Better Homes and Hauntings

PRAISE FOR MOLLY HARPER’S WITTY PARANORMAL NOVELS

“Harper writes characters you can’t help but fall in love with.”

—
RT Book Reviews

“Makes me laugh and laugh.”

—
USA Today

“Comedic entertainment at its best.”

—
Single Titles

“Harper serves up plenty of hilarity. . . . Fans will be thrilled by this return to the hysterical world of Jane and crew.”

—
Publishers Weekly

“With her distinct, captivating style, Harper hits it out of the park. . . . This reviewer has come to depend on the clever wit and heart that comes with Harper’s books, and I’m happy to report that the last page was turned with a contented sigh.”

—
RT Book Reviews
(4
¹
/
₂
stars)

“A perfect combination of smarts and entertainment with a dash of romance. . . . Harper has found a place at the top of my ‘must buy’ list.”

—
RT Book Reviews
(4
¹
/
₂
stars)

“Harper’s feel-good novel is great beach reading, filled with clever humor, snark, silliness, and endearing protagonists.”

—
Booklist

“Harper serves up a terrific fourth dose of vamp camp. . . . The stellar supporting characters, laugh-out-loud moments, and outrageous plot twists will leave readers absolutely satisfied.”

—
Publishers Weekly
(starred review)

“Molly Harper is the queen of side-splitting quips. . . . Hilariously original with imaginative adventures and one-of-a-kind characters.”

—
Single Titles

“Harper’s gift for character building and crafting a smart, exciting story is showcased well.”

—
RT Book Reviews
(4 stars)

“The characters are appealing and the plot is intriguingly original.”

—
Single Titles

“A rollicking, sweet novel that made me laugh aloud. . . . Mo’s wise-cracking, hilarious voice makes this novel such a pleasure to read.”

—
New York Times
bestselling author Eloisa James

“A light, fun, easy read, perfect for lazy days.”

—
New York Journal of Books

“Hilariously fun.”

—
RT Book Reviews
(4
¹
/
₂
stars)

“If you aren’t reading Molly Harper, you should be. The Jane Jameson books are sheer fun and giggle. No, make that chortling, laugh-out-loud till you gasp for breath fun.”

—
Night Owl Reviews

“Fast-paced, mysterious, passionate, and hilarious.”

—
RT Book Reviews
(4
¹
/
₂
stars)

“With its quirky characters and the funny situations they get into, whether they be normal or paranormal,
Nice Girls Don’t Date Dead Men
is an amazing novel.”

—
Romance Reviews Today

“Harper’s take on vampire lore will intrigue and entertain. . . . Jane’s snarky first-person narrative is as charming as it is hilarious.”

—
Publishers Weekly
(starred review)

“A chuckle-inducing, southern-fried version of Stephanie Plum.”

—
Booklist

For Melissa Boldry, Brenda Metzger, Iris Garrott, and youth librarians everywhere who maintain the paranormal nonfiction sections and keep kids like me entertained and inspired

THANK YOU,
as always, to my ever-patient agent, Stephany Evans. And to my lovely, possum-obsessed editor, Abby Zidle: thanks for letting me try something different. There were so many revisions to this manuscript, and you both stuck by me, without saying “I told you so” once. That alone puts you in the running for publication sainthood.

Thank you to my mother, Judy Harper, who let me watch an inordinate amount of
Scooby-Doo
as a child, which led to my lifelong obsession with haunted houses. And to all of the school librarians who put up with me repeatedly checking out the nonfiction “Mysteries of the Paranormal” type books over the years: I was not a normal little girl. Thanks for never holding it against me.

To my critique partner/life-support system, Jeanette Battista: thank you for all of your time, patience, and honesty. Ruthless, ruthless honesty. To Liliana Hart, Heather Osborn, Nicole Peeler, and Jaye Wells, my beloved S-Sisters: you all inspire me, so you only have yourselves to blame.

BEWARE ALL ENTERPRISES
that start with the purchase of Crocs.

Nina Linden glared down at the bright orange clogs protecting her from slipping on the deck of the S.S.
Sine Waves
and, for the third time that morning, cursed her assistant’s poor choice in boating shoes. Too wrapped up in the details of the Whitney project for shopping, Nina had told Carrie she needed something safe to wear when ferrying back and forth between Narragansett, Rhode Island, and Whitney Island, something that wouldn’t be ruined by traipsing through the gardens she was responsible for resuscitating. Nina should have been more specific. She should have said,
No foam-rubber shoes in radioactive colors that make me walk like a hobbled duck.

But considering that she was barely able to pay Carrie—who was a competent and loyal assistant in all areas save fashion sense—Nina knew she shouldn’t
complain. The shoes, while unfortunate, were not what she needed to focus on right now. She needed to pull herself out of her negative funk. This was the start of a new phase in her life. Demeter Designs would be a going concern. Hell, it would be a sought-after service among the ridiculously rich. All she had to do was survive the next three months.

Nina leaned her forehead against the sun-warmed teak railing of the perfectly lovely yacht used to ferry the renovation staff back and forth to Whitney Island, a small spit of land twenty miles southeast of Newport.

Nina had been through so much worse than seasickness in the past year. Near-bankruptcy. Identity theft. Stolen garden tools. This was going to be an adventure, she promised herself. She’d played it too safe with Rick, and it had cost her. She needed this time away. She needed to clear her head.

The other passengers seemed nice enough. They’d all boarded the Whitney yacht at the same time, and of course, Nina had immediately managed to whack the
GQ
cover model running the boat in the shin with her rolling suitcase. Instead of getting annoyed, he’d simply offered her a brilliant white smile and taken her bag in addition to his own.

The other woman on board, a sweet-faced blonde who might have doubled for a fairy-tale princess if not for her Jessica Rabbit figure, was clearly at home on the rocking, creaking vessel. The minute she’d stowed her bags, she’d slipped on her sunglasses, slipped off her shoes, and begun sunning herself on the deck on top of the tiny cabin. For a moment, Nina thought she was the girlfriend of their benefactor, but then she realized
how unlikely it was that social-media magnate Deacon Whitney would have let his girlfriend make the crossing with “the help.” Nina wasn’t exactly sure what the other woman’s role was to be in this . . . mission of theirs.

Twenty-eight and so upwardly mobile he practically had his own galaxy, Mr. Whitney was the sole programmer/creator of EyeDee, a social-networking site with nearly one billion users that had changed the face of online interactions. Users could “EyeContact” anyone from former high school classmates to childhood friends to—heaven forbid—their parents and share every waking moment of their lives. Whitney had launched the site just after graduating from New York University, eventually parlaying a public offering of his company’s stock into one of the largest personal fortunes in the United States. He was now using that fortune to restore his family’s dilapidated Gilded Age mansion to its former glory, using the team now assembled on the yacht.

Nina knew she should walk over and say hello to the others. They were going to be working and living together on the Crane’s Nest property over the next few months, until the renovations were finished. But at the moment, she could only concentrate on keeping her breakfast down.

The boat hit a particularly rough wake, pitching Nina back against the cabin. She moaned, bending at the knees and propping her arms against her thighs.

A smooth, tanned hand appeared at the corner of Nina’s vision, bearing brightly wrapped candies. She startled, drawing up to her full height, and swayed. The
other hand steadied her at the elbow. “Whoa, there,” he said, a laughing lilt to his soothing tone.

“Sorry about that.” Nina groaned, squinting up at the owner of the outstretched hand.

“Seasick, huh?” he said, eyeing her sympathetically over the rims of his mirrored aviators.

“Ever since I was a kid,” she said, glaring at the water glittering in the distance. “I ruined every family fishing trip. My brother always told me it would help to keep my eye on the horizon. But I think my brother is a dirty liar.”

“Try these,” he said, pressing a few foil-wrapped candies into her clammy palm. “Ginger drops. They’ll help your stomach. And as far as the horizon goes, I think it’s better to concentrate on more immediate surroundings.”

Unwrapping the candy, Nina followed his line of sight to the blonde’s long, tanned legs and rolled her eyes. Of course, he was eyeing the pretty blonde. He was practically a work of preppy art himself. Perfectly mussed sandy hair, bright blue-green eyes twinkling out over the aforementioned aviators. Pressed khakis, a light purple madras under a navy sport coat. He was fit and tan and managed to pull off the “lavender shirt” thing without seeming effeminate.

Well, not
terribly
effeminate. Definitely metrosexual.

Watching his eyes trace the line of the blonde’s ankles, Nina subconsciously rubbed a hand over the bridge of her nose, which tended to burn if she wasn’t religious with the sunscreen—the price of being a redhead. Typical, she thought wryly: the blonde got ogled, and she got treated like a kid sister.