the conviction that she’d done the right thing. For both their sakes.

It didn’t even come close.

Dara rested her elbows on her desk and flipped open the second folder on her stack. Arandon, Inc. wanted to fund a wish currently on her list. She smiled, but after opening the next file, the smile faded. Another one. That brought the total to six donations made specifically for wishes on her list in the last three weeks. Three weeks. It had been four weeks since she’d seen Zach.

Four miserable, lonely weeks. No letters. No calls. No funny gifts. No Zach.

The only thing she knew was that the camping trip had been a smashing success, and if the cards and notes she’d received from the kids and their parents were any indication, the kite-flying party Zach had treated the kids to a week later—his version of an apology—had been an even wilder success. She didn’t doubt it. Zach was the sort of person that brightened the lives of everyone he knew. No matter how briefly.

Of course when that bright light was gone, it was amazing how incredibly dark a place could be.

Don’t forget me
. Impossible. Not if she lived to be a thousand.

She rested her forehead in her hand, fighting the tightness in her throat as images of Zach laughing, Zach winking, Zach dancing, and Zach making love to her all raced through her brain like a fever.

She blinked hard several times and purposely shifted her attention to the folders. And now it was becoming
increasingly hard to ignore that he was continuing to affect people’s lives—hers included—by getting his clients to donate funds to Dream A Little Dream. She knew without a doubt there had been no coercion, the donations made willingly.

Her resistance weakened, and she gave voice to the thought that had plagued most of her waking moments and all of her sleeping ones. “I want Zach Brogan back. I may be a masochistic idiot for loving a crazy man again, but I’m an even bigger idiot for making him go away.”

The bigger question was, did he still want her?

A hard rap on her door brought her head up. Her mouth dropped open in surprise when Jarrett McCullough strolled into her office.

“Jarrett? What are you doing here?”

He was the sort of man who exuded athletic grace but in a dark, quiet sort of way. His hair was blacker than midnight, and he had gray eyes that could make a woman shiver. Hard and always in control. That was Jarrett. At least that was the Jarrett she used to know.

He was still all those things, but … Maybe it was his eyes, Dara thought. She wouldn’t say they were softer, but they were definitely more open.

“Nice to see you again too,” he said sardonically as he took a seat across from her.

“I’m sorry,” she said smiling, then froze when a sudden shiver of apprehension crawled down her spine. “Is something wrong? Did something happen?”

“No. At least no one’s sick or injured or anything, if that’s what you mean.” He sat down and leaned back, more relaxed than she remembered him ever being before.

“Is Rae here with you? I’d love to meet her. I’m really sorry I couldn’t make the wedding.”

“No, she’s not, but she’d like to meet you too. And we missed you, but Dane said you were on a trip with some foundation kids. We both understood.”

He was being perfectly sociable, but Dara couldn’t shake the feeling that something else had brought him here. “I love seeing you again,” she said. “But I get the feeling this isn’t a social call.”

“Not in the normal sense.”

This time her smile came easily, if a bit sadly. “I’ve become real familiar with the abnormal lately.”

“Actually, that’s sort of why I’m here. I promised Zach a month ago I’d do this.”

“Zach? He sent you here?” Now she was confused.

“Not directly. Actually, he let me off the hook right after he got back from Tibet.”

“Tibet?”

Jarrett’s eyes narrowed. “You still don’t know what he was doing, do you?” He swore under his breath. “I knew I should have come sooner. Rae told me—” He cut himself off with a chopping hand motion, then looked up at her.

Dara lifted her hand to stop him. “It doesn’t make a difference.”

“It damn well should,” he said sharply. “I can’t believe you were so hardheaded and unfair.”

“Hardheaded and unfair!” she shot back before she could stop herself. His attack was unexpected, but her anger died quickly. Now she slumped back in her seat. “The reason I said it didn’t matter, is because I realize
now that if he said it was important, it was. I don’t have to know why.”

“He got one of my operatives out of a very sticky situation. It was something I had set up before I married Rae. Things went real wrong, real fast, and Zach got in there and got the job done when no one else could have.”

Dara was stunned. “Has he done this for you often?”