Blackness Takes Over & Blackness Awaits (59 page)

Kavanagh

We went out of control shopping. Yes we’re men and shopping is not our idea of a good time, but shopping for Kid is different. She loves holidays and presents so we always make a big deal out of all the holidays. This one we may have lost our minds a little bit. The four of us can barely carry all of the stuff we bought back up to her room. As we walk down the corridor to Kid’s room I notice everyone is still milling around the waiting area outside her room.

“You guys went out of control,” Maggie admonishes us. She’s not wrong. We set down all of the bags and boxes in the waiting area. I turn around and see Cooper (I’ve been warned to use the correct name or suffer the wrath of Shannon Kelly weapon extraordinaire) sitting with Kid…alone. I see this about two seconds before Kellerman sees it giving me about half a second to intervene before he ruins some other part of his body. The bathroom can take no more abuse.

“Man, keep it together,” I urge with a firm hand on his shoulder. Finn walks over to offer some back-up.

“We’ve been watchin’. She’s good, Kellerman,” Finn explains softly.

“She was kidnapped, beaten and almost killed. I don’t want him near her and I can’t fuckin’ believe any of you do either,” Kellerman bellows to the group. He’s right. I don’t want him near her either, but I know Kid. Her and Cooper have history, she’s going to have him around. I’ll admit I’m jealous. She had someone before me that was her friend. I don’t give a shit if he was a little kid, and it was for one afternoon. He had her before me. I’m possessive of her and what we have. Caveman? Yes. Alpha male? You bet your ass I am. She’s my best friend, my sister. I share her with the guys because they’ve got as much claim on her as I do, but this fuckwad…no.

“Let’s go,” I growl. I got myself worked up with all that. I push her door open and stalk in. Kid clocks my mood before I’m two steps in with Kellerman, Cal, O’Sullivan and Finn right at my sides.

“Kavy,” she warns. “Easy.” Kellerman and O’Sullivan growl while Cal and Finn snort in disgust.

“I’m guessin’ there’s a room full of angry men behind me,” Cooper says knowingly as he pivots his head to witness his telepathic abilities.

“Damn skippy,” I spout.

“I’m gonna head out, Shanny. I’ll be in touch,” Nicky says as he stands up moving toward her and kisses her cheek. Kellerman is shaking next to me so hard I can feel the floor moving beneath our feet. As Cooper moves toward us we stand in his way, a wall of testosterone. “Can I talk to you a minute?” he asks me. That was unexpected. I look at my posse and they’re all thrown too. I give him a curt nod and turn on my heel to exit the room. This should be interesting. Once out of Kid’s room he motions with his arm for me to follow him. We go to the end of the hall into a stairwell outside the ear shot of the family. I could get a good ass whipping in on him in here and no one would hear it. I’ll keep that in mind.

“I get that you all hate my fuckin’ guts,” he says honestly. “I’d hate me too if I were in your position. The thing is there’s no way in hell you all can hate me more than I hate myself. If I coulda stopped this or made it easier on her I would’ve. I did the fuckin’ best I could but it’ll never be enough in my mind. If I hadn’t shown up, let me give you a picture of what that woulda been. They woulda beaten her, raped her, tortured her, starved her and then they would’ve cut her into pieces and shipped her to you guys. I can tell by the look on your face the thought makes you sick, well it makes me fuckin’ sick too because it’s true.

“I don’t need to feel good about what I did…I don’t. I feel like shit about it. But Shanny says she wants me to stay in her life. I’ll stay away from you guys and respect whatever boundaries she puts in place. I’m not makin’ a move so you don’t need to alert her gladiator boyfriend. I’m tryin’ to do the right thing here. The only thing that’s felt right in my entire damn life is doin’ right by her and I promise you I’ll keep doin’ right by her no matter what. I love her. I’ve loved her since the day I met her and I’m guessin’ you know how easy she is to love and that shit didn’t stop the day she died twenty-two years ago.” We stand there in silence for a minute or so before he speaks again.

“I’ll let you get back to your family now. I just wanted to make my position known. From what I can tell you’re the alpha of that pack.” He stops and waits for my response. I’m a little floored by his honesty, but I recover quickly. Damn straight I’m the alpha, although Kellerman is the alpha of Kid’s pack now. Scratch that, Kid’s the alpha of our pack and lets us pretend to be the alphas of the pack.

“I appreciate you tellin’ me that. I don’t know if it makes a difference, but I appreciate it. She’s my best friend. She’s my sister. I almost lost her and you had a hand in that. It’ll take me and the rest of us a while to get all this shit straight. Kid wants you around, I think you get that we don’t get much say in that. She runs shit around here. That said, we think you’re hurtin’ her or makin’ shit worse for her we’ll cut you up and ship you to yours in pieces so she doesn’t have to worry about you anymore,” I warn in a blank tone. A ghost of a smile creeps across his face.

“We get all this sorted out. You and I are gonna get along just fine,” he snorts as he walks out the doors.

Kellerman

We had an awesome day shopping (yeah I know). We’re all pretty comfortable spending money in general, but spending it on Kid, that’s a treat. The guys bought her everything she loves from Chicago. I could see the ghosts of crazy teenagers in them while we were out. Shopping was good therapy for the guys. I promise I’m not turning into a chick. I found the perfect Christmas present. No lie…it’s perfection. I was riding on the high of our day until I saw Cooper in Kid’s room holding her hand gazing at her softly. Yeah, happy mood is gone.

I’m sitting silently holding Kid’s hand, while Cal, O’Sullivan and Finn talk her ear off. Kav left to talk to that prick, Cooper. I hope Kav puts his head through a goddamn wall. I wouldn’t call myself a violent person normally, but lately I feel like I’m in a constant roid rage. So I sit silently, maintaining calm on the surface, while fierce fury boils within me.

“Kavy?” Kid calls as he enters the room. She’s worried that my silent wish came true.

“All good, Kid,” he assures her. Moving into the room further. “Don’t know what you want us to do with him. Need some guidance.”

“I know. Why don’t you bring everyone in and we can talk?” He nods and exits the room, returning with the rest of the family. Once everyone has taken seats or leaned against walls Kid starts.

“You all know Nicky was a boy I only met once, but that one time was pretty important to my life. That was a long time ago and I’m a different person now. I love you all. You’re my family and you know how much that means to me. My life wouldn’t be what it is without each and every one of you. Nicky’s the only thing left from my life before you guys. You all know me and love me, but you only know the new me, the damaged me. He knows the innocent me that was her daddy’s princess. Having him around reminds me of that girl that’s gone. He reminds me of my father, brings back memories I thought were gone.

“I’m not kiddin’ myself. I know the road that lies in front of me. I have a lot of healing to do. I know what this journey looks like and I know I won’t be alone. I think havin’ Nicky around could help me. Yes, he was around for the trauma, but he wasn’t part of it for me. He kept me safe and alive and…” she stops and takes a shuttering breath. We all wait in anticipation of what she needs to say.

“The
soldier
,” she says looking at Sully Sr. who nods in recognition. “Nicky intervened before he assaulted me…sexually.”

No, no, no, no, no, no, no! I’m screeching on the insides, but I don’t utter a sound. Kid keeps her eyes trained on Kav so I do the same. He’s shaking from head to toe staring at Kid, silently pleading for her to take those words back. I know there are other reactions going on based on the weight of the tension in the room, but my eyes are trained on Kid and Kav. Kav stands quickly and makes his way into the bathroom. I know his plan. Kid’s hands are shaking. I look at her, but she keeps her gaze trained on the closed bathroom door. It’s my turn to step up. I give her hand a squeeze and make my way to the bathroom. O’Sullivan just threw a chair so the room is distracted trying to rein him in. I push the door open and find Kav on all fours, puking his guts out. I make my way over to him, handing him a towel.

“Thanks,” he mutters shakily. I sit on the floor and lean against the wall of destruction while he gets himself together. He flops down on his ass next to me and we sit in silence. The room behind us is not silent. People are sobbing, yelling, cussing and just about every other manageable thing you can think of. Kav and I are silent. Are there words for this situation? They did a rape kit on Kid when she got here. That was not a piece of information I wanted, but Aidan gave it. He said she wasn’t raped. What did Cooper intervene on?

“It’s my fault,” Kav whispers. “If I woulda stopped and thought for two fuckin’ seconds instead of listenin’ to Taylor they wouldn’t have gotten her.” The anguish in his voice makes my insides curl.

“It’s not your fault,” I whisper back. “It’s mine. I fucked up in Seattle. I fucked up the day they grabbed her tryin’ to force a conversation she didn’t wanna have. I fucked up not removin’ Taylor when I knew he wanted her. This is on me.” He doesn’t respond and I don’t say anything else. I’m right and he knows it.

“I haven’t felt this for thirteen years. This pain in my body that penetrates every cell,” Kav says softly. We’re both staring at the wall in front of us, not chancing a look at the other. “It’s not your fault, Kellerman and it’s not mine. It’s Grady and Mancini that are responsible.” I nod not knowing if I believe him, but agreeing those two motherfuckers set this in motion.

We sit in silence a long while before Kav lets out a brief chuckle.

“This bathroom is fucked up,” Kav comments motioning at my wall of destruction.

“You ever need any help remodeling you know who to call,” I joke.

We stand up and make our way to the door. Kav pauses so I open the bathroom door and all eyes are fixed on us. Apparently, they were waiting for us. I step back and let Kav go ahead of me. Kid is scanning his body with her eyes for any damage he may have caused himself. She looks relieved not to find any.

Kav walks straight to her climbing over the foot of her bed. He smashes his body into the tiny space next to her (he’s mostly on top of her) engulfing her roughly in his arms while smashing his face into her neck. She doesn’t even wince at the pain, just wraps her arms around him closing her eyes. I watch them for a moment before I scan the room.

Most of the eyes in the room are red and swollen, watching Kid and Kav intently. There are a few smashed chairs lying in the corner. O’Sullivan, Cal, Finn and Aidan are sitting on the floor against the wall heads hung low to their chests. Maggie is curled in Sully Sr.’s lap sucking in shuttering breaths. Mary and Doc are next to them in the same position. Collin and Hugh are a shade of green sitting in chairs near her bedside. I’m guessing they’ll be puking soon. Ryan and Adam are leaning against the window behind my usual chair, their shoulders smashed together tightly for support. Pop’s in my chair with his hand on Kav’s back his head hanging in his other hand. They feel her pain. I feel her pain.

I don’t know what to do with myself so I just stand in front of the bathroom and wait. Kid’s face is soft and peaceful with Kav wrapped around her. He gives her that peace. I should be jealous that it’s not me, but I’m not. She finds comfort in his arms in crisis and has since the first day they met. I want her to have peace and comfort no matter where it comes from. I think she’s fallen asleep now. Her breathing is even, so is Kav’s…sleeping together like they always have. I clear my throat quietly.

“We should let them sleep,” I whisper to the room. There are quiet rumblings of agreement as everyone moves from their spots of anguish toward the door. I pause for a moment and look upon her sleeping face. I love her. I’ll protect her from now on, at any cost.