Bitter Winds (10 page)

S
ami paced the bedroom like a caged tiger. She was alone again because Li Jin was busy, as usual, in another part of the building—probably painting, cooking, or some other ridiculous chore in her attempt to make everything at Rose Haven just perfect. Sami tried to stay away from contributing to the makeover of the old place, but now with even more people moving in, it was getting harder to find somewhere to mull over her thoughts without the incessant noise and nosiness of everyone who lived under the same roof.

Her room—actually,
their
room—was no longer one of peace and tranquility, for the baby had disrupted it. Li Jin had offered to move them into a separate room but Sami had rejected that idea. She didn’t want to be alone with the baby. She didn’t even know what to do with her! Li Jin was better at comforting her than Sami was, so in the night when the baby cried, she just pretended deep sleep and let Li Jin tend to her. She’d also found that slipping Auntie Rae extra treats during the day got her a few afternoon hours alone while the old woman kept the baby in her room. No one knew it; she’d made sure the old woman would keep her mouth shut. And with her secret outings, Sami was beginning to build up a nest egg that she hoped would soon be enough to start over with.

She walked over to the cradle and stood staring at the little thing they called Lan. Those dark eyes of hers sent chills down Sami’s spine; they always seemed to be pleading with her for something she didn’t have to give.

Sami hesitated. One hand over the tiny face for just a few moments and it would be over. Women used to do it all the time in the old days. Why not now? So many times she wondered why she herself hadn’t been dumped upside down in a water bucket, or suffocated with the same cloth used to clean her mother—her life snuffed out like so many infant girls before her. Why was she granted life?

Now here she stood over another useless girl, but this one her own. It was ironic. If she had her way, she’d have terminated the child before it had ever drawn its first breath. But Li Jin had ferreted out the truth that she was pregnant before Sami could handle it. Once discovered, there was no way out. Li Jin had wanted to know who the father was. But Sami couldn’t even be sure she knew exactly which man had spawned Lan. For her, they were nothing but strangers she used to try to fill the empty void inside her soul, but it never worked. The sex only consoled her momentarily; then hours later the same discontent and sometimes startling rage filled her again.

Six long weeks since she’d given birth and Sami felt she would go insane if she didn’t get out of the house and away from the baby again today. She needed male attention and needed it now. Sure, she hated men and all they represented. But she did so love the long looks and infatuation-fueled offers they made her.

Hopefully in a few weeks, Li Jin would be tired of working her fingers to the bone and be ready to travel. They could leave the baby with one of the elderly nannies and take off on their own adventure. It would be like old times, just she and Li Jin.

Sami went to the closet she shared with Li Jin and rummaged through until she found what she was looking for. Li Jin had gotten a shimmery red blouse as a gift from her mother, and Sami was going to borrow it. It was just right to cover up her tattoos and was still eye-catching. Li Jin would probably never even miss it. All she wore these days were aprons anyway, hiding her beauty in her crowded kitchen. Sami just didn’t get why Li Jin wanted to be treated like a servant, cooking and cleaning for so many people for nothing in return.

The baby stirred and let out a low cry. Sami gave the cradle a shove and walked over to the mirror. Peering at herself, she smiled. Li Jin was right—she
was
beautiful. As the baby fretted behind her, she worked through her long hair and gave it one hundred strokes. Then she picked up her powder and brush and started the transformation. The child grew impatient and wailed loudly, and Sami found herself grinding her teeth together.

Tonight, if Li Jin was busy, she’d find someone else to tend the little banshee and she’d go see what trouble she could drum up. If the gods were in her favor, she’d quickly fill her empty pockets, even if she couldn’t fill the hole in her heart.

Benfu stood back and admired the handiwork while he stretched the kinks out of his back. It had been a hard project but he was pleased with the outcome. Earlier he’d excused everyone else to their regular chores so he and Jace could finish the trim work together. Linnea and Sky had worked together for weeks to paint a mural of exotic animals, gardens, and rainbows, and now, with the trim a crisp white, the playroom was perfect. All the kids in the center would have a place to come and experience fun and learning, in a safe environment free from bullying and abuse.

He looked down at his hands. His fingernails were covered with white paint. He reached in and pulled out his pocketknife from inside his jacket and popped it open. He needed to get some of the paint out from under his nails before Calli fussed all over him.

Picking at the stubborn paint, he felt a lump come up in his throat as he thought of all the children—
his flowers
—who had come through his life and would’ve benefited from a home like the one they were building here at Rose Haven. But even without all this room and resources, he had given them a roof over their heads and more love than they knew what to do with. He and Calli had raised an entire garden of flowers, so he guessed they’d done all right after all.

“Everything okay, Lao Zheng?” Jace asked, his expression hopeful.

Benfu looked at the young man and smiled at the streak of white paint in his hair and over one eye. The boy had worked harder than anyone, as he always did to try to prove his worth to the family. He always looked as if he expected to be kicked out at any given moment. The boy obviously craved attention.

“More than okay, Jace. You’ve done a wonderful job.” He clapped him on the back.

Jace beamed with pride at the compliment. Benfu shook his head. He couldn’t imagine anyone putting such a good boy out on the street. Even if he was a little slow moving, he more than made up for it in his eagerness to please everyone around him. There were so many children like him out there, just waiting for someone to give them a helping hand, a word of encouragement. China had come far, but not far enough. There were still too many forgotten children. When he was gone, he hoped his daughter would continue to take up his work and make an even bigger mark on the world.

“Now we can bring in the tables, chairs, and the shelves. If I know my daughter, she’ll want to direct where everything goes.” He didn’t dare try to tell Li Jin how to arrange anything—and rightfully so. It was amazing how with a little money and a lot of creative energy, she’d made what was once an abandoned old shoe factory unrecognizable—but in a good way. With her vision and all their work, the place was now worth at least double what they’d paid for it. He didn’t know where she got it, but his daughter was one clever girl.

Jace laughed. “
Dui,
Li Jin is very bossy.”

“Now, Jace.
Bossy
isn’t a word she’d appreciate. But go get her and tell her she can start making it pretty.”

Jace took off and Benfu looked around again. He couldn’t wait to get all the new goodies out and see the children’s faces. Now they’d been accepting more children and they had an even dozen, in addition to their own girls. The kids would be surprised; they didn’t know the center had received a donation from the members of the local women’s club. Benfu was shocked at the generosity of the group of women. More than milk and rice, they were now bringing monthly donations of used clothing, books, and even toys.

Benfu looked up when he heard footsteps pounding down the hall toward him. Who was running in the house?

Ivy slipped through the door and before Benfu could even ask her what was going on, she was across the room and draped around him like a spider, bawling loudly, her hair stuck to her face in sweaty strands. She looked as if she’d been running for miles. Benfu looked over her head into the hall but didn’t see her sister. He quickly closed his pocketknife and dropped it back into his jacket pocket.

“Ivy! What is it? Where’s Lily?”

“Ye Ye, they took her! They’ve got her!” Ivy sobbed, looking up at him with red-rimmed eyes.

Benfu felt his heart constrict, as if someone had reached in his chest and taken hold of it, and was squeezing the life from it.

“Who took her? Ivy! Tell me!” He gave her a little shake to try to calm her down and get her thinking straight.

“The police took her. They’re on their way to the People’s Hospital Number Seven of Wuxi. Please, Ye Ye, we’ve got to get there now!” She started pulling him toward the door.

Benfu didn’t need to be told twice. Like a bitter wind, fate had turned and decided to upset the contented life he was leading. He pushed Ivy ahead of him. They needed to get outside and find a taxi quick. He didn’t stop to tell Calli. He could call her from the car. Ivy would have to explain what happened once they were on their way. They had to move; there was no time to stop—someone had one of his girls. And the thought that she was in the clutches of the police, or any kind of official, was one that threatened to paralyze him with fear.

L
ily stood on the other side of the huge metal door, still shaking from the admitting process into the mental ward and from the little cold rivulets of water that ran down her back, left over from the shower she’d been forced to take.

The official had taken her to the sixth floor and roughly handed her over to a nurse. During the entire exchange, they’d talked about her like she wasn’t even there, as if her blindness made her incompetent to understand anything at all. As they talked, Lily tried to get her bearings. But all she could feel was a heavy emptiness around her.

“She’s either a Falun Gong member herself, or a lover of one. Either way, same thing. We’ll probably have to beat it out of her,” the official had said as he handed her over.

She slowly began separating her hair into three sections, squeezing the water from it as she went. She’d braid it to get it off her back. She heard what they said but she’d try not to focus on it. After all, they couldn’t beat out of her what wasn’t there. She had hoped when she’d heard the woman’s voice that she would be more merciful than the official, but the nurse had proved just as nasty. The first thing she’d done was pry Viola and the bow out of Lily’s arms and strip her watch from her, then tell her personal belongings were not permitted. Lily had begged to keep the violin, but her pleas went unheeded. They’d allowed her to keep only the sunglasses after Lily had pleaded that the hospital fluorescent lights hurt her sensitive eyes. Lily hadn’t really needed them but thought maybe she might use them to barter for something later.

“I would say she was the youngest we’ve had but just last month they sent us a fourteen-year-old. By the looks of this one, she’s at least sixteen.”

If they wanted to know how old she was, Lily wondered why they didn’t just ask. Instead the nurse had escorted Lily to a large, cold shower room and made her undress. Lily had tried to cover herself, especially when the nurse had begun to cackle and make fun of her small breasts. After hosing her down from head to toe, the nurse had personally dried her with a rough towel and made her bend over to prove she wasn’t hiding any weapons. Lily’s face had burned with shame but she’d followed instructions, too afraid not to.

Then the nurse handed her a thin gown and told her to put it on. She wasn’t given underclothes and when she’d asked about them, the nurse had only laughed again.

“What do you need underwear for? You aren’t going anywhere.”

Lily ran her hand down the gown again, reaching behind her to make sure it was still tied. The material smelled like it had been soaked in vinegar and Lily felt her stomach roll. She moved her foot and the slipper fell off. She reached down and, after searching for a second, found the wandering shoe and slipped it back on. She hoped they hadn’t lost her clothes or shoes, but she especially worried about her violin.

After the humiliating bathing process, the nurse had brought her into the small room and pushed her up against the bed.

“Please, can you give me back my violin? I just want to hold it,” Lily pleaded.

“Stay here and don’t make any noise or we’ll have to strap you down,” the nurse answered, ignoring her plea. She’d then turned and left, slamming the door behind her. Lily heard the lock click into place and she was finally able to take a deep breath. She wondered what time it was and remembered they’d also taken her watch. Ye Ye would be angry—he’d splurged on the watch for her birthday. It was her first talking watch and finally knowing the time throughout the day without having to ask made her feel so much more independent. Now she was once again unaware of how long she’d been there, or even how long before night would come.

She felt around her and could tell the bed was bare, no sheets and not even a pillow. Even the mattress was sparse, only an inch or so thick. She wished for something to cover herself with to ward off the cold chill in the air. Her searching fingers finally found what must have been the straps. They were strong with metal prongs to fasten up with. Lily couldn’t imagine them across her body. She didn’t need straps. She wasn’t crazy and she’d done nothing wrong!

Thinking of staying there through the night, she felt a wave of panic. She couldn’t sleep here! Where was Ivy? She’d lost track of time but surely Ivy had already had time to get home and bring her Ye Ye back to get her out? A ragged sob tore through her and she took another deep breath.
Stay calm, Lily. Do not call attention to yourself
.

She heard a loud clatter in the hall and nearly jumped out of her skin. What were they doing out there? Were they coming to get her? Lily felt the moistness gathering under her arms and soaking her palms. She blinked rapidly and, in her state of fear, couldn’t stop.

The clatter continued to come closer until it stopped right outside her door. She heard the rattle of keys, and then the door opened.

“
Ni hao
. Arrived just in time, eh? I think you could have found a much easier way to get a free dinner, eh?” a male voice called out, letting Lily know the noise was from a food cart.

Lily stared straight ahead without moving. What did he want her to do?

“Hey—here’s your congee. Get off your lazy ass and come over here and get it.”

Lily stood and shuffled forward a few feet, reaching her hand out to ward off any unsuspecting obstacles. She didn’t want the congee but she didn’t want to disobey, either. She felt she should just try to do what she was told.

“
Aiya,
you can’t see, girl?”

She didn’t need to see. She could feel—and smell—him waving his hand in front of her face like an idiot. She shook her head, then reached up to pull her sunglasses down over her eyes. She didn’t move again, afraid of what she’d run into. She wished again for her cane and wondered if it was still under the bench in the park.

“Now they didn’t tell me we had us a blind girl, no they did not!”

Lily froze, not sure how to answer. She could hear the man lean even closer until he was only an inch or so away, so close she could feel and smell his rancid breath on her face. His scent was revolting—a disgusting mixture of garlic and sweat. She tried to keep herself from flinching but it was impossible.

“I’ve never had me a blind girl before,” he whispered. “And you is a pretty one, too. When lights-out comes tonight, I’ll be back for a little visit. Tell me, are you still a cherry girl?”

She felt his spittle spray across her cheek. She shivered and backed up until she was against the bed. She tried to resist but couldn’t and slowly reached up to wipe her face with the outside of her hand.

The man erupted into loud laughter. “Oh, see—I forgot already! It’s always lights-out for you!”

She heard him set what was probably the bowl of congee on a table next to her bed and retreat from the room, still laughing as he let the door slam behind him.

She let out the breath she was holding only when she heard the lock click again. The clattering started back up and she heard him pause, guessing he must be in front of another room.

Lily climbed up on the bed and pulled her legs underneath her. She crossed her arms over her chest and began rocking back and forth, then stopped when she realized that was what a crazy person would do. She uncrossed her arms and sat on her hands. She thought of Viola and a tear started to slowly creep out of her eye. She ferociously brushed it away. If it were Ivy, she knew her sister would not cry, so she would be just as brave. She had to. Now she knew one really should be careful what she wished for—as now she was finally on her own.

“Come on, Ivy and Ye Ye, where are you?” she moaned. “Where are you, where are you, where are you. . . .”

She kept up the mantra under her breath, sure that when she’d said it a thousand times, they would be there to take her home. She only hoped it would be before the orderly came back to her room.