Blackness Takes Over & Blackness Awaits (55 page)

“I didn’t do much, Nicky. You’re the reason I figured it out. You guided me to the memories and thoughts,” I say smiling brightly at him. I know he didn’t do anything to make me remember (dream) the conversation my last moments with my father, but I still remembered it while he was there. As heartbreaking as it is to remember it’s infinitely better than not having the memory.

“It was all you. I just pushed a little when you couldn’t get there on your own,” Nicky says sheepishly.

“Bullshit, Nicky. You did a lot for me. I would have never figured that out without you. I’m glad it worked out and I don’t have to worry about anyone comin’ after me again,” I say in a relieved breath. “Can I ask you something?”

“Anything.”

“What’s the DCA? I’ve never heard of it.”

“It’s an offshoot of the FBI. We work covertly with little to no red tape on domestic issues. Drugs, human trafficking, organized crime, things like that.”

“You’re Jason Bourne aren’t you?” I ask in a feigned fangirl voice.

“Somethin’ like that,” Nicky says in a cocky tone followed by a sincere smile.

Nicky stands up and presses a soft kiss into my cheek.

“Thought I lost you again,” he murmurs into my skin before pressing another kiss to it. “I’ll be by tomorrow to go over some more stuff.” Nicky stands to leave the room but I stop him.

“Nicky,” I call. He halts his retreat turning back to face me. “Thank you. You kept me alive and safe. No matter what happened to me this wasn’t because of you. You’re not to blame.”

“Why’d you do it?” he questions in a whisper, making his way back to my bedside. Nicky sits in the chair and studies my face long and hard.

“Do what?”

“Throw yourself in front of me?” he asks quietly studying his hands that are bandaged and mangled.

“I just did,” I say with a shrug. I don’t know why I did it. I just did. Taylor was going to kill him and I couldn’t let that happen. If I’d had a gun I would have shot Taylor. I wouldn’t have killed him, but I would have stopped him. “What happened to your hands?”

“When you jumped in front of me I wrapped my hands around your head. The bullet that got you went through me. Doctor told me that it changed the trajectory of the bullet enough to stop you from getting the full brunt of the bullet.”

“So you saved my life.”

“No Shanny, you saved mine.” His eyes (I hate the fake brown) get soft and I see how much pain he feels for what happened to me. I realize I want him in my life. I don’t know how much, but I went through something that only he knows. I feel deeply connected to him. If he hadn’t come to the job there’s no doubt I’d be dead right now and probably would have gone through horrors before that end.

“Can I still be in contact with you even though you’re a super secret agent?” I ask lightly.

“You can do whatever you want. I still feel like the bad guy though. I’ve done some really fucked up shit in this life…feel like a monster. So, you don’t want me around, I’ll take that. You want me around but not often, I’ll take that. You want me in your life in any way, I’ll take that. Just knowin’ you’re alive and safe, I’m good. There’s no pressure Shanny.”

I reach out and grab his arm trying to avoid his mangled hands. He places one of his bandaged mitts on top of my hand and smiles reluctantly at me.

“You were not the bad guy. You killed the bad guy…for me. I get that you think you’re a monster, but a monster wouldn’t have saved me. A monster wouldn’t have tended to my wounds. A monster wouldn’t have fed me. And a monster surely wouldn’t have wrapped his hands around my head to stop a bullet. You may have been a monster in the past as Nick Scarso, but I met Nick Cooper in that torture chamber and he’s a good guy,” I say emphatically with a firm(ish) squeeze of his arm.

“I didn’t stop Bruno in the bathroom with you,” he whispers painfully.

“Don’t you fuckin’ dare. You didn’t know what he was gonna do. You were tryin’ to keep me safe. That situation was fucked! I don’t blame you for that,” I scold him. I can tell by the look on his face I’ve done nothing to alleviate his guilt. I’ll keep trying.

“I didn’t know I was gonna stop a bullet when I wrapped my hands around your head. You shocked the shit outta me and it was the only thing I could think to do to protect you,” Nicky murmurs guiltily.

“Well you just made my point, dummy. You were tryin’ to protect me.” A small grin plays at his lips.

“You’re the most amazin’ woman I’ve ever met. If you didn’t have that behemoth in the bathroom that obviously loves you better than I ever could, I’d make a play for you,” Nicky admits strongly.

“Kel’s it for me, but I appreciate the compliment.” I smile sweetly.

“I know you’ve got a lot of support and love around you, but if you ever need anything call me. I’d do anything for you.” He writes his number (very slowly given the state of his hands) on a notepad and hands it to me. He stands up and lingers for a moment. Then he bends over and presses his lips gently to my forehead. “I’ll see you tomorrow,” he murmurs into my skin. Then he’s gone. He saved my life and inadvertently helped me remember things I’ve desperately wanted. Nicky’s my friend.

I close my eyes finally alone in my room. The boys are still in the bathroom. All is quiet. I quickly drift to sleep thinking about Kel and his broken teal eyes.

Kellerman

I wash myself as best I can in the shower, my hands quaking in pain the entire time. As I step out of the small cubicle I see fresh clothes sitting on the sink. The guys must have brought them in for me. I dress as quickly as I can with my battered hands (pretty damn slowly). There’s still blood everywhere so I have to be careful where I step. The cleaning staff is going to love me. Once dressed I tentatively poke my head out the door, not knowing what reaction my presence will garner. I let out a sigh when I see Kid sleeping with the guys all sitting around her like a protective shield.

“Hey man,” Kav says standing up. He takes a few steps toward me like he’s approaching a wounded animal, slow and cautious. He stops a few feet away assessing me from head to toe. “Aidan called a hand specialist to see to you. He’s gonna meet you downstairs somewhere when you’re ready. Information’s written down out at the nurse’s station.”

“Thanks, Kav,” I say quietly so I don’t wake Kid up. “She doin’ okay?”

“Been asleep since we came out,” Kav whispers and shrugs.

“I think I’ll head down to the specialist now. I’ll let you all know what happens.” I turn on my heel and leave the room quickly. This is the first time I’ve left her room since I got here last week. It feels like I’m entering a new world, a dark new world where I’ll be alone. Kid doesn’t need the stressors of my life hanging over her right now. A possible father and kind of cheater, that’s not what she deserves in life. I need to let her go. She needs to heal and reclaim her life.

I make my way down to some offices and wait for the hand specialist. It’s well past office hours so he’s definitely doing a favor for Aidan. The door to the waiting area opens and Aidan’s large body fills the doorway. He lifts his chin at me as he crosses the room, sitting in the chair opposite me staring at my battered hands.

“Fucked those up,” he says in a grunt. I nod. “Look Ry told me what happened. We knew Taylor was bad, but I’m sure hearin’ what Kid felt about him was brutal. Dude wasn’t dead we’d be huntin’ his ass down.”

“Never been so pissed someone’s already dead that I wanna kill,” I scoff.

“Don’t bail on her,” he orders. “I can see it in your face. You think you’ll be doin’ her a favor, you won’t. You’ll just hurt her more and she doesn’t need that. You man up and stick.”

“Aidan, why the fuck do you even want me around? You all beat the piss outta me not too long ago. You wanted my ass back in Seattle. Nothing’s changed. I still might be a father. I have to consider what that’ll do to Kid. If I leave now she may hurt in the beginning, but she’ll heal without havin’ to deal with all my bullshit. If I stay and have to choose between her and a child, things are gonna get real messy.”

“Look we were wrong. I know you haven’t let any of us say anything, but we were in the wrong. I’m so fuckin’ sorry. We have a tendency to go off half-cocked when it comes to Kid. What we did with you was outta line. I don’t blame you if you’re pissed at us, shit, I’m pissed at us. Don’t let that fuck with you. If the baby is yours, we’ll deal with it, together, in the family. I want you around because you’re part of this family. That’s the reason we were so pissed at you. We thought you’d pulled the wool over our eyes. We weren’t just pissed that we thought you fucked Kid over, we thought you fucked us over too.”

“I get why you guys did what you did. Now that I know about Taylor, he had an agenda and it worked all of us. Not gonna lie though, you guys takin’ his side without any thought for mine sucked.” Aidan’s head drops. I don’t want to be mad at them. I’m not mad at them, I’m hurt. After the bathroom crying circle I feel a little better though. Maybe these friendships can be resurrected.

“I don’t know what to do about my shit. I haven’t talked to Cassie since that night in the sunroom. She keeps callin’ and I don’t pick up. I’m such a prick. She could be pregnant with my baby, and I’m not even pickin’ up the phone for her,” I huff.

“You don’t cut yourself any slack do you?” Aidan questions with a smirk on his lips. “This is not a normal situation. It’s not like you’ve been watchin’ a game and havin’ some beers instead of pickin’ up the phone. You’ve had some serious shit goin’ on. I think she’ll get that.” I doubt that. “And I’ll say this again, I’m sorry. You’re my friend and I shoulda given you the benefit of the doubt. Won’t make that mistake again.” I give him a slight nod. I don’t know what to say. I don’t know if I’ll be around to even have a friendship with him or the guys anymore. “Doctor Wick should be here in a few minutes. I’ve gotta go wrap some things up. Think about what I said before you make any decisions.”

“Thanks for callin’ this guy. Not really what any of us need right now,” I say as he stands up.

“No problem. See ya later.”

As Aidan makes his way out of the room I sit and run through everything he said and didn’t say. I know he’s right in some ways, but he’s wrong in others. I need to get my head straight. I reach in my pocket and pull out my Nexus. I hit the call button and put it on speaker phone. I can’t hold my phone to my ear my hands hurt so bad.

She picks up halfway through the first ring.

“Dylan!” Cassie squeals.

“Hey, Cass,” I say quietly.

“Dylan, oh my God! You were shot. You’ve been all over the news. I can’t believe you went to that house. What were you thinking?!” She’s so shrill I turn the volume down to dampen the effect.

“I’m okay Cass,” I soothe. I can hear her sobbing. I’m sure pregnancy hormones aren’t helping her with all of this.

“I can’t believe you did that. I’m pregnant. What if you died? What would I tell our baby? I can’t do this alone!” Now she’s hysterical. I don’t know what to say so I just sit and wait for her to calm down. I was selfish. But when Kieran figured out who Taylor was I had to go. I didn’t think about abandoning my maybe baby either. I’m a selfish prick. I just wanted to save Kid. I didn’t think beyond that, definitely not father of the year material.

“I’m serious, I can’t do this alone. I need you to come home and help me. I’m a wreck. My hormones are all over the place and I’m pukin’ my guts out all day and all night. I need you. Please,” she whimpers.

“Cass, I’m sorry you’re strugglin’. I need to figure some shit out before I can make any decisions,” I explain gently.

“No! You can’t have any more time! I need you now. Get on a plane!” Okay, that was a mood swing. She’s growling now.

“I can’t sit on a flight right now. My leg’s not ready for that yet.”

“Fly private. You can move or lay down or whatever you need to do.” Fuck she has an answer for everything.

“I have a job in Kansas City, Cass. I can’t just take off to Seattle.”

“They have jobs here, Dylan. You can find one, I’m confident in your abilities to provide for our family.” Wow now she’s completely robotic. She sounds like a possessed “Stepford wife”. That’s not far from what she is in reality. Her father owns a fleet of fishing vessels and he has spoiled her rotten. Four months with her and I knew I couldn’t keep up with her high maintenance. She liked to party, go out as often as she could, and shop until her credit cards were screaming for her to stop. It wasn’t really a problem because I was out at sea most of the time we were together. She was just something to do on land. I should have stayed away from this crazy!

“Cass, I need to work stuff out with Shannon. We haven’t talked about anything yet. You don’t even know if the baby’s mine. I told you I didn’t want to get involved until I knew,” I say a little harsher than I want.

“It’s yours Dylan. It has to be.”

“Why’s that?”

“Because.”

“Great reason.”

“Don’t be a dick. It’s yours. I was only with the other guy once, and it wasn’t the right time of the month,” she spits.

“I need proof. I wore a condom, Cass. How can it be me?”

“Condom’s aren’t a hundred percent. Maybe it broke or something.”