Beneath the Honeysuckle Vine (31 page)

Vivianna saw the sudden frustration and self-loathing in his eyes
,
and she did not wish for him to worry—not over such a lovely thing as having kissed her.
As she looked at him, she found her breath was still not drawn easily
and that her heart was racing at a
n
untamed pace.

She would not cause him guilt
,
no matter her discomfort
or delight.
Thus, she smiled at him and said,
“
I kissed you first…remember?
”

He seemed little soothed
,
still frowning yet forcing a halfhearted grin.

Vivianna placed a soft palm to his cheek and added,
“
It was all I could think of to offer you as my thanks…for bringin
’
Justin home…for everything you do for us.
Furthermore, don
’
t you dare to imagine that I would ever regret that you accepted my thanks.
”
She smiled at him
,
though the emotions his kiss had evoked within her frightened her to near terror.
She could not let him know of the excitement he
’
d unleashed in her
.
S
he would only endeavor to soothe things between them.

“
Now wrap me in those tree trunks of yours, Johnny Tabor,
”
she teased, smiling at him,
“
s
o I know you
’
ve forgiven me for scoldin
’
you in front of Nate and Willy.
”

Johnny chuckled.
“
I imagine any man could forgive you anything, Vivianna Bartholomew.
”

He did embrace her then, and Vivianna melted against the warmth of his strong body—allowed her hands to slip under his arms
and
travel up over his back until they came to rest at his shoulders.
The feel of his skin against her cheek as she laid her head against his chest was warm and wonderful—somehow intoxicating.

Such a feeling of security
,
of unfamiliar safety
,
washed over her then that she could not help but linger in his arms.
Yet as her heart quickened its already mad beating pace, she drew away from him.
She fancied he released her somewhat reluctantly
and wondered if she
’
d been wise to offer affection to a man who had been so long without it.
Certainly, she
’
d never shared such an affectionate exchange before—not even with Justin.
Justin had never kissed her with such desire
,
in
such an affecting manner.
This realization disturbed her
,
but she would not think on it now.

“
Now…now you run on and tell your terrible tales to the boys,
”
she stammered, smiling at him.
“
But if they can
’
t sleep tonight for fear of lice crawlin
’
all over them in bed…you
’
ll be the one
to settle them down.
You hear
me?
”

Johnny smiled
and
chuckled
,
and the sight and sound caused Vivianna
’
s heart to leap.

“
Yes, ma
’
am,
”
he said.
He nodded to her, winked
,
and walked away.

Vivianna fairly collapsed onto the old swing
,
overcome by the fragrance of the honeysuckle—or perhaps the lingering bliss Johnny Tabor
’
s kiss had drizzled over her.

Desperately she drew Justin
’
s letter from her skirt pocket.
Justin
’
s letter would settle her whirling emotions.
Yet as she read, her mouth somehow continued to water for want of Johnny to kiss her again—the flesh of her arms, neck
,
and face still tingling with the lingering warmth of his skin.

Still, as she read the words she so dearly cherished
,
she was soothed.
Justin was healing just as Johnny had—just as Caleb had.
Soon he would find his way back to being the man she loved.
Soon he would fulfill his promise to kiss her beneath the honeysuckle vine as she
’
d never been kissed before.
This thought caused Vivianna to gasp—to close her eyes and try to ignore the residual sensations of delight Johnny Tabor
’
s kiss had caused her to experience.
Johnny Tabor had kissed her as she
’
d never been kissed before
.
He had!
Though she fought to allow her mind and body to admit it
,
it was true
.

“
Oh, Justin!
”
she cried in a whisper.
“
Don
’
t let our letters and promises to one another die
. T
hrough all we
’
ve endured…don
’
t let it all disappear!
Please!
”

Yet even as she read Justin
’
s cherished letter
,
even as she attempted to force her thoughts to him
,
she could only think of Johnny Tabor—of his handsome face, his strong body
,
and his wonderful, wonderful kiss!

Johnny Tabor angrily wiped the perspiration from his forehead.
He hated
Alabama
! He hated feeling as if he w
ere
never completely dry
.
He hated the war
,
hated
Andersonville
. I
n that moment
,
he hated Justin Turner!
Still, for all his hatred
,
the bulk of it—the greatest seething part of it—was heaped only on himself.

What had he been thinking?
He knew Vivianna loved Justin
. H
e
’
d brought Justin home to her, for pity
’
s sake!
The only reason he was lingering in this God-forsaken place was to make certain Justin was well enough to follow through with all the promises he
’
d made to the woman he loved.
But Justin had changed.
Johnny knew he
’
d changed
;
hadn
’
t he been with him when he had?
Still, he
’
d hoped Justin would change again
when he returned home—when he saw Vivianna and all she would offer him.
But he hadn
’
t
,
and Johnny
’
s patience was wearing.

He stopped for a moment
and
leaned against a tree in an effort to calm himself.
The kiss she
’
d given him—her kiss of thanks—nothing had ever affected him so!
N
either
the first time she
’
d kissed him nor this!
He
’
d nearly told her the truth—nearly dropped to his knees and confessed all his evil deeds.
For a moment, he
’
d considered telling her who he really was
,
what horrible things he
’
d done.
For just a moment, he
’
d considered that perhaps she would look past the devil he was
,
forgive him his sins
, and
transfer the boundless love she offered from Justin
’
s possession to his.
Fortunately, the weak moment had passed
. I
t passed the moment she pulled away from him
rather than allowing him to deepen their kiss.

He growled and moved on.
Justin!
Justin could never kiss Vivianna the way Johnny could!
Justin didn
’
t have the passion in him.
Justin owned a passion for nothing—even
,
Johnny feared, Vivianna.
The girl deserved to be loved passionately
,
to be ravished with heated, demanding kisses.

Johnny feared Justin was too tainted by the war
,
his soul too damaged by enduring misery
,
to allow his heart to be free. Maybe he should never have brought Justin home.
Then Vivianna would
’
ve married Caleb.
At least with Caleb
,
she would be respected.
It was certain with Caleb she would never have known passion
,
but with Caleb she would have known respect and comfort.
Still, the thought of her with Caleb sickened him as much as thoughts of her with Justin did.

He knew he must hope—knew he had to linger
. H
e had to stay on in the wretched humidity until he was certain all was as it should be with Justin and his family.
He owed that much to the man who had saved his life.

Furthermore, Johnny owned a sense of responsibility where Nate and Willy were concerned.
They had no father to lead them into being good men.
Yet even in owning two older brothers
,
they were neglected where a man
’
s influence and guidance were concerned.
In all the time he
’
d been with the Turners, he
’
d never once seen Justin take an interest in Nate or Willy.
Certainly Caleb attempted to please them with gifts of animal bones and pats on the head.
But neither Caleb nor Justin spent much time in council with them—or in play.
Their mother cared for them—loved them as deeply as any good mother would—it was obvious.
Vivianna loved them too.
It was many times
,
near every day
,
Johnny would see Vivianna playing at marbles or watching pollywogs with Nate and Willy.
She slathered them with reassuring affections—pinching their cheeks, hugging them, and placing tender kisses on their foreheads.
Thus, Johnny knew the younger Turner boys were not lacking in female nurturing and attention.
Still, boys needed a father
,
or at least brothers who would teach them, and Johnny felt the burden heavy upon his own shoulders—a profound duty to Nate and Willy.
No
,
he could not leave
,
not until he knew he
’
d well repaid his debt to Justin Turner.
Not until he knew Vivianna Bartholomew was happy in having her love returned.

Johnny
’
s stomach heaved a moment.
It sickened him
that Justin should own Vivianna
’
s heart when he did not deserve it.
It sickened him that he himself was such a devil
,
such a liar.
Yet repentance through recompense was his only hope—recompense and secrecy.
Some secrets must be kept
in order to protect those a body loved.
Johnny could never reveal to another living soul that he had fallen in love with Vivianna.
He would harbor the secret forever—own a broken heart and aching soul for all eternity.
Yet he deserved nothing else.

As he stepped into the meadow, he thought that at least he
’
d known her kiss.
At least he would journey through life and then to his grave with the memory of Vivianna
’
s kiss in his heart—that she had kissed him willingly.

“
Johnny!
”
Nate hollered, scattering Johnny
’
s thoughts.
“
Look here!
Look what we found!
”

A certain anxiety began to rise in his chest.
It seemed any time the young Turner boys found something
,
it was more often than not a gruesome find.
Still, they were boys
,
and boys were drawn to the gruesome.