Beyond Jealousy (20 page)

You couldn't fake that shit, not forever. You had to find a reason to believe it--and a way to survive when it fell apart.

Jeni stroked his arm and rested her cheek on his shoulder. "They're lucky to have you. Anyone would be. I wish you believed that."

"Of course they are," he whispered, but the words rang hollow. "I'm fucking fantastic."

Her lips brushed his cheek. "Don't lie to them too much, love. Some people actually do want the truth."

Rachel and Cruz were too whole for the truth. They lived in a world where love was simple, where you felt it or you didn't, not where you turned some stunted version of it on and off like punching a pre-Flare time clock. "You've been doing this long enough to know better. People only want the truth when it's pretty."

She pulled back to gaze up at him, her blue eyes troubled. "Is that how you feel about them? That they'd better hide all their ugly stuff because you don't want to see it?"

He flinched. Turned around like that, it sounded fucking awful. "Does Gia know you're this damn smart? She'll have you on the hook to help her run this place if you don't lock those brains down, sweet girl."

"How do you know that's not my evil plan?"

It probably was, and Jeni was just the type Gia adored--smart-mouthed, tough, and too stubborn to let life run her over. For once, Ace choked back the urge to make a joke and seriously considered her. "Maybe it should be. Though we can find you another partner for shows at the Broken Circle, if you still want that money coming in."

"I'll think about it." Another half-smile curved her lips. "Right now, I'm a little more concerned about you. As a friend, no funny business."

"Don't worry about me, pet." Ace hauled her into a hug. "Rachel and Cruz want to fuck my brains out. Nothing short of another apocalypse could scare me away from that."

Neither of them pointed out that it would damn near be an O'Kane apocalypse when things went nova. It would be bad, all right--pain and misery and heartache--but Cruz had made the only promise that mattered. He'd take care of Rachel's heart, and she'd take care of his.

They could grind the broken pieces of Ace into sand on their way to happily ever after, as long as they made it there together, and Ace would settle for whatever bits of them he could get before they realized just how broken he was.

It was amazing how quickly your concept of
home
could change.

A few short days, and Rachel was already thinking of the space she had occupied with Ace and Cruz as her own, as well. So when she caught herself barging into Cruz's room, she stopped short halfway through the door, mortified. "Shit. I'm sorry, I didn't even think--"

"It's okay." Cruz smiled as he rose. "You're always welcome here. You know that."

He'd been sitting at his table with an array of knives set out before him, along with several types of whetstones. Who the hell did that--just sat around, sharpening his knife collection like it was no big deal?

Cruz did, apparently, and the effect was ridiculously hot. "Uh, thanks," she muttered absently.

He pulled out the second chair in quiet invitation before returning to his seat. "I'm glad you came over. I was going to stop by your rooms after I finished this."

"Yeah?" She sat in the other chair and propped her elbows on the table. "What for?"

He picked up one of the knives and studied her over its flashing edge. "I heard you met with your father today. I figured I might have a few things to explain."

"Like how he hired you to be my personal bodyguard?" she teased.

He almost looked embarrassed. "Do you know about Cooper?"

She'd heard the name--from Bren, maybe, or Six. "Is he a friend of yours? From the city?"

"More like a friend of Bren's. He used to be Special Tasks, but now he..." Cruz smiled. "He collects people. Street kids, mostly, and orphans. But sometimes he takes a not-so-young orphan under his wing. Your father asked him to see if I'd look after you, and it seemed harmless to agree."

"It was." She climbed out of the chair, walked around behind him, and wound her arms around his neck. His hair smelled like his spicy new shampoo, and she leaned down to nuzzle his temple. "You
have
been looking after me. Not quite how my father meant, but that's what he gets for being pushy and interfering in my life, right?"

The knife whispered over the whetstone. "That's one thing that'll never change, Rachel. I've said it before, and I mean it. No matter what happens, I'll always protect you."

"I know." It was part of what made him
him
. "So. You have a reputation for helping people in Eden. Is that because of Cooper, or what?"

He shrugged it off, as if it was nothing. "It's not entirely selfless. Contacts are important. If I could gain someone's loyalty by helping him out... Well, I had a lot of resources. And most people in Eden have next to none."

"I came from there, too," she reminded him. "I'm familiar with how the military police usually operate, and helping out isn't it."

He snorted. "Because they're stupid."

He had put down the knife and the whetstone, so Rachel slid astride his lap, relishing the solid heat of his body against hers as she wound her arms around his neck again. "You were making people's lives better, being a hero. Don't downplay that."

"A hero, huh?" He smiled and lifted a hand to her cheek. "Just like you, sacrificing yourself for your family."

Maybe he expected her to brush it off like he had. Instead, she grinned. "Yeah, kind of. Just so happens, it worked out really well for me."

He stroked his thumb under her chin, tilting her head back to show off the collar. "You had a family worth standing up for. I had to betray mine before I found that."

If only he knew. She closed her eyes. "My father doesn't approve of our situation."

"Ah, hell." He folded his arms around her and threaded his fingers through her hair, guiding her cheek to his chest. "I'm sorry, sweetheart."

"It's not that. I would never expect him to understand. It's--" How could she explain the anxiety nibbling at the edges of her contentment? "Can I ask you something? Truthfully?"

"Always."

God, it was impossible to get the words out. She'd held them in for so long, terrified of what might happen if she gave them voice. "Is Ace in this?
Really
in it, I mean."

He didn't answer right away, and her worry intensified. When he did speak, the words were careful. "I think he's bringing everything he has to this relationship. I still don't know what that means in Sector Four. Hell, I don't even know what that means in Eden."

None of that mattered beyond the thin veneer of expectation, and O'Kanes excelled at bashing that to bits. "I don't know what it means to Ace," she clarified. "And I think that's what bothers me. There's so much he holds in, Lorenzo. I can sense it, but I can't see it."

"There's this." Cruz touched the collar again. "He's bad at words, but he's still talking to us. We just have to learn his language."

"I've been trying to do that for two years."

"He's been afraid, sweetheart." Cruz trailed his fingers down the chain falling between her breasts before looping it around his fist. "He's been protecting you from himself, and now he doesn't have to anymore because I'm here."

He said it with such confidence, and maybe it really was that simple. If they could show him what he meant to them, he would understand that the only person who needed to be protected from Ace was
Ace
.

She stretched her neck to one side, a physical reminder of the ribbon and chain secured around her throat. The collar was a promise, a vow, and Ace wouldn't have given it to her if he hadn't been ready to follow through on it.

So she shoved the worry down, locked it away. "Is he still out on rounds with Jasper?"

"They finished early." Cruz's smile turned dark, heavy with promise as he tugged on her collar. "He had a few other things to pick up from the person who made this. He asked me if I wanted anything special for you."

The prickle of awareness melted into a shiver. Everything about Cruz came down to this delicious contrast, how he could be utterly gentle and still gaze at her with this
intensity
. "Does that mean your answer was yes?"

"Maybe." He pressed his forehead to hers. "Do you need to take it easy tonight? Or are you ready for something a little more demanding?"

She bit her lip to hide a smile and curled her fingers against the side of his neck until her nails bit into his skin. "You don't want to take it easy with me," she reminded him. "You want it hard, and so do I."

He hissed, one hand tightening around her hip. "I want to take it easy when it's what you need," he countered. "The rest of the time, I want everything."

"I won't break, Lorenzo."

"I might."

"Oh." That brought her up short. Everything seemed to be about her, what she could handle, and she hadn't stopped to think that maybe all his careful focus was as much for him as anything, intrinsically tied up with his need for control at all times. "I want everything, too. You know that. But nothing that could hurt you."

"I know," he soothed, smoothing both hands along her back. "Leaving Eden behind isn't easy. It's like taking shrapnel from a frag grenade. Even when you think you've dug it all out, sometimes you miss a piece."

Maybe that was what they'd always be--the walking wounded. "I don't want you to hurt," she whispered, leaning her forehead against his cheek. "I care about you. So much."

She felt his smile. "I know. You dug the first bit of Eden out of me. Remember?"

Only he could speak fondly of having her cut a tracking device out of him with no anesthetic. "I remember."

"Since then, I've been--"

Whatever he'd been doing remained a mystery, because the door rattled under two sharp knocks before Ace shoved it open. "Damn it all, you're both still wearing pants."

He was carrying a duffel bag that bulged at the seams. Recalling Cruz's words, Rachel blushed. "Are you moving in, or is that the haul from your little shopping trip?"

Ace flashed a grin that had Cruz's chest rumbling with repressed laughter. "Be glad I didn't bring the furniture, too."

"
Furniture?
"

The bag hit the floor with an ominous
thud
, and Ace swaggered over to the table. "Don't tell me Lex hasn't lured you back to Dallas's room to play with all his toys. She'll never stop pouting now that she missed her chance."

He looked so smug it was only a matter of time before he started thumping his chest like a caveman. Rachel arched one eyebrow. "Who says she did?"

Cruz's grip on her tightened. Ace only laughed and swept a few strands of hair back from her cheek. "You could bolt for the door, but Cruz really would tie you to his bed."

"I don't need to tie her." Cruz relaxed his hands and slipped them up, under the hem of her shirt. His fingertips were warm as he traced the line of her spine, lifting the fabric as he eased higher.

The quiet intimacy of it stole her breath. The air squeezed out of her on a low sigh, and she wrapped her arms around his neck again.

"See?" Cruz brushed his lips over her forehead. The shirt edged higher, caught between their bodies for a moment before Cruz pulled it up over her breasts. "You're not going anywhere, are you, sweetheart?"

Not if it meant leaving the circle of his arms, losing the heat of his skin on hers. "Never."

"Good," he whispered, still so soft. So gentle.

His arms flexed, and he ripped her shirt down the back and stripped it away from her skin. Rachel shuddered and let him drag the torn fabric off her arms. "I liked that shirt."

Ace tilted her head back with a hand caught in her hair, baring her throat for Cruz's mouth. "I'll make sure he buys you a new one. You know he sticks all the cash he wins from fighting in a box? Never saw him spend a damn dollar until he shoved it at me for your collar."

Knowing Cruz, he probably sent most of his money to his friend Cooper in the city, so they could keep on being big damn heroes in relative peace and quiet. But that was a conversation, a question, for another time. A time when Cruz wasn't rising from his chair with her still pressed to his chest.

He lowered her beside the bed, letting her slide against his body until her toes touched the ground. "I won't rip your pants. Take them off for me."

There it was, in a nutshell--Cruz would take, but only so much. The rest?

The rest, she had to
give
.

She glanced at Ace, who was hauling his shirt over his head. "Does he do this to you when I'm not around?" she asked softly, dragging open the button and the zipper on her jeans. "Rough and soft? Fast, then slow?"

Ace made an amused noise and stepped up behind her. "I think you're overestimating how many times I've gotten him naked without you around, angel."

"That's disappointing." She eased the denim off her hips with a little shimmy. "You could leave a girl her fantasies, for Christ's sake."

Ace took over, sliding the fabric down her legs as Cruz reached out to tilt her chin back. "Is that one of them? The two of us fucking?"

"Two hot guys, rolling around naked? Hell, yes."

His eyebrow quirked up, and Ace chuckled as he lifted one of her feet free of her pants. "Look at him, pretending he's never jerked off to the thought of Lex with her face between your thighs. Equal opportunity, brother."

"I don't know, maybe he hasn't." Cruz seemed to like softer women, ones who enjoyed submission more than fighting for control.

Women like her.

His smile confirmed it. He swept his gaze down her newly bared body and back up. His hand followed the same path, stroking down her throat, between her breasts and lower, coming to rest on her belly. "Sit on the edge of the bed."

She kicked her other foot free of her jeans and obeyed, moving just slowly enough to earn her a warning rumble and a soft swat on the hip.

Ace was still on his knees, and he looked as surprised as she was when Cruz dropped abruptly beside him, seizing the back of the other man's head with such deadly speed that their lips crashed together in time to muffle Ace's shocked noise.