Behind Her Smile (20 page)

“So what do
you
think about the same-sex marriage law?” she asked.

Grasping for the right words, he replied, “Here’s
my
perspective on why marriage was commanded by God to be between a man and a woman. In addition to the obvious matter of procreation, I believe God is in a continuous process of growing and stretching us beyond our comfort levels. It’s not easy for two very different genders to build lasting companionship, understanding, and intimacy. But that was part of the reason for His plan.

“I believe He foreordained the relationship to be between a male and a female, who are built with very different shapes, needs, and strengths, to come together and be one for life. In the process the two sides of God—His strength and power, and His perfect love and boundless grace, are joined in marriage and families to bring a glimpse of divinity.” He looked over at her and smiled. “To be honest, Maddie, women tend to civilize us men. We like strength and power. They are better at expressing love and grace.”

Rick studied her reaction and could see a light go on in Madison. It reminded him of his students when they’d grasp a new concept during a discussion or lecture.

“Oh,
yeah
. I never thought of it that way,” she said “but it makes sense.” She paused and then asked, “But what about the idea of a guy and girl needing to be
married
to have a moral intimate relationship? Can’t they still experience that without a piece of paper to make it legal and morally okay?”

He smiled.
Ah, yes, the age-old argument of young men trying to skirt commitment.
“It’s not the piece of paper that makes the difference, Maddie. It’s what that paper represents—a lifelong commitment. That’s how God laid it out.”

When he glanced over, she seemed deep in thought.

“I’d imagine it’s a pretty tough time to be a teenager,” he said.

She looked out the window and replied under her breath, “Sure is.” She paused and then added, “Did you know that my grandma lived with my other grandpa before they got married?”

“Yes.”

She seemed surprised. “Did you ever live with someone?” she asked.

Kids sure are bold these days,
he thought before replying. “I did. When I was much younger.”

“What happened?”

“You mean why did we break up?”

“Yeah.”

“It was because of one of her friends’ parents.”

Madison glanced over at him, and he could see the question mark on her face.

He cleared his throat and launched into the story. “Her parents were pretty upset about our living situation, and they confronted her one time when she was home to pick up some things. Her father started calling me names—some pretty strong language, from what I recall her saying.”

He paused to look over and see her furrowed brow.

“So what did she do? Break up with you?” she asked.

“Not at first. She stormed out of the house, told her parents she never wanted to see them again, and then fled to a friend’s house for consolation.”

Madison nodded.

“But her friend wasn’t home. In fact, no one was there except the friend’s father.”

“What did she do?”

“Believe it or not, she actually told him the whole story. She was so distraught about the fight with her parents and their parting words, that she couldn’t contain her emotions another minute.”

“Wow. What did he say?” Madison was clearly soaking in every word.

“After he heard the whole thing, he said, ‘Let me ask you something.’ She said ‘Okay.’ And he asked her this unexpected question—‘If something happened to Rick, like he fell off the roof and broke his neck, and he was paralyzed from the neck down, would you be willing to quit college and work full-time to support him and take care of him for the rest of your life?’” He paused to let the challenge soak in for a moment.

Madison’s eyebrows lifted. “What did she say?”

“She said she didn’t know.” Rick looked over and smiled. “Then this dad said, ‘Until you can answer that question, you are just playing house. You need to move out, and decide what you want in life. If you really love Rick and want to be with him forever, then get married and make that commitment permanent.’ I guess it suddenly made sense to her because she came back to our place, packed up her stuff, and moved back home.”

“Really?”

“Yep. She said we could get married or call it quits. And I wasn’t ready for marriage, so that took care of that.”

Madison sat silently for a couple of minutes. Then she said, “Thanks, Grandpa.”

He looked over and saw something he hadn’t expected. Relief. Her face glowing with relief.

As Sheila was driving Madison over to the house to pick up some clothes, Madison’s phone rang. Glancing down at her granddaughter’s phone screen, she saw a picture of Miles. Maddie hit the silence button and tossed the phone back into her purse.

“Something wrong?” Sheila asked.

“I wish he would just leave me alone,” her granddaughter replied.

“That was Miles?”

“Yeah.”

They rode on in silence for a few minutes. Then Madison asked, “Did you ever think about breaking up with Grandpa John before you got married?”

Sheila’s mind tumbled back in time to the many doubts she’d had before marrying Madison’s grandfather. Would she lose her relationship with her parents? What would life be like in a home without God at the center? And how would she feel if John wanted to teach their children his philosophy of self-sufficiency instead of faith?

“You know, Madison, there were several times I almost left.”

“Why didn’t you?” Maddie asked.

“I was in love. He intrigued me with his rugged individualism, his confidence in his own ability to rise to every challenge life might throw his way. It was so different from what I’d seen in my own father, who relied completely on God for his strength and guidance.” She paused and pictured the young John in her mind. But then the hardships of their marriage rushed back to her. The many years she’d felt insignificant, while he’d immersed himself in the world of success.

“The truth is, Maddie, I was fooled. What I saw as strength in John and weakness in my own father was actually really the opposite. My father had the strength of God dwelling within him. But John was relying on the mere strength of himself.” She sighed and patted Madison’s hand. “He did finally realize his need for God in his later years, after his accident. But we had a difficult marriage up to that point. And there were lots of challenges after he became an invalid.”

Madison nodded. “I guess sometimes things don’t turn out the way we thought.”

“You’re right. So, how about you? Are you thinking about breaking up with Miles?” Sheila asked, trying to sound only mildly curious while at the same time frantically praying that God would give Madison the courage to do just that.

“Yeah. I do love him. Or at least I think I do. But I love God, too, and Miles is totally against church. He says he doesn’t care if I go, but he’ll never go with me.”

Sheila pulled the car into the driveway and turned off the engine. She looked over at her granddaughter and saw the same confusion and heartache she’d known as a young girl herself. It was only by God’s grace that she’d gotten a second chance at love with a man who was seeking to grow in faith himself and share that experience with her.

With every fiber of her being, she wanted that for Madison, too. God had been patient with Sheila through her wrong choices and the years she’d turned her back on Him. But there’d been consequences along the way. If it was possible for her to help her granddaughter avoid that path, she wanted nothing more than to do so.

Reaching over, she squeezed Madison’s hand. “Of all the things I’ve learned in my life, Maddie, the most important one is to put God first. You’ve probably heard that many times from many people. But it’s absolutely true. I remember my father, your great grandpa Phil, used to start each day by praying, ‘Lord, I want to know You more and love You deeper today.’”

“Grandpa Phil was one of my favorite people,” Madison said, her voice filled with affection.

“Mine, too,” Sheila replied with a smile. “And if he were here today, I think he’d advise you to be very careful about who you choose to be your lifelong mate. The world is pulling further and further away from God. We need those closest to us to be beacons of light, not a strong current to pull us away. Does that make sense?”

Madison studied her face. “You remind me of him,” she said.

“Who?”

“Grandpa Phil.”

Sheila’s heart soared and the surge of emotion caught her off guard. After so many years of spiritual wandering, she’d never imagined that anyone would compare her words with the godly wisdom of her father. Fighting back tears, she once again smiled at her granddaughter. “That’s the nicest thing anyone’s ever said to me.”

Madison leaned over and hugged her. “I love you, Grandma. And I think I know what I need to do now.”

That night, as Madison was getting ready for bed, Miles called again. This time she answered.

“Finally!” he said. “I tried calling you twice this afternoon.”

“I know,” she replied.

Silence.

“We need to talk, Madison,” Miles said, sounding very much in charge.

“You’re right. We do,” she agreed.

“You know I love you, right?” he asked.

“I know you said you do,” she replied, sinking down onto her bed and praying silently,
God give me strength.

“So that means I do.”

“Okay.”

“So are we fine now? I mean is everything back to normal with us?” he asked.

“If you mean are we going to keep making out at my house, the answer is no.”

There was a pause at the other end, and then Miles said, “What’s going on with you? We have a good thing going. Is this about your church? Are they making you feel guilty or something? Because if they are, they’re just stuck in the dark ages. We love each other. Who are they to judge us?”

Madison could hear the desperation in his voice. And the anger.

“Look, Miles. I never should have let things get this far. And it isn’t the church. It’s my own beliefs about what is right and wrong. What we were doing is wrong.”

“Says who?”

“Says me. Says the Bible,” she replied.

“Like I said, it’s that church of yours. They refuse to recognize that everyone our age is doing this. It just means we love each other.” His voice broke as he continued, “I need you, Madison. And I do love you.”

For a fleeting moment, Madison remembered how it felt to be in his arms as he murmured words of affirmation into her ear. Without warning, she began to cry. It was so hard to put a stop to something that made her feel loved. Her voice shaking, she said, “I can’t be with you, Miles. I can’t be with someone who doesn’t love God first.” Her heart ached as the words tumbled out. And then an unexpected peace fell upon her.

After a moment of silence, Miles said, “Goodbye, Madison. I hope you don’t regret this.” And then the phone went dead.

When her anxiety threatened to surface again, Madison fell to her knees in prayer. And the peace returned.

The next morning was Saturday. Sheila was in the kitchen about to call Michelle, when Madison walked into the room. “I did it, Grandma,” she said. “I broke up with Miles on the phone last night.”

Sheila breathed a prayer of gratitude and relief. It would be a little easier talking to Michelle now. “I’m so proud of you, honey. I know that must have been really tough,” she said.

Madison’s face revealed a gamut of emotions. “I hope someday, someone else can love me the way Grandpa Rick loves you,” she said, her voice breaking.

Sheila stood and drew her close, holding her in a firm embrace. “God has someone special for you, Maddie. I just know it.”

As Madison dissolved into tears, Sheila found herself feeling a strength and inner confidence that could only come from above. It was as if God were using her as His arms around Maddie. ‘Jesus with skin on’ is what her father used to call it. It was a sacred moment she’d never forget.

“You know, he helped me make my decision,” Madison said, wiping her tears with her sleeve.

“Who?”

“Rick.”

Sheila’s heart leapt. “He did?” She thought back to their discussion in bed the night before when her husband had shared about his conversation with Maddie.

“Yeah. We talked on the way home from school yesterday. He’s really wise.”

Sheila smiled. “I’ll tell him you think so. That will mean a lot to him.” Cupping her granddaughter’s chin in her hands, she brushed Maddie’s hair off her face. “I love you, sweetheart. Everything’s going to be okay. I promise.”

Madison gave her a half smile. “Thanks, Grandma.”

“You sit down here,” Sheila said, guiding her to the table and pulling out a chair, “and I’ll fix you some of my blueberry pancakes.”

“I’ll help you,” Maddie replied, ignoring the chair.

Sheila smiled. “You’re on. You can wash these blueberries, and I’ll start the batter.”

“Where’s Rick?” Maddie asked as she pulled out a strainer and began her task.

“He went to campus to get a file he forgot to bring home,” Sheila replied. “He’s got a lot of work to do this weekend.”

“What are you doing today?” her granddaughter asked as Sheila added the berries to the batter.

“I’m going to see your great grandmother. Want to come along?”

Madison nodded. “Sure.” She looked relieved to have something to do with her day. “I’ll go get ready,” she added, giving Sheila a hug and then leaving the room.

As soon as Sheila was alone, she picked up the phone and called Michelle. They made a plan to go out for dessert that evening.

By the time they got over to Joan’s apartment complex, it was nearly eleven. As they walked through the grounds, they passed a group of seniors with easels as an instructor was teaching them how to paint with watercolors. The view of the ocean, with the flowers that skirted the complex in the foreground, was their subject. Madison stopped walking for a moment to watch them work.

“That looks fun,” she said to Sheila. “Maybe I’ll take an art class for my elective next semester.”

“You know, I’ve actually been thinking of taking one at the college,” Sheila said. “They have community non-credit classes that Rick was telling me about, and I saw one for painting. Would you want to give it a go with me?”

Madison’s mood brightened. “Okay. Let’s do it, Grandma. When does it meet?”

“It’s late in the afternoon, I think. Around four o’clock.”

“Perfect!” Maddie replied, thankful for something to help fill the afternoons she’d been spending with Miles.

“It’s a deal, then. We’ll try our hand at this together,” Sheila said, draping her arm over Madison’s shoulder and giving her a squeeze.