Becca (9 page)

“No, I mean your arm. What did you cut it on.”

“Oh... shit.”

I’m dead. I’ve got that disease. I don’t want to die! Okay, okay. I have to protect them. But if I’m dead I can’t do that. If I’m stumbling around trying to bite people I can’t. But I can’t survive this. Shit! I wish Dad were here. Why me? Why did I get this? How could I be so stupid! 

“Stop the car.” I said.

“What? Becca...”

“Stop the car, Tasha!”

She swerved to the side and slid to a stop. I opened the door and got out and kicked the fender, then the door, then a huge rock. That one hurt. Everyone was getting out of the car.

“Bridget, I’m so sorry honey.” I told her. “I’m so, so sorry.”

“What are you talking about?”

“I have to go.” I whined. “Come here.” I held my arms out and she stepped into them. “I love you so much. I would do
anything
to protect you. You know that, right?”
 

“Becca,” Bridget whimpered.  

“When Mom and Dad show up, tell them I did my best.”

“Tell them yourself.” she said. She sounds flat and lifeless all of a sudden. “What’s going on?”

“Just a new plan.” I said. I stepped back from her. “I’m going to go back and try to save those women.”

“You’ll be killed!” Amber shouted.

“I already was.” I pointed at my arm. “One of the infected ones got me on the way back.”

“No!” Bridget shouted. She grabbed onto me and hugged me. “No, Rebecca, it’s just a scratch. It’s just a scratch, you’ll be okay.”

“No, honey, everybody who is exposed to this gets sick.”

“You could wait and see if you get sick.” Tasha said. She’s sobbing. “Please.”

“I can’t take that chance. I could infect one of you.”

“You’re not going.” Amber told me. “We won’t let you.”

“You have to stay.” David said. “Who’s going to be in charge if you’re gone?”

“Tasha will take care of you.”

“Becca, please.” Bridget said. I pulled away from her.

“I can’t risk it, Bridge. I have to go. Please, just let me go. I’ll try to save those women and if I can I’ll send them your way.”

“This is wrong.” Tasha said. She hugged me. “You have to stay with me. I can’t do this, Becca.”

“You have to. Please, Tasha, I need you to take care of Bridget. And I need you to take care of yourself.”

“Y-you’re going to need... more bullets.” Tasha said. She was heading toward the trunk of the car. “Please come back.”

“I have to go.”

“Take care of yourself. If you’re not sick in the next twenty four hours, come back. Please. It’s worth the risk to me.”

I took the extra bullets and turned and ran toward the town. There were shouts and crying behind me. And about a hundred yards later there was someone running along beside me. Amber.

“What are you doing?” I panted.

“Going with you.”

“Go back.”

“I’m with you.”

“Why are you doing this?” I slowed to a walk.

“Because I love you.”

“You don’t know me!”

“I don’t care about that.”

“You’re a little girl with a crush on someone who you think saved your life.”

“Yep.”

“You’ll get over it.”

“Probably.”

“So go back.”

“Can’t do it. Logic can tell me what I feel isn’t real love, but that doesn’t change how I feel. Besides, I’m fourteen, what do I know about love?”

“Exactly!”

“My point was I don’t know the difference. So I’m going with you.”

“You’re insane.”

“Probably.”

“Go back!” I shoved her.

“I’m not going.”

This is stupid. I’m trying to save their lives and she insists on killing herself. And they let her come? Oh, guess not, here’s the rest of them in the car. Good. Maybe they can talk some sense into her. 

“You have to go!” I shouted at her.

“I’d rather die with you than live without.”

“No.” I pointed the gun at her. “You’re going back.”

“So you’d shoot me to save my life?”

“I...” That doesn’t make much sense, does it? “Just let me go!”

“I’m not doing that.” Amber said.

“You have to do that.”

“No.” Tasha said. “Becca, you’ve been my best friend forever. I love you. So you’re coming back with us and we’ll wait and see if you get sick.”

“It’s too dangerous.” I said, shaking my head vigorously. 

“We’re not letting you go. We’re a team.”

“Tasha,”

“If it were me, would you let me go?”

“I... no.” I admitted. “But it’s not the same.”

“How is it not the same?” David asked.

“Because I’m in love with her.” I explained. And then I felt bad, because it probably embarrasses Tasha when I say things like that.

“And
I’m
in love with you.” Amber said. The others all turned toward her. “What? Like it’s a secret?”
 

“You can’t be in love with me, you’ve known me a week.”

“Lesbians are all screwed up.” David said, laughing. Great, laugh while I’m dying.

I don’t know how to make this easier for them. I thought just leaving right now would be best, but they’re all so insistent that I come with them. Wouldn’t it be harder for them to watch me getting sick? But I don’t want to leave. I don’t want to die.

“Please come back.” Tasha said.

“What if I get sick?”

“What if you don’t?” Bridget asked. “Don’t leave me alone, Becca. Please. Mom and Dad may never come, and I don’t have anyone else.”

“Tasha...”

“Isn’t family!”

“She’s practically a sister to you.”

“But she’s
not
my sister, you are. Please. Just come back.”
 

“If you start to get sick we’ll let you go.” Tasha said.

“What if it’s too late? What if I get sick so fast, and... and... I don’t want to hurt any of you.”

“You won’t.”

“I...” I nodded. I turned the gun around and held it out, by the barrel, toward Bridget. “Y-you have to take this. And Bridget, if anything... if I try to hurt anyone, you have to promise me that you’ll, um, stop me. Whatever it takes.”

“I can’t shoot you.” she whispered.

“You have to. Or you, Tasha. Someone. I’m not going back if you won’t promise me you’ll protect yourselves.”

“If I have to.” Tasha said. “But it won’t ever come to that.”

“I’ll go. But... please don’t let me hurt any of you.”

“Thank you.” Amber said. She came over and wrapped her arms around me.

We got back into the car. Okay, so they all care enough about me to want me to stay. That’s good, I guess. As long as it doesn’t get them all killed.

I wonder what it’s like to be dead. Do you go to some soothing place? Heaven? And if heaven exists, and you do go there if you’re a good and deserving person, would I? Do I deserve to go there? Have I done the right things in my life, been good enough, to get into such a place? And if I were infected and turned into a crazy cannibal, would that be overlooked because I had no say in the matter? Would I get to see Mom and Dad again?

We got back to the cabin and went inside. I tried to stay away from their food, I didn’t want to accidentally infect someone. We sat on the sofas and ate. Most of us didn’t eat much. And everyone was staring at me. It’s annoying.

“Don’t let people tell you who to be, Bridget.” I said.

“Huh?”

“Not even Mom and Dad. Stand up for yourself. Don’t be afraid to take chances, but be smart about it.”

“Becca,”

“You are special. You’re sweet, and smart, and you deserve the best in life, okay? Remember that. Always. And don’t just sleep with the first person you think you like a little. You’re better than that. Always use protection, you don’t want to be a mother before you’re ready.”

“What is this?” Tasha asked.

“I’m trying to think of all the advice I’d give her if I were around in the next few years. Whatever I forget, I’m sure you’ll take care of, right?”

“You’ll be around.” Bridget said.

“I hope so. I really want to see you grow up and see how you turn out.”

“Stop talking like this.” She started crying again. It hasn’t been long since she stopped.

“I’m sorry, honey.”

We kind of sat there most of the day, not saying or doing much of anything. After a while I got used to them all staring at me, I guess. I just waited along with the rest of them for me to get sick. We have no idea how long it takes. Eventually the three younger kids fell asleep on the sofa across from me. Tasha was still awake, sitting next to me.

“It’s late.” she said. It’s dark outside. “I think you would have gotten sick by now if you were going to.”

“Maybe. Who knows?”

“How long do you plan to wait until you’re convinced you’re going to be okay?”

“Maybe by this time tomorrow. I mean I still won’t be comfortable for a while, but maybe it’ll be okay by then.”

“I hope so.”

“I’m sorry if I embarrassed you earlier.”

“When?”

“When I said I was in love with you.”

“You didn’t embarrass me, Becca. Why would I be embarrassed?”

“I don’t know.” I shrugged.. “So I was thinking earlier about that time in third grade, when we were playing kickball at recess. You swore to me you were going to kick it over the fence. And you ran up and kicked
so
hard at the ball.”
 

“But I missed and fell flat on my ass.” she said, laughing.

“I was scared, I thought you were really hurt.”

“And you ran all the way over from second base to check on me.”

“But you were laughing. You were crying,”

“I twisted my ankle, it hurt.”

“But you were laughing, too.”

“Because I knew how stupid it must have looked.” she said, laughing again. 

“That was, um, when I first knew. That I was in love with you, I mean.”

“Really?”

“Yeah.”

It was weird for a minute. She looked away, and she was smiling a little. I think she’s crying. I shouldn’t talk about this stuff, I upset her. And knowing her, she just feels bad because she thinks she’s hurting me by not feeling the same way about me.

“It’s not your fault.” I said.

“What’s not?” she mumbled.

“I mean if you feel like bad or something that I’m upset that you don’t feel the same way. I knew you didn’t, Tasha. I know you’re not gay.”