Becca (13 page)

“It could make her worse. She just needs rest and a lot of water.”

“She’s going to die!”

“She won’t.”

“Dad, we need to get her some antibiotics, and some kind of Gatorade or something, and something to help her sleep.”

“You’re right.” he said. “Shoot, I sure wish I knew what to do. I’m a little lost here, Rebecca.” he said. “I need your help keeping things moving. You’ve been doing a great job so far, we just all need you to continue it.”

Oh crap! Crap crap crap! I thought when they got back that Dad would just take over and I could relax and stop being so stressed all the time. And now he’s telling me he can’t handle it. I can’t do this. I can’t. This isn’t fair, he’s the parent here.

Okay, Becca, just hold it together. They need you. He’s not saying take over, he’s just saying he wants my help because he trusts me. That’s a good thing. I have to do this. They all need me to do this.

“Well we’re getting the medicine for her.” I said. “And we need to stock up on a bunch of other common medications, because we will get sick at times. Things like antibiotics, something for stomach problems, cold pills, products for us girls, and a lot of antibiotic creams and bandages for little scrapes and cuts.”

“Okay, we’ll do that.” he said.

“And Dad, we have to start figuring out what’s next. Everyone is edgy and getting more so because they spend all day sitting and wondering.”

“Yes, good, we’ll have that discussion.”

I could say almost anything and he’d go along with it. Great. That’s not good. I hate having this much responsibility. Plus what’s going to happen when we do start having serious discussions? Will he be up for that?

We drove for the better part of an hour in silence. There were infected people stumbling along the road in places, but they seemed uninterested in our car.

“So Dad, um, about me and Tasha,”

“What about it?”

“What do you think?”

“To be honest, I don’t like it.”

“Oh.” Well that sucks.

“It makes others worry about favoritism.”

“That’s stupid.”

“Is it? If that boy... what’s his name?”

“David.”

“If there was something important going on and David told you one thing and Natasha told you something else, who would you agree with?”

“Tasha, without a doubt.”

“See.”

“Because I know her and I trust her and David’s a little kid.”

“You think he’s going to see it that way or do you think he’s going to think you agreed with her because she’s your girlfriend?”

“So I’m supposed to be miserable for the rest of my life, just in case? Are we all supposed to be alone forever, just so nobody gets their feelings hurt?”

“I didn’t say that.”

“I love her, and it doesn’t matter what anyone thinks, I’m going to be with her. And if you have a problem with that, tough.” I can’t believe this. “Tasha and I can just leave if you want.”

“I didn’t say that. Stop getting so emotional.”

“Well I’m sorry, but that happens when you start telling me I can’t be with the girl I love.”

Okay. Okay, could me and Tasha go off on our own and survive? Maybe. I’d rather die trying that than give her up.

“If it ends badly it’s going to be bad for all of us.”

“What if it doesn’t end badly, Dad? What if we’re just happy together? Forever.”

“I’ve seen Natasha with boys. What are you going to do when she wants to be with a boy again?”

“But what if she doesn’t? What if
I
make her happy, Dad?”
 

“What about when she’s older and wants to have a kid?”

“Okay, you assume she wants to be a mother? And she still could.”

“I hate to have to explain basic biology to you, Rebecca, but...”

“There are other ways. We could find a guy that was willing to help with that part.”

“And you’d be happy to let her have someone else’s child?”

“What the hell is this conversation?” I stomped my foot, like a child.  

“I’m just trying to figure out where everything stands. You’d be happy helping her raise someone else’s child?”

“Dad! Okay, if Bridget or I were adopted would you love us any less?”

“I wouldn’t have been happy if I had to let someone else get your mother pregnant.”

“You are getting way, way ahead of things. We just started dating.” If you can call it dating.

“I’m trying to make you think, Rebecca. You can’t play around anymore, not now. If a relationship goes bad it goes really bad for everyone.”

“Well I love her, and if she ever wants to have a child then I’ll be happy about it.”

“Good.”

“You just really can’t stand that I’m a lesbian. That’s it, isn’t it?”

“That doesn’t matter to me at all, sweetheart. It’s just if you two breakup we can’t exactly send Natasha back to her parents.”

“We already discussed this. If she decides this isn’t what she wants then we end it. Nobody gets mad.”

“Do you really believe that?”

Do I? If she broke up with me would I be able to handle it? Maybe. But if we’re together for six months it’s going to be even more difficult. It’s kind of strange to think we have to make some kind of lifetime commitment right now or else we risk hurting everyone. But I’d do it. I’m ready for that with her. She’s everything I’ve ever wanted or will ever want.

“Do you think Mr. and Mrs. Johnson are still alive?”

“I don’t know, Becca. I hope so. I doubt it.”

“Tasha thinks they are dead.”

“We’ll probably never know.”

We stopped at the edge of town, leaving the car facing the correct direction for a quick escape. This is something I hadn’t thought of before. I should have.

“I have to confess something.” he said. He was glancing around, taking in our surroundings. “I don’t know if I could shoot anyone, even one of those infected ones.”

“Are you serious?”

“Yeah. The fact that you did it just impresses the hell out of me, kid. Why don’t you take the lead here.”

“Um... okay.”

He’ll shoot if he has to, right? Please tell me I’m not here alone. Please. I thought this was going to be so different. I expected him to be tough and in charge.

We went down the street and I held the gun out, ready to fire if necessary. I pointed toward a drugstore across the street and we crossed and entered.

“We need to hurry.” he said.

“Wait.” I looked toward the back of the store. “We need to check to make sure we’re clear first, Dad.”

“You look, I’ll grab.”

I walked around the back of the store, still keeping my eyes on the front also. Dad was filling a bag pretty full, but I didn’t see him get any pain killer or bandages. I went over and added those to his bag, and I added some tampons.

We took that bag back to the car, then went further into town to look for groceries. I had a backpack full of canned meat and vegetables, Dad had two huge sacks, and we were headed back out when we came across the first infected people.

We crouched down behind a car and watched them stumbling around. Did they smell us, or hear us, or what? Dad was shaking. I grabbed his arm and tugged him down an alley. We made our way down toward the car, moved two blocks, before encountering another one. Only this guy wasn’t stumbling, he was heading directly at us.

“Dad!” I shouted. He was looking at his feet, not paying attention.

He looked up and saw the guy coming. He dropped the sacks and fell on his butt as he tried to scrambled backwards. I raised the gun and took aim on the man’s head.

“Hel...”

I pulled the trigger. Shit. Damn it! Damn, damn damn! The infected ones don’t talk. They moan, they grunt, they don’t talk. I just killed someone. A healthy someone. Well, maybe not healthy.

“You got him. You got him, Rebecca. Good job.” he said. He was at my side, patting my back.

“Daddy,” I said. I broke into sobs. “He wasn’t sick. I thought he was sick. I thought he was going to get you. He wasn’t. He wasn’t sick.”

“He looked sick to me.”

“He wasn’t!”

“He was attacking us.”

“Maybe he wasn’t. Maybe he was scared and wanted help. Maybe he was trying to say help.”

“We need to get moving.” he told me.

I was shaking all the way back to the car. I killed a man. Please God, I was just protecting my family. At least I thought I was. Please forgive me. Please.

“Are you okay?” he asked. We were fifty miles from the town and I was still crying.

“I killed him.”

“You had to.”

“He wasn’t sick.”

“Rebecca, do you remember what I told you back home? To shoot at anyone who threatens you. You did what you had to. That guy was running at us and attacking us. Even if he didn’t mean to, he was attacking us. It’s not your fault.”

“I should have waited.”

“Until he was on top of us? What if he had been sick? If he had stopped twenty feet away and tried talking to us then you wouldn’t have shot him. You did the right thing.”

“But...”

“He could have easily killed me if you didn’t shoot him.”

That didn’t really help that much. I’m a murderer. I could justify the infected people, because they aren’t really human anymore. They just aren’t. They’re animals, and they attack and kill normal people. But that guy may have had a wife and a kid, he may have been a kind and gentle person. And I ended his life.

When we got back to the cabin I did my best to cover up how upset I was. No point in dragging everyone else down, I figured. So we gathered the bags and went into the house.

“Thank God!” Bridget shouted. She yanked the sacks from my arms and sat them on the coffee table.

“How is Mom?”

“Not good. The same.”

“I’m glad you made it back.” Tasha said. She put her arms around my neck and pulled me in for a kiss. “I was scared.” She has tears in her eyes.

“We’re fine.” I slipped from her and grabbed the sack with the medicine in it. “Make sure Mom gets this,” I handed Bridget the antibiotics. “And some Tylenol. And plenty of water.”

“Okay, I will.”

“Mr. Lang, did you get any potato chips?” David asked.

“Sorry, I don’t think so.”

“How about chocolate?” Amber asked him. “I’d kill for a Hershey’s bar right now.”

“Now that I think we can do.”

“I’m going upstairs.” I told him. I started around the sofa and Tasha grabbed my hand. I kept going, pulling away from her.

“Becca,”

“I have to lay down.” I said.