Behind the Mask (97 page)

“Yes, so am I.”

He said nothing as he helped rinse her hair, then he pushed it all over the front of her shoulder to wash her back and rinse it as well. She lay back in the tub and he sat on the floor, leaning against it, his eyes distant. She touched his face and he met her eyes. He offered a wan smile, his brow furrowing as he pressed the back of his hand to where Abbi knew there was bluish evidence of Nikolaus’s abuse on her cheek.

“Talk to me, Cameron,” she said, at the same time praying that he would not ask her about what had happened. Not yet.

Again his eyes became distant. “I keep thinking of when we were children. I helped him learn to ride his first pony. I taught him to tie his shoes. For years I hardly went anywhere without Nik and Lance trailing along. He had a strong personality even as a child, and I often felt frustrated with him. Being angry with him was common. But he was . . .” Cameron’s voice broke, “. . . my brother.” He took a deep breath. “Maybe the anguish isn’t only in seeing him die like that. In a way, he was dead to me a long time ago. The real heartache is in the reality of what he’d become, of seeing someone I once loved and cared for turn into something so . . .
evil.
”

“It’s difficult to believe that you’re brothers,” Abbi said gently.

Cameron chuckled bitterly. “He’s the spitting image of my father . . . in many ways.”

Abbi felt chilled to recall Cameron once saying zealously,
Nikolaus du Woernig is an ogre and a cad, like his father before him
. If she had only known how personal those feelings were to Cameron. Putting that together now with other things he’d said about his father, her chills increased.

“I’ve often thought of your story of Joseph,” he said. “I couldn’t tell you at the time, but I was struck deepest by the fact that Joseph’s brothers sold him into bondage.” Abbi inhaled deeply as she perceived the parallels. “I felt like I’d been sold into exile. I had no idea that Nikolaus had actually killed Gwen, but I knew he was only too pleased to be rid of me.”

“How
did you know?” she asked.

Again he gave a strained chuckle. “He came to my prison cell and implied that a trial would be a waste of time, because I was so obviously guilty. He told me he had ducal business to attend to. And many times before he’d told me that . . .
Dammit.
”

Cameron erupted to his feet as a deep, festering pain became too close to ignore.

“What is it?” Abbi asked, watching him pace.

“I don’t understand why it has to hurt so much . . . after all these years.”

“What? Tell me.”

Cameron took a deep breath. He didn’t want to talk about it. But Abbi had proven many times that she had the ability to lessen his hurts and fears by putting them in perspective. “I told you my father’s expectations of me were very high.”

“Yes,” she said, recalling the conversation well.

“What I couldn’t tell you was that . . . I had no choice but to follow in my father’s footsteps. The problem was that he didn’t think I was good enough to take his place. My mother would tell me privately that I was more soft-spoken and sensitive than Nikolaus, that my compassion would make me a better ruler. But she never would have dared say such a thing to my father. He was constantly telling me that I needed to be tougher and stronger, or I would see his country into ruin.” Cameron lowered his voice to mimic his father’s unkind words,
“ ‘You don’t have the backbone to be a duke, boy. Fate has cursed me in making my second son the strong one.’ ”

Abbi gasped at the irony of the implication—especially with all that had happened. Cameron kept pacing as he spoke. “My mother’s quiet guidance kept me believing that I had something my father didn’t have, and that I could
learn
to be strong enough to fill the position well. But even after he died, his attitude haunted me. When difficulties came up, I would hear him whispering in my head that I didn’t have the backbone to handle it.”

Abbi thought of what she’d witnessed just last night as Cameron had dealt with Wurtzur’s betrayal. She didn’t begin to understand the full spectrum of all that was entailed in Cameron’s position, but it was easy for her to see that he had a balance of power and compassion; Georg had said as much.

“He was wrong,” Abbi said.

Cameron sighed and sat on a nearby chair, crossing his ankle over his knee. “In my heart I believe that. And seeing the evidence of what Nikolaus’s
backbone
has done to this country has certainly strengthened my confidence. But it still . . . hurts to know that my father saw nothing of value in me.” He sighed again. “Which brings me back to the point. Nikolaus had taunted me over that very thing. He’d told me that Father had made it clear he should have been the firstborn, and he was entitled to take my birthright from me. When he came to my prison cell, telling me I was obviously guilty, I knew the implication. That’s when Wurtzur started hitting me, and I felt sure I’d never see the light of day again. Georg had to use bribery to get into my cell. I told him what had happened. He knew there were some officers who would do just about anything for me, so he arranged everything to break me out of prison. You know the rest.”

Cameron slid lower in the chair and stretched out his long legs. “Through these months of waiting, I kept thinking of Joseph in the Bible. His brothers had betrayed him, sold him into slavery. But Joseph ended up in a powerful position, and he forgave his brothers. They were reunited in peace. A part of me had hoped for that. I had imagined Nikolaus apologizing to me, and in turn, I would tell him that it was all in the past. Instead, I find out that his crimes against me were far worse than I’d ever imagined, and his antics last night only make me hate him all the more. And now, I have to bury him with no sweet memories to compensate for his loss.”

“You’re a good man, Cameron,” Abbi said. “Your mother was right. And that’s what you need to remember. These years have been difficult, but you’ve done the best you could do with what you had to work with. The important thing is that you move forward now with what you’ve learned, and you will be remembered as a leader who was far stronger than his father before him, because you were able to balance sensitivity and compassion with power and backbone.”

Cameron inhaled deeply, as if he could draw Abbi’s strength into him. “How does one so young have so much wisdom?”

Abbi glanced timidly away. She felt entirely inadequate to face what had been put on her shoulders. She felt anything but wise. Without looking at him she said, “I only say what I feel and what I believe.”

“So you tell me.” He came to his feet and bent over the tub to kiss her before he left the room. She wondered how long until they had to leave for the funeral procession she’d heard mentioned last night. She finished bathing and put on a dressing gown that Elsa had left nearby.

Coming into the bedroom, she found Cameron standing in the open door of the passageway Nikolaus had used to abduct her. She came behind him and put her hands over his chest. “Unbelievable,” he said. “I don’t know how many years I’ve slept in this room, and I had no idea this was here.” He shook his head. “I thought you were safe.”

“It’s over, Cameron,” she said and then shifted the subject quickly enough to avoid any further discussion on her lack of safety. “I’m not certain I have anything appropriate to wear to a funeral procession.”

“That’s fine.” He closed the passageway door, putting the tapestry back in place. “Because you’re staying here.”

Abbi didn’t want to admit how deeply relieved that made her. “Why?”

“There is no reason for you to be involved in such an unpleasant task. I see no reason why you should pay
any
kind of last respects to him after what he’s done. Besides, with what you went through last night, you need your rest. As soon as it’s over, we’re leaving.”

“Should I pack?” she asked, unable to hold back her excitement of getting away from here with him.

“Not unless you want to.” He smiled. “Where we’re going, there is everything we need.”

“The lodge?” she asked, unable to conceal her excitement.

Cameron laughed softly. “Can you think of a better place for the duke and duchess to get away and find perfect seclusion?” Abbi laughed with him. The lodge’s purpose made more sense in the context of being built as an escape for royalty.

“But that will be later,” he said. “If you want to . . .”

A knock at the door stopped him. He glanced at Abbi to be certain she was sufficiently dressed before he called, “Come.”

Abbi felt the ironies of her life steadily deepening as Lance came into the room, leaving the door open. His demeanor was all business. Two days ago, he had been a possible threat to Cameron’s life; now he was doing Cameron’s bidding and showing perfect respect. She recalled him saying not so many days ago,
If Cameron takes back the life he lost, your life and mine will never be the same.
If only she had known!

She felt his eyes rest briefly on her, but there was a deference in his attitude that was unfamiliar. Was he treating her as royalty? Or was it simply the official end of their phony engagement?

“Your Grace,” he said, bowing slightly.

She wasn’t certain she liked the formality, but she simply responded, “Captain.”

“Forgive the intrusion, sir,” he said to Cameron, “but the Baron Von Bindorf and his daughter are here.”

“Why?” Cameron asked, anger mixed with alarm.

Lance looked mildly confused by the question. “They were appropriately notified of your brother’s death and the funeral, sir.”

“Why?”
Cameron asked again, genuinely baffled.

“You didn’t know?” Lance asked.

“Know
what?”
Now Cameron sounded angry, but not at Lance.

“Nikolaus was betrothed to the baron’s daughter, sir.”

Abbi saw Cameron’s eyes widen, then fill with a fury she’d rarely seen. “He was going to marry
my
country to
Kohenswald?”

“Yes, sir.”

“And when was this marriage to take place?”

“In a few weeks, sir.”

Cameron shook his head and made a dubious noise. “I can’t believe it. And why do you suppose Georg did not bother to tell me something so—”

“Crucial?” Georg said, and they all turned to see him standing in the open doorway.

“Precisely,” Cameron said, giving him a sharp glare. “I assume you have a reasonable explanation.”

“I do,” Georg said with confidence. “This goes under the heading of ‘things that you can do nothing about and will only infuriate you.’ ”

“I see,” Cameron said. “And if I’d not been able to take the country back before this marriage occurred?”

“We would have had a hell of a mess,” Georg said. “Clearly, the timing was important.”

“Clearly,” Cameron said with sarcasm. “It would seem I came back just in time.”

“Yes, sir,” Lance said.

“For what purpose would Nikolaus do such a thing?” Cameron asked while he rolled down his sleeves and buttoned the cuffs. “And don’t tell me it was love because I know him better than that.”

“I was never quite clear on his purpose,” Lance said. “I suspect he wanted the baron as an ally.”

“I shudder to think what kind of alliance that might be.” Cameron pulled his braces up over his shoulders and made a disgusted noise. “Tell the baron I’ll see him in a few minutes, or tell him to go to hell; I don’t care. Keep him in the front hall. I don’t want him to get too comfortable.”

Lance showed a hint of a smile. “I’ll tell him you’ll be down soon.”

The captain left the room, but Georg stayed.

“I cannot believe Nikolaus could be so
stupid,”
Cameron said.

“He had a way of inspiring such sentiment,” Georg said, and took Cameron’s coat from the back of a chair to help him into it.

“I don’t understand,” Abbi said.

Cameron took a calming breath. “Kohenswald is our neighbor to the south.”

“Yes, I know that.”

“The baron who rules comes from a long line of tyrants and cheats. Horstberg is much larger, more prosperous. We have many assets that he covets. He tried very hard to get
me
to marry one of his wretched daughters. He was furious when I married Gwen, and made no qualm about telling me so. And now he probably wants to have it out with me because he considers himself cheated.”

“And I’m certain you’ll handle him beautifully,” Georg said.

Cameron kissed Abbi quickly then left the room. She expected Georg to follow, but he didn’t.

“How are you, my lady?” he asked gently.

Abbi sighed loudly. At least she could be completely honest with Georg. “Stunned. Overwhelmed. But relieved that it’s over, I must admit.”

“Yes, we all are. You’ve been remarkable, Abbi.”

“I don’t feel remarkable,” she said. “I feel completely inadequate, like a fish out of water.”

“I’m certain it will take some time to adjust. Be patient with yourself, and with Cameron. This is difficult for him, as it is for you, but . . . you need to know . . . his love and admiration for you are beyond anything I had ever believed him capable of.” He came closer and took her hand. “He’s a changed man, Abbi, and he honors you for all you have done for him and given to him. You need to remember that when it becomes difficult. I just thought you should know.”

“Thank you, Georg,” she said and hugged him tightly, longing for the carefree days when they would cross paths in the stable, where he would saddle her horse and send her off to do nothing but wander the countryside.

“There’s something else I need to say,” he murmured, keeping his arms around her. “Do you remember the day . . . when we argued? You told me that you would be Cameron’s first concern, and I didn’t believe you.”

“I remember,” she said, keeping her head against his shoulder, relishing the familiarity of their friendship.

“There’s something I couldn’t say then that I need to say now. Cameron du Woernig was a man who
never
put a woman before his duty. I just couldn’t comprehend him ever giving you what you deserve, especially knowing what he was up against. When he sent that message, it put me in my place, mostly because I realized then I wasn’t dealing with the same man. I realize you don’t know a great deal about politics or royal protocol but—”