Being Amber (18 page)

Jaci glanced over her shoulder into the kitchen. “No.”

Matt quit making her sandwich and frowned, looking her up and down. “Did he…do something wrong? I can com the police for you.”

“No, nothing like that. I needed some time alone to adjust. I haven’t been in Circle City long and things are so different here.”

Noel perked up. “Did you come from a different zone?”

Jaci nodded. “Sapphire.”

Noel’s eyes widened. “Wow.” She looked as if she was going to interrogate Jaci when Matt rounded the corner and crossed to her, setting a sandwich down on the table.

“Fallow?” he asked.

“Yeah.” Jaci didn’t meet his gaze. “Thanks for the sandwich,” she said softly.

“You’re welcome.” Matt leaned against the bar that separated the kitchen from the rest of the space. His arms were crossed over his chest as he watched her eat.

“Why are you so dressed up?” Noel asked.

“I just didn’t want to go home and this is what I was wearing when I made that decision.

“So you’re all dressed up with no place to go?” Matt’s voice was deep and sexy and his words resonated like a purr.

Jaci looked down at herself. “Well, I’m here, so technically I had a place to go.”

“And I’m so glad you’re here,” Matt said as his smoldering gaze explored her.

“I’ve got some clothes you can borrow.” Noel stood, surveying Jaci quickly. Then, she walked over to a dresser and pulled out jeans and a t-shirt. “I want these back,” she said smiling and shaking a finger at Jaci. “That means you’re going to have to come back and give me the gossip of why you’re squatting.” She looked over her shoulder. “Flip-flops?”

Jaci nodded and almost smiled, almost. Noel reminded her of Emily. They both flashed that perpetual devilish spark in their eyes. “I’ll get them back to you as soon as I can, promise.” Noel carried the bag of clothes back toward the dinette and Matt stepped forward, taking the bag from her. He proceeded to the kitchen and filled it the rest of the way with crackers, fresh oranges and a few other things.

“Do you think this will be enough?” he asked, meeting Jaci’s gaze.

“I think so. Thank you so much. This should keep me going until I figure out…” She shrugged and sighed. “I should get going.”

“Why don’t you stay for a while?” Noel asked.

She glanced over her shoulder at the group on the bed. “I don’t really feel like…” She wrung her hands together.

Matt didn’t wait for Jaci to finish. “Not this time, Noel.” Matt extended a hand to Jaci. When she took it, he pulled her out of the chair.

She turned to say goodbye to the group. In the short minutes since she arrived at the apartment, the action on the bed had started heating up. Clothes were falling away and bodies were meshing, weaving together in a mass of skin on skin. She quickly turned back.

“Thanks,” she said to Matt. “And thanks,” she said again to Noel as she reached for the bag. Matt held it outside her reach. “I’m going to walk you to where you’re staying.”

“You don’t need to do that.”

“I know, but I will anyway.” He took her hand in his. “Come on. Lead the way.” They walked together, hand in hand, to the elevator and Jaci pushed the up button.

“In my experience, I’ve found that running away doesn’t solve problems, it only delays them.”

She didn’t reply.

“I’m sure your roommate is worried about you. At least let me com him and tell him you’re okay.”

They stepped into the elevator together and Jaci pressed the button for the ninth floor. “No.”

He sighed. “It will get better, Jaci. I promise it will.” He squeezed her hand.

She looked up at the man standing shoulder to shoulder with her, holding her hand.

“It can’t get much worse.” The elevator door opened to a deserted corridor. When she stopped in front of the apartment she’d been staying in, she turned to face him.

“I understand you’re looking for some time alone.” He let go of her hand. “I’d like to check in on you tomorrow. If that’s all right with you.” He ran his hands down her arms and goose bumps raised from the light caress. “Sometimes being alone isn’t all it’s cracked up to be.”

Jaci looked up at the sexy man with the full lips and brooding eyes. “If I get lonely, you’ll be the first to know.”

He looked pleased. “I’ll peek my head in on you tomorrow. And next time you stop by, make sure you can stay a while.” He smiled at her, handed her the bag of food and clothes and hugged her hard before he turned toward the elevator.

When Jaci opened the door, she realized she already thought of this apartment as hers.

* * * *

It was late the next night when Matt popped his head in the door and called out Jaci’s name. She sat in what was fast becoming “her spot” in the apartment, right underneath the window. When he walked into the total darkness, he whispered, “Jaci?”

“Over here.”

Matt’s shadowy figure moved closer and sat down next to her, wrapping an arm around her shoulders and pulling her into him.

And they sat there. He didn’t speak and neither did she.

After sitting with him in the dark for so long that she was on the verge of sleep, she experienced an epiphany. That this man, this relative stranger, was willing to sit for hours on the hard floor, with his arm wrapped tight around her, explained everything about Amber with no words at all. Instinctually, she knew. Only a person who’d been where she was, struggling in quiet despair over something she couldn’t change, would know this was exactly what she needed. She had no doubt that someone did this for him when he needed it. With great pain came great compassion, and almost everybody in Amber showed compassion.

Two more days passed with the silence and speed of a shooting star, one moment there and the next–gone forever. It amazed her how easy it was to spend a day inside her own head, fantasizing about what her life would have been like if Xander loved her instead of that other woman. Then, when she came back to herself in the bleak room, she mourned the loss of him all over again.

Jaci sat on the floor under the window and watched the summer sunshine fade to twilight and the bright whites of the walls turn murky grey.

This would be her third night of escape from Xander and Jordan. She had to report for work tomorrow morning, and they knew it. They would be waiting so they could continue following her. At least they didn’t have to pretend to be her friend anymore.

There was still the unknown of why they were following her in the first place. But after mulling it over and over in her mind, Jaci decided she didn’t really give a shit. If someone was stalking fallows, she didn’t care. She didn’t care about much of anything anymore.

The last few days had been productive. The disastrous mess she walked away from three days ago had slowly been thought through, laid out and decided upon. After the first twenty-four hours of wishing for things that could never be, she forced herself to put on a pair of reality glasses. She saw things the way they genuinely were now, not how others wanted her to see them.

She wasn’t going back to live in building seventeen. She would stop there after work to pick up some clothes and toiletries, but she was not staying.

She had been made a fool of, but she knew in her heart it wasn’t intentional on their part. She would be kidding herself if she said that was the reason she wasn’t going back. The truth was, it would hurt too much because Jaci had counted Jordan as a friend. And Xander, a friend and so much more. In the short time she’d been there, he was the one who truly healed her heart after the sterilization. When he touched her, she felt like she was whole, like there were no pieces of her missing anymore. She had fallen in love with him a little more every day with the hope that, someday, he would feel the same way about her. He never would.

She accepted that now. But she wouldn’t survive having it rubbed in her face everyday. It was imperative she separate herself from him or she’d never be able to get over her compelling need to be with him, to seek comfort in his arms. He had been a Band-Aid on her heart and it was time to rip it off and heal the rest of the way on her own.

The woman she saw Xander with was beautiful, exotic almost. Jaci couldn’t compete with that. She wanted to. She wanted so badly to be his, but…

She shook her head and fisted her hands. She most definitely would not be able to stand by and watch him love someone else. That would be the final shove that pushed her over the edge.

Yes, her fake friends made her feel like her life could be good here. It was a cruel hoax. Now that she had her head on straight, she realized she’d have to start from square one again. She had to put in the effort to rebuild her life. She’d already started making friends.

Several times over the past few days Jaci wondered if Emily or Caroline were in on the big act. She didn’t think so. She could probably count both as friends, which was ironic, because it was no secret that the two women didn’t like one another much.

Jaci hadn’t clicked with Caroline the way she clicked with Jordan and Emily. She appreciated everything Caroline did for her, but generally, she was not the type of woman Jaci would choose as a close friend. Truth was, Caroline had all the personality of a saltine cracker. She was all about the I’m going to take care of you, and not much else.

She’d call Emily and probably Caroline, too. She didn’t feel up to it yet though. She still wanted to sit in her empty room and withdraw from life for a while longer.

The emptiness was comforting. There was no chance of getting hurt.

Chapter 12

Jaci saw Xander and Rock in uniform and looking impatient when she finally arrived at work the next morning.

“You’re coming down to the station with me. Now,” Xander said to her. His jaw was clenched and it seemed like he was barely keeping his anger in check.

“Am I under arrest for something?” she asked sarcastically.

“Yes.” Xander grabbed her wrists, wrenched them behind her back and cuffed her.

Jaci whipped her head around and met his pissed-off glare. He grabbed her arm, guiding her toward the cart parked outside.

“Let go of me,” Jaci said between her teeth.

“No.” He stuffed her in the back of the cart while Rock got in the passenger seat. When they got to the end of Marietta Street, Xander ditched the cart, walked Jaci through a door in the gate that connected the buildings and into the waiting police cruiser outside of Circle City.

“Xander,” she said more softly. “Let me go, I haven’t done anything wrong.”

She got no reply.

“Xander. Dammit, answer me.”

Still nothing.

When they arrived at Amber Zone Police Headquarters, Xander removed her from the back of the car and guided her inside. He led her to an empty room with painted white cement block, harsh, too bright lighting, and a table with two chairs.

“I’ll be right outside,” Rock said to Xander as he left the room, closing the door behind him.

“Let me go.” She shot him an acid glare she hoped would burn and eat at him like he was doused with drain cleaner. She was mad and she had to stay mad at him, or she’d never be strong enough to do this. It would also help immensely if he was angry at her too. Today, she wouldn’t be able to survive the nurturing, protective man she loved.

Loved
.

She was a mere second away from tears when she turned away from him so he couldn’t see her face and headed for the door.

With a long stride Xander pinned her between his body and the door. “No, you’re going to sit over there and listen to me.” His voice was low, dangerous and right next to her ear.

With her hands still cuffed behind her back, the stray thought that they must be dangerously close to his cock while he was pinned up against her made an unscheduled and unwanted appearance in her mind.

Then, as if he were psychic, he took a step back, grabbed her cuffs and led her into a chair. “You are going to listen to me.”

“Why? You want to make excuses for the necessary lies? The sex that wasn’t sex? The woman in the hall?” she spat.

Xander paced past her chair, eyes flaring, jaw muscle working, then stood silent for a long minute.