Behind the Film Star's Smile (10 page)

CHAPTER NINE

J
ESS
WOKE
EARLY
on Saturday morning with a thumping headache from all the crying the night before. She splashed her face with water and took some paracetamol, then looked at the photographs she’d left in the living room. Did she really want to box her past up like that and shut it away? She remembered what Luke had said.
They’re part of who you are
. She knew he was right. Slowly, she picked up the photo frames and put them on the mantelpiece one by one. Comet. Matt. Their wedding day. Graduation. Her sister’s wedding. Shannon’s wedding.

So much love.

She wouldn’t shut it out any more.

After a shower and washing her hair, she went out to buy flowers, then headed for the cemetery where Matt and Comet were buried. The last of the early summer bulbs had finished flowering, and she made a mental note to bring secateurs next time to tidy up the plot.

She put the flowers in the vase in front of the headstone. ‘Hey, Matt. I’ve put the photos back up.’ It still hurt to look at the pictures, a reminder of what she’d lost, but she was trying to see it the other way. That they were part of who she was.

‘I’m not putting you out of my heart, but I’ve spent the last year living in the shadows with everything on hold. And maybe, just maybe, it’s time to take my life back.’ She swallowed hard. ‘I always thought we’d grow old together and raise children. You would’ve made such a great dad.’ Tears threatened to break up her words again. ‘And I’m so sorry I couldn’t carry our baby to term. So sorry that I couldn’t give your parents another generation to love.’ She paused. ‘If I’d been the one who was killed, then I would’ve wanted you to meet someone else.’ Though she still felt guilty that she was the one left behind. The one who’d met someone else.

She sighed. ‘I’ve kind of met someone else. Though he’s way out of my league. As if an international film star’s really going to be interested in an ordinary woman like me. But he’s had a hard time, too. He’s lost someone he loved. So maybe this is a fling, the thing that gets his life and my life back on track. Something to make us both live again.’ She rearranged the flowers. ‘I’ll always love you, Matt. You’ll always be part of me, you and Comet. I just—I just wish it hadn’t been this way. And I hope you understand.’

There was a soft hiss of wind through the branches of the trees, almost as if someone was whispering the word ‘yes’.

Or maybe she was just being way too fanciful.

All the same, Jess went home feeling better. As if someone had taken down a blackout blind from a window and the sun was shining into the room.

Maybe today was the day her life started over.

*

She’d promised Luke dinner. It didn’t take long to get the ingredients at the supermarket. And she found herself humming along to the radio as she cooked. How long had it been since her heart had felt this light? And she was pretty sure that it was all down to Luke and Baloo.

She put the finished dish in an airtight container so it wouldn’t leak in her bag on the way to Luke’s, put the rest of the ingredients and a bottle of wine in another bag, and took the Jubilee Line out to Bermondsey.

It was a ten-minute walk from the Tube station to Luke’s house. With every step she took, Jess was more and more aware of the adrenaline racing through her bloodstream. By the time she reached his front door and rang the bell, her heart felt as if it were drumming so loudly the whole world must be able to hear it.

Luke opened the door, wearing faded jeans and a white shirt, looking utterly gorgeous. Jess was sure that her face had gone hot and red, betraying her feelings. Please don’t let him have any idea about how star-struck she’d become, she begged silently.

Baloo was pattering round his feet and wagged her tail madly; Jess was glad of the excuse to bend down and make a fuss of her.

‘Hello, there.’ Luke smiled at her.

What she was going to say went straight out of her head. In the end, she gabbled, ‘One green Thai chicken curry—I made it this morning so it’ll have time for the flavours to mature in the fridge while we’re out.’ She handed him the bag with the tub of curry. ‘I’ll make the rice and steamed veg when we get back.’ She handed him another bag.

‘What’s this?’ he asked.

‘Jasmine rice, coriander, cashews, a lime and some tenderstem broccoli—oh, and a bottle of wine.’ Oh, for pity’s sake, Jess—how to sound like a gibbering idiot. Stop
talking
, she commanded herself.

He peered into the bag. ‘Chablis. How fabulous.’

‘It’s nice and crisp, so it will go well with a curry.’ Matt had always been the wine buff; Jess had just picked up the knowledge from him over the years.

‘Thank you. Come up for a minute while I put this in the fridge and sort out Baloo’s stuff.’

She followed Luke into the kitchen and waited while he put everything away. Then he took Baloo’s leash from a drawer and clipped it onto her collar. ‘I’ve got her bowl, a bottle of water and a supply of plastic bags,’ he said, taking a bag from the worktop, ‘so I think we’re ready. I’m looking forward to playing tour guide.’ He smiled at her. ‘We’ve got a nice day for it. I thought we could stop off somewhere and have an ice cream overlooking the river.’

‘That sounds lovely.’ And please, please, please let her common sense kick in soon. Please let her stop wanting him to hold her hand and kiss her. Please.

‘No dark glasses or silly hats?’ she asked.

He grinned and produced a fez. ‘I was thinking of wearing this one.’ His grin broadened. ‘Especially for you.’

She couldn’t help laughing, every bit of nervousness dispelled. ‘No chance. Glasses I’ll allow, as it’s sunny. But no hat.’

‘Spoilsport,’ he grumbled, but his eyes were sparkling with amusement.

‘Ready to go walkies?’ he asked the dog, who woofed and wagged her tail.

When he’d locked the front door, they headed for the riverside path. They stopped by a low tumbledown brick wall at the edge of an uneven green space. ‘This was the manor house of Edward III. Most of the ruins are buried under the green behind that wall,’ Luke said. ‘Just over there’s the park named after the stairs that used to lead to the manor—the mudlarks used it, too.’

‘Mudlarks?’ Jess asked.

‘Children who used to scavenge in the river mud for treasures,’ he explained. ‘This used to be quite a poor area.’

They followed the path along the riverbank. Jess noticed a couple of women nudging each other and looking at Luke. Then one of them came over. ‘Excuse me—Mr McKenzie?’ she asked.

He smiled at her. ‘Luke.’

She went pink. ‘Would you, um, mind having a picture taken with me, please?’

‘Sure,’ he said easily. ‘What’s your name?’

‘Diana,’ she said.

‘It’s lovely to meet you, Diana.’

She went even pinker. ‘I loved you in
A Forever Kind of Love
.’

‘Thank you,’ he said. ‘That’s really kind of you.’

‘Could, um, my friend be in the photo, too, please?’ she asked.

He looked at Jess, who nodded and smiled. ‘If you can show me how your camera works, I’ll take the picture for you.’

When she’d taken the photo and Luke had signed autographs for both women and chatted to them for a little longer, he kissed Diana and her friend on the cheek. ‘I think the dog’s getting fidgety, if you’ll excuse us,’ he said with a smile. ‘Enjoy the sunshine,’ he said, and took Baloo’s lead back from Jess.

‘Does that happen a lot?’ she asked, when the women were out of earshot. ‘People coming up and asking for autographs and photos?’

‘A bit. But it’s fine.’ Luke smiled. ‘Without people going to see my films, I wouldn’t have a job. The least I can do is spend a bit of time with them in return.’

Jess liked the fact that he was modest and appreciated the support of his fans. ‘What about the paparazzi?’

‘Most of the time, no. Only if there’s some kind of story about me. They tend to follow the people in the news. And I’m very, very boring.’

Jess laughed. ‘Is that my cue to tell you that you’re terribly interesting and I’m dying to hear more about the history of London?’

He lifted his dark glasses for a second and gave her a speaking look. ‘I’m wounded.
Wounded
, I tell you,’ he said, clutching one hand theatrically to his chest.

She smiled, knowing that he was teasing. ‘Actually, it
is
interesting, walking round with someone who can tell you what you’re looking at.’

‘Seriously, Jess, if I’m being boring, tell me to shut up. My ego can stand it.’

‘I will. For now, you may go back to playing tour guide, Mr McKenzie,’ she said with a smile.

‘Just remember that you asked for that,’ he said, laughing. ‘OK. This is the Angel pub—there’s been a pub on that spot for more than five hundred years. It’s said that the captain of the
Mayflower
hired his crew there, and Captain Cook planned his voyage to Australia there.’

A few minutes later, they came to the Mayflower pub. ‘It’s named after the ship, I imagine?’ she asked.

‘Yes. The pilgrims boarded it from the steps nearby—and it’s the only place in England that’s licensed to sell American postage stamps.’

‘Seriously?’

He spread his hands. ‘Seriously.’

‘How do you know all this stuff?’ she asked

He wrinkled his nose. ‘Do you want the truth?’

She nodded.

‘I’ve been on a few guided walks over the years. I’ve got quite a retentive memory, so I’ve mentally filed away all those little facts.’

‘Of course—you’re used to remembering things from learning lines.’

‘I guess it’s the same sort of thing. Learning a spiel, whether it’s fact or fiction.’

Jess enjoyed strolling along the river as Luke pointed out various locations to her and told her the stories behind the sculptures.

‘Joking apart, if you ever get bored with acting,’ she said, ‘I think you’d make quite a good tour guide. You really know your stuff.’

‘Thank you.’ He smiled. ‘I’ll bear that in mind.’

As they walked, her hand brushed against his a couple of times. It was totally accidental, but Jess felt as if little flames were licking underneath her skin every time they touched.

And then he twined his fingers through hers. For the life of her, she couldn’t pull away.

Neither of them said a word, but Jess was intensely aware that she was strolling along the southern bank of the Thames in the brilliant sunshine, holding hands with someone who’d been voted the most beautiful man in the world. It just didn’t seem possible; yet, at the same time, it felt incredibly real.

Luke only dropped her hand when they stopped at a park to give Baloo a drink. She took the opportunity to buy them both an ice cream, and they sat on the grass in the sunshine.

‘It doesn’t get any better than this. Early summer in England, with flowers out everywhere and bees buzzing lazily,’ he said.

Was that a quote? Jess wondered. Not wanting to seem gauche, she didn’t ask.

When they’d finished their ice cream, Luke stretched. ‘Time to go back, I think.’

This time, when he held her hand, it was very deliberate.

Oh, help.

This felt a lot like old-fashioned courting.

How on earth was she going to explain it to her sister and her best friend—that she was sort of courting the actor they’d both had a huge crush on for years? How, for that matter, was she going to explain it to herself?

This couldn’t have a future. Their lives were too different.

But maybe, she thought, maybe this was right for
just now
. No expectations, no promises—just enjoying the kind of closeness that both of them had missed.

They strolled back to his flat and sat on the balcony with a cold drink, enjoying the sunshine.

‘I really enjoyed that walk,’ she said. ‘Thank you.’

‘My pleasure.’ His smile made her toes curl. He really was one of the most beautiful men she’d ever met; and yet he didn’t behave as if he knew it. He was genuinely nice.

Why on earth had Fleur dumped him for someone else?

Not that she was going to ask. It wouldn’t be tactful and she didn’t want to hurt him by dragging up bad memories.

Eventually, she said, ‘I guess I really ought to finish preparing dinner.’

There was a soft woof of agreement from beside them.

Jess laughed, and made a fuss of the Labrador. ‘Sorry, curry isn’t for dogs—but I did bring you something nice.’ She fished in her pocket for a dog biscuit.

Luke smiled. ‘I guess you have the tools of your trade on you all the time.’

She shrugged. ‘Mine just happen to be visible. I bet you have large tracts of Shakespeare in your head.’

He spread his hands. ‘I’ve spent half my life acting so, yes, I probably do.’

‘What’s your favourite Shakespeare?’ she asked.

‘Obviously I’ve got a soft spot for
Much Ado
, because it got me my big break. But my absolute favourite is probably
Macbeth
. I loved playing Macbeth. The “tomorrow and tomorrow and tomorrow” speech—it’s so desolate. It squeezes my heart every time. How much he lost.’ He smiled at her. ‘What about you? What’s your favourite?’

‘I like
Much Ado
,’ she said. ‘Though I think probably everyone does because it’s got a happy ending. My sister’s an English teacher—she always makes me go to see
Twelfth Night
with her if it’s on around Christmas. I always think the other characters are a bit too mean to Malvolio.’ She flapped a dismissive hand. ‘But I love the start of the play. “If music be the food of love...”’

‘“Play on,”’ Luke continued. ‘“Give me excess of it, that surfeiting, The appetite may sicken and so die. That strain again, it had a dying fall; O it came o’er my ear like the sweet sound That breathes upon a bank of violets, Stealing and giving odour. Enough; no more.”’

Jess had closed her eyes so she could concentrate on the speech, enjoying the way he quoted. When he stopped, she opened her eyes again and looked at him. ‘That was beautiful. Your voice is amazing.’

‘Thank you.’

‘Did you ever play Orsino?’