Behind Her Smile (26 page)

“How’d it go with Maddie last night?” Lucy asked.

Luke looked up from his cereal and forced a smile. “Fine. The movie was good.”

“I’m not talking about the movie, dummy. How did it
go
with Maddie?” she repeated.

Leaning back into his chair, Luke looked his sister in the eye. “How would you expect it to go?”

Lucy leaned in and smiled. “Personally, I think she has a thing for you. She always has.”

“And what about her boyfriend, Miles? Seems like she was pretty into him this year,” he said, wondering just how deeply Madison was involved with him.

“Miles is a loser,” Lucy blurted out. “I mean, he’s cute and everything, but he’s nowhere with the Lord. I think he was just a distraction for her since you were gone.”

Luke pushed away from the table and carried his empty bowl to the sink. “I think you’ve misread Madison’s interest in me, Luce. She made it pretty clear last night that she just wants to be friends.” The look on his sister’s face revealed complete puzzlement.

“Are you sure?” she asked.

“Yep. Just friends.”

As he walked out of the kitchen, he heard her mumble under her breath, “We’ll see about that.”

Fifteen minutes later, Lucy was on the phone to Madison. After the usual small talk, she cut to the chase. “So how was your date last night with my brother?”

Madison was silent for a moment and then replied, “It wasn’t a date, Luce.”

“Whatever. Did you have fun?”

“Yeah. The movie was pretty good,” she replied, a hedge to her voice.

Lucy smiled. “That’s what Luke said.”

“You guys already talked about it?” Maddie asked.

“Yeah. He said he had a good time,” Lucy paused then decided to dive right in. “He likes you, you know.”

“What are you talking about?”

“Luke. He likes you.”

“How do you know?” Madison asked.

“Because I can tell. He acts all nervous whenever I bring you up.”

“Maybe that’s because he feels like you are pushing me on him,” Maddie replied.

“I don’t think so. He doesn’t act annoyed. He acts like he’s trying to hide his feelings or something,” Lucy confided. Then she added, “He thinks you don’t like him, though.”

“What? Why do you say that?”

“He as much as told me so. He said you’re not interested in him. What’s the deal? I thought you kind of had a crush on him all these years.”

Madison cleared her throat and the tone of her voice changed. “Things are different now than in junior high, Luce. Your brother’s a great guy and all, but he deserves someone better than me.”

Lucy was stunned. What was she talking about? “Okay, so I don’t know where you’re getting that idea, but there’s nothing wrong with you, Mad. You should give him a chance.”

After a pause, Madison replied, “Just let it go, Lucy. And don’t tell Luke you talked to me, okay?”

She hesitated and then answered, “If that’s what you really want. But I think you’re making a mistake.”

“It’s what I want, and trust me, it’s not a mistake.”

After they hung up, Lucy sat and stewed for a few minutes. Then she thought,
I didn’t actually promise not to say anything to Luke.
Tossing her phone on the bed, she headed downstairs to find him.

After cornering her brother as he was about to go for a run, she said, “So I just talked to Madison. There’s something that’s eating at her. She thinks she’s not good enough for you.”

He gave her a serious look. “What are you doing, Lucy?”

“I’m just trying to help two people I love figure out that they are meant to be together. Is there something wrong with that?” she asked, feeling defensive and hurt by his tone. “Madison told me you deserve someone better than her. I thought you should know that.” Spinning around, she left him alone on the porch before he could reply.

A moment later, their mother stepped out the front door. “What was that about?” she asked, tipping her head toward the door Lucy had just disappeared through.

Luke raked his fingers through his hair. “Nothing.”

“Really? It didn’t look like nothing.” She reached out and put her hand on his shoulder. “Something’s really bothering you. Want to talk about it?”

“Maybe later. I need some time to think,” he replied, leaning over and giving her a kiss on the cheek. “I’ll be back in a little while,” he added as he descended the porch steps.

“Have a good run,” Kelly called out to him, and he turned and waved.

As Luke ran, the rhythm of his steps calmed his mind, and he was able to think through his evening with Madison. She’d seemed like she was having a good time until he brought up seeing her. Then she’d frozen and made it clear she wasn’t interested. Or was Lucy right? Was it something different that put the brakes on their dating? Maybe the timing just wasn’t right. She was still in high school and had another year after this one before she’d graduate. Did she have her eye on someone else at school? Someone who could take her to football games, dances, and the prom?

Or maybe she was still hung up on that Miles guy. Although Luke hoped not. Especially since the guy had no spiritual roots at all. He was surprised Madison had even gone out with someone like that.

And what was the deal with her saying he deserved someone better than her? Probably just the ‘let him down easy’ line that lots of girls used so they wouldn’t hurt a guy’s feelings.

As he ran and tried to sort through all of it, he began to pray. “Jesus, I know You know exactly what’s going on with Maddie. Wish I did, but I’m trusting You to help me figure out my part here. Do I back off, go with the ‘just friends’ scenario, or what? I just want to do whatever You want me to. You know how I feel about her. I guess I always have. But the last thing I want to do is give her any grief.”

Tap, tap, tap, tap. The sounds of his feet on the pavement were all he heard. And then a verse from Ecclesiastes popped into his mind.
He has made everything beautiful in His time.

Timing.

He needed to talk to her one more time.

Luke stood at Maddie’s front door and rehearsed one more time in his mind exactly what he wanted to say. Rubbing his sweaty palms on his jeans, he cleared his throat and rang the doorbell.

“Luke!” Michelle greeted him with a smile. “I didn’t know you were coming over. Come on in.” As he entered, she gave him a quick hug. “Is Maddie expecting you?” she asked.

“Uh, no. I just decided to drop by,” he replied. “Is she here?”

“Yeah. Let me go get her. I heard the shower go off about fifteen minutes ago.” Michelle disappeared upstairs, and he stood nervously waiting.

Finally, Madison appeared at the top of the stairs. Her hair was wet but brushed and she didn’t have on any makeup. Luke liked her best without it. “Did I miss a call from you?” she asked as she came down to where he was standing.

“No. I thought I’d just come over and talk to you in person. I was hoping you’d be here.”

“Oh. Okay, well, what’s up?” she asked.

He glanced around the room. “Could we go outside? Like maybe on the porch or something?”

She nodded. “Sure.” Opening the front door, she gestured for him to go first.

Luke fought the urge to take her hand and lead her to the steps. Instead he just walked over there himself and sat down. She followed suit and joined him on the top step, sitting a couple of feet away.

“Sorry about this,” she said, lifting and then dropping her wet hair. “You caught me before I got my makeup on or anything.”

“I think you look great,” he replied with a smile.

She rolled her eyes. “Right.”

“I mean it, Maddie. You always look good to me.”

She sighed and looked away.

Luke shot up a quick prayer, and then, once again rubbing his hands over his jeans to wipe off the nervous sweat, he began. “So, I wanted to apologize for last night.”

Madison looked puzzled. “Why?”

“You know, the thing in the car when we got back here. I didn’t mean to put you in an awkward spot,” he explained. “It’s just so…so good to see you again. I guess I didn’t realize how much I’d missed you. And I kind of let myself blurt out some things that…that obviously made you uneasy.” He looked over but she was still gazing out over the front yard. “Maddie?”

She turned and looked at him, and he saw something he hadn’t expected. Tears. Her eyes were filled with tears.

“Oh, man,” he said. “I really messed up, didn’t I?” He felt so helpless and lost.

Shaking her head, Madison brushed her cheeks with the backs of her hands. “You’re not the one who messed up. I am,” she said softly.

Luke didn’t know what to say. Lucy’s words rang in his ears.
She thinks she’s not good enough for you.
He wanted to take her in his arms and hold her tight, to somehow let her know his true feelings, and that everything was going to be okay.

Then she said something that landed like a punch to his gut. “I’m not a virgin, Luke. Okay? I messed up big time with Miles.” She looked away and started crying as the words came tumbling out. “I was a fool. I thought he loved me.” She paused to catch her breath. “He made me feel so…attractive. Like he really thought I was beautiful or something.”

As she turned and looked him in the eye, Luke could see such pain that his own heart was overwhelmed with aching. She was only seventeen. How could this happen? And what was he supposed to say now?

Madison didn’t give him time to consider that. She stood up, brushed off the back of her jeans, and headed for the door. “You deserve a really special girl, Luke. It’s not me.” With that, she left him alone on the porch.

As Luke drove home, his emotions rocketed in several directions at once. His first response was devastation and sorrow, for Madison and for himself, as he finally admitted his love for her. Then anger raised its ugly head as he thought about Miles and how he’d taken advantage of Madison’s vulnerability.
What a jerk!

Instinctively, Luke wanted to go find the guy and make him pay for hurting Maddie and fracturing her future like that. Then thoughts of God rushed at him. Where
was
God when this happened? Why hadn’t He somehow put the brakes on it? Surely He could have.

And finally, resignation. He knew a piece of his heart would always belong to Maddie. But things would never be the same now. She didn’t want him anymore. And his feelings for her? He pounded his fist into the steering wheel, and then surrendered to tears himself.

He’d never once considered that Madison, two years younger than him, would be at risk for this type of fall. He tried to imagine them dating and maybe even courting. But something had shifted inside. Although he felt terribly sorry for her, he knew his pity was not what she would want or need. And he wasn’t sure he could offer her anything more than friendship at this point. Somehow friendship seemed so hollow after what he’d felt for her last night and even this morning when he’d driven over to see her.

He changed his mind about going home, and drove down to the beach for a walk. As he skirted the water’s edge, a cool wind picked up and the winter clouds darkened above him like the storm that brewed within. He tried to pray, but the words were lost before they were even spoken. Only moans made it out of his mouth, only to be swallowed by the sounds of the surf. Funny how now that he knew this, he realized even more how much he’d hoped for a future with Maddie.

Flashing back to the past, he remembered their closeness when they were both in middle school. A spark had begun that long ago. When he moved on to high school, she started to seem like a child to him in comparison with his peers. He could remember one day when he’d told her about a girl he liked in his class, and how her face had dropped momentarily before she perked up and said how happy she was for him.

Could he have said or done something before he went off to college that would have made a difference? If he’d said to her then what he tried to say last night, would she have been spared the pain her relationship with Miles brought into her life? And how would he handle the next couple of weeks before he left again? Should he avoid her completely? That shouldn’t be too hard with all the family festivities of Christmas. Church would be the only time he’d probably run into her. And there’d be lots of other people around then anyway.

Church. He suddenly remembered the mission team. She’d signed up for that, too. How would it go to be on the trip together after all this?

Rain began to fall, and he made a dash for the car, heading home with all his questions still swirling in his mind.

His mother was baking bread in the kitchen when he got home. The fragrance drew him to her side, as she pulled a fresh loaf out of the oven. “This weather always gets me in the mood to bake,” she said after glancing to see who was there.

“Looks good, Mom,” Luke replied, trying to sound upbeat.

She turned and looked at him. “Are you okay?” He looked different—like he’d just lost his best friend.

“I don’t know. I guess,” he replied, sinking down into a chair at the table.

Something’s up, Lord,
Kelly prayed.
Please give me wisdom here.
“So Lucy said you went to see Maddie again,” she began.

“Yeah.”

Kelly hesitated. He wasn’t volunteering any information. Should she just back off? It was always hard to know with Luke. Since he was their oldest, they had to figure out each new stage of parenting on him. Then it was easier with the other five kids. Luke was nineteen now and he’d been living on his own at college for several months. Was she supposed to treat him as an adult now? Or did he still need a mom sometimes?

“Want a slice of the bread?” she asked.

“Uh, sure. Thanks, Mom.”

She smiled.
The way to a man’s heart
…she thought to herself. Carefully running the serrated knife through the warm loaf, she cut off a thick piece and set it on a plate. Then she retrieved the butter from the fridge and placed both in front of him. “Want some milk, too?”

He nodded without looking at her. “Yeah. Sounds good.”

After she placed his full glass on the table, she sat down across from him. “You look like you’ve got a lot on your mind,” she said.

For the first time, he made eye contact with her. She saw such pain in his eyes, that she almost looked away. “What is it? What’s going on?” she asked.

He sighed. “It’s Madison.”

“Is she okay?”

He shook his head. “Not really.”

“What? What’s wrong?” Kelly could feel her pulse quicken. Madison was like another daughter to her. Their friendship with Steve and Michelle during their early years in Sandy Cove had cemented the two families together in an inseparable bond.

“I don’t think I should tell you, Mom,” he said, his voice thick with emotion. “But I’m worried about her.”

“You two have always had such a special connection,” Kelly said. “I’m sure your friendship is a help to her now, whatever the situation is.”

Luke shrugged. “I don’t know about that.”

As silence filled the room, Kelly debated about something that had been on her mind for a long time. Finally, she decided to speak up. “You know, Luke, I’ve felt for a long time like God’s been telling me that you and Madison are meant to be together. I know that sounds pretty presumptuous, and I don’t even really know what your feelings are for her. But deep in my heart, I feel certain God has a plan for your relationship, and I just can’t shake it.”

Luke leaned forward and buried his face in his hands. Then Kelly saw his shoulders begin to shake. Was he crying? She reached out and touched him gently. “Luke?”

He didn’t look up. Shaking his head in warning, she pulled back.
I need to get Ben,
she thought. Rising to her feet, she walked out of the kitchen and caught her husband as he was walking in the front door. She’d promised him freshly baked bread for lunch, and he was taking a break in his sermon preparation to feast on it.

“It’s starting to really come down out there,” he said as he greeted her with a kiss. “I can smell that bread from here.”

“Ben,” she said, grabbing a hold of his arm. “Something’s wrong with Madison.”

He stopped in his tracks. “What’s wrong?”

“I don’t know, but Luke went to see her this morning, and now he’s a mess. He’s in the kitchen, and he won’t tell me what’s going on. Maybe he’ll talk to you.”

Ben nodded. “I’ll see if I can get him to open up.”

Walking into the kitchen, Ben saw his son slumped over the table, resting his head face down on his folded arms. “What’s up, bud?” he asked as he put his hand on Luke’s shoulder.

Luke lifted his head and gazed up at him, eyes red-rimmed but dry. “Hi, Dad.”

“I see you’ve already gotten a start on Mom’s bread,” Ben said, pointing to the crumbs on the plate in front of his son.

“Yeah. It’s probably still warm if you want some.” He sat up and rested back in his chair.

Ben helped himself to a slice and heated up a cup of coffee before joining him at the table. “So how’s your morning going?”

Luke laughed cryptically. “Not so great.”

“Your mom said you went to see Maddie today,” Ben probed gently.

“Yeah.”

“So why the long face?”

“It’s complicated, Dad.”

“Life usually is. But sometimes talking about it helps,” Ben suggested.

Luke nodded. “I could really use your advice. But this kind of involves Madison’s reputation, too. And it’s pretty personal stuff. Stuff she probably doesn’t want anyone knowing.”

“But she told you.”

“Only because I kind of backed her into a corner.”

Ben thought for a moment. “I don’t want you to reveal anything she shared with you in confidence, son, but from what your sister’s told me, I have a feeling this has something to do with that boy, Miles, that Maddie was seeing.”

Before he could stop himself, the words tumbled out. “He took advantage of her, Dad. Now she is really down on herself. She thinks she’s not worthy of a relationship with me.”

“And what do
you
think?” Ben asked, praying for God to give his son wisdom.

“I think I could kill the guy,” Luke confessed.

Ben sat back in his seat and nodded. “I can understand that.” He hesitated as he prayed for the right words. Then he said, “You know, Luke, I
was
that guy.”

Luke’s expression changed from anger to shock. “What are you talking about? You’re nothing like him.”

Ben smiled. “Not anymore, thanks to God. But trust me when I say that I was just like Miles in high school.”

“With Mom?” Luke asked, on the edge of his chair.

“No. Thankfully not with your mother. God got a hold of me before I met her.”

“Does she know? About your past, I mean?” Luke asked.

Nodding, Ben replied, “She does. She did before we started dating. We met through some friends who had been mentoring me in my faith. Your mom, well, for some reason, she took a liking to me. But she was so innocent and pure. I didn’t want her to get mixed up with someone who’d been such a jerk.”

“So what did you do?”

“I tried to convince her she deserved better than me.”

“That’s exactly what Madison said,” Luke replied, shaking his head. “So how did you and Mom end up together?”

“She finally wore me down,” Ben said with a smile.

Luke laughed. “She’s pretty good at that. Like Lucy.”

“Yeah. The apple doesn’t fall far from the tree,” Ben agreed with a grin as he thought about Lucy’s tenacity when she set her mind to something. “It wasn’t just your mom’s persistence, though, Luke. My buddy, the one who set us up, challenged me on the idea that I wasn’t good enough for her.”

“How did he do that?”

“He took me to the cross and asked me if I’d like a ladder.”

“A ladder?”

“Yeah, so I could climb up and tell Jesus face-to-face that His sacrifice wasn’t good enough for me and my past.”

“Whoa.” Luke slumped into his chair and stared at him.

“He said that if I was going to live in the shadow of my past, I’d never experience the real power of God in my life.” Ben looked into Luke’s eyes. “Do you love her, Luke?”

“I do.”

“Then maybe you’re the one to take that sweet girl to the cross and offer her a ladder, too. But with Madison, I’d say the ladder isn’t to challenge her to tell Jesus His sacrifice isn’t enough. It’s so she can get close enough to gaze into His eyes and see the depth of His love for her. A love that couldn’t be satisfied by anything less than the cross.”

Relief washed over Luke’s face. “Wow, Dad. You should be a pastor,” he teased.

Ben reached out and ruffled Luke’s hair like he used to do when Luke was a young boy. “Sometimes you can be a real smart aleck,” he said with a wink.