Beyond Reason (25 page)

Dear God help me!

I climbed in next to him and curled around his body, feeling the warmth of his skin through my pajama top. He moved only slightly as he wrapped his arm around me and brought me in close. His steady breathing was like being hypnotized as I fell asleep in his arms.

I was teetering on the edge of the twin bed, awakened by the sunshine that was filtering into the bedroom. Where’d the snow go? Ayden’s arm was still wrapped tightly around my waist, and his steady breathing signaled that he was still deep in sleep. I loved how our bodies fit together, but the thought of him finding out that I’d snuck into his bed scared me. Feeling unsure of what I’d actually done, I slowly slid and rolled out from under his arm, softly falling onto the wood floor. I didn’t want to embarrass myself with rejection once more. I stood up and looked at Ayden one last time before sneaking out of the room and into my bathroom that was attached to the bedroom where Sammie was still sleeping. I brushed my teeth quickly and quietly and then made my way back through the bedroom without waking her up.

Score!

All the bedroom doors were closed, including Ayden’s. I was definitely the first one up and wasn’t even sure what time it was until I saw the stove clock glaring six o’clock.

Yuk!

I’d go back to bed, but I had nowhere to sleep. Rinsing out the old coffee in the pot allowed my mind to wander to Austin and his ridiculous reaction to some snow in the face. Actually, it wasn’t even in the face. He’d be a real treat when something actually went wrong. I wasn’t sure what happened to the caring and protective boyfriend I remembered from high school, but he didn’t appear to be around much.

In fact, I wondered what the gift of time actually erased about Austin from back then. The incident last night seemed to trigger some things I’d done a good job of burying over the years, like the one night he came unglued at me for not meeting up with him after his baseball practice. I’d come down with the flu, but that excuse didn’t fly with him even after he visited me in bed with a bucket next to me. I had definitely shoved that memory far back in the old brain.

It was funny how we tended to put someone on a pedestal the more time away from them we got. My mind flashed back to Jake and my stomach knotted. The crushing feeling of losing him spread through me, yet again. With Jake, there were no bad memories though. None. He was an amazing guy, my first love. I just wished he had allowed himself to find that out before…

“Hey, you’re in charge of coffee duties this fine morning?” Ayden’s voice interrupted my twisted trip down memory lane.

Staying focused on the task at hand, I refused to turn and face him. I was sure he was shirtless, and I honestly didn’t think I’d be able to handle myself properly in a kitchen. It was hard enough being snaked against his firm, warm body all night.

“Yup. Couldn’t sleep for some reason,” I said, filling up the coffee filter with grounds. “Bet you need some caffeine after last night.”

“What do you mean?” he asked, coming up behind me. I felt the warmth from his body without even having to turn and look.

“You know…I think you hit the sauce pretty hard.”

“The sauce?” he laughed. “Did we just get whisked back to the fifties?” he laughed.

I couldn’t help but laugh as I pushed the button on the coffee pot and turned to face him.

Mistake!

“So how did it go last night with Austin?” Ayden asked, with a possible smirk hiding under his expression, which made him absolutely adorable. At least, he was
trying
to hide it.

“Pretty good,” I said. “I got a lot of answers and feel really good about coming out here. I’m glad your sister set it up. Everything happens for a reason, and I think last night I found mine.”

“Really?” he asked, perplexed. A dash of disappointment darted through his gaze as I toyed with him momentarily.

“Yup,” I replied, not offering an explanation.

“You know, the guys and I were planning on snowshoeing today.”

I shivered. “That sounds like a lot of work.”

“It does, doesn’t it?” He took a step forward narrowing the gap between us even more.

“Uh-huh.”

“I think I’d enjoy another snowball fight more,” he whispered.

Me too!

“Is that so?”

He nodded and took in a slow, deep breath as his fingers slid through my hair. Pulling me into him, my body pressed against his, and my hands slid along his bare chest, savoring the dips and peaks.

“Are you okay with my change of plans?” he whispered, as his breath scattered along my scalp, sending a prickle of delight through me.

“Completely,” my voice breathless, as I felt his firmness press into me.

It didn’t take long to be completely mesmerized under his spell. My only hope was that he wasn’t going to do take-backs on me.

He kissed my tangled hair and I shuddered.

“Are we just going to go straight for the snowball fight, or did we want to put other plans in there too?” I asked, thankful that I was being propped up by the counter behind me and his body in front of me.

“I guess we should probably lead into the snowball fight with something first. How about breakfast, and I’ll surprise you with the rest of the day.” He took a step back, smiling wickedly.

“It’s too early to make plans,” I said, reaching for his hands and pulling him back into me. “No place would be open.”

“But sometimes anticipation is everything,” he said, grinning. His eyes landed on the coffee pot behind me. “And I think one of the things that became clear last night was that you wanted to ensure that…” his voice broke off as my arms slinked around his bare waist. I pressed my lips to his chest and slowly opened my mouth, gliding my lips along his skin. Ayden’s breathing quickened, and I knew my job had been done. I released my arms from his waist and giggled.

“You’re right. Anticipation is
everything
,” I said, pushing him playfully away from me.

“That isn’t anticipation. That is male cruelty,” he laughed.

“You started it.” I looked into his eyes, and his gaze intensified as his hand stroked my cheek.

“And I just might finish it,” he said, dropping his hand as my breathing hitched. A smile spread along his lips in pure satisfaction as he watched my reaction, but I was still going to win this one.

“Want some coffee?” I asked, turning away from him.

“Sounds good to me. So, how’d you sleep last night, beautiful?” his voice low and teasing.

My heartbeat quickened at the realization that he knew. I wasn’t as sneaky as I thought.

“Never better,” I confessed, pouring the coffee into a mug for him.

“I think I could make it a lot better,” he said, and I spilled the coffee all over the counter.

“Whoa,” he laughed, grabbing a towel.

“I don’t know what it is about you,” I laughed, mopping things up with another towel.

“That’s a good thing, right?” he asked, his voice turning gentle.

“Absolutely intriguing. I’ve never experienced it before…”

“So it’s not the whisky and wine?” he asked, wringing the coffee out of the towel. My eyes cascaded down his beautiful torso, and I laughed at myself, and my reaction to him.

“Definitely not the whisky and wine,” I said, as he caught my gaze.

He reached for the cup of coffee that was almost overflowing and took a sip, as I wiped the rest of the liquid from the counter.

“I’m going to go take a shower,” he replied, winking and it took every ounce of self-control not to follow that man right into the shower.

“Okay.” I leaned against the counter and watched him trundle down the hall as my body felt completely on fire. I needed to shower as well, but Sammie was sleeping in my bed, and I didn’t want to wake up a pregnant woman who’s done everything in her power to guide me in the right direction. It would just have to wait. I walked into the family room and sank into the couch and flipped on the television.

“You’re up so early,” Gabby stated, walking into the great room and sitting next to me.

“Yeah. I think with everything that’s been going on, I’m on high alert or something.”

“Well, welcome to my life. With the bakery, this is sleeping in for me.”

I started laughing. “You know you love it.”

“I do.” She smiled, but there was something in her expression that concerned me.

“How’s everything going with Jason?” I asked.

She twisted her lips into a pout as she contemplated what to say. “Not sure.”

“I know this might sound weird but hear me out.”

“Okay,” she agreed.

“If Brandy can find my old high school boyfriend without even a name to go on, maybe she can help Jason find out whatever’s bothering him. I mean you think that’s what this is about, right?”

Gabby nodded. “Do you think Brandy would do that?”

“Please, you know she would love it.”

“I wonder how to do it without him finding out.”

I shook my head. “Oh, no. I think he definitely needs to be in on it. Otherwise it could turn into a complete fiasco. You both should talk to Jason, see if it’s something he’d be into and go from there. Maybe he needs more information about his sister or something.”

“What if he doesn’t want me involved?” Gabby asked, shifting on the couch.

“Well, that’s something you guys would need to work through, but as a couple, those are the types of things that you need to hit head on. Whatever he finds out about his family, might be your family someday, and if he can’t deal with it now before he’s met any of them…”

Gabby nodded. “No. You’re right. I agree. I think that’s what’s bothering me. Like he’s seen me at my worst. Why won’t he let me in? I want to be there for him.”

“Exactly.”

“But there’s a part of me that worries that it’s not his family…”

“What would make you think that?” I asked.

“Nothing. That’s the kicker. I think it’s just because I’ve had so many horrible experiences in the past.”

“My advice on that one is not to let your imagination get carried away. If there’s nothing that’s led you to think that, then deal with the obvious. I’d be willing to bet there’s nothing like that going on.”

“Enough about me,” Gabby said, pulling a blanket on her lap. “Tell me how it went with Austin. I was actually wondering since you’re up so early if maybe you never went to bed.” She wriggled her brows, and I busted into laughter.

“Not quite like that, my friend,” I said, grinning. “I need to fill you in.”

“Uh, yeah. Please do,” she laughed.

“So this trip has been absolutely amazing. And if I believed in any of that self-help stuff, I’d even venture to say that it qualifies as a turning point in my life.”

“Seriously?” Gabby couldn’t contain her excitement. I only hoped the excitement would remain as I continued talking.

“Yeah. Totally. I’ve learned a lot. One of the most important things is that people can change, and not necessarily for the better. Actually, it’s not even that. It might just be that lives can go in different directions and different interests arise.”

Gabby’s expression fell slightly. “So the Austin thing wasn’t a good idea?”

“Meeting up with him was the best gift ever. I kept fooling myself about him. I actually buried the real Austin and held onto the one I wanted him to be. When my first boyfriend passed away, Austin was there for me, completely. But that’s all that we had actually shared, a shattered past. What I didn’t realize was that it wasn’t Austin who I hadn’t gotten over. It was Jake. I’d never properly grieved for him. I was stuck in denial and still so angry with him. I felt like I could have saved him or helped him, but instead of asking me for help he broke up with me and shut me out. And that’s where I stayed stuck. I isolated myself, even from you two. I mean, we’ve been best friends for how long, and you didn’t even know what happened.”

Gabby nodded and placed her hand on mine. “Grief is a tough thing and everyone goes through different stages. When my mom died, I blamed my father and I think that’s why I relied so much on Aaron. And then when he took off, I was just completely devastated, but it’s hard to deal with the emotions as they come up.”