Stephanie pipes up, “What
do you have for something
blue
?”
Jessica smiles with a devilish grin,
“My bra and panties of course. I have a sexy baby blue ensemble
hidden under these layers of silk.”
Mrs. Ellis gasps, and puts her hand
over her mouth. Jessica laughs and gives her mom a playful shove,
“Don’t worry mother, I swear I am still a virgin.”
“
Oh, Jessica” Mrs. Ellis
laughs and everyone except me shares a giggle.
In order to finalize Jessica’s look,
we head up to the Ellis’s villa. The ceremony is less than an hour,
when Mrs. Ellis and myself help Jessica into her lavish strapless
organza high-low gown. It is breathtaking. Adorned with beaded
detail and a dropped waist that clinches her body to perfection.
She was crazy to think it was too tight back in Chicago. It is so
stunning; I am shocked silent just basking in her beauty. She looks
absolutely perfect.
Jessica’s face changes from happy to
ecstatic when she admires herself for the first time all dolled up
and looking like a real bride draped in white. Her mother kisses
both her cheeks and gushes she is the most beautiful thing she has
ever seen. Jessica thanks her mom and looks to me. I give her a
tiny hug and a smile. I whisper in her ear that Michael is the
luckiest guy in the world. And by marrying Jessica he really
is.
When Mrs. Ellis leaves the room,
Jessica says, “What is going on?”
“
What are you talking
about?” I ask completely taken aback.
“
You look miserable and it
is my wedding day. So chipper up.” She orders.
“
I’m fine” I lie and start
to fix the fluff on her dress. I want to tell her so badly about
Ben, but this is not the place, or the time, and now that it’s
over, I never want to think about it ever again.
“
I’ve known you your whole
life. You can’t fool me.” She scolds.
“
Nothing’s wrong. Look.” I
plaster a forced grin on my face.
“
Well whatever it is, get
over it. The ceremony is in fifteen minutes.” Jessica
huffs.
I know it’s unfair of me to
be pouting on such a beautiful day, and at my best friend’s wedding
to boot. But I can’t help but feel the way I do. I am trying my
hardest to let everything go and push forward, but it is
really
really
hard. Although, I would actually argue the whole thing is
totally Jessica’s fault to begin with. If she hadn’t of suggested
Ben as a suitable candidate to Stephanie in the first place,
Stephanie would have never revealed their top-secret love affair.
Therefore, everything would have been carrying on like normal. Ben
and I would still be having great sex (even if it were nothing more
to him than a secret “friends with benefits” situation), but at
least I would be happy and oblivious to his lies right
now!
Mrs. Ellis’s high-pitched voice
startles me when she shouts for everyone to start heading down to
the ceremony. She tells me to lead the way, so I yank open the door
and let everyone funnel out of the villa. Jessica is the last one
out and tells me to grab onto the train of her dress. So I do as we
make our way down to the beach.
The sun is beaming and warming my
skin. A section of the resort is closed off and I can see rows and
rows of white chairs lined up under the gigantic gazebo overlooking
the ocean. Michael is happily standing beside the marriage
officiate, and for the first time today, seeing the look of joy on
his face brings my first wave of happiness. It soon changes back to
misery when I see Ben poised off of Michael’s shoulder looking
ridiculously sexy. I tell myself to look away.
Just do it Megan, look
away!
But it’s too late. He catches my stare
and a small smile creases at the corners of his lips. I feel my
knees buckle and my feet throb in these golden heels. I remind
myself I will not let Ben play me for a fool, just like he does
with every other woman in the state of Illinois.
When the violins kick in, I
watch Michael’s parents walk down the aisle, then Jessica’s mother
accompanied by her brother. Stephanie leads the bridal procession
and winks at Ben, and he
actually
winks back! Just like the pig he is. Then Michelle
follows, looking lovely with her fancy up-do. I take one quick look
back at Jessica and her father, before I emerge into full view of
the guests. I whisper she looks beautiful and she smiles back,
motioning her hand for me to move forward. So with the deepest
breath imaginable, I walk down the aisle in full view of
Ben.
To keep myself distracted, I
acknowledge anything but the line of ushers at the end of the
gazebo. Instead I smile, passing through the guests and looking
from side to side. I first see Steven who beams at me. I kick
myself when I think how stupid I was for choosing Ben over him. But
not anymore, Ben and I have seen our last romp and there isn’t
anything he could say or do to convince me otherwise.
I smile at Jessica’s Aunt Florence and
even at Michael’s prude mother. She looks completely miserable and
on the verge of a meltdown. I sigh with relief thinking at least I
am not the most depressed person at this ceremony.
When I get to the front of the
makeshift altar, I don’t dare look up at Ben, even though I felt
him staring at me the whole time I was walking down the aisle. I
know what he wants. I know he is trying to draw me in. Ben is just
waiting for me to give him that reassuring smile of forgiveness.
But I will not. I will not be that Megan who lets guys walk all
over her, and I surely will not be that Megan who constantly gets
her heart broken and puts up with it. Her ship has sailed and it is
never coming back. The new Megan is standing up for herself,
because she truly believes she deserves real love and respect. I
will not back down or crack under pressure from his perfect white
grin. I have way too much self-respect and pride to be another one
of his endless string of women who walk through his revolving door,
right into his bedroom. I hold my head high and carry on, placing
myself in front of Michelle and Stephanie, showing him how strong I
can be.
My palms are clammy and I begin to
sweat all over, especially when the only thing standing between us
is Michael and the marriage officiate. His eyes are still glued on
me, but I remind myself not to be sucked in. He whisperingly shouts
out my name, and Michael turns and shushes him, which instinctually
forces me to look up. I unwillingly lock eyes with him and watch,
as he slowly mouths, “I’m sorry.”
I keep a straight face and look away
to see Jessica beaming down the aisle. Her flawless smile and look
of pride on her dad’s face, combined with Michael sucking back some
tears suddenly makes me weepy. I glance over at Ben, seeing his
soft brown eyes prickled with a mixture of hurt and doubt. I wish I
could just give him the reassurance he needs to know things will be
fine between us. But how could they be? How could I be with someone
who has been with more women than Hugh Heffner? How could I be with
someone who doesn’t believe in love and commitment? And now, after
all of this, how could we possibly go back to being friends like we
once were?
Jessica and her father distract the
both of us, when they approach the altar. Her father has tears in
the corners of his eyes when he gently places Jessica’s hand in
Michael’s. He gives his only daughter a kiss on the cheek, before
he hands her off on the most highly anticipated day of her
life.
Chapter 17
After a short and sweet ceremony under
the blistering sun, Jessica and Michael are finally introduced as
Mr. & Mrs. Michael Mercier. They kiss and he whispers something
into her ear. She tosses her head back in a full-bodied laugh, and
beams back at him with hearts in her eyes. Everyone cheers and
claps when they hoist their clasped hands above their heads, and
give each other another loving kiss. Cameras start flashing as
Jessica and Michael start the procession down the aisle. Ben
catches me off guard and swoops in under my arm to follow behind
the bride and groom.
“
You look beautiful.” Ben
whispers in my ear.
“
Thank you.” I reply as
mundane as possible.
I plaster a fake smile on
my face, grinning at the guests as we walk down the aisle.
You can do this.
I think
to myself, both fearing and hoping I won’t cave from his attempted
charm.
Once we are free and clear from the
gazebo, Jose comes flying by and snapping his fingers to get the
bridal party’s attention. He places himself on a concrete stair and
shouts, “Alright everyone, the guests are being shuffled into the
hall for cocktails and tapas while you are off taking some lovely
pictures on the beach.” He flamboyantly whips his head in the
direction of the photographer and shouts, “You only have two hours,
so use your time wisely and do not be late.” Within a blink of an
eye, Jose is gone and herding the remaining guests with bubbling
glasses of champagne and tiny cocktail shrimps.
The photographer takes over and
introduces himself as Victor. He has a curly head of hair and a
floral printed t-shirt with bulging eyes and a skinny frame.
Jessica hoists her dress up, and leads the way down to the beach.
She complains to Victor that she doesn’t want every picture with
the ocean in the background. Victor proudly informs her he is known
for bringing an artistic flare to a traditional bridal shoot. She
giddily claps her hands together and engages Victor in a discussion
of a lifetime over the first choice of picture location. In the
meantime, Ben hasn’t let me out of his grasp. When our friends are
out of earshot, I harshly whisper for him to let me go.
“
I was going to tell you. I
swear Megan. I’m really sorry you had to find out that way.” Ben
grovels.
“
It doesn’t matter. What’s
done is done.” I whisper back with frustration.
Ben finally releases his iron grip,
and I yank myself free.
“
So you meant what you said
last night?” He asks frozen in horror staring at me with wide
eyes.
“
Oh, you mean how I said
it’s over?” I proudly say and kick off those dreaded
heels.
“
Megan -” he
pleads.
“
No Ben, don’t even do
this.” I grunt and turn to walk away from him, but he grabs onto my
arm and whips me around to face him. Our eyes lock, and his mouth
slightly parts like he is trying to say something, but nothing
comes out.
Thankfully, Jessica begins shouting
our names and waving us over to the long stretch of beach. Ben
sighs, releases his grip, and shoves his hands in his pockets. I
toss my hair over my shoulders and make a point of walking ahead of
him.
We take photo after photo after photo.
I pose standing up, I pose sitting on a rock and I even squish in
and rub up against Jessica’s behind to make the perfect shot. I
have never been photographed so much in all my life. When we are
finally wrapping up, Victor announces he has created magic with his
camera and Jessica and Michael won’t be disappointed. This thrills
Jessica and she squeezes my arm, “I’m so happy the pictures are
over! I can’t wait for the fun to begin!”
****
The reception hall is stunning. White
sheer fabric draped from the ceiling with a crystal chandelier
hanging in the middle of the dance floor. Bright pink flowers
decorate every table, with a trio of candles circling every vase.
The head table is romantically lit with a sparkling backdrop and
fantastic floral arrangements. I stand off to the side and press my
nose up against the glass doors leading into the reception hall to
watch the guests settle into their assigned seats.
Ben brushes up against my behind and
tugs on the back of my dress. I try to swat him away just as Jose
busts through a side door and starts dictating what is going to
happen during the grand entrance, although Ben doesn’t budge. He
presses against me and gently whispers in my ear, “Can’t you see
I’m crazy about you?”
I whip around, “You’re crazy about a
lot of girls.” letting the pain cut through my voice.
Ben flinches from my words, “No Megan,
just you.”
I take a big gulp, and feel the tiny
hairs stand up on my neck. Nothing is making any sense, but I know
now is not the time to try and figure it out. Jose bumps into both
of us, wearing the world’s tiniest headset and breaks our gaze. He
ushers us over to the side, and approaches Jessica and Michael,
“Are you two ready for your big introduction?”
“
Of course” Jessica laughs
and kisses Michael on the cheek.
“
Where’s the maid-of-honor
and best man?” Jose shouts on his tippy toes and looks back to find
us in the crowd.
“
We’re right here.” Ben
says. He raises his hand and points down at me with the
other.
“
Well get up here you two.
You need to lead the bridal party procession.” Jose
shouts.
Ben wraps his fingers around mine and
pulls us to Jose. Jose begins directing the others to partner up
and follow behind us when Ben leans in and says, “Megan, please say
something.”
“
I have nothing to say.” I
respond by keeping my eyes forward and focused on the beautifully
decorated hall.