Blemished, The (12 page)

I
rifled through Dad’s things with shaking fingers looking for a pencil and paper. Daniel lost consciousness and Angela propped him up on the tattered sofa. She stuffed cushions behind his back whilst I stood, helpless, trying not to look at a thin line of blood dribbling from his nose. It sent chills down my spine. It was different this time, more violent.

“What’s going on?” Dad said, hurrying into the basement. “I heard screams.”

“Daniel is having a vision,” I said. “They give him terrible headaches.”

Dad rushed to Daniel’s side. “Does he always pass out?”

“Yes,” Angela said. “He’s usually out for a few moments and when he comes to, he draws the vision.”

“I brought a pen and paper,” I said.

“All right, you two watch him, make him comfortable and monitor his breathing. I’ll get something for the headache,” Dad said before leaving.

I watched as Angela made Daniel comfortable. He looked so much younger with his eyes closed. He had sun-kissed skin from working outdoors, the kind of tanned skin that never quite loses its colour in the winter. He stirred and then mumbled my name.

I moved towards him. “I’m here,” I said.

H
e grabbed hold of my hand and smiled which sent heat coursing through my veins. He didn’t open his eyes once.

Dad’s footsteps came clattering down the stairs and he bustled over with a wet towel and a glass of water. He wiped away the blood and placed the towel on Daniel’s forehead. Angela remained very still, her eyes never moving from Daniel’s hand on mine.

“How is he doing?” Dad asked.

“He stirred a little but seems to have calmed down,” Angela mumbled.

She moved away from Daniel and sat cross legged on the floor looking up at us. She reminded me of a child too – one who had just been tricked out of a toy. I wanted to comfort her in some way but couldn’t find the words.

“Paper,” Daniel mumbled.

His eyes opened and he let go of my hand. I took the pencil and paper and then moved away to give him space. Daniel’s hand travelled quickly and expertly across the page, tiny cross-hatches and lines creating a man’s face. Dad peered forward with a frown. I recognised the man immediately – it was the same man I had seen my dad talking to at the Resistance meeting. I looked across at him, watching his reactions. He said nothing. Daniel finished the drawing and leaned back against the sofa. He had dark circles under his eyes and his face almost sloped to one side with the pain of his migraine.

Dad passed him the water. “Drink this. I dissolved Aspirin in it for your headache.”

Daniel took the water with thanks.

“Do you know who that man is?” I asked Daniel.

“Mina, let the boy recover,” Dad said, with irritation.

I smiled sheepishly at Daniel. “Sorry.”

“No,” Daniel answered, ignoring my dad and my apology. “I don’t know who he is. I saw nothing but his face. But I got a bad feeling at the same time, as though something bad is going to happen.”

“Do you think the man causes it?” I said. “Do you think he is the reason why the bad thing happens?”

“Maybe,” Daniel answered. “I mean, I can’t be certain. But it would make sense. Why else would I see him?”

“That’s enough questions,” Angela snapped. “Daniel is tired. We should go home.” She turned to him and said firmly,” You need rest.”

“He can rest here,” I suggested. I had a strange urge to look after him.

Angela ignored me. She avoided my eyes and looked only at either the floor or Daniel. She barely waited for him to finish the water before helping him to his feet.

“I’ll help you up the stairs,” Dad said. I noticed that he didn’t meet my eyes either.

After they left I found myself staring at the illustration on the sofa. In it the man was not smiling or posing, just natural, as though about to sit and read a book or make himself a drink. I knew nothing about this person, nothing about why my dad had been involved in discussions with him. Whatever it was, Dad clearly had something to hide or he would have admitted straight away that they knew each other. There was no way I could keep my knowledge to myself anymore. It was time for that confrontation.

“You know this man,” I said, turning to face Dad as he descended the stairs into the basement.

“What are you talking about, Mina?” He kept his face very still, not giving away any emotion.

“Stop lying to me!” I shouted. The paper creased in my fingers as I gripped it harder. “I
know
!”

He sighed. “You might think you know. But you do not, child.”

“Child!” I spat. “I’m nearly sixteen. In months I have the Operation––”

Dad put his face in his hands. “Do not remind me of that.”

“You can’t keep treating me like a child,” I shouted. “I followed you into the Slums.”

His head snapped up. “You did
what?
”

He snatched his glasses away and glowered at me. When Dad got mad his face turned scarlet. It didn’t happen very often but when it did it frightened me.

“Have you
any
idea how dangerous it is in that place?”

I said nothing, my fingers clenched at my side. I had to concentrate to stop myself from using my power, it itched in my palms and I longed to let the flash of anger take over.

“I don’t care. I had to know why you would go there. I had to know that you weren’t one of those… men.” I cringed. “I saw you heading towards the Slums and I had to know.”

“When?” he demanded.

“The night I stayed at Angela’s house.”

His voice turned into a low growl. “And how did you see me? I didn’t go anywhere near Angela’s house, it isn’t even on the right route.”

I dropped my eyes from his. I was too ashamed to tell him that I’d been so fascinated by the Resistance that I’d persuaded Daniel to take us. The Resistance killed my mother. How could I tell him that I was interested too? That I fantasised about joining them and running away, taking everyone I love with me and hiding out from the Operation?

“You were out on the streets at night?” he said. “What have I done wrong? Have I not taught you to be a responsible young woman? Where did I go so wrong that you started breaking rules, important rules, the ones that keep you safe?”

“We just went for a walk, Dad,” I pleaded. “We didn’t mean to break the rules.”

“Don’t act stupid,” he said, his voice raised. “I’ve brought you up to
respect
the law and you know why. To protect you!”

“I know but––”

“No more buts, Mina!” He folded his arms and paced in front of the stairs. “And on the night that your friend was taken away by the Enforcers. How could you be so stupid?”

“Nothing happened, Dad,” I said, feeling tears dangerously close. “I’m fine. We’re all fine. Me, Angela, Daniel––”

“So they were all involved?” He shook his head in disbelief. “I hoped better for Daniel. I thought he might keep you safe, look after you––”

“What do you mean?”

“––but he just put you in danger,” Dad continued. “Well I’m not having you in danger any longer. There is too much at stake. I need to keep you safe––”

“Dad, what are you talking about?”

“––which is why you can no longer see them.”

“What?” I said, aghast. “I can’t see them?”

“Daniel is no longer welcome here. He will have to learn to read elsewhere. As for Angela, you can see her at school but she is not allowed in the house and you are not allowed at her house.”

“I can’t believe you’re doing this.” The anger built up inside me, fingers twitching, until it ebbed over. “I can’t believe you are telling me who I can and can’t see.” The books flew from the shelves, crashing and banging onto the floor. Behind me I heard more noise as the sofa bounced up and down.

“You will come home and you will train. That is all,” he finished.

Incredulously I picked up the drawing and thrust it towards him. “And who is this? Are you even going to tell me? Are you going to tell me why Daniel had a vision of him? He could put us in danger. Are you going to stop meeting in secret with him?”

“All in good time,” he muttered. “Now get out of my sight.”

I
ran.

I ran until my heels ached. Wind punished my skin and cold droplets of drizzle stuck in my eyelashes, but I didn’t care. I didn’t care that I wasn’t wearing my Blemished uniform or that my hair was exposed. What did it matter now? Why should I want to protect my dad when he clearly didn’t care about me?

I was so angry that as I ran through the ghettos the things around me rattled; gates, pebbles, bits of rubbish or broken bricks. I ignored it all, no longer caring if anyone saw me. But of course, no one was outside anyway. They were inside watching GEMs parade around in their underwear on the screens.

When I got to the fields I hopped over the stile and ran
through the weeds, kicking the earth in frustration. I wanted to scream, to rid myself of the heat inside me. I wanted to hit out at something, anything, but most of all – my dad. And when I’d done kicking up weeds and running I just stopped and burst into tears.

“Mina?”

I spun around. Sebastian stood, in his usual running gear, his face full of concern. He opened his arms and I fell into them, feeling his warmth enveloping me. I pushed myself into the strength of his arms and chest, feeling safer than I had in a very long time.

“What’s happened?” he said, after I eventually removed myself from his arms, wiping tears away hastily.

“I had a fight with my dad. A horrible fight. The worst we’ve ever had.”

He put an arm around my shoulder and pulled me into him. It was an easy gesture, friendly and relaxed.

“I fight with my parents all the time,” he said. “Especially with my dad. He has really strong opinions about everything.”

I smiled. “I’m glad I’m not the only one.” We walked around the field. I stayed close to him. “He’s just so stubborn.”

Sebastian laughed. “Like father like daughter?”

“I’m not… Okay, maybe a little.” I laughed. It felt good to laugh with him. I couldn’t help how I felt, I loved being around him. With Sebastian I felt completely at ease. “This is wrong––”

“Wait,” he interrupted. “There is something I wanted to say first. That day in the Café… I frightened you. I see that now. I took you to some seedy place that other GEMs take their lovers and expected you to be okay with it. I just want you to know that I never had those kind of intentions. I meant what I said. I just want to get to know you. And I mean it when I say that we aren’t doing anything wrong. I really believe that. It may be some sort of taboo for us to talk to each other, but I know that it’s not breaking any laws.” He paused and laughed. “That all came out garbled, but I just wanted you to know.”

“Mrs Murgatroyd threatened me.” I sighed.

“She what?”

And then I was just sick of it: sick of the lies and threats and secrets. I wanted to be friends with Sebastian and that meant sharing my thoughts and feelings with him and I didn’t care about Mrs Murgatroyd anymore.

“There’s something I have to tell you. But I’m scared that she will be watching me.” I paused for a moment wondering if I was really going to do this. It broke all of my good intentions and went against everything my dad had just said. “Can you meet me here at night?”

*

Later that night I paced my bedroom. What the hell, was I doing? Why did I keep seeking out danger?

Deep down I knew why. It all started the night of the Slums. No matter how grim and frightening the experience had been, as soon as we sneaked out of Angela’s house I realised that I would never be the same again. I didn’t want to follow the rules anymore.

I found myself comparing Sebastian to Daniel. I had a connection with Daniel, I couldn’t deny that. He understood me. He was complex and drawn to danger. When I thought of him the hairs stood up on the back of my neck.

But then I thought
of Angela and the way she lit up as he walked into a room and the hurt expression on her face when Daniel held my hand after his vision. When Dad told me I couldn’t see Daniel anymore I was relieved. That way I would be forced to stop my feelings for him and I wouldn’t ruin my friendship with Angela. She was the only real friend I had.

And then there was Sebastian, who I should not even speak to. But I felt so relaxed a
round him that I just get to know him. He made me feel safe and special. And yet at the same time there was this secret about his father. Why couldn’t he tell me everything? That was why I had to meet him and tell him
my
secret. It gave him an opportunity to tell me the truth, for us both to come clean.

Dad took my arrival home as acceptance of his terms and I didn’t contradict him. When I walked through the door he sat at the kitchen table waiting for me. His eyes were red. We hadn’t said a word to each other since the fight. But I knew my dad and I knew he would hit the bottle hard tonight, passing out in the sofa, if not disappearing altogether. He also wouldn’t expect me to defy him, not after everything that happened and everything that was said. It was my best opportunity.

When the house went quiet and I heard the TV screen change to its night-time programming – a series of short films where different GEM women sang lullabies – I opened my bedroom window. Under the sheets of my bed I had placed my cushions to form a human shape and turned the lights off, hoping that if my dad did wake he would simply glance in the room and think me asleep. I had tied my hair back into a bun and I wore black trousers and trainers. I eased myself carefully through the window frame, clutching onto the drain pipe for support. Tentatively I climbed down the pipe, using the brackets as foot and hand-holds, trying not to look down until it was a safe distance to jump.

I landed with a soft thump and
glanced around, checking for spies in the dark. I waited a few heartbeats, listening intently to the house, hoping not to hear my dad angrily stomping through the kitchen. It was silent. I turned and ran into the darkness, keeping my footsteps light.

*

The first thing I noticed about the field was that it smelled different in the dark. Everything intensified. The soil was danker, the weeds more sickly and the bitter residue of the nearby animals hung in the air. My breath exhaled in short, sharp bursts. It was a cloudy night with very little moonlight. I struggled to see in the dark and cursed myself for not bringing a torch.

“Sebastian?” I whispered into the night.

“I’m here,” he whispered back.

I sighed with relief. “I can’t see a thing.” I searched the darkness for his shape, finally finding his outline against the wall. I had to move very close to him in order to see his face. When I approached he smiled so wide that I found myself smiling too.

“It’s good to see you,” he said and then laughed. “Even though I saw you less than five hours ago.” He reached forward and tucked a loose hair behind my ear.

For a moment I was caught in his gaze and the gentle touch of his hand. I tried to snap myself out of it.

“There is something I need to tell you and I’m not sure you are going to believe me,” I said, keeping my tone as serious as I could to show that I would not be joking. “And after I have told you I want you to tell me everything you know about your dad. I want you to know that what I’m about to tell you is something so important that it could put my life in jeopardy if you tell anyone. It’s the reason why we left Area 10. If the Ministry find out they will definitely take me away, maybe run tests on me, kill me – I don’t know.”

“What is it, Mina?” he said urgently. “You can trust me. You can tell me anything, I promise.” He took my hands in his and looked deeply into my eyes.

“Have you ever heard of telekinesis?” I said.

He nodded. “Yes, I think so. It means the ability to move things with your mind. Mrs Cook, our psychology teacher, is always muttering about it being a load of psychic mumbo-jumbo.” He laughed again.

“It’s not mumbo-jumbo,” I said. “Watch.”

I picked a stone on top of the wall, one which I would struggle to lift in the conventional way. Concentrating on my anger, always just slightly away from the surface, I lifted it into the air. Sebastian jumped when the stone moved, turning to stare at it, dumbfounded.

“Are you… you’re… you’re really doing that?”

“Yes,” I said. Concentrating hard I slowly lowered the stone, placing it gently back onto the wall. “I know. I’m a freak. I’d understand if you wanted nothing to do with me. It’s a lot to take in.”

He was silent for a moment, still staring at the stone. “It is a lot to take in. Did I really see that?”

“Yes,” I breathed.

“Then you are even more special than I ever imagined.”

He took my face in his hands and for a moment I thought he might kiss me. I panicked and my heart quickened. But then his hands dropped and the moment was over.

After I caught my breath I said, “So, now I’ve told you my secret. I want you to tell me about your dad.”