Benevolent (14 page)

She let out a grunt and pushed her hips up further, letting me know what she wanted from me. I took her legs and put them over my shoulders, feeling her bare thighs against my neck and the heels of her shoes on my back. I gave her cunt one more kiss before sliding my tongue through her folds, tasting her salty juices and letting the metallic taste seep into my taste buds. I never wanted to taste anything else for the rest of my life. The taste alone made my cock tingle.

I licked her a few times before finding her clit. I ran my teeth along it, looking up at her and finding her staring right back at me. Her mouth was open as her breathing began to quicken. I noticed her stomach had begun to convulse. I completely covered her with my mouth, burying my nose in the small patch of trimmed hair on her pelvic bone. I sucked, making out with her cunt while flicking my tongue back and forth. Her head tilted back and I stopped. She looked back at me and I smiled as I kept eye contact with her. She was about to protest when I shoved my tongue inside of her. Her legs tightened around my neck as she let out the sexiest squeal I had ever heard.

She pressed herself into my mouth harder and I backed away, popping two fingers in my mouth and then pumping them into her wet cunt. She was drenched and I wanted to taste every bit of it. As I finger fucked her, I went back to flicking her hard clit with my tongue again. It didn’t take her long after that to begin shaking again. I knew what she was feeling because my cock was throbbing like a son of a bitch by that point. I didn’t stop. I sucked harder on her clit, curled my fingers more, and felt the inside of her pussy grasp them like a vice grip.

She fell back on the table and arched her back, pressing her bare tits high in the air. She took one nipple in between her fingers and began to twist as she let out a long, loud moan. The sound grew louder as she tightened her legs around my neck, almost to the point of cutting off my air. Her heels dug into my back, probably ripping the fabric of my shirt. And my dick was about to explode against my leg.

Once she began to relax, I kept it up for a few more seconds. I wanted to make sure she had ridden out every last wave I had given her. Then I licked her from back to front, making sure to get every bit of her come on my tongue before swallowing. I straightened up and locked eyes with her again, just before bringing my fingers to my mouth to suck them dry. It was the dessert to my meal.

She sat up, taking hold of my hand, and shoved my pussy-coated fingers in her mouth. Her soft, warm tongue massaged both fingers, licking herself from them. I had never seen anything hotter and my cock agreed with me. It was throbbing to the point of pain. I needed relief. I needed to release before I came all over myself and the warmth of her tongue didn’t help.

I stood in between her legs as she sat up on the edge of the table. My hands went straight to her hair and pulled her mouth to mine. Her hands went straight to my belt and began to quickly unfasten it before moving to the button and zipper.

Eden pushed my pants to my knees and freed my cock without ever taking her lips from mine. The cool air hit me instantly before her hands quickly covered my cock. She used my pre-come as lube as she began to pump it in her hands. I wanted to be inside of her so bad. It was the only thing I could think about.

Before I could do anything, she slid off the table and knelt in front of me. I was about to say something, but then her tongue flicked the head and I was gone. Once my dick was in her wet, warm mouth and I felt her soft tongue massage the underside, I knew I wasn’t going to last.

“Fuck, Eden…” was all I could say as my fingers twisted in her fiery red hair.

She hummed around my cock, sending vibrations through me. It took everything I had to not explode right then and there. The building explosion was nearly blinding as I felt the tip touch the back of her throat. She had one hand at the base, pumping what couldn’t fit in her mouth, and the other was doing something to my balls. I didn’t know what she was doing to them, all I knew was that it was amazing and I never wanted her to stop.

I took one look down and saw my dick move in and out of her mouth. That was it. Between the humming, her tongue, and the sight of me moving in and out between her red lips that were made for sucking cock, I was gone.

“Eden…” I tried to get out but my voice wouldn’t let me. I started to pull back on her hair, to let her know. “Eden, Eden, Eden. I’m going to come.”

She hummed again and began suck harder, pressing her tongue against the sensitive underside. My body exploded as I closed my eyes tight and instinctively pushed on the back of her head until I felt her throat open up around me.

I let it all out, feeling it rip through me until she was swallowing all of me. Once it began to settle, I loosened my grip and felt the last twitches of my cock against her lips. I knew I had a smile on my face because I felt it fall once I looked down at Eden. Tears were leaking from the side and the black liner she wore began to smudge beneath.

“I’m so sorry. Are you okay?” I was worried and it showed in my voice.

“Yeah,” she answered unconvincingly. “It’s fine, I just gagged a bit at the end.”

It was logical and a good excuse if she hadn’t averted her eyes and began to pick her pants up off the floor to dress. I watched her carefully as she pulled her underwear on and then each pant leg. I was still hanging out, so I decided to fix my clothes as well while she was turned around. The silence filled the air and I grew more concerned by the second.

“Eden, talk to me. Did I hurt you? Are you sure you’re okay?”

She spun around, buttoning her pants and smiled. “I’m fine. Stop worrying.”

Her smile was reassuring but it did little to help calm my nerves. I decided to say the first thing on my mind instead of waiting through any more silence. “Let’s go away this weekend. Just me and you. I have to be out of the condo anyway, so let’s just go. Anywhere you want to go, let’s do it.”

I watched as her eyes darted around the room.

“I don’t know, Dane. Don’t you think this is rushing it? I mean, you just walked away from your fiancée this morning and had me spread out on your conference table within an hour.”

“You didn’t seem to mind,” I teased, trying to lighten the mood.

She smiled and let out a soft laugh. “I guess I was caught up in everything. It seems like I’ve been waiting forever to hear you tell me you weren’t with her. And when you finally told me you wanted to be with me, I couldn’t think about anything else. All rational thought was gone. But now that the moment is over, I can think clearer, and I think this is way too fast.”

“Too fast? We’ve been dancing around each other for over a month now.”

“Yes, we have. You’re right. What if all of this has just been built up and we do this thing only for it to fall apart once we fulfill those fantasies? I don’t want that. It would have been one thing if you just woke up this morning and decided to do something for yourself. If you just decided you were done with it all and then came to me. But you didn’t. She forced your hand. You didn’t come to me because it was what you wanted. You came because she allowed you to.”

I could feel my temper begin to rise again as my words came out in an elevated tone. “Just because that’s not the way it happened doesn’t mean I haven’t wanted to come to you every fucking day since the day we met. This entire thing has eaten me alive. I have woken up every day, wanting to change it all. But I couldn’t. She’s not stable. Clearly. And before this morning, I haven’t made the break because of my fear for what she’d do to herself.”

“What do you mean?”

“A few years ago, I tried to tell her how unhappy I was. I wanted her to know that how she felt affected me as well. If she wasn’t going to try to make things better, I didn’t know how much longer I would have been able to stay. But I wasn’t able to get it all out. She thought I was telling her I was leaving and began to say shit. She said she wouldn’t have anywhere to go if I left her. She didn’t have anyone and that there’d be no point in living. I knew then that I would never be able to leave.”

“And you’re not concerned about that now?”

I huffed, trying to think of the right way to say it. “This is going to sound cold, but it’s not how I mean it. She’s not my problem anymore. Do I want her to kill herself? Absolutely not. But I cannot consciously stay with her after knowing what she did, just to save her. This whole time I thought she was broken because of what he did to her. During his trial, she tried to commit suicide. Now I realize it was nothing but her own guilt over what she did to him. I have stayed through countless miserable years because I wanted to make her feel safe. I see now that I can’t. She’s fucked up and it’s her own damn fault. I can’t fix that.”

“Maybe you just need some time to think about it all before rushing to a decision. I don’t want to be your backup. You haven’t been single in twelve years. Take some time for yourself.”

“I don’t want that.” I spoke loud and clear, looking her straight in the eyes in the hopes of convincing her. “I want you. I have wanted you since I met you in the bar. I have wanted you every day since then. I come to work happy, knowing I get to see you. I go to the pier, hopeful that your there. I walk the beach with you on my mind and a smile on my face. I go to sleep thinking about you. And I jerk off to images of you. Don’t you see? The only times I am happy is when it comes to you. You said you wanted me to be happy. Well, you do it, babe. What more do you want?”

“I don’t want to do this and it fall apart in days or weeks. I want to make sure it’s right.”

“We could wait, give it time, and the possibility of it falling apart would still be there. There are no guarantees. You just have to go after it and see what happens. I want to see what will happen. I want a chance to be happy. I want you. All of you. For as long as you’ll give it to me.”

She stood in front of me and stared, breathing shallow breaths in and out. I could see her thinking it though, and I couldn’t recall ever being so anxious to hear words before in my life. Even if she didn’t agree with me, I would never stop. I would keep trying until I won her over. She was all I wanted. She made me happy and I just wanted to be happy.

“Let’s just go away,” I suggested again. “I don’t care where, I only care that you’re with me. We don’t have to have sex. We don’t have to do anything but talk if that’s what you want. I just want the time with you.”

I felt desperate for her answer. I begged her with my eyes. Each passing second hurt more than the last and I didn’t know if I had the patience to wait for her answer.

I moved closer to her, reaching out and touching her face. I wanted to reassure her. I wanted to comfort her and make her understand where I was coming from. She wasn’t a fallback. I didn’t go to her because I was angry or felt betrayed. It had nothing to do with Gabi. It was all Eden. It had been Eden since the first time I spoke to her. That first laugh got me and never let me go.

“Okay,” she said softly.

I wanted to make sure I understood her right. I needed to make sure I hadn’t imagined it. “Okay, you’ll go away with me this weekend?” I asked just to clarify.

She stared right into my eyes, a smile lit up her face, and she nodded. “Okay… I’ll go away with you this weekend.”

I wanted to fist-pump the air. I wanted to howl like an animal. But I didn’t. I smiled so big my face hurt and then kissed her. I didn’t want to stop kissing her. I wanted to kiss her for the entire weekend. The entire next week. The entire month of September and into October. I wanted to kiss her for the rest of my life. But much like all good things, it had to come to an end when a knock sounded at my door.

We both backed away at the same time. Her smirk nearly did me in.

“Do we look like we just fucked?” I asked quietly.

“You look fine. What about me?”

“Well, of course, I look fine. I always look fine. But do I look like I just got the best motherfucking blow job known to man?”

She smiled and shook her head.

“Okay, fine. You look… glowing. Like you just got your pussy eaten out by a god.” I turned to walk to the door and heard her laughing all the way to her office.

Alex was at the door when I finally opened it. “I’m sorry, sir, but you have a phone call. I don’t think your phone is working and it sounds like an emergency. I tried to take a message but she didn’t want me to. She said she needed to speak to you immediately.”

The weight of the world settled back on my shoulders again. “Thank you, Alex. I’ll get it.”

I closed the door and headed back to my desk. I sat there and stared at the phone for what felt like forever. I didn’t know what to expect other than bad news. There was no way it would have been anything other than that.

“Dane Kauffmann,” I answered in the most normal voice I could find. It didn’t work, though. I sounded… angry, upset, maybe even a little worried. And that was just to my own ears. I wasn’t sure how I sounded to the person on the other end of the line.

“Dane, please let me explain,” a hysterical Gabi pleaded on the other end.

“I’m at work. I’m busy. I don’t want to hear your explanations.”

“If you would just listen to me—”

“I said all I needed to say this morning, Gabriella. I have nothing else to say. I’ve heard all I needed to hear. There’s nothing you could possibly say to make me change my mind. I’m done. Fucking done. And the more time you waste by trying to get me to listen, the less time you have to get your shit out of my house. I want you gone. I don’t know how else to say it.”

She was crying and saying words I couldn’t understand. I wasn’t heartless. Her crying did have an effect on me, but so did my anger. I was in a battle with my emotions. I had spent the majority of the last decade trying to make things right; I didn’t want to anymore. I was so tired, exhausted from the fight. I didn’t want to feel like that any longer. I couldn’t take any more of the guilt I felt at her pain. The pain she felt was self-induced and I couldn’t help that. I couldn’t fix her or make it better for her.

“Gabi, go seek help. Go to Doctor Greiner’s office and talk to him. Do something. I can’t help you, only you can do that. I’m sorry, but I just can’t anymore.” I didn’t give her another chance to speak. I hung up the phone and let my head fall to my hands, taking in deep breaths as I tried to calm down my racing heart.

I felt hands on my shoulders and it startled me, but I didn’t need to look up to know who it was. Her arms came around my neck and I felt her breath in my ear. It was so calming and soft, and I never wanted to give that up. I had been someone’s support for so long I forgot what it felt like to have it returned.

“We don’t have to do this, you know.”

I looked up at her, surprised by her suggestion. “I want to.”

“You’re not ready.”

I pulled her by her waist until she was in front of me, leaning against my desk between my legs. I kept my hands on her hips as I looked right into her eyes. “Eden, I have never been more ready in my entire life.”

“Look at you,” she whispered as she held on to my face, feeling my scruff with the palms of her hands. “She calls you and you break down. How can you say you’re ready when you react like this just by hearing from her?”

I had to think about my answer carefully, so she wouldn’t misunderstand what I was trying to say. “I feel this way because I don’t hate her. I want to hate her, but I don’t. I also don’t love her. I don’t think I’ve loved her for a long time. I’ve just never been able to admit it before. I mistook my protectiveness over her and the feelings of wanting to keep her safe and make her happy as love. And I’ve been doing that for a long time now. But none of that changes how I feel after hearing someone so broken beg for my attention, attention I can no longer give. She needs help that I can’t give her. But what you’re seeing me feel right now is not regret, or hesitation. It’s nothing more than me feeling inadequate.”

“Why do you feel like that?”

“I couldn’t help her,” I admitted.

“You can’t help everyone.”

I took in a deep breath. “I know. But it doesn’t change how I feel. I feel the same way if I take over a company that doesn’t make it. So you see, it’s not her. It’s who I am. This isn’t me not being ready. This is just me. I take things personally, especially when it’s bad. I want to help people, and when I can’t, I feel like I’ve failed.”

“You couldn’t have helped her.”

“I know that now, but it doesn’t change how I feel.”

“What can I do?”

I couldn’t remember a single time in my life since Grans died that I had heard those four words. Not once has someone asked what they could do for me. I was always the one who helped others, but it wasn’t until she asked me that one question, those four words, that I realized what I was missing out on. I was missing out on having someone there for me as much as I was there for them. I can’t even describe what it did to me.

“Just be you. Just make me happy like you’ve done since I met you.”

She simply smiled and ran her fingers along my jaw.

“I don’t want to be here anymore. Let’s leave now,” I begged.

“We can just stay at my place if you want.”

“No. I want to go somewhere that neither one of us has been to before.”

“Fine, but let’s at least stay in town.”

Why did women have to make things so difficult? “We don’t have to. We can drive up the coast or we could even go to the other coast. Wherever you want to go.”

She leaned down and placed a soft kiss on my lips. “Let’s just stay here. There are plenty of hotels here to choose from.”

“Why are you so adamant on staying?”

I saw a slight blush cover her light cheeks. “Because I don’t want to have to wait hours before I get you alone. I’ve been waiting on this for a long time and I don’t want to waste any time in the car.”

No more needed to be said. I stood, grabbed her hand, and began racing to the door. She squealed behind me. “Wait! I have to get my purse.”

“Hurry,” I said with a smile on my face.

I let her hand go as she rushed into her office to grab her things and I picked up my bag.

I followed her back to her place so she could pack a bag and then we raced to the first hotel we could find. She argued with me as soon as we pulled into the parking garage. She said it was too expensive and we should find a cheaper place. I gave her a look and got out of the car. It didn’t matter how much the place cost, all that mattered was that I was spending a weekend with Eden. And unlike in Texas, I hopefully wouldn’t have to jerk off in the shower while she slept. I would, though, if she wanted to wait, but I was praying to God she wouldn’t.

I was thankful there was a suite available, since I didn’t really want to be in a small room. I wanted Eden to have it all. The big room with the room service that was brought in on a rolling table. The view of the beach and the oversized tub in the bathroom. There was nothing I wouldn’t give her, and had I thought about it too much, it might have scared me. I was a generous guy, but since the first days with Gabi, I had never wanted to give someone so much so quickly. But she made me happy for the first time in what seemed like forever, and I just wanted to do the same for her. Even though, she argued that she would have been happy at Motel 8. Hell, I’m sure with her I would have been happy there, too, but I wasn’t about to test that out. I had the money, might as well use it.

Things were a little awkward when we first got to the room. It was as if we knew what was going to happen, but neither wanted to just jump in. We tried not to make it weird, but I think that just made it worse.

“Did you want to go for a walk on the beach?” I asked, desperately wanting things to be normal again. I figured if we got out of the room for a bit, it would help.

“That sounds great.”
Yeah, and you sound nervous
.

We quickly changed out of our work clothes and headed down to the sand. As soon as we got to the surf, I grabbed her hand. She stiffened a bit before relaxing, and that caused me to relax. It was like we both felt it and we looked at each other, smiling at the same time.

“So why have you never learned how to swim?” I asked her as the water came over our feet in the surf. I had wondered it since the night she jumped off the pier with me, but never found the time to ask.

She took in a breath before answering. “My little brother couldn’t swim; he was scared of the water and wouldn’t even go around it. So we never went to pools or lakes. I was thirteen when he died, and just never learned after that. I was so used to not being around water that it never bothered me.”

“Except now you’re surrounded by water.”

She smiled as her shoulders bounced up and down with one of her silent laughs. “Yeah. I guess I am. But I’m pretty sure twenty-five is a little too late to learn how to swim. I think I’ll be okay.”

“I’ll teach you. Tonight, after everyone leaves the pool, I’ll teach you how to swim.”

“I’m pretty sure learning to swim in the dark isn’t the best idea.”

“It is. No one can see you and you’ll let go of all your inhibitions. Fear is what keeps people from doing things. It’s not that they can’t do them, or that they don’t want to, it’s the fear that holds them back.” The connection to my own life was not missed as she gave me an empathetic look.

“Fine. Just don’t let me die,” she said with a smirk, easing the tension.

“Never.”

Holding her hand as we walked along the surf felt good. More than good. It was refreshing and yet another feeling that was new to me. I couldn’t remember the last time I held hands on the beach, or anywhere for that matter. I felt like I was in high school again. I no longer felt like the old man wandering aimlessly. I felt I had a real purpose, one that benefited me as well.

“So, tell me about you?” she asked, making conversation.

I shrugged my shoulders. “Nothing really to tell.”

Before I could say more, it started to rain. Not just any rain. The sun was still out but the sky opened up and let loose. It was nothing new to me. Living in Florida all of my life, I was used to it. Not that it happened all the time, but enough that I didn’t act overly impressed like Eden did.

She stopped walking, closed her eyes, and looked to the sky. The water fell down her face while the sun lit up her smile. God, she was so fucking beautiful. I never wanted that moment to stop. I wanted to watch her like that forever.

After soaking it all in, she finally looked back to me. That’s when I realized I had the biggest shit-eating grin on my face. That was happiness. True and utter happiness, that I don’t think I had ever felt before in my life.

“Why are you smiling like that?” I asked, unable to wipe my own smile off my face.

“It’s raining while the sun is out. This is like a phenomenon or something.”

“Have you ever been kissed in the rain?”