Better Than Perfect (22 page)

“She might. If I let her have her way with me.” Bryce groaned as he leaned forward to rest his elbows on the bar.

“You like her, don’t you?”

Bryce swore under his breath.

Yeah. He liked her. Poor guy.

“So what are you going to do about the kid?”

“I guess I need to start by finding out for sure if he’s mine.” Johnny didn’t have the first clue on how to do that. “They can tell with a blood test?”

“Nah. They just swab your cheek. It’s totally painless.” Bryce was the voice of experience.

“Except for the part about her keeping him from me all this time.” Johnny reached for his second, and what should be his last beer, of the night. “Man, I feel like an idiot.”

“Maybe she didn’t know.” Bryce’s cheerfulness made it sound almost plausible.

“Have you seen the kid?” Johnny could picture Zach right now. A younger, blonder version of himself. “He looks exactly like me. How could she look at him every day for the last thirteen years and not know?”

“I don’t know. They tend to develop personalities of their own.” Bryce stared into his mug. “I mean, my daughter is the spitting image of her mother. But then she’ll smile. Or laugh. And she’s so different. Not like her at all. And that’s a very good thing, let me tell you.”

“Sounds like your ex isn’t your favorite person?”

“No. Hell, I don’t even know how we ended up together in the first place. Other than I was young and stupid and flattered by the attention of a hot chick.” Bryce shook his head. “I don’t know about you, but I was kind of a late bloomer. Skinny, small, and awkward except on the field.”

“I was skinny, tall and awkward.” But that didn’t mean he hadn’t been propositioned. Just the opposite. His mother’s friends had felt sorry for him. Offered to relieve him of his virginity. On the house.

“Yeah. And at my school, baseball players were only a step above band geeks.” Bryce chuckled to himself. At himself. “It was all about the football players. And basketball. Both sports I didn’t have a chance at.”

“So once girls started paying attention to you, you let it go to your head.” Johnny had seen it enough. The only thing that made him different was, well, he wanted to be different. He didn’t want to be like the jerks who used women for sex. Or even paid them.

“Yeah. Both of them.” Bryce laughed as if he’d just told the funniest joke. Even if the joke was on him. “Told you I was an idiot.”

“You’re not the only one.” Johnny set his mug on the bar. “Thanks for the beer.”

“Thanks for not beating the crap out of me for telling Rachel about you and Alice. I had no idea…”

“Hey. It’s cool. I’m glad she figured it out. I might have gone on with blinders on. Like I always have where Alice is concerned.”

“So are you going to go talk to her?”

“Yeah. I guess I better. Before it becomes public.”

“Hey, I’m serious about talking to Rachel for you.” Bryce stood up, held out his hand. “If I have to beg. Get down on my knees. Tie her up. Or let her tie me up. Whatever it takes, man.”

“Don’t hurt yourself.” Johnny shook his friend’s hand. An hour ago, he hadn’t thought it possible to still consider Bryce a friend. But he was, at the moment, his only friend.

“Never.” Bryce placed his hand over his heart, as if he was invincible in that area. “And hey, if you need help finding a paternity lawyer, I can ask around for you. It won’t come as a shock coming from me. Hell, I’m surprised they haven’t started calling me.”

“Thanks. I hope it won’t come to that, but I appreciate it.” Johnny walked the five blocks back to his apartment building. He jumped in his Jeep and drove over to Alice’s.

He sat in front of her house for about twenty minutes before he could bring himself to the front door. His talk with Bryce had helped him get his anger under control. But the hurt was still there. She’d married Mel knowing she was pregnant with Johnny’s child. How could she? Why did she keep it from him, even after Mel died? The answers could only come from her.

He rang the bell, hoping Alice would answer and not Zach. He wasn’t ready to face his son yet. Not until he could get his emotions under control.

“Johnny, what a surprise.” Alice opened the door. She was wearing yoga pants and a light blue sweatshirt. Her hair was gathered into a ponytail. She looked so much like the girl he used to know. The girl who’d betrayed him. Even more than he’d ever known.

“What is it? What’s wrong?” She stepped toward him.

But he didn’t want her to touch him. Not now.

“Can we talk? Just the two of us?” As much as this concerned Zach, he didn’t think he needed to hear about it like this.

“Yeah. Okay. Zach and I were watching a movie, but it’s almost over.” She stepped back to let him in. “He needs to get ready for bed soon, anyway.”

“Hey, Johnny.” Zach took one look at him and his smile faded. He stepped closer to Alice, ready to get between them if necessary. He might be just a kid, but he wasn’t going to let anyone hurt his mother. Not even Johnny Scottsdale. Admiration for the boy swept over him. At thirteen, he was already a bigger man than Johnny had ever been.

“It’s okay. I’m…” What was Johnny going to say? That he wouldn’t hurt her? That the reason he’d come here tonight wasn’t going to change all three of their lives? “I’m sorry to drop in on your family time.”

“Zach, go get ready for bed. Everything’s fine. Right, Johnny?” She plastered a fake smile on her face. “We just need to talk about a few things. Grown-up things that you don’t need to worry about.”

“Yeah. Sure.” Zach’s shoulders slumped slightly. Enough for Johnny to recognize that he was giving in. This time.

Zach headed up the stairs but without the carefree enthusiasm Johnny had seen every other time he’d been here.

“So, what’s going on?” Alice led him to the kitchen at the back of the house. “Something’s bothering you, I can tell.”

“Yeah. Something’s bothering me.” Hell, now he was here, he didn’t know how to start.

“What is it? You didn’t hurt yourself, did you?” She reached for his right arm. His pitching arm. “You mentioned you were going to work out this afternoon. You didn’t pull something?”

“No. I’m fine. My arm is fine.” He wished he had something to do. Something to hold while he had this conversation.

“Can I get you a drink? Some wine? A beer? Some iced tea?”

“No. Thanks.” He shook his head.

“Okay. Why don’t you just come right out and say what’s troubling you.”

“Zach.” His throat closed up on him. He couldn’t quite get the words out. “Is he…”

Johnny got up, walked to the sink. He opened the cabinet closest to it and grabbed the first glass he found. He filled it with water straight from the tap and gulped it down. His hand shook as he set the empty glass on the stone counter. “Is he my son?” Johnny sank against the counter, bracing himself for her answer.

“I don’t know.” She crossed to the cabinet and grabbed a wine glass. From a previously opened bottle on the counter, she poured a generous portion. “I honestly don’t know.”

“You don’t know.” He repeated her words, as if he hadn’t heard her correctly. “How could you not know?”

She took a long, defensive drink. “We’d broken up. And then I was with Mel. So it could have been either one of you.”

That made him feel about as special as a hot dog wrapper blowing around the bleachers after the last game of a double-header.

“And you never bothered to find out?” He filled his glass with more water, drank it down and then reached for the wine bottle. He didn’t care if he poured it into a juice glass. He just needed something to wash down the rage. The disappointment. And the hurt.

“What was I supposed to do? Call you up out of the blue and say ‘Hey Johnny, so glad you’re finally living your dream. Guess what? I’m pregnant.’ How would that have been?” Before he had a chance to answer, she continued. “‘Oh, and by the way, it might not be yours.’ How would that have gone over?”

Johnny took a long slug of wine. Yeah. That would have been great. Not much different from the way he felt right now.

“Did you think I would have just left you?” Her lack of faith cut deep.

“No. I know what you would have done.” She bit her lower lip in a feeble attempt to keep it from quivering. “You would’ve quit. You would’ve made the noble effort to support me and Zach. But you would have resented me. Resented us both for taking you away from the one thing you loved more than anything.”

“Baseball?” She’d kept his kid from him so he could play baseball.

“Yes. I couldn’t let you give that up. Not when there was a chance you’d be taking responsibility for a child who wasn’t even yours.”

“But you had no problem letting Mel take responsibility for a child who wasn’t his.”

“He knew what he was getting into.” Alice looked out the window, avoiding his gaze. “He knew it would have wrecked you to find out that I’d been with him too.”

“But that didn’t stop him from sleeping with you.” Johnny tossed back the rest of the wine. “Didn’t stop him from marrying you, and raising my child as his own.”

“We didn’t know for sure whose child he was.” She took the empty glass from him. Possibly to keep him from shattering it, he gripped it so tightly. “We didn’t want to find out. Once we made the decision to get married, we figured it was best if we just assumed Mel was the father.”

“Best for who?”

“All of us.” She placed a tentative hand on his arm. “Johnny, I couldn’t let you become like my father. Always wondering what could have been if I hadn’t trapped you. You would have resented me. Resented Zach.”

“I wouldn’t.” He’d like to think that was the truth. But he couldn’t be sure. Not when baseball had been his only shot at making something of himself. If he’d been forced to give that up, yeah, he could see how he could have wound up bitter. “I would have liked the chance to prove you wrong.”

“What would you have done if I’d come to you right away?” She asked. “Would you have come back? Given up everything you’d worked so hard for? Maybe you could have gotten a job at a casino, parking cars or making change. That would have been a dream come true.”

“I would have figured something out.” Like waiting tables or dealing blackjack. Maybe her dad could have pulled some strings and got him on at the mine. Although the one time Johnny had met the man, neither was too impressed with the other. Johnny got the feeling Alice’s father was bitter and envious of Johnny’s college success.

“We can’t go back and undo the past.” Alice had a slight quiver in her voice. “But maybe we can move forward. Just tell me what you want to do.”

“I don’t know what I want.” He was still reeling from the news. “I only found out this afternoon that I might be a father. I need a little time to think.”

“That’s fair.” She sighed and leaned against the counter next to him. “So, how did you find out?”

“That reporter. She was suspicious of how much time I was spending with Zach.” It still made his stomach turn to think of what she’d initially thought he was capable of. Made it turn even more knowing there were people out there who would do such things. “But then she found out we had a previous relationship and did the math.”

“Johnny, I’m sorry. I’m so sorry you had to find out that way.”

“Were you planning on telling me? Now that we’re…” No. They weren’t together. Not anymore. “Or were you hoping I wouldn’t figure it out eventually?”

“I wanted to tell you. I just didn’t know how.” There was a catch in her voice. “It’s not any easier now than it would have been fourteen years ago.”

“No. It’s not.” He pushed himself away from the counter. “I need to go. I’ve got a lot of stuff to sort out.”

“Are you okay to drive?” She reached out to grab his arm.

He shook her off. Didn’t want to touch her. Not right now. Maybe not ever again.

“I’m well under the limit.” He certainly didn’t feel the effects of the glass of wine he’d drank. Or the two beers he had earlier.

“Mel was under the legal limit, too.” She had to bring that up. “But he was upset with me. I can’t let you risk your life.”

“I’m fine. I’m in complete control.” Like always.

“Johnny.” She took his hand and this time he let her. “I’m so sorry. I know I messed things up. Terribly. But you have to understand, it was out of love. I didn’t want to hurt you. Please, believe me.”