Better Than Perfect (32 page)

He had no ritual when it came to saying goodbye. He usually hit the road early, giving himself plenty of time to get to spring training. To settle into his hotel room and start his workouts early.

Now he almost wished he’d chosen to fly. To spend the extra day with Alice and Zach.

But one more day wouldn’t be enough. So he might as well get his goodbye over with.

They pulled into Alice’s driveway.

“Hey, thanks for the phone.” Zach was antsy to start fiddling with the thing. Not at all intimidated by the numerous features. “I hope I don’t bug you too much.”

“I don’t think that’s possible.” Johnny’s chest started to constrict. “I look forward to hearing from you.”

“And good luck in spring training.” Zach stood stiffly, like he was wondering if he should say more. Or maybe even hug Johnny.

“Thanks. But luck is the least of it. Preparation. Hard work. Dedication. These things are much more important than luck.” Johnny put his hand on the boy’s shoulder. “Remember that, when you have your tryouts.”

“Right. That and our little secret saying.” Zach flung his arms around Johnny’s waist. So he’d decided to go for the hug after all.

Johnny returned the embrace with a pat on the back, for good measure.

“Well, I’m going to go play with my new phone.”

“It’s not a toy,” Alice corrected. “It’s a tool for communication.”

“Then I’m going to go make sure I know how to use my new tool correctly.” Zach gave Johnny a smile, and a look that said
she’s all yours
.

“Come on in,” Alice offered.

Johnny shook his head. “I need to get on the road.”

“Are you really going to stop by and see your mom?”

“If I make good enough time. It’s about ten hours to Vegas from here.”

“That’s a long way to drive all by yourself.”

“I’ve got plenty to think about while I’m on the road.” He shoved his hands in his pockets to keep from reaching for her. “I suppose you do, too.”

“Yeah.” She twisted a strand of hair, releasing the sweet scent of her shampoo. Damn, he didn’t want to leave her. It was almost harder than the last time. When they’d been officially broken up. But he hadn’t let her go without one last attempt at getting her back. He’d gotten her into bed, but hadn’t had the courage to ask her to wait for him. In case he didn’t make it, he hadn’t wanted to hold her back from having some kind of life.

That must have been the night Zach was conceived.

“I should get the results by the end of the week.” Johnny was looking forward to making it official.

“And then you’ll be with your team.”

“No. My team will be right here. You and Zach.” He glanced down at her lower abdomen to where she might or might not be working on expanding their roster.

“Johnny, I—”

He placed a finger across her lips.

“Don’t worry. We’ve got plenty of time.” Johnny felt her tremble beneath his touch. She wanted him to kiss her. And he would have, but he didn’t want to delay his departure any longer. “I won’t pressure you. But I’m not going to let you get away. Not this time.”

He placed a gentle kiss on her forehead.

“Drive safe.” She had a catch in her voice, which told him so much more than her words.

“Take care of yourself. And our son.”

“Johnny.” She threw her arms around him. And he held her. Both of them wanting more, both of them hoping they’d have another chance.

It didn’t feel like a goodbye after all.

He’d be back and they would finally be able to start the life together they’d put on hold for fourteen years.

18

Nearly ten hours on the open road, and Johnny was no closer to the perfect proposal than he had been in Union Square. Offering Alice her choice of rings at Tiffany’s was so far off the mark. The only thing that would have been worse was if he’d popped the question while they were in the shower.

Alice was a once in a lifetime woman. She deserved a once in a lifetime proposal.

Johnny was relieved to find the McDonald’s still open when he pulled through the halfway point in Tonopah. He grabbed a quick bite to eat and drove four more hours to his mother’s place. She’d been surprised, yet pleased, to hear from him and was more than willing to wait up for him.

“Johnny, you made it.” She opened the door before he even had a chance to knock. “Look at you, so handsome.”

He shook his head, feeling a little bit like Zach, embarrassed by his mother’s praise.

She pulled him into an awkward hug. That was new. He couldn’t remember the last time Destiny Rose Scottsdale showed him any physical affection.

“Did you have a nice trip?” She stepped aside so he could enter her home. “I still don’t know why you’d drive rather than fly.”

“I like to drive.” He shrugged. He didn’t want to worry her with the fact that he needed time to think. “There’s something about being on the road with wide open spaces and oceans of sagebrush.”

He was already feeling closed in by the city. Too many people. He’d missed the desert while he lived in Florida and Kansas City and all the places in between. Where some folks looked out and saw miles and miles of nothing, Johnny saw miles and miles of peace. No people meant no one to let down.

“There’s someone I’d like you to meet.” His mom smiled. No, she glowed. Then Johnny noticed a man, in his mid to late fifties, step forward. “Howard, this is my son Johnny.”

“So nice to finally meet you.” The other man extended his hand for a firm handshake.

“Nice to meet you.” Johnny had never heard of the man, so there’d been no anticipation on his end.

“Rose talks about you all the time.” Howard motioned for Johnny to sit down, as if he’d been the one to pay the mortgage. “She’s awfully proud of you.”

“Thank you.” Johnny sat, but never took his eyes off the other man. He’d worried about men using her to get to him. It sickened him, the kind of guys who would crawl into bed with her just so they could say they rubbed elbows with the woman who’d given birth to the great Johnny Scottsdale. He thought she would have learned her lesson early on. But she had that look. The one that said she was thinking with something other than her brain.

“I hope this move to the west coast means we’ll get to see more of you.” She looked at Howard when she said it, not Johnny. They were a “we” now. Interesting.

“Actually…” Johnny wanted to break the news that she was a grandmother, but he didn’t want an audience.

“Maybe I should let you two catch up.” Howard, at least, sensed Johnny’s discomfort. That, or he was hiding something.

“I’ll keep the bed warm for you, Rose,” he whispered, a little too loudly.

Johnny held on to all his control not to shudder. Or get up and punch the man in the face. “So he’s living here?” Johnny didn’t want to put restrictions on her, but still…

“Yes. And he pays his share, if that’s what you’re worried about.” His mom folded her arms across her chest. Without the glow of whatever Howard inspired in her, she looked older. Weary.

“I don’t want to pry where it isn’t any of my business,” Johnny said. “I just don’t want you getting hurt. I don’t want anyone using you.”

She laughed. A rich, hearty, I’ve-been-around-the-block-more-than-once kind of laugh.

“Oh Johnny. How did you get so sweet?” She smiled at him with genuine surprise. And affection. “I never did deserve you. But I’m so grateful to have had you.”

“Is that so?”

“Look, I know I’m not exactly anyone’s ideal of motherhood.” She fiddled with a rather large emerald ring on her left hand. An engagement ring? Or was it a wedding ring? “But I am proud of you. And not because of the baseball thing.”

The baseball thing. Fourteen years as a professional, and she called it a thing, as if it was some passing fancy.

“Proud of me? Is that why you let me go and live with Coach Ryan?” Even though it was his idea, he’d still wanted her to at least put up a fight. “I thought you just wanted me out of your hair.”

“Oh, Johnny.” She rose and sat next to him on the sofa. “Is that what you thought? That I wanted to get rid of you?”

He shrugged, reminding himself of his thirteen-year-old son.

“I let you go because I loved you.” She put her arm around him. It was the first time he’d ever heard her say anything about love. “I loved you so much, I wanted you to have a chance to make something of yourself. I couldn’t help you with college, or scholarships. Hell, I never even went to school.”

“You dropped out?” He’d figured as much, since she was barely sixteen when she’d had him.

“No. I never went. Ever.”

“Were you homeschooled?” He didn’t know much about her past. She’d never shared this much before.

“Something like that.” She heaved a big sigh. “Oh, I know it’s hard for you to imagine that the life I led after you were born was so much better than what I left behind.”

“It must have been pretty bad.” He didn’t want to know. Yet he’d always been curious. “So you didn’t start…”

“At the ranch?” She made it sound so easy. So normal.

“You didn’t work at the ranch until after I was born?”

“No.” She patted his shoulder. “Did you think your father was one of my customers?”

“I thought maybe I was named after him.” Johnny tried to smile at the joke, but his lips were frozen.

“You were named after a boy I knew.” She looked off into the distance. Into her past. Some small part that made her smile. “If we lived in a different world, he might have been a boyfriend.”

He waited. Maybe she would reveal who his father really was.

“So tell me about you.” She dropped the subject. “Have you seen your friend from school? He lives in San Francisco.”

Johnny leaned back against the sofa.

“Oh, I forgot.” She patted his knee. “He went and married your girl.”

“Mel died. Several years ago.” Johnny didn’t know how to explain it all. But he needed to explain the most important part. “She married him because she was pregnant. With my son.”

Not exactly the way he’d meant to tell her. But it was done.

“Your son?” He heard tears in her voice. “I’m a grandma?”

“Yes.” He took a deep breath. “His name is Zach. He’s thirteen. A baseball player, like me.”

“Is he as handsome as you?” She squeezed his knee. “Of course he is.”

“He’s a great kid.”

“No surprise there. He’s your kid.” She sounded excited for him. Happy almost. “But she never told you.”

“No. She was already married when he was born.”

“I saw the paper, her wedding announcement. You have no idea how much I wanted to march right over there and give her a piece of my mind.”

“Mother. Please.” He could picture it. Big fancy society wedding broken up by a fight between the bride and a burned-out prostitute.

“You still love her, don’t you?”

“Yes. Yes, I do.” Johnny had never felt comfortable talking to his mother about his love life. Maybe because she’d never known love. At least, not as far as he’d seen. But hopefully that had changed.

“So what are you going to do about it?” She reached up and brushed his hair off his forehead. Such a motherly thing to do. And so unlike his experience of their relationship.

“I don’t know.” He hated to admit uncertainty. Or weakness. And he always tried to be strong, especially around his mother. “It’s not that simple.”

“No. It is simple. It just ain’t easy.” She patted his knee. “Like baseball, right?”

“Yeah? Well, a lot of things that work for baseball, don’t exactly translate to real life.”

“I suppose. But you can take what you learned on the field and apply it anywhere.”

“There is one thing I’ve learned.” Johnny stared down at the floor. “If a guy steps in the batter’s box thinking there’s no way he can hit the ball, there’s a good chance he won’t hit it. I don’t know if I can do this.”