Blemished, The (14 page)

I
tried not to cry. I held it together for the first two strokes but as she brought the whip down onto the fleshy part of my hand for the third time – I sobbed. I had twenty lashes in total. Tears streamed down my cheeks. I didn’t look at her – not until the end. When it was over I dared to meet her eyes, expecting an expression of triumph. I found none. She seemed just as beaten. She collapsed into her chair and stared at my hands.

“I didn’t think you’d cry,” she said quietly. “I thought you were tough.”

I sniffed. “So did I.”

Mrs Murgatroyd leaned forward, moving quickly enough to startle me, and grabbed hold of my hand. I winced and pulled away. She flinched.

“Look, you brought this on yourself.” Her voice had lost conviction. “A Blemished girl like you cannot get involved with a child of the GEM project. It isn’t right.”

“Why?” I blurted out. At this point I didn’t care if she beat me again. I wanted answers. “Why can’t the Blemished fall in love?”

“Because then it will all have been for nothing. My…” She stopped herself. I thought I saw water in her eyes but then she blinked and it was gone. “Because we have something better than you now! And if you spread your ugly, diseased, seed around it will ruin everything.” She paused. “Why can’t you be like the rest of them? Why can’t you sit down and shut up like everyone else? Just accept your fate and be done with it, Miss Hart. Things don’t have to be as complicated as you seem to make it for yourself. You are just months away from the Operation and then you can go out and do what you want.”

Mrs Murgatroyd opened the desk drawer and replaced the cane. But before she shut the drawer she hesitated. Then, after a moment of indecision she pulled out a glass bottle containing a clear fluid, unscrewed the lid and took a swig. I recognised it as alcohol from the bitter fumes.

“I told them to sterilise the last generation from birth, but they didn’t listen. I knew this would happen. You stupid girls with your raging hormones. It’s in your nature to be dirty.”

“Who is ‘them’?” I asked.

“Get out of my sight,” she snapped. “If I ever see you with that GEM boy you will take more than a beating.”

Mrs Murgatroyd appeared
ragged and tired. I didn’t waste any time getting out of there.

*

“What happened?” Angela asked. She was waiting for me at the school gates.

I showed her my hands and her eyes widened.

“Does it hurt?”

I nodded fervently, hoping the tears wouldn’t come back.

“Come on,” she said, gently taking hold of my elbow, “let’s take you home.”

We walked in silence through the ghettos. The sky threatened rain, with the March sun fading in the shadow of the clouds. I
imagined the look on Dad’s face when I show him the welts on my palms. He would want to know why Mrs Murgatroyd had punished me and I didn’t know what to tell him. If I said it was because a GEM boy spoke to me he would want to know who and why.

When we reached the corner of my street I stopped and turned to Angela. “I’ve been meeting Sebastian Cole at night.”

She dropped her hand from my elbow. “You’ve
what
? For how long?”

“Just this week.”

“The week that your dad banned you from even seeing me? What the hell were you thinking?”

I frowned. “I know. I just wanted to get to know him.”

“You don’t sneak out in the middle of the night because you want to
get to know
someone. What else have you been doing?” She looked at me and I saw the accusations in her eyes.

“Nothing, I swear. We talk.” I paused, feeling offended. “Do you really think I would do more?”

Angela sighed. “No, I suppose not. But this is bad, Mina. Really bad! Is that why Mrs Murgatroyd thrashed you? Does she know?”

“No, but she did see me in a Café with him a few weeks ago. And then today when he came to the garden. He gave me a note.” I reached up into my headscarf. With the caning I had forgotten all about it. I pulled out the small square of paper and unfolded it.

“Well, what does it say?” Angela asked anxiously.

“It says that he is leaving soon. And he wants us to meet before he leaves.”

“Where is he going?”

I faltered. Part of me wanted to tell Angela everything, to completely empty myself of all the secrets I’d been carrying with me, but I couldn’t betray Sebastian. “I don’t know,” I lied. I knew they would be moving into the farmhouse.

“I can’t believe you kept all this from me, Mina,” Angela said meekly. I heard the edge of disappointment in her voice. “Don’t you trust me?”

“I just didn’t want to get you into more trouble. But now
, I don’t know what to tell my dad.”

Angela thought for a moment. “Why don’t you just tell him that you talked back to Elena? At least then you don’t mention Sebastian and there aren’t any, you know,
boys
involved.”

I laughed. “Angela, you’re a genius. I feel so much better for talking to you.”

It was true, my footsteps were lighter. When we reached my home I opened the door without hesitation. Dad looked up from his newspaper on the kitchen table and frowned as Angela walked in. I gestured to Angela to take a seat and did the same.

“Mina, I thought we had a discussion,” he said.

“Dad, there’s something I have to tell you, well two things actually, the first one is this.” I held up my hand, displaying the angry red welt on my palm. My Dad’s face fell. “So if you’re going to have a go at me please don’t, I’ve had about as much as I can take today. The second is that we need your help––”

“I need your help,” Angela corrected. “My mum is ill and I don’t know what to do.”

My dad looked at us and sighed. “That’s a lot of information to take in.” He removed his glasses and leaned back on the chair. “First things first. Who did that to your hands and why?”

“It was a teacher,” I said without pause. “And she did it because I had an altercation with a GEM girl called Elena. The girl who bullied me when I first came to Area 14.”

“Oh, Minnie,” he said sadly. He took my hands in his, cradling them like a child. “Has it really come to this? Beatings at school? One day I will get you out of here.”

“Dad, I’m okay.” I gently removed my hands, embarrassed at his sudden display of affection in front of my friend. “Honestly, you don’t need to get me out of here. I actually like it better here than Area 10. At least here I have friends who I can be myself around. People I can trust. People who you have
let
me trust.”

He nodded. “That is true. And I have been wrong to keep you away from them. You need them around you, I see that now. I just wish you would stay out of
trouble
.”

I thought about my secret meetings with Sebastian. He didn’t know the half of it.

“The problem is that you are so much like your mother,” he continued. “You have so much life, my dear…” he trailed off, shaking his head and looking older than I had ever seen him. He then turned to Angela. “How can I help with your mum?” He smiled warmly and I breathed a deep sigh of relief, feeling that everything would be okay now.

*

Angela tearfully told Dad everything. It was only then that I understood that my dad wasn’t just
my
dad. He was Angela’s dad too – and Daniel’s. He’d taken them all under his wing ever since we built the basement together, and it wasn’t just me that Angela and Daniel came to see when they visited. For the first time in a while I was so proud of my dad that I felt as though I might burst. He listened quietly and intently, waiting for Angela to finish her story.

At the end he put a hand on her arm. “I think it’s time for me to come and meet her. Now, don’t worry, this will all be sorted. I think I have an idea. But there is a chance that you won’t like it.”

Theresa made us tea and chatted. She was charmed by Dad and enjoyed the company. After half an hour of idle chit-chat the cracks began to surface and I saw my dad take notice. We sat around the kitchen table. Daniel was there and for some reason that made me feel embarrassed. I tried not to make eye-contact with him but all the time I felt his gaze on me. When I got up to fetch a glass of water he followed me.

“Can I talk to you?” he whispered quietly. “In the lounge.”

I followed him, hoping that my dad didn’t notice our absence. Daniel was different today, almost itchy. He messed with his hair and his clothes, never remaining still for even a second. There was a gleam to his skin as though he was sweating even though it wasn’t particularly warm.

“What did you want to talk about?” I asked. I found it difficult to meet his eyes, because when I did I realised just how much I’d missed him. I missed the three of us in the basement and the way his eyes unfocussed when he talked about his mum. I missed looking over and seeing him, just watching. That connecting thread we had created had never gone away and now he was here everything somehow felt better; complete.

“Angela told me,” he said eventually. “About you and the clone.”

My mouth formed an “oh” but I didn’t say anything. Shame travelled like heat up my body.

“I don’t mind,” he said softly. “As long as he likes you and treats you well.” He took a deep breath.

“Okay,” I said.

“Are you happy? Do you like him?”

“I…,” I began. I thought back to his accusations in the field. Daniel was asking the same thing and yet it felt differ
ent, more reasonable and mature; less jealous. “I don’t know. Maybe.”

He nodded. “Just be careful, okay.” He reached into his pocket, shifting from one leg to the other. “I have something for you.”

I watched, wondering what was going on, when he pulled out a silver chain with what looked like a small wooden pendant. He awkwardly held out his hand. “Here.”

Confused, I took the chain from his sweaty palm and turned it over in my hand. The wooden pendant had been carved into a delicate oval shape and stained so that it was glossy. On the oval, in perfect handwriting, and executed with exquisite precision, a word had been carved. The word
:
Mina.

“Did you make this?” I asked.

Daniel nodded. “Yes. Do you like it?”

“Like it? I love it. It’s… beautiful.” I tore my eyes from the necklace to Daniel who glowed with pride, or maybe just relief. “You made this for me? But… why?”

He shrugged. “I just want you to have it.” He pushed his hands back in his pockets and looked down at his shoes. “I missed you.”

I took the chain and placed it around my neck. “I missed you too.”

He exhaled loudly. “It’s been tough around here. I’ve wanted to visit you and the Prof so many times but I didn’t want to get you into trouble, you know. And there’s something else.” He hesitated. “About the Slums. You’ve looked at me differently ever since then. I should never have taken you there. And I only ever went there for the Resistance, I swear.”

I smiled. I couldn’t believe that all this time he had been worrying about what I thought of him because of that night. “Daniel, stop it. I wanted to go to the Slums and I only ever blamed myself, never you. You
saved
me that night. How could I be mad?”

“You should never have been in that position.” He took my hand and stared at the welts on my palms. “You should never be hurt like this, not by anyone
, and not for any reason.”

His eyes grew so fierce that I struggled to meet them. I didn’t know what to say. My body burned from his touch. I wanted to fold myself into him, feel his warmth. But then I remembered Angela. And then I remembered Sebastian. I pulled away. My fingers trailed the bulge of the pendant under my tunic.

“Thank you for the necklace,” I said, trying to keep my voice measured. I struggled to control the emotions overflowing inside me.

His eyes searched my face as though looking for something – a different reaction. His face fell. “It’s no problem. It didn’t take me long.”

I turned and walked back into the kitchen with wobbly legs and my brain feeling like someone had pushed their fingers through my skull and mushed everything up. Daniel and Sebastian could not be any more different from each other.

Sebastian was easy to be around. He was interesting and funny and friendly and when I was with him it felt nice. I felt safe with him. Daniel was awkward and terse. He was dangerous. He knew about a world that I wasn’t sure I wanted to get more involved in. But then he did things so thoughtful and kind that it completely blew me away. With Daniel I felt as though I shared something that went beyond words. We both knew the pain that came along with being different. I wasn’t sure if Sebastian would ever understand that.

I sighed and fumbled with the bulge of the necklace under my tunic. All of this was stupid. If I had the Operation I wouldn’t care about anything. I would either be a zombie going through the motions of everyday life, or I would lose my mind like Theresa. Either way I would struggle to maintain a relationship with anyone. I’d probably drink myself to sleep every night and become addicted to the screens like everyone else in the ghettos. I shook myself, I couldn’t think like that. I had to have hope that one day I would get out, away from the Ministry and their Operations.

“Mina
, are you listening?” said Dad with a very irritated voice. “This is the future of your friend we are talking about.”

My cheeks warmed and I sat up straight in my chair. “I’m sorry. I’m really sorry.” I turned to Angela and smiled guiltily. I hadn’t even noticed Daniel take her mum out of the room. “What did you discuss?”

Dad changed his voice to a more gentle tone. “I was explaining the options to Angela. It’s clear that Angela and Daniel cannot look after Theresa alone. I’m sorry, my dear, but this is the fact. And we all know that the Ministry do not provide any after care for Blemished families. However, I have a lot of money saved away for a rainy day and I believe I can help. There is a possibility that within the Blemished community there are trained nurses who can be sought out and offered a position. Or, and I’m afraid I think this might be better for you, Angela dear, there is a home set up especially for people with problems. It is not widely known in the ghettos because of the price, but it does accept Blemished people. It is not too far from here.”

Angela’s eyes glassed with tears. “But then I wouldn’t see her.”

“You can visit her,” my dad insisted. “Angela, I don’t want to force you with this decision. Take as long as you like to decide. This is your choice and no one else’s. Have a talk with Daniel and let me know what you decide to do.”

“I couldn’t take your money,” she said.

Dad pulled his glasses a little further down his nose, a gesture I recognised as showing he was very serious about something. “Now do not talk like that. I will not sit back and watch a fourteen year old girl look after a fully grown woman with progressive dementia. I will not do that. You will take my money.”

“I can stay here tonight and we can talk through it if you like.” I took Angela’s hand, ignoring the pain from my palms.

“No,” she said through tears. “I think I’ve made up my mind.” She looked at my dad. “If you are sure… about the money.”

“Of course I am.”

“Then, the nursing home, or whatever it was you called it.”

“Are you sure, Angela?” I asked.

“Yes, I’m sure.”

“What about Daniel?” I said.

“He’ll agree,” she said firmly. “I know he will but I will talk to him and explain everything. I know he’s lived here for a long time, but she’s my mum. I make the decision.”

“Okay,” I said. “Would you like us to leave so you have some time?”

She nodded.

We stood up to leave but first I had to do something. I walked through to the lounge. “Theresa, we have to go.”

“Oh hello, Mina.” She smiled so warmly that I felt tears prick the backs of my eyes. “I didn’t realise you were here.”

Theresa was the closest I’d had to a mother figure
for a very long time. “Yes, I just wanted to say goodbye.”

“Well, goodbye then,” she said, still smiling.

“Thank you for the mint tea.” I turned to Daniel. “Goodbye Daniel.”

As I left with my dad I felt tears prick my eyes, especially after hugging Angela tightly on the way out of the door. He patted my shoulder.

“You got quite attached to Theresa didn’t you?”

I nodded.

“I am very sorry, Mina,” he said. “I should have trusted you. I should never have kept you away from your friends like that.”

I sniffed, trying to hold back my tears. “How long will it take for you to arrange things?”

“I’ll need to rush it to get everything done before…” he trailed off.

“Before what?”

“Before she gets any worse.” He stared up at the sun as it began to set over the terraced houses of the ghetto. “Of course, Angela will have to look after herself now.”

“She has Daniel,” I added.

“Yes, that is true. And I believe she is a very capable and independent girl,” he said. “Just like you are. I think you would be just as capable of looking after yourself if I left.”

I laughed. “Yes, but you aren’t leaving.”

He grinned. It was an expression that didn’t meet his eyes. “Of course not.”