Beneath the Honeysuckle Vine (34 page)

Vivianna
nodded,
yet Justin could see she was lingering in doubt.
He knew he was taking too long—that he hadn
’
t proven the depth of his love for her.
He swallowed then as guilt traveled through him
,
for Justin knew
. H
e knew he hadn
’
t proven the depth of his love to Vivianna
because
,
in truth
,
he wasn
’
t certain how deep it was.

It seemed he
’
d lived a lifetime since he
’
d left
Alabama
—seemed he
’
d lived a lifetime and suffered the length of two.
Andersonville
had hardened him
;
he knew it had.
Yet even though Justin felt himself softening—could almost catch hold of the feelings and sensations he
’
d once enjoyed—he had no idea how long it would take him or if he ever would be the man Vivianna wanted him to be.

He thought of that morning—of Tilly Winder walking past h
im
and Caleb as they worked on the bridge.
She
’
s smiled at him—an inviting smile—and he
’
d been tempted.
Oh, Vivianna was beautiful
,
and she tempted him painfully.
Yet Justin knew Vivianna wanted his heart—his full heart.
Tilly Winder only wanted him to spark with her a bit
,
and the thought quite intrigued him.
He remembered sparking with Tilly before the war
,
and it had been far more pleasurable than anything he
’
d ever experienced to that time.
Still, Vivianna was so pretty—so sweet.
She
’
d make him a good wife
. H
e couldn
’
t hope for a better woman to love him—knew how fortunate he was in owning her love.
Yet he paused in taking her to him in any serious manner
,
and he did not know why.
At least, he told himself he did not know why.

“
You
’
re right, of course,
”
Vivianna said.
“
But…but, Justin…I do sense the change in you…and I know you
’
re not certain of me.
”

“
Viv, I
—”
he began to argue.

But Vivianna shook her head and said,
“
It
’
s all right, Justin.
Truly.
I-I do understand that you need more time.
I-I think I might need a little time too.
”

Justin frowned.
He did not like her easy patience with him—did not like that she seemed calm in her understanding.
His eyes narrowed as he thought of what Willy had told him—that Johnny had caused Vivianna to cry earlier in the day
,
that he
’
d followed after her when she
’
d run off
,
that he
’
d returned to the cemetery and explained to Nate and Willy that he
’
d managed to sooth
e
her.

Johnny Tabor was a liar!
A liar with more evil secrets cached in his black soul than Justin cared to think on.
Surely Vivianna hadn
’
t found something to admire in Johnny.
Surely Johnny Tabor hadn
’
t managed to work his beguiling nature over Vivianna Bartholomew. Still, Justin did feel suspicion rising in him.
He hid his anger
,
however—tried to ignore the knowledge that it was Johnny who made him swear to keep the promises he
’
d made to Vivianna in the letters he
’
d written to her.
Johnny Tabor owned too much old-fashioned chivalry.
Why, Justin knew he could be out behind the old Libby place sparking with Tilly Winder that very minute if it w
ere
n
’
t for that devil Johnny Tabor and the debt Justin owed him.

Still, he forced his thoughts back to Vivianna.
She
’
d been his friend
;
his whole life he
’
d loved her.
She was the best of women—a jewel—a treasure.
Justin knew he needed to straighten out his mind
,
put his own soul back on the path it should be on.
Yet the war had sca
r
red him—scarred him just as it had Johnny Tabor and Caleb—but scarred his mind instead of his body.

Justin nodded as he gazed into Vivianna
’
s violet eyes.
“
I think we both need some time, Viv.
I think you might be right.
We
’
ll be lovers again, Viv…just as in our letters.
We just need more time than we thought to get past all the ghosts hauntin
’
us.
You lost your family
;
I lost myself.
We both need time to heal…to mend ourselves before we can mend our love.
”

As she thought of Justin—of the letters he
’
d written that had given her hope and strength during the war and carried her through the loss of her family—her heart ached.
Still, an unexpected sense of lightness of soul and mind breathed over her.
She understood then—understood that Justin was right.
He had been battered by war
,
and she had been cast into darkness.
Until his soul was healed—until hers could find the light—they could not hope to serve each other with perfect love.

Vivianna was surprised at the lack of pain in her heart—at the sense of liberation in her heart.
Still, she felt it was merely for the fact she and Justin had come to a meeting of truth and certainty.

“
We do,
”
she said.

Justin sighed
,
a sigh of being relieved of some heaviness.
“
I do love you, Viv,
”
he told her.
“
I will have you…and you will be my wife.
But only after we choose it now…not because we dreamed of it in letters of the past.
”

Vivianna nodded.
She was in agreement with him.
Yet a certain and frightening doubt was in her mind—a strange sense that all was not as it seemed.
Still, she felt lighter of heart—hopeful.
All would be well.

She nodded
,
and he kissed her tenderly on one cheek.

“
Do you want to go in?
”
he asked.

Vivianna shook her head.
“
No.
I
’
ll just meander awhile longer.
”

“
All right,
”
Justin said.
He kissed her cheek once more, and Vivianna fancied this kiss was more affecting to her senses than any kiss he
’
d ever before given her.
This kiss spoke of hope—of reward born
e
of patience.

She watched him stride away.
In that moment, Vivianna knew less heartache than she had a moment before—a day before—a month—even a year.

Closing her eyes, she inhaled a deep breath
and
relished the feel of the heavy, fragrant air as it veiled her.
The sweet perfume of gardenia was everywhere.
Savannah
’
s gardenias had once been the talk of
Florence
.
Folks often said Savannah Turner had a fairy
’
s touch when it came to growing the tender and rare flowers—and for good reason.
It seemed no other body in all of
Florence
and the surrounding area could nurture gardenias to such brilliance and perfume.

Yet as Vivianna slowly inhaled once more, it was the honeysuckle she sensed—the sweet scent of honeysuckle that breathed its breath into her lungs.
Slipping her hand into her skirt pocket, she let her fingers caress the pages of Justin
’
s letter there.
She must return it to its envelope—place it in the box with the others.
Justin was right
. T
hey each must heal
,
and Vivianna realized that clinging so desperately to the letter would not help either she or Justin to cast away the ghosts haunting them.

Sighing, she wandered to the arbor.
It was, after all, her place of retreat—of privacy.
Yet she was somewhat disconcerted when she stepped beneath the honeysuckle vine to find Johnny sitting in the arbor swing.
Her heart leapt at the sight of him
,
and she felt her hands begin to tremble.

“
Oh!
”
he said as he looked up and saw her.
“
I
’
m sorry, Vivianna.
I
’
ll let ya be.
”
He began folding the letter he
’
d been reading
,
readying to take his leave.

“
Don
’
t be silly, Johnny,
”
she said, however.
“
I
’
m in mind to have ya keep me company for a spell.
”

Taking a seat beside him on the swing, she pressed her toes against the ground and pushed a little.
The swing swayed back and forth in the slightest manner that it could without being perfectly still.
She watched as he finished folding the letter from his sister
and
tucked it into the back pocket of his trousers.

“
Was her news…was it good news?
”
Vivianna ventured.
“
Unless…unless your letter is of a very private nature
.
I wouldn
’
t want to impose.
”

Johnny nodded and smiled.
“
It was just a letter like any other,
”
he said.
“
And it seems everybody
’
s just fine at home.
”

“
Are they wantin
’
you back then?
”
Vivianna asked.
She felt rather unsettled in what his answer might be—as if she might be terribly despairing if his family did want him to return home.

“
Yeah,
”
he mumbled.
“
As soon as I can find a way to earn a bit
,
I
’
ll head back.
I don
’
t want to go home empty-
handed though.
”

“
It might take ya awhile to earn enough for a train ticket.
Isn
’
t that right?
”
Vivianna asked.
“
I mean, I certainly hope you
’
re not plannin
’
to walk all the way to
Texas
.
You and Justin have done enough walkin
’
by my way of seein
’
things.
”

“
Well, I won
’
t lie
.
I would rather ride home than walk it,
”
he admitted.
“
Still, I probably should think about leavin
’
soon.
I need to get on back…and everything here seems fine.
I
’
ve fixed up just about everything I can find to fix
,
and you and Justin seem on your way to happiness.
So I guess he don
’
t need a roughed
-
up ol
’
guardian angel anymore.
”