Billow (8 page)

He rifled through the folder and handed me a torn sheet of notebook paper. "It was always the same dream. We had her write it down so we'd have an official record."

I forced myself to read the familiar, meticulous handwriting.

It comes like a black, thick tide. I can't breathe. Can't move.

It stretches up from my stomach, reaches into my throat, and slowly chokes me from the inside.

There is no life. Nothing but suffocating darkness.

I claw at it. Tear chunks of my skin off.

But I can never reach it. I rip my body apart over and over again.

Until nothing is left. Until I am nothing.

When I wake, all I know is it's coming.

He's coming.

"Did she have any other problems?" My fingers trembled slightly as I passed the paper back. "Physically? Mentally?"

Daniel seemed surprised by the question. "Nothing was wrong with Naida's health. Her difficulty lay in her inability to control magic and get the proper amount of rest. Once we secured the correct sedative, she slept through the night and recovered enough strength to master her Virtue."

I sat on the bed. Fingers rubbed the linen's edge. "Did she stay here the entire time?"

He sighed. "We encouraged Naida to go for walks, especially once her condition improved. But she wouldn't hear of it."

No one could convince her to do something she didn't want to.

"She worried a vision would overtake her while she was out. She insisted on remaining indoors until she perfected her control."

She had perfected it. Other than Rhian, I'd never met anyone as efficient, rational, and coldly calculating as my mother.

"Visitors helped. The Governor came every day." That surprised me. I thought Rhian only left the governing complex to chew me out at the Academy. "Sometimes she brought the Chief Counsel with her."

"Jeev…er, Augustin?"

He shook his head. "At the time, the Counsel was Vittorio Prideaux. It was before Augustin took over the position." He gave a gentle smile. "Your father was her most frequent visitor, dropping by throughout the day and spending the night to help her through those nightmares."

I had a feeling he was trying to cheer me up.

"She lit up whenever Ansel came. During her fourth month here, we discovered she was pregnant."

Marcella and Tristan both told me she was happy. I remembered my aunt's radiant expression when she told me about her baby. So much love and eagerness.

Had my mother been capable of that? Confined to a cell and plagued by dreams of wrenching herself apart?

Daniel placed a hand on my shoulder. "Your mother was thrilled to find out about you."

How long had that lasted? How long before she discovered her child was the
sondaleur
and she'd have to spend the next sixteen years ruthlessly molding her into a weapon?

I seared the small room to memory.

The cage where my mother battled her demons alone so she could do what she needed to.

A sterile box where I was conceived to fulfill a prophecy.

It served as a simple reminder. There hadn't been another choice for either of us.

I stood. "Thanks for meeting with me."

His face still had the shade of understanding I instinctively wanted to reel away from. "Even at that age, your mother was an extraordinary ondine. She would've been proud of you,
sondaleur
."

It was the first time he addressed me by that title.

Managing a quick nod, I hurried out to the hallway. Daniel called after me, but I ignored him.

A surge of panic reared up. Blood drummed through my veins, mixing with the echo of footsteps hammering against my skull.

I had to get out of here.

Away from the empty silence, the artificial lights, the oppressive atmosphere.

Just the thought of going back to the main hospital through the underground passageway made me sick.

Racing past a startled Ewan, I exited through the metal door and came to a stop a few feet away.

I bent over, gulping down air. Heart pounded against my ribs.

"Are you okay?" Ewan's shoes entered my eyesight.

I concentrated on the cold filling my compressed lungs.

Just breathe.

"Yeah."

"Are you having a panic atta —"

"I'm fine."

I willed my pulse to go back to normal. The dizzying anxiety gradually loosened its hold and after a few moments, I straightened.

Worried amber eyes flickered over me.

"I'm okay," I said in a calmer tone. My hands trembled and I clasped them behind my back so he wouldn't see. "Just had to get out of there. I'm not too crazy about hospitals."

The worry in his eyes changed to something else and I turned away. I'd had enough of that look today.

"Did you find what you wanted?" he asked, tentative.

I gave him the only answer I could.

"I found what I needed to hear."

SEVEN

Quiet permeated the woods along the edge of the Academy. But it wasn't the same stifling silence that crushed me in the hospital wing.

Wind whispered through bare tree branches. The rasp of breath and crunch of boots rhythmically punctuated the air. The sounds were subtle markers of life and they reassured me.

I'd almost lost it in front of Ewan. It was embarrassing.

Lack of sleep, unrelenting memories, and tense anxiety wore on me with each passing day. I managed to handle it for the past few months, but now my control was slipping.

I needed to get ahold of it. Being in control meant the difference between life and death. Between acceptable results and mistakes that cost too much.

I neared a copse of trees and the faint murmur of voices trickled through the darkness. People rarely came this way. It was too far from the main campus.

Dim moonlight filtered through, softly illuminating Amber and Dylan. They stood close in what seemed like an intimate conversation.

Uninterested in watching them get physical, I turned to leave.

"Don't let him get to you. That's what he wants," Amber said.

I froze.

"He's right, though." Dylan's posture stiffened. "We have to do this."

"We'll figure something out."

It was a private moment and I should've walked away.

But it bothered me that Alex knew more about Dylan than I did.

As an Empath, my strength lay in figuring people out. Not having that knowledge felt too much like a vulnerability and now was a perfect opportunity to fix that.

Ignoring the slight twinge of my conscience, I unfiltered my Virtue and pushed into them.

A confused, tangled mess of emotions burst through and I almost staggered at the force rolling off Dylan. The turmoil came from something deep, something that had built in power over the years.

By contrast, Amber's sentiments were clean and simple. Concern, worry, and genuine care for Dylan. It was a different affection than I'd expected. Almost like what you'd have for a sibling or friend.

"We don't have a choice," he muttered.

She placed a hand on his arm. "We should act like we're doing what they want."

Jagged frustration jolted through him and he pulled away.

Shoving hands into his pockets, he headed back to the main campus. Tendrils of anger and helplessness continued to snake off him.

Amber's expression shifted and her shoulders dropped in a silent sigh. After a few moments, she followed, worry and determination trailing behind her.

Unnerved by the encounter, I reeled in my magic and slowly continued up the dirt road toward the bluff.

Why did Dylan say they had no choice? Redavi didn't answer to anyone. Both Amber and Dylan's immediate relatives sat on the Governing Council. They were the darling heirs of their families with big inheritances ensuring a trouble-free future.

But emotions didn't lie.

And what my magic sensed left me uncomfortably considering the possibility that maybe Amber wasn't a total self-involved, Grade-A bitch.

But more disturbing was Dylan. He suppressed things he didn't want to think about. Things he wanted to forget. Desperately trying to control them so they wouldn't control him.

I shivered at the idea that he and I might have something in common.

"
Viens-tu du ciel profond ou sors-tu de l'abîme,
O Beauté?
" a smooth, male voice said.

Moonlight draped across sexy features and unwavering confidence shone through dark blue eyes. Instead of his usual jeans and casual attire, Julian was dressed in a dark grey coat and elegant clothes that hugged his toned frame.

The warm, provocative scent I associated with him wrapped around me.

"What?"

He motioned to the battered copy of Baudelaire's
Fleurs du Mal
tucked under his arm before translating. "Do you come from the Heaven or rise from the abyss, Beauty?"

His tone was annoyingly seductive.

"You're back."

"Missed me?"

I ignored the question. "Anything new?"

He shook his head, but didn't say anything. Impatience coursed through me.

"Where did you go?"

"Can't tell you."

"Did you find any leads? Anything to follow up on?"

"Can't tell you."

"Can't or won't?"

"Does it matter?"

Frustrated, I narrowed my eyes.

"Why were you at Nexa's?" There was nothing else up here.

He looked highly amused. "I needed to talk to her about something. But she wasn't in."

Now that was interesting.

Given the bits and pieces I'd gotten out of others, I was convinced Nexa was a super-spy doing covert work for elementals. Like Julian, her unexplained absences sent my curiosity into overdrive.

Maybe the two of them were working together.

"A talk about your latest trip?" I asked casually.

His smirk made it clear I hadn't fooled him. "Classified information, darling. Way out of your league."

This was ridiculous. If he shared what he knew, I could help him.

Those nasty demons were crawling around taking people. Selling and turning them. Killing them.

I wanted…no, I
needed
to go after them. Whatever it took for me to get to the Shadow and do my job.

"Why can't you tell me?"

"Because you're a student and not a chevalier." His lazy smile ratcheted my irritation up another notch. "Unlike me."

"All that matters is I'm the
sondaleur
," I countered. "Finding the Shadow is my business."

"Until you're officially inducted, you're not allowed access to security issues. When I have more information on the identity and location of the Shadow, you'll know."

God, I wanted to wipe that self-satisfied look off his face.

I tried a different tactic. "I'll eventually find another way to get the information I want. So you might as well tell me."

"You know what I find interesting?" His voice lowered, its lilt almost hypnotic. "You're always asking me to share things with you. And yet you don't extend me the same courtesy."

"What do you mean?"

"Did anything new or exciting happen this week? Anything you want to tell me?"

Well, there was the "Dark Creature I Thought Was Human Who's Now Hiding In The Royal Gardens" thing. And the "Prince I Thought I'd Gotten Over Coming Back And Messing With My Head" thing.

But none of it was his business. So I threw his own words back at him.

"Can't tell you."

"Why not?"

"Until you provide details on your search for the Shadow, you don't have access to that information," I said smugly.

Karma sure was a bitch.

He took a step closer, eyes dark and intent.

"If you don't tell me, then I guess I have no choice." A note of challenge laced his tone. "I'll also have to find out in other ways."

I gave him a hard stare. "I'll find my information first."

"Really?"

I recognized the look in his eyes from our training sessions. It was the one he got right before he knocked me down to the mat.

"You mean like how I found out about your nix friend? The one currently hanging out in the Royal Gardens guest house?"

"I don't know what you're talking about," I said evenly.

"Ian MacAllister. Age seventeen. First encounter was three years ago in Panama City, Florida. You ran into him at the Trident last Saturday and your neurotic gardinel dragged him back here. Five-eleven. A hundred seventy pounds." His eyes glinted. "Shall I continue?"

Gabe was the only chevalier who knew about Ian.

How did Julian get that information when I couldn't find out where he'd been over the past week?

He chuckled. "If you could see the look on your face…"

"Fine." I tossed my hands up. "You have better info gathering skills than me."

For now.

"I'm also faster, have a better right hook, and have —"

"Goodbye, LeVeq." I moved to make my way past him, but he took a step and blocked my path.

A smile played on his lips. "Oh, come on. It's not fun if you don't keep trying."

"I'm not here to entertain you."

"Of course not." His smile widened. "I can think of a lot more mutually satisfying forms of recreation."

I doubted it'd be as entertaining as my knee connecting with a certain prized part of him. He seemed to come to the same conclusion and took a hasty step back.

"I don't have time for this."

I needed to be alone and there was only an hour left until curfew. Ewan would go ballistic if I wasn't back at the dorm by then.

"Don't be boring." Julian raised his brow. "Were you really planning on spending Saturday night hanging out with Nexa?"

I didn't bother correcting his assumption. "Wasn't that what you were going to do?"

"No. I was going to speak to her for a few minutes, then head out for some fun."