Better Than Perfect (25 page)

They were directed to the family waiting room down the hall. Alice stood at the window, looking out.

“Mom.” Zach ran to her and threw his arms around her waist.

“Zach, how did you…” She looked up at Johnny and for a moment he wondered if she’d be angry with him. Then her features softened. “Thank you, Johnny. Thank you.”

“Is Grandpa going to be okay?” It broke Johnny’s heart to hear the uncertainty in his voice.

“I think so.” She sounded like she was trying to reassure herself as much as Zach. “They’re running some tests to see how much damage it caused and what they need to do to treat him.”

“Did you have to do CPR?” Zach’s eyes were wide with fear.

“No. He never lost consciousness. He was having trouble catching his breath, and that’s something you don’t take chances with.”

“Oh, okay.” Zach seemed satisfied with her explanation. “Johnny brought me here because I was worried about Grandpa. And I didn’t want you to be alone.”

“Thank you.” She smiled first at Zach, and then at Johnny. “Frannie is in there with him, and it is nerve wracking waiting out here all by myself.”

She held his gaze for a moment. He couldn’t be sure if it was guilt or simple weariness in her eyes. She held herself accountable for the health and well-being of everyone she cared about.

Frannie entered the waiting room and the three of them looked up at her expectantly.

“He’s going to be fine.” Her eyes still showed signs of worry. “It was a heart attack, but a mild one. Nothing we can’t take care of with diet and lifestyle changes.”

“That’s a relief.” Alice didn’t look relieved. More like someone had just handed her an arrest warrant. “I mean, that it’s not too serious. Is there medication? Or something we can do to fix this?”

“We’ll follow up with his regular doctor.” Frannie gave her a sympathetic glance. It should have been the other way around.

Alice nodded. She stood stiff, like she was awaiting sentence for a crime.

“Zach, I’m so glad you’re here.” Frannie beamed at her grandson. “Thank you Johnny, for bringing him.”

Johnny nodded, feeling like an outsider.

“I’ll bet Grandpa would love to see you.” She put her arm around Zach’s shoulder and led him out of the room.

“Thank you for coming.” Alice was still shaken by the day’s events. “I’m glad Zach called you.”

“I’m glad I could be there for him.” It didn’t make up for all the times he wasn’t, but it was something.

She leaned back against the wall. All the strength she’d been trying to display seemed to have left her.

Johnny was at her side in a heartbeat.

“Ali, I’m here for you, too.” He put his arms around her and she fell into his embrace.

“It’s my fault.” Her words were barely a whisper.

“No, it’s not.” Johnny stroked her hair, wanting more than anything to take away her worry.

“It is. I was telling Frannie that Zach might be your son, and Mel overheard and…and he just collapsed.” She pulled away from him. “It’s all my fault.”

“No. Alice. I’m sure it was only…” What? Bad timing? Coincidence? “I’m sure Mel’s condition had nothing to do with you. With us.”

“No, you’re wrong. It has everything to do with it.” Alice looked down at the floor, studying the vinyl tiles, as if she was searching for solace in the random pattern.

“Ali, you’re not responsible for him.”

“Oh, but I am. You weren’t there.” She shook her head. “After the accident. It was awful. I wasn’t sure if he’d get through those early days. If it wasn’t for Zach...”

She wrapped her arms around herself, holding her feelings inside.

Johnny stepped closer. He wanted to reach out to her, but she was shutting him out. Again.

“Zach is the light of his life.” She shook her head. “I can’t take that away from him.”

“No one said you had to.”

She turned toward Johnny, her face pale. Worry lined her eyes, and she shuddered with guilt. “I could have killed him.”

She dissolved into tears, collapsing in the nearest chair.

He sat beside her and put his arms around her. She closed her eyes and leaned against him. He held her as she sobbed. She trembled, and it was all he could do not to lift her in his arms and carry her out of there. He wanted to tell her everything was going to be alright. Even if she wasn’t ready to believe it.

“Johnny, please…” She wriggled out of his grasp. Again. “You’re only making this harder than it already is.”

“Making what harder?” It was just like before. When she’d told him they should start seeing other people and he’d be better off without her. He hadn’t been. He’d been alone.

“Johnny, I’m glad you’re still here.” Frannie returned before he could say anything else. Before she could push him away even more. “They’re going to keep Mel overnight for observation. I’m staying with him.”

“Is there anything you need?” Johnny asked.

“Yes, would you please make sure Alice and Zach get home?”

“Sure. No problem. Anything else?” He almost wished for another errand. He wanted to do something. Anything, to keep Alice from pushing him away.

“No. Just knowing the two of them are taken care of is all I need.”

“I’ll do my best.” He accepted the mission.

“Frannie, can I get you something to eat? Some tea?” Alice jumped in, probably trying to feel useful.

“No. I have everything I need right here.” She glanced back at the hallway, showing them Mel was all she needed. “You get some rest, okay? This has been a scare, but maybe it’s a blessing in disguise. You know how I’ve been pushing for him to retire.”

“Yes. Yes, of course.”

Frannie approached Johnny and stood on her tiptoes to whisper in his ear. “Take care of our girl, will you?”

“I will.” Johnny gave her a quick hug before stepping back. “I most certainly will.”

If she’d let him.

14

Alice busied herself getting Zach ready for bed. Like he was eight years old again. She knew she was fussing, she knew he was annoyed, but she couldn’t help herself. She needed to feel in control of something, and making sure he brushed his teeth was about the only thing she could control.

Zach, bless his heart, didn’t protest like he normally did. He just went about his routine and even remembered to put his clothes in the hamper. He was either trying to impress Johnny or was as worried as she about his grandfather’s condition.

“Goodnight, Mom.” He gave her a hug. A real hug, not the half-hearted obligatory type he’d been giving her lately. “Goodnight, Johnny. Thanks for coming to get me and everything.”

“No problem, sport. I’m glad I could help.” Johnny seemed surprised when Zach gave him a quick hug before turning in.
 

They both watched Zach head upstairs.

“Well, I should get going.” Johnny shrugged, as if he thought he was in the way. “I hope everything turns out okay for Mel.”

“Johnny, wait.” She’d been unfair to him. In so many ways.

He looked tired. He couldn’t be half as worn out as she was, but a lot had happened today. Between them, around them, and because of them.

“Alice, I think... I think we should take a step back. Not try to force this.” He was going to let her push him away again. Damn it, why didn’t he fight for them? Why hadn’t he ever fought for them?

“No. I was wrong. About so many things.” She tugged on his arm, led him into the family room. They needed to finish this. Tonight. No matter how much they wanted to pretend the past was in the past and the future didn’t matter.

“Alice, I don’t want to fight with you.”

“I don’t want to fight either.”

“Then maybe I should go. We can talk later. When things have calmed down.”

“Things aren’t going to calm down.” She sat on the sofa, wishing he’d sit next to her, but knowing he’d choose the chair opposite her.

“I’m sure Mel will be fine and they can control it with medication or diet or a combination of the two.”

“I’m not talking about him. I mean us.” She was tired of pretending. Tired of loving Johnny from the sidelines. “Things aren’t going to calm down between us. There’s still something there. Something very powerful.”

“I was horny. You were wearing that dress.”

“Yeah. That’s what happened. Johnny, I know you. I know you better than you know yourself sometimes.”

“Then why do you think I could have hurt you?” He leaned forward, resting his hands on his knees. “Why do you think I could have been anything other than faithful to you?”

“I was young and insecure. I thought once you made the big leagues you’d forget about me.” How could she explain how she never felt good enough for him? How she would have given anything for some sort of reassurance. Some kind of promise.

“How could I forget you?” He moved closer, perched on the edge his seat. “It would have been easier for me to forget how to throw a baseball.”

“Maybe if you’d…” She looked up at him, at the bewilderment still in his eyes. “You never told me you loved me. You never even hinted at wanting a future with me.”

“At the time I didn’t know if I even had a future.” Johnny’s voice was tinged with the old insecurity they’d both felt. “I had one shot at having anything to offer you. I wasn’t going to make any promises I couldn’t keep.”

“I would have liked the promise. The hope.” But she hadn’t been strong enough to ask for it.

“So all that stuff about groupies and women throwing themselves at me?”

“I wanted you to fight for me.” She sighed. “To fight for us. To assure me that you could resist temptation because I was the only woman for you.”

“You were the only woman for me.” Johnny got up and sat on the sofa next to her. “You’ve always been the only woman for me.”

“Johnny.” She needed to know how many. “Don’t tell me you’ve been celibate this whole time. I heard the rumors, but…”

“I tried.” He looked down at the floor. “I mean, I tried to move on. To have a relationship with someone else. But I couldn’t find anyone who could make me forget about you.”

“Don’t say things like that.”

“I thought you wanted the truth.” He looked up at her. His dark chocolate eyes made her melt. “You’re the only woman I’ve ever really wanted.”

“Even now?” The question almost died on her lips. “Even after I left you. After I hurt you...”

“Even now.” He reached a trembling hand toward her and placed a finger over her lips. “You’re right. I should’ve fought for you. I should’ve fought for us. I should’ve told you every day how much you meant to me.”

He lifted her from the sofa and pulled her into his arms. He kissed her. Slowly. Thoroughly. Passionately. She had no choice but give in to him. Give in to the feelings he stirred in her. She wanted this man. Needed him. Wondered how she’d managed to live so long without him.

“Let’s go upstairs,” she whispered. She hoped Zach was already asleep, but she needed to be discreet.

“Sounds perfect.”

Her heart pounded as she led him up the stairs to her bedroom. She didn’t know how she deserved yet another chance with him, but was determined to make the most of it. Once they were inside, she quietly closed the door and turned the lock. She was almost surprised it still worked, since she’d never needed to lock her bedroom door before. Zach wouldn’t enter her room without permission. Or without being summoned, and even then, he always made his presence known. Still, she’d hate for him to make tonight the one exception.

She stood still, staring back at Johnny. He was watching her, taking her in like he wanted to study every detail of her face, her figure, her trembling hands.

“I’m sure you’ve noticed I’ve gained a little weight since college.” She toyed nervously with the buttons on her blouse.

“So have I.” He stepped forward to assist her. He slid the silky fabric over her shoulders, letting it fall to the floor. He carefully tugged at the waistband of her skirt, inching it down her hips until it pooled at her ankles.